Lisa woke up after eleven hours of sleep. She took a deep breath, feeling well rested even though her muscles felt a bit off, like heavier somehow. She was alone in her room. The door was open; she could see Jennie from the curtain talking to Seulgi.
She adjusted to more comfortable position. She was bored. She had been lying around for seven days since she woke up. Seulgi only permitted her to stand up and walk a little. Basically, she did what a baby did. She wanted to do more. Her right thigh didn't hurt as much as it was before. She missed fresh air and the sun's natural radiance. But above that all, she longed to hold the triplets in her arms again.
"Good afternoon, Mrs. Manoban. Did you have a good rest?" Seulgi, hand stuffed inside her lab coat greeted Lisa with a smile.
"Yes, I did, Dr. Kang. Thank you," Lisa grinned extensively. "Hi."
"Hey." Jennie's intention was to give her a very quick peck but Lisa turned it to be a deep, long kiss instead.
"Gross." Seulgi muttered under her breath.
The cardio surgeon heard that. She chuckled and let her wife go. "Hey, you wear your bangs down."
For a split second, Jennie tensed.
"But it looks good on her. Anyway!" Seulgi clapped her hands, diverted Lisa's attention to her. "How exactly do you feel today?"
"I'm good. Seul-"
"It's Dr. Kang now, not Seul. I know when you say that name, it means you're using the best friend card. Well guess what, munchkin? Not going to happen today. I need you to lay low till the wound heal properly." Seulgi walked closer to Lisa's side. "The damage was pretty great, Lisa. I know you miss them. But wait a little longer, alright? Because I know you not to hold back when you see them. Your body is not yet ready."
Lisa looked away. She clenched her jaw tightly. Seulgi didn't understand her feelings. She didn't have children of her own. Video call was not enough. She needed to see them, she had to hold them. She wouldn't know this strong, urging desire to touch the triplets.
"Lis-"
"Just do your doctor's job, Dr. Kang."
Seulgi glanced at Jennie who smiled apologetically at her. The general surgeon proceeded to do the necessary examination on her patient. She then excused herself with Jennie following behind.
"Seul, I'm sorry. She's desperate a - and..."
"That's totally cool, Jen. You don't have to apologize for her behavior. She's an ass. She always act like that when she doesn't get what she wants. I immune to her."
"That's not right. After all you've done to her, she could not lash out on you."
"We don't really know what happen inside her head," Seulgi lowered her voice. "Her PTSD maybe comes back, but there are criteria for that, or it could be an acute stress disorder, I don't know. That's not my filed but I'm not taking what happened last night lightly. We'll see how it goes, okay? I hope this is just a one timing thing. In the mean time, if it's needed to be done, I'll consult her to psychiatrist. I'll figure out how to talk to her."
"I want to be there for her, too, Seul. I don't want to sit around letting you do everything alone. I'm her wife. This is my fight, too."
"Do you really have the heart to show her that bruise?" Seulgi pointed the considerably big injury on her temple. "Fat chance she's going to bail, saying that classic I don't want to hurt you and all that."
"Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of."
"Look, this is my call, okay? I'm her doctor. I have the right to consult her to whomever I want for the best interest of my patient. You don't have to worry."
Jennie hugged Seulgi close. "I don't know how to thank you."
"Just cook me something and consider your debt is done." Seulgi patted her shoulder softly. "I have to go. Got surgery to do."
"Alright. Thanks again, Seul. We'll talk about that meal later."
Lisa was pouting when Jennie came back to the room. "Can you sneak me out?"
"You, from all people should know what you can and can not do in the hospital." Jennie brought Lisa's breakfast tray and set it in front of her. "Seulgi does what's best for you."
"That dumbass-"
"Seulgi has helped your butt. And Baby, please stop swearing. That's not attractive."
"She forbids me from seeing my children," Lisa stated as a matter of fact.
"For your own good." She handed the spoon to Lisa. Unfortunately, Lisa had to feed herself since she needed to exercise her hands little by little. "Take it easy."
Lisa huffed as she stuffed the food in her mouth.
"Dan and Mom are feeling under the weather today. They're probably too tired. I told them to not coming here and rest. Would it be okay if I go see Aorta, Artery, and Venous and get lunch with them? Two hours max."
"I want to have lunch with you guys, too."
"You will. Get better first."
"I am better!"
"Don't sulk." Jennie kissed her cheek. "Two hours max, okay?"
"Fine. Whatever. Leave me at this stinky place."
"You work here, Baby. I'll video call you later."
"Yeah, yeah, okay," Lisa waved her hand nonchalantly. "By the way, while I think you bangs is adorable, your non-bangs hair is way hotter. Ugh, I miss being intimate with you."
"Your wounds have not even healed properly and you're already thinking about it?"
She shrugged, "It's constantly in my mind. I love being close to you."
Jennie stared at Lisa intently. "You mean that?"
"Why would I do not mean that?"
"In any circumstances? Even in your hardest time?"
"You have my words."
---
Lisa yawned loudly as she looked around her. Jennie had gone to take the triplets to lunch an hour ago. She was, again, bored since she had nothing to do. She glanced to the ringer lactate bottle that hung at her top right. I t was half-
Wait
She lifted her hands and frowned at the sigh. She was so damn sure the IV line was on her left hand, not on the right. When the hell did they change it? How come she didn't know?
Lisa pressed the emergency button as a nurse ran to her room.
"Yes, Dr. Manoban?"
"I want to see my chart."
"Your chart?"
"Yes."
"But Doc-"
"Do I have to get it myself?"
That nurse had worked with Lisa since she was a first year resident. She had her share of arguing and fighting with Lisa's stone-headed. It was easier to decline her order when she was resident, but now this super-annoying woman was the head of cardio department. She had no option but to obey.
Her head felt dizzy when she read the surgery report. Seulgi was not kidding when she said the damage was pretty great. Cardiac arrest. Her eyes lingered at those particular words. She instinctively put her hand on her left chest. She fell into shock to the point her heart abruptly stopped pumping blood.
She was in coma for five days, her hemodynamic status was unstable in the first two days. Lisa blinked a few times. The numbers of drugs to support her system were unbelievable. It felt strange. When she was the one who received this kind of treatment, it felt strange and terrifying.
The next page contained what scared her the most. Apparently, she was agitating in her sleep last night and pulled the IV line off. They injected an antianxiety agent. That explained the muscles weakness. Did Jennie, out of the blue, wear bangs down because she had to hide something from her? Did she do something terrible to her wife?
A familiar fear rushed over her. Her vision became blurry, she could feel her heart thumping loudly in its nest, a well-recognized uneasiness at the pit of her stomach was disturbing. Lisa closed her eyes, imagining happy things; Disney Land Tokyo with Jennie years ago, their first time of making love, those kisses and warm hugs, those welcoming arms, the triplets first cry, their first step, their first word... Lisa kept replying it in her head, till sleep pulled her in.
---
The triplets were extra whinny today. They threw tantrum when she was about to depart from them earlier. She wouldn't blame them, though. They barely saw her let alone Lisa. Leaving Aorta, Artery, and Venous while they were crying out for her was heart wrenching. She desired nothing but kept them close, she missed them, too. No matter she wanted to blame the situation, it had no use. It's only make it harder to go through.
Jennie puffed a deep, calming breath as she proceeded her way to the hospital. She couldn't wait for all this torture to be over. She barely could hold herself together anymore. Hiding her true feeling and fear for the sake of her family was draining.
"Jennie!"
The woman stopped at her track and turned around. ChaHee jogged slowly towards her.
"Hey. I was just about to call you."
"Why?"
"I thought I could visit Lisa today. I didn't get to see her last time. I heard she'd been moved to the ward days ago but there are meetings to do, so. . ."
"It's okay, Cha. Thank you for caring." Jennie smiled kindly. She was not sure Lisa would be thrilled to see her ex. Lisa had made it clear; she didn't like ChaHee. Her jealousy was unreasonable since the thought of ChaHee had never even crossed her mind for years. But well, it was adorable and it showed how big Lisa valued her.
The two women walked mostly in silence. Both were lost in their thoughts. As the elevator door closed and ascended them up, out of nowhere, ChaHee had the urge to suddenly hug Jennie. So she did.
"Cha! What are you doing?!" Jennie struggled to break free but ChaHee tightened her hold.
"I just want you to know that I still care," she whispered softly. "I still care a lot about you."
"I'm married! Let me go!"
When ChaHee finally released her, Jennie moved to the corner, putting as much distance from the other occupant in that tiny space. She purposely put her best disapproving expression.
"I only want to be friends with you." ChaHee smiled bitterly. "Friends give hug to each other, Jen."
Jennie knew that look very well.
"It better be your only intention," she said coldly. "Maybe it's better for you not to see my wife." she emphasized the last word.
"I want to. I've come all the way here."
"Sure, whatever" Jennie quickly walked out from the elevator. She didn't check whether ChaHee followed her or not. She didn't care.
Lisa was asleep with a deep frown on her forehead. She held a chart. As Jennie drew closer, she got a better view.
Lalisa Manoban, MD/F/35
151627
Kang Seulgi, MD
"Why are you doing this, Lisa?" Jennie muttered under her breath wearily.
Gently, she pulled the thick document. Lisa didn't move from her position to her relief. Jennie gave it straight back to the nurse, she didn't take a peek into it. There was no use of adding more fear to her soul.
"She must sleep a lot," ChaHee commented.
"It helps her to recover fast."
The woman nodded understandingly. It had become awkward after that impromptu physical contact. ChaHee stood near Lisa's bed while Jennie was sitting on the couch.
"Look, Jen, about earlier, I'm sorry-"
"Don't mention it," Jennie cut quickly. "Don't ever mention it ever again."
Lisa stirred from her sleep to the noise.
"Baby?"
"You're back?" Lisa asked hoarsely. Her throat was dry. Jennie grabbed Lisa's glass and helped her to drink.
"Just now. Did you have a good sleep?"
Lisa only hummed as response. Jennie dragged the chair closer to Lisa's bed. She pushed down the railing and enveloped her hand over Lisa's fingers, cautiously not to touch the IV line.
"Hey, Lisa." ChaHee did her best to smile genuinely.
Lisa blinked, before she can stop herself, she said, "What are you doing here?"
"Baby..." Jennie squeezed her fingers lightly.
"I mean, thanks for coming?"
ChaHee chuckled, "It's fine, Lisa, not a big deal. Well, umm, I hope you'll get back on your feet soon. I should probably go now."
"Uh, okay. Thanks... again, I guess?"
ChaHee smiled a little. She attentively stared at Jennie, hoping the girl would at least look at her back. When she didn't, the businesswoman mumbled a low, "Bye, Jen," then left the couple.
Lisa felt uneasy. She knew exactly what ChaHee wanted from Jennie. The longing was obviously there. She still had feeling for her questioning things that weren't there.
"How are the triplets?" Lisa asked instead.
"They're good. Want to video call them now? I've told Mom I'd call when you wake up."
Lisa shook her head. "Later, Nini, will you be honest with me?"
"Yes?"
Lisa swallowed to the knot in her throat. Slowly, she used her other hand to touch Jennie's face. As she was about to reach her bangs, Jennie caught her wrist.
"Please?"
"Lisa."
"Let me see. Please let me see it."
Her hold lessened. Carefully, Lisa parted her wife's hair. She gasped at the bluish color on Jennie's left temple.
"What have I done?" She whispered in horror.
"You were asleep, Baby. You didn't know. It's okay."
Lisa laughed perplexedly. "It is not okay. It is not. Oh my God, what have I done?"
Lisa's grip on her arm was excruciating. She was shaking uncontrollably. The sadness had overcome her. She had caused a bruise on Jennie's body. She had made a terrible harm to the person she loved and respected the most.
Suddenly all bad thoughts soared high. What if Jennie decided that she had enough of her? What if she finally realized that she was just a toxic in her life and that ChaHee was way better than her? What if the triplets hated her for what she did to their Mommy? What if her parents disappointed at her so bad that they'd disowned her? Her friends would think she was an ungrateful person. Gradually, people would leave her then she got nothing left.
"Look at me." Jennie held Lisa's head firm, desperately trying to make Lisa see things the way she did. "We're in this together, you hear me? We'll make it through together. Don't you dare walk away from me, Lisa. Don't you dare shut yourself off of me."
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she said between the sobs. "I never mean to hurt you. I'm so sorry."
"It's okay. You didn't know."
"It's not okay. It will never be okay."
"Baby-"
"I love you. Don't leave me. I need you. I can't. . . I need you, please, Nini."
"I'm here, Baby." Jennie embraced Lisa tightly, somehow relieved that she didn't ask what she was thinking. "I'm right here and I will never let you go."
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