sorry i took awhile to update. i had or still have the biggest mother fucking writers block. also a warning i did a lot of line breaks bc the writers block is real. i already know what i'm going to do for the next two chapters and the epilogue and shit so yeah don't worry. (i say as i worry myself bc the fanfic is ending cri)
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(here's a long needed pov)
Nathaniel
I walk out of my room right after waking up and instantly got caught by the smell of good food. I walked down stairs and found Ashley cooking something.
"Hey, Ash." I say, she turns to me and smiles.
"Morning, what're you doing up so early?" She asks. "It's just 6 AM."
"Just figured that it would be good to drop off some food at the hospital and do some other stuff so I woke up early." I say and Ashley nods as a response. "I'm going to take a quick shower."
I run back upstairs and took a shower. I never really understood why girls like me. I'm tall and kinda scrawny. What's so attractive about that? I know I wouldn't dig a tall scrawny dude if I were a girl.
I wonder what's bugging Ashley. I realized a lot lately that she's been extremely blunt. She barely shows any emotion and her talking is really monotone. Did something else happen between her and Niall? I'll have to ask her when I get out of this shower.
I know I'm really nosy and it's Ashley's life. But, honestly, she needs me. As smug and boastful as that sounds I know she really genuinely needs me. I've always been the one to guide her through tough times and help her through her drama. I've always been Ashley's go-to person when she needed someone to talk to. I was a lot of people's go-to person which was really difficult because I have my own problems, too. I just shoved them away and acted like I'm always fine because I was everyone's shoulder to lean on and I had to look strong. But the truth is, I'm nowhere near strong.
I finish up showering and I changed into a pair of black skinny jeans and a sweatshirt. I put on my glasses and walked down the stairs. I walked into the kitchen and Ashley handed me a container filled with food.
"This is for dad and mum." She says.
I nod and was about to turn around when she stops me.
"Hold on." I look at her as she hands me another container. "I noticed you haven't been eating much, so I decided to make you some breakfast."
I look inside and smiled. She had made some poached eggs, toast, and sausages. She also put in some baked beans. Just how I liked it.
"Wow, Ashley thanks." I say, smiling genuinely at her and I give her a little hug. Ashley's never that good at expressing how much she loves anybody, but these little things that makes you realize that she actually cares about you.
She smiles at me. "Say hi to mum and dad for me." She says before going back to cooking
"You're not coming?" I ask. I hear Ashley let out a sigh, she smiles at me and shakes her head.
"I just want to finish up packing and make sure the other three are done."
I nod and turned around. I knew it wasn't the only reason, but I didn't want to push her. She would tell me when the time comes. I walk over to the door and slip on my Vans before walking to my car and driving to the hospital. I ate my toast as I drove there. I parked my car and walked over to dad's room. I found mum sitting on a seat next to dad's bed, her head resting on the bed. Dad was just softly running his hand through her hair. Just like everyday that I visit.
"Nathaniel," He says and looks up at me and smiled. "Here for your daily visit?"
"Yup." I walk over to him and hand him the food. "Prepared by your dear daughter."
"She's not here today?" He asked, sadly. I would usually get all playfully defensive like 'I'm not enough for you?' but I didn't feel like it today.
"Nope, she wanted to make sure Mallorie, Cameron, and Brianna were finished packing and everything."
Dad just nodded. That's what I liked about dad. He didn't question that much and would just accept things. "I'm starving can you go get some silverware and plates from the cafeteria?"
"Yeah." I say, standing up. I walk out of the room and pull out my phone.
I look through my messages and sigh as I came across 'Ally-Baby'. I open it up and frowned as I realized we haven't talked in weeks. I started to type.
'hey ally i miss u. im sorry for ignoring u. idek why im saying this because im leaving tomorrow and'
I stopped and deleted everything, realizing trying to fix any ties between us wouldn't really do much. I'm moving and she loves Liam, not me. End of story. I know it's not a good ending, but this isn't Disney.
Nothing ever really has a happy ending.
I was walking down a hall when I noticed a familiar blonde head. Ally was curled up on a seat, her eyes glued to her phone. I hear her sigh and mumble 'I fucked everything up.'
"A-Ally?" I say. She looks at me surprised, her eyes bloodshot. I mentally slapped myself for trying to get her attention. I should've just walked past her without talking to her.
"Nathie?" She says. She stands up and slips her phone in her pocket. I looked down at Ally and fought a smile. I always loved looking down at her 5'2" form.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, shoving my hands in my pockets.
"An old friend of mine got in a car accident, but she's just fine." She says, looking up at me. Her usually aqua colored eyes were a light shade of gray, bloodshot. She then looked down at her feet.
"Then why are your eyes bloodshot?" I ask. I raise my right hand up and touched her cheek, I made her look back up at me and her lips were slightly parted in shock. I couldn't resist it. It was like my body was on automatic and I couldn't stop myself from touching her cheek.
"There are a lot of things to cry about right now." She says. She raises her left hand and places it firmly against mine. It was like she didn't want me to let go and neither did I.
"Like?" I ask curiously. Was something happening that Ashley and I didn't know about?
"You." She says quietly. As she said that, a tear slips down her cheek. I raise my other hand and cup her cheeks, wiping the tear away. She raised her other hand, too, and placed it against my other hand.
"Why?" I ask, slightly confused.
"I've been thinking about it lately and realized it was such a stupid thing for me to say yes to Liam." Ally says.
"Then why did you?"
"I don't know." Ally pauses for a minute and smiles at me. "I like you, Nate. Not Liam."
We slowly, but surely, started to lean in.
But before our lips can touch, I pulled away. "Ally you can't just do this." I say, shaking my head and letting my hands fall to my side.
"W-What do you mean?" She asks.
"You can't play with boy's hearts. You can't just lead me on then date Liam and try to kiss me. It's not right." I smile at her sadly. "You are many things, Ally. But one thing is for sure: You're not a player."
With that, I turn away and start heading towards the cafeteria.
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I soon got back home and found Mallorie chasing Cameron. I laughed as I realized why. Cameron had put on one of Mallorie's bras. Ashley was just glaring at them, her arms crossed.
"What the hell is happening in here?" I ask, chuckling. Cameron turns to me and he smiles and runs over.
"Nate! Nate! Look, I'm Mallorie." He says, grabbing the bra cups. "I like to go out and drink Starbucks and get a new boyfriend every week!"
My eyes widen and I burst out in laughter. I look up at Ashley and she was looking at Cameron with her mouth wide open in shock, but she was also laughing. Mallorie got mad and ripped the bra off of Cameron.
"I fucking hate you guys." She says before running up to her room.
I roll my eyes and looked back down at Cameron and messed up his hair. "Keep doing that and you'll get a new video game."
Cameron's eyes sparkled and he grinned at me mischievously before running off. Probably plotting down how he's going to ruin Mallorie's life. I turn to look at Ashley and she walks over to me.
"So, how'd it go?" She asks. "How are they?"
"Good." I say. I debated in telling her about bumping into Ally but I just decided against it. "So, how are we going to tell the guys that we're moving?"
Ashley froze and she looked at me blankly. It was like she totally forgot that we were suppose to tell them today. I mean, I've already told Ally but nobody else knows.
"I'll text them right now saying that we need to hang out today." Ashley says, taking out her phone.
"Okay, what are we doing?" I ask. Ashley shrugs and start to walk up the stairs.
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We soon met up at Zayn's house. We would usually go to Ally's and Emily's, but they started to get complains from their neighbors for being to loud whenever we're over. We were all just sitting on the couch or on the floor. It was oddly silent, it was uncomfortable. Zayn then clasped his hands together.
"So, why did you need us to hang out today, Ash?" Zayn asked. It was kinda weird since I never heard him call her 'Ash'. I've never heard anybody heard anybody call Ashley 'Ash' besides myself.
"Jumping straight to the point?" Ashley asks, laughing nervously.
"Let's face it, some of us really don't want to be here." Harry says in a low voice. "We'd rather be doing something else."
"Where's Niall?" Louis asks out of nowhere. I saw Ashley tense up and scratch the side of her neck.
"I think he's still in the hospital." She says.
"Have you talked to him lately?" Liam asks. Ashley just shakes her head.
"Since Ashley is stalling and some of you simply just don't want to be here and would rather sulk around all day rather than trying to solve your problems like you should be, the reason why we needed to hang out is that Ashley and I have been needing to tell you guys something." They all shot me pissed off looks but also curious ones. "Ashley and I will be leaving tomorrow." They all looked at me surprised and I imagined all the questions they would have in my head before continuing. "We will be moving to America with our dad while he recovers from the car accident. I don't know if we'll come back to London when he's all good or if we'll stay there or move some place else.
"We've been stalling telling you guys mainly because Ashley didn't want to cause a commotion and there's already too much going on. Some of you already knew because I've told you and some of you just found out now."
They all were silent. And then out of nowhere Ally just snapped.
"You're both bullshitting." Ally says.
"What do you mean?" I ask, looking at her with confusion.
"I know as a fact that Ashley knows things that she won't tell us. I've known this for a long time as she would tense up when someone would ask her about Niall. She did it just a couple minutes ago and I know she lied about about Niall. He's probably out of the hospital and she's probably talked to him recently 'cause she's a liar." Ally says in an angry tone, she wasn't yelling, but her voice was louder than it usually is. It was a mixture of both pain and anger. "This is all some sick joke. You're not actually moving. I know you're not." Tears collected in her eyes before she ran off.
Everybody was taken back and I chased after her. Ally ran out of Zayn's house and I ran after her. I saw her running down the sidewalk and turning a corner. I ran after her and once I turned the corner I found her just leaned up against a fence, hugging her knees and crying into it. I walked towards her and I saw her tense as she sensed someone walking by. I sat beside her and she looked up at me.
"Leave me alone." She mumbled.
"Okay." I say. I got up and started to walk away slowly. I knew she didn't want me to leave, but I wanted to see if she actually wanted me to. I felt her grab onto my wrist and I look down at her, smiling.
"You're so mean. You were supposed to stay and make me feel better." She says in a whiny voice. I laugh and sat beside her.
I wrap an arm around her and pull her into my chest as she softly sobbed onto me. I missed the feeling of another warm body so close to me. I forgot how comforting it is. The thought of living the moment with a person you truly care about. The feeling of hugging someone so tight that you don't even breathe and you feel each other's heart beats.
The feeling of not being alone.
Soon after Ally has stopped crying, and we were both just walking down the sidewalk quietly. It wasn't awkward, it was actually rather comfortable. Sometimes, just knowing that you have company is just enough. I caught myself staring at her. She looked so God damn good with her loose gray sweater. She had her blonde hair half up, I always liked it when she put her hair up like that. But, then again, she looks God damn good on anything. She could be wearing a garbage bag and I'd still think she looks God damn good.
"So, what time are you leaving tomorrow?" Ally asks, breaking the silence.
"6 A.M. is my flight." I say, looking ahead of us. We were in a pedestrian road that connected to other neighborhoods. Ally and I were just walking down it because we didn't know where else to go since it was Zayn's neighborhood.
Ally nods and we fall silent again. We soon reached a bridge. We continued to walk across it, Ally peering down at the moving cars beneath us. The view looked like a scene from a movie. Ally was just looking out towards the road. She then turns to look at me and stops walking and I followed her actions.
"I thought of what you told me earlier in the hospital." She says. She opened her mouth to say something, but pauses to see what I would do.
"Go on." I say, curious as to what she has to say next.
"When you walked away, your words really stood out to me and made me realize that I really need to fix my life." She says, looking down at her feet. "I drove to Liam's flat and when I opened the door he was just sprawled on his couch looking at the ceiling." She paused to raise her right hand and tuck her hair behind he ears and looks at me. "He looked surprised to see me there and he stands up and walks over to me. He asks me what I was doing there and I told him that I made a bad mistake by saying yes to him. He agreed and said that it was a mistake for him to ask the question in the first place." She laughs nervously and smiles at me. "In the end, we realized that our feelings for each other weren't true and we were both just frustrated with our love lives and ended up together. He cares about a girl named Danielle."
"And you?" I ask. I already know, but I wanted to hear it from her.
"I care about a guy named Nathan." Ally says, looking down at her feet.
I was caught of guard. I guess I was just to full of myself. "Lucky guy." I mumble.
"You're a fucking idiot." Ally says before standing on the tip of her toes and placing her lips on mine.
I realized that she was talking about me and took away three letters off my name to mess with me. I smiled and grabbed her hips, pulling her close to me to try to close any gap between us. I wanted to be as close to her as possible. She wraps her arms around my neck. In a world so big, I forgot everything. I didn't think of anything but her. She's right here, she's with me, and she is so fucking beautiful. The feeling of her warm soft lips on mine sent me into cloud nine. I could feel her slight breathing fanning my face. Her small embrace made me feel at ease. The warmth emitting from her made me feel warm despite the cold London air.
She is so God damn beautiful.
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Ashley
When the two ran out, all eyes were on me. I felt vulnerable and weak. Like an open book and everyone could just read me. I was scared that I was going to burst with the tension and anxiousness.
"Is Ally right?" Louis asks. Even he looked serious. It felt weird seeing Louis act so serious when he's always joking.
"A-About what?" I ask. I found it difficult to breathe and all eyes were on me. I felt like I was going to burst any second.
"Is Niall still in the hospital?" He asks.
"I'm not sure." I answer truthfully. I know that he was going to end up in a mental institute, but I don't really remember when since it's been a week since that night.
"Why not?" Lizzy asks.
"I don't think I should be spreading around Niall's personal life. If you guys really wanted to know more about him, then maybe you guys should've acted like you actually genuinely cared." I say before standing up and walking out of the house.
Zayn follows me out and he gently closes the door behind him.
"Ashley, I need to talk to you." Zayn says.
I sigh and nod. As much as I just wanted to go home and hide, I should listen to Nathaniel and face my problems. We're leaving tomorrow anyways, so I might as well clear things out and tie ends.
"Can we go to Patty and Bun first? I'm starving." I hadn't eaten all day despite the fact that I cooked so much food today.
"Yeah, sure. I'm craving it, too." Zayn says and laughs.
We walk over to Zayn's car as I stare at mine and Nathaniel's car blankly. I wonder where he went. As I sat down in the passenger's seat I took out my phone and open up messages.
From: Me
To: Twin Twat
'where did u and ally go?'
Zayn got into his car and starts it. "I'm sorry about them ganging up on you. We've just been really stressed about things and everything that just happened set them off. The boys and I have been trying to get Niall to open up to us for the longest time, but he just wouldn't. So, I guess the guys freaked out when they found out that Niall has opened up to you. We've always known that there was something wrong with Niall, as there were times when he was just extremely dejected and won't tell us what's wrong."
I didn't really respond and just let whatever he said settle on me. I keep forgetting the fact that I'm the first person Niall has really opened up to and trusted. I didn't know it was such a big thing until Zayn explained to me the situation.
Before I knew about Niall's situation at home, I always thought he was a happy-go-lucky guy that always had a smile on his face. He was always laughing and smiling no matter what the situation was. I wish Niall had said something and gotten help. He most likely wouldn't end up like he is right now if he would have just told somebody.
Zayn and I soon got to Patty and Bun. We got inside and got our food before sitting down at a booth. We both ate in silence. I was halfway through my burger when Zayn broke the ice.
"What did you mean I kissed you when I was drunk?"
I looked at him, acting dumb. "What?"
"That day that I kissed you. You said I kissed you when I was drunk and ran away."
"Oh." I say, putting down my burger. I looked at him and sigh. "You want the full story?"
"If it's not too much of a burden, yes." He says, chuckling at his own words.
"Well, I had finished putting Niall to bed when I found you struggling to go up the stairs. I guided you to your room, you said a couple of stupid things that I assume you only said was because you were piss-drunk." I say and he nods, a slight tint of pink creeping onto his cheeks. "You somehow pushed me and nearly made me fall but you caught me. You then kissed me, but I instantly pulled away."
Zayn simply nods. "Thanks for stopping me." He laughs nervously and smiles at me.
"Yeah, no problem." I say, smiling.
I took in Zayn's features and it dawned on me how attractive he is and how lucky Perrie is. His high cheek bones and sunken cheeks and his wide jaw gave him such an attractive facial structure. His warm brown eyes blending into his tan skin and dark hair. I didn't really understand why people liked piercing blue eyes in tan skin and brown hair, it looked unnatural to me. I like it when everything just blends perfectly.
"Ashley." He says, interrupting my thoughts. I fell out of my daze and looked at him bluntly. "Is there something on my face?"
I blushed as I realized I was just blankly staring at his face this entire time. I look away and shake my head no.
"Why did you run away from me when I kissed you?"
I was silent. I didn't want to admit it to him, but there's no point of keeping secrets since I'm leaving in the early morning. It's not like anything would happen. I mean, he already knew that I liked him
"Because I was in utter denial, I guess. I was confused." I say, not really thinking of what I was saying.
"What were you confused about?"
I put my feet underneath the foot rest on the seat and spun myself left and right.
"I didn't like the kiss but at the same time I did, you feel?" I say, looking up at him.
He frowned and furrowed his eyebrows at me. "No, I don't feel. What do you mean?"
"It felt wrong, but it felt right, I guess. I'm not quite sure myself. I think when you were trying to show me that I liked Niall, you showed me that I liked you instead though at the same time I realized I liked Niall. It was very confusing and I don't understand my own feelings."
"Oh." Zayn simply states.
I wanted to ask 'what do you mean 'oh'?'. But I thought he was just thinking about it and what it meant so I kept quiet. I finished my food and so did he. We got back into his car and leaned back on our seats.
"So, where's Niall?"
"I'm not sure, but he might be in a mental institute." I say quietly. I turn to look at him. He looked at me in complete shock and confusion.
"What?!" He exclaims. "What do you mean he might be in a mental institute?!" I flinch and shrug.
"They said they were going to put him in a mental institute. I don't know." I didn't really want to expose much of his life because if Niall didn't want him to know that I won't tell him. "Don't tell the others."
Zayn just nods. "How did you find this out?"
"An incident in the hospital."
"Wh ― "
"Enough about Niall." I cut him off. "Time for you to answer my question."
"Ask away, my lady." He says, looking at me curiously.
"Why did you kiss me at the library?"
He was quietly and looked at me blankly, though it looked like he knew the answer, but didn't want to to tell me. He sighed and turned to look out of the window.
"I honestly don't know. My mind said it was the right thing to do but my heart said otherwise." He says before turning on the car. "But don't get ideas. I still love Perrie."
"I know."
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Author's note [3/28/15]: it is midnight and i don't feel like waiting to sleep and wake up to update so here. sorry for not updating. hopefully i'll update a lot faster until i finish this fanfic. but at the same time i dont because i'm going to miss it so much. cri.
when u sob bc of zayn leaving for like 2 hours but ur not even a zayn girl )))-;;;
dont have much to say besides how much i love you guys so
love you guys,
Jean Chanty xx