Freak

19.

19.

So I heard from a little bird that a new chapter was wanted, ask and I shall provide.

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"Are you sure you can do it Tipsy? If you don't want to I-"

"I said I'd do it an' a dwarf always keeps his promise, almost... well maybe not Harrold but that's mostly because he's too drunk to know what's goin' on..." Blue couldn't help but smile through her worries as he scrunched his face up, thinking about Harrold.

"There's that pretty smile I love so much, that's what I do it for." He said, placing his rough hand on her cheek, letting his own uneven smile spread wide on his face. Standing up from whare she had been kneeling on the floor, she opened the door for him and watched in wonder as he disappeared into the night.

She trusted him with her life, literally. If the wrong person got a hold of the letter he was carrying she would be in a lot of trouble, and this time she didn't know if a beating would be all she'd receive.

***

Arthur damn near pissed himself when the little man had kicked him in the shin, declaring he was looking for someone who knew a young lady named Blue. Dutch explained who they were and took the piece of paper that the man held out.

Clearing his voice he read out loud;

For whomever this letter reaches, if it is in fact you Dutch then this is my message for you.

Tomorrow, right when the sun starts setting, I will release the Zebras' onto the field to the right (seen from the woods) of the main tent. Them escaping isn't unusual and won't look suspicious in the least.

If everything goes as planned I will able to ride out looking for the animals, as I always do, and go into the woods. I will enter on the trail by the big rock, I hope you know which, and I hope for your assistance to help me get rid of the man who will be in my company.

If we don't return before morning, they will simply believe we camped for the night.

I asked Tipsy to bring you this letter and he also carries a bag with my most priced possessions, please keep them safe and send my friend back with an answer on whether you intend to help or not.

Love,

Blue Morgan.

Ps. I do NOT want the man dead or hurt, only unable to rat me out until we are safe.

"Still signs Morgan I see" Arthur mumbled, smiling from the warmth now easing the worry in his heart.

"Of course she does son, of course she does!"

***

Time passed painfully slowly. Tipsy had been gone for some time and one bad scenario after the other popped up in her head. Did someone catch him? was he seen leaving her tent and running over the field? Was someone on the way to her wagon right now, Tipsy's battered body dragged behind them? Was Dutch anywhere to be found? Anyone? Her father? Was he even alive? It was Dutch who had shown up at the circus not her father, maybe... maybe there was a reason for that...

It was well past midnight when her door creaked open, Junior growled and for a second she thought it was an unwanted visitor. But when the big dog's tail started wagging cheerily she let out the breath she'd been very aware she was holding.

"Tipsy?"

It wasn't Tipsy, neither was it someone coming to hurt her. It was Bean coming by, making sure she had gone to bed, like he always did around midnight since he knew she had a tendency to stay up reading too long.

She hadn't had the heart to tell him she was leaving before she knew for sure. He was sensitive and his brotherly love for her was something no one could ever understand, or they couldn't understand that she returned it.

"Not sleeping little one, not reading either, are you sad?" Bean knew well enough that the only thing that kept Blue from reading at night was bad thoughts, sadness, pain or anxiety.

"No Bean, I'm not sad, just thinking. Come think with me?" pulling her legs onto the bed she patted the mattress beside her, inviting him to sit down.

The wagon shifted slightly as he stepped inside and made his way over to her small table, sitting down at one of the boxes she used as chairs, instead of next to her. He only did that when he suspected something was wrong, probably because he knew she could avoid looking at him when she sat next to him but would have to keep some eye-contact when he was right in front of her.

He knew... oh he knew...

"Bean, I think you have always known there would come a day when our paths would separate, right?" he nodded, his soulful eyes showing her he understood that that moment had come.

"I will help." He said without even taking a moment to think it over for a second.

"I don't want to get you into trouble Beany"

"I will help." A lonely tear ran down his cheek, matched only by the one on her own. If she thought even for a moment that he could survived the life of an outlaw she would bring him with her, but this man cried when someone stepped on a mouse and cringed when someone talked to loudly to him, he simply wasn't made for that life.

"I love you John, no matter what, I love you more than I love the stars and the moon, but I have to do this, and I know you understand that, and it makes me love you even more."

The man didn't speak after that but Blue knew that communicating was hard for him, and anyways, she knew him too well not to know what he wanted her to know.

For almost an hour they sat there in a comfortable silence, just being together. Then there was a knock on the door and Tipsy slunk into the wagon.

"Mission completed me lady." He said with a bow. Looking at Bean he gave her a questioning look, wondering if he knew or not.

"I told him, he wants to help."

"'Course you do, old Johnny boy! You can help set them zebras' loose, can't you?" Tipsy directed the question more to Blue than Bean as he climbed onto a box of his own.

Looking at the two, Blue was filled with love and affection. The contrast between the short, pale, redhead and the towering, bald man with ebony skin was a comical one, but one she loved none the less.

"No, not the zebras, Paul's going to do that, I don't want him to do anything that might make them suspicious of him, you know how some around here sees blacks... We'll find something else for you to do Bean, I promise." Making sure the man in question was okay with that she moved her attention to the smaller one beside him.

"You found him then?"

"Oh I sure did, almost shot me head off, probably shouldn't of sneaked up on 'em like that come to think of it..."

"There was more than one? Who was it?"

"Guessing your old man, considerin' the name an' all, Morgan he said, tall an' blond, lookin' worried enough to be the father of a young lady like yerself he did."

"Arthur? Arthur Morgan?"

"Yeh, sumthin' like that."

***

Dutch and Arthur went back to camp over night but no matter how tired he was sleep never caught Arthur and before he knew it the sun was rising.

There was excitement in the air as the members of the Van der Linde gang sat around the fire together. For the first time in maybe years they were all together, well all but Micha who had been out on a job for the past few days, but no one seemed to miss him all too much.

"I really can't believe it... Little Bluebell Morgan's been out there all this time and we never found her, we looked everywhere!" Miss Grimshaw had been so shocked when they came back with the news that she'd been forced to sit down, since then she'd spent most of her time getting things ready for her arrival and asking herself over and over how she let the girl slip between her fingers.

"Sorry to inform you dear, but she isn't all that little anymore" Dutch cut in. That scared Arthur a bit, he hadn't seen her and he had a hard time getting it into his head that she wouldn't look the way she did when he left her in camp that night six years ago. Just looking at what those six years had done to the rest of them, to Jack, spoke volumes of what must have happened to his little girl.

"She's what? Sixteen? Closer to a woman than a child by now." Sixteen? Arthur didn't even want to do the math but he trusted Charles to have done it right. Sixteen, she was a teenager now, well on her way to being a fully grown woman and Arthur found himself wondering if she even needed a father anymore.

"How are you feeling son?" Hosea asked, leaning closer to him to keep their conversation somewhat privet.

"Just tryin' to figure out if I'm about to laugh or throw up..." he answered, receiving a look of sympathy from the older man.

"It'll be alright, I can feel it in my bones you know" winking, the old man stood up on shaky legs and made his way to the tent where he spent most of his time these days.

Knowing it was only hours left until he would find out for sure if it could ever be alright, Arthur left the others to look over his horse.

The brown mare greeted him fondly as he approached, brush in hand. Feeding her sugar cubes and carrots every now and then he took his time to brush her down. When he was done her coat shone like amber in the midday sun. Affectionally stroking her neck he let himself think about nothing for a while.

It wasn't until a sharp jab of pain shot through his left butt cheek that he came back to reality. Cursing to himself he turned around and found just what he expected, PonPon...

"You know... one of these days you're gonna find someone in a bad mood and they're gonna end up shooting you and sticking you in Pearsons stew!" he knew that wasn't true, no one would touch the pony, and he was convinced the little shit knew it.

Fishing the last cube of sugar out of his pocket he let her have it, knowing full well that she would pester him until he did so. Though the creature was old now, it was just as mischievous as it had been the day Hosea brought her into camp. Arthur still remembered the smile on her face, it was a memory that brought him comfort in the darkest of times, so even if he didn't particularly like the animal he made sure it was well taken care of because of the joy it had given his daughter.

"Bite ye in the ars again Morgan?" on the other side, thought Arthur, maybe she wasn't too bad in comparison with some gang members...

Sean threw his arm casually over his shoulders, letting his breath fan over Arthurs face, whiskey... that's all he could smell.

"What'd you want MacGuire?"

"Oh don't be all grumpy, I jus' came over here, out of the kindness of me heart, to tell ye, that... that uh... oh yeh, Dutch wanted you to come find 'im, or sumethin' like that..."

"Or sumthin' like that?"

"Or sumthin' like that!"

***

The time was almost upon her, at any moment there could be a knock on her door and she would be told to saddle up.

She'd rolled up her bedroll, the last few things she didn't want to leave behind rolled into it. Around her neck hung a thin chain with the green piece of glass she'd found on her birthday once upon a time in another life. Her favorite clothes where at the bottom of her saddlebag together with a can of peaches if things took longer than planned.

Everything was ready, everything planned, now all she had to do was follow the steps and she would be free.

She had spent the night and some of the day writing letters to all the people she left behind, the once she knew would never tell. Bean's job was to hand them out in secret the day after she departed, before they got worried and started talking about how long she had been gone.

She would be riding out with Anthony, Anthony Griffiths, the youngest son of Mr. and Mrs. Griffiths and the strongman of the show. They always went out in pairs when things like; animals escaping, happened. And she was always paired with Anthony. He was a very handsome man, obviously muscly, in his nineteenth year and if it hadn't been for the fact that he had an unanswered attraction to Blue she might have liked him well enough. But Anthony had made it very clear that he fancied her and that no one else was allowed to. He was always keeping an eye on her and knowing of her past attempts to run away his father allowed it.

Except for wanting her family back, the strongman was probably the biggest reason why she so desperately wanted out. There had been a few questionable marriages in the circus, where one or sometimes both of the partners had been very unhappy. Those marriages had been for show, as a gimmick, and the strongman marrying the horseback-acrobat would look very good on a poster. She also knew Anthony had talked to his father about it and that the older man had said he supported his wishes.

Every time she went into the ring she was scared of him coming out and getting down on his knee, anything for a good show...

Admittedly, though she had told Dutch not to, she wouldn't mind if he got a little big hurt, just a good old headache or a nice black eye.

Suddenly there was a ruckus outside. People yelling and running around.

Her door was wrenched open "Get your stuff! Damn zebras are out again, so's that fucking ostrich, hate that bird!" said the very man she'd just been thinking off, knocked out cold on the ground...

"How far have they gotten?" she hoped that they'd managed to run pretty far before someone realized, if they hadn't then her plan wouldn't work.

"Too fucking far! Now come on!" he was angry, his steel-gray eyes locking onto her own mismatched ones.

"I'll bring my bedroll then, in case we have to camp" eve though she turned around she could feel the smile that replaced his annoyance at this information. Most likely he would leave his own bedroll behind so that they would have to share, he'd done it before and would do it again if it meant he could spend the night with his arm draped heavy over her waist, body pushed unnecessarily close to hers.

"That's why I like you Blue, always so smart" he said, voice smooth as warm butter. She knew he was lying, he liked her because she was his pretty little possession that he could show of to whomever he liked, whenever he liked.

"If that's smart then I'm scared for the dumb ones, don't flatter me like that Tony." She knew he liked it when she called him that, probably because no one else dared, and she made sure to speak softly to him, hoping it would keep his suspicion at bay until he was knocked out.

Blue heard the floor creaking as the heavy man made his way over to her. She rummaged around for a bit so it wouldn't be obvious that the bedroll hadn't been lying there waiting for this exact scenario.

She let him wrap his thick arms around her, his face seeking her neck "There's nothing I like better than flattering you my love." Shivering at the kiss he left on her skin while uttering the words she concentrated on tightening the knot on her bedroll, not wanting anything to fall out.

"Zebras Tony, that's why you're here, for the zebras and the 'fucking ostrich'." She reminded him, trying to worm out of his hold.

He chuckled, biting her lightly on her earlobe "You're too shy Blue, way to shy." If it keeps you away... she thought.

Eventually he did let go, and together they hurriedly made their way to where Ares and one of the working horses had been prepared. Paul had made sure her saddlebags were on and handed her the reins, a sad smile on his face, knowing it was probably the last time these two freaks met. He even bent down and gave Junior a good old pat on the head, saying a last farewell.

Anthony lifted her into the saddle and it was with one last look that she rode out of the tent that had been her home for six long years.

"Good luck!" Paul called out to her, though he wasn't talking about those damn zebras.

***

Arthur Morgan, hardened outlaw, thief and murderer stood sweating behind a thick oak some ways into the woods by the path where his daughter was to pass. He was alone, he had been forced to argue for quite a while before Dutch allowed him to go without backup. But he stood his ground, this was something he had to do on his own, and admittedly... he thought he might cry when he saw her and they would never let him live that down...

He could hear the heavy hooves of two big horses coming his way. Even though he'd been standing there for some time he hadn't figured out how to execute the whole thing. He had a big branch in his hand, thinking he could use it as a club to knock the man out. Panicking he just stood there with it in his hands, wondering what to do.

Where he was standing was somewhat raised above where the path was so maybe, just maybe he was high enough to hit a man on his horse?

Suddenly the hooves where much closer and the deep voice of a man caried through the air.

"Sure they went in here?"

"I saw it Tony" answered a female voice, he had no idea if it was Blue or not, she was a child the last time he heard he voice.

The head of a redish-brown horse came into view and soon after so did its rider. A big man with straw colored hair sat there, on the back of his horse, unknowingly riding towards what would be one hell of a headache.

Raising the branch like a caveman Arthur swung it with full force at the man's head, hitting him hard right where his neck met the skull. With a surprised moan the young man fell forward before sliding sideways of the horse. Remembering that Blue didn't want him hurt Arthur hurried to grab onto his shirt not stopping the fall but softening it a little.

There was a gasp behind him and as he turned around he quite forgot about the man he'd just clubbed over the head and dropped him to the ground.

It was Blue, her eyes giving her away within a heartbeat, it was his daughter. She sat there, atop one of the biggest horses he'd ever seen. She looked, he though, like a young queen, so beautiful. She might have been his daughter but that kind of beauty sure as hell didn't come from his genes... for the first time, maybe ever, he found himself wondering who she looked like, her mother or her real father? Did it matter? Why was he thinking about this? Was he just trying to distract himself from having to actually talk to her? probably...

Barely noticing his own movements he walked over to where she sat, staring back at him with the same intensity as he, himself, stared at her with. Reaching his hands towards her he gently took ahold of her waist and lifted her down like he'd done so many times in the years they had together. Before her feet had time to touch the ground she wrapped her arms around his neck, her legs around his waist and squeezed him like her life depended on it. Sure enough he felt a few tears push their way out, leaving tracks in the dust on his cheeks.

Hugging her back Arthur Morgan let the moment sink in and mend the soul that had been so broken for so very long.

***

Blue though that if she died at that very second she would die happy. Young, but loved and very, very happy.

***

Letting his daughter down he got ready to talk, he needed to say something, anything!

"I-" he didn't have time to say more before he was tackled from the side, falling heavily to the ground. Fear rippled though him, grasping for his gun he tried to get a hold of himself. It wasn't until he heard Blue laughing and felt the incredibly slimy tongue that he realized they weren't in any real kind of danger.

"Junior! Get off of him!"

Junior? That damn dog was still alive then, and apparently not so little anymore. The giant dog stepped un-ceremonially on his stomach and drooled right in his face, panting excitedly.

"Thought it was a fucking bear!" he exclaimed once he'd finally gotten the beast off of him and climbed to his shaking legs.

Gasping Blue covered the dog's ears and hushed her father "Shh! He's very self-conscious about his size!"

"He's a dog..."

"He's your grandchild!"

"He's... he's still a dog..."

***

After tying Anthony to tree they rode deeper into the woods in silence. It wasn't an awkward kind of silence but one that happens between two people who doesn't have the need to talk, two people who simply enjoy each other's company.

They probably should talk, she should tell him what happened and he should tell her that he looked for her, they should tell each other how much they missed one another.

They shared looks, smiles, every now and then and that was enough.

Blue found it somewhat funny that she was so much taller than her father while riding Ares, and it hadn't gone unnoticed by Arthur who stretched his back a little extra, trying to look taller.

He looked older than he'd done when she thought of him through the years

"Almost there" he announced, peering up at her with the warmest smile on her face.

They rode on for a little bit longer.

"That you Morgan?" a voice called out when they turned onto a small path leading up a hill.

"It's us Andersen." Arthur answered back. A short, dark man stepped out of the shadows, Blue didn't know him but smiled none the less.

"And that'll be the daughter, welcome back miss." He had a kind face with a brilliant smile, years of hard work obvious in the lines of his skin.

"Thank you, I'm Blue" she bent down, offering her hand. To her surprise he took it and gave it a little kiss. "Hans Andersen, at your service"

"Sounds Scandinavian" he smiled again, eyes twinkling with delight.

"Well my old Pa was a Dain you see, though I mostly take after my Ma" he laughed gesturing to his dark complexion and tightly coiled hair.

"Let's leave the storytelling for later, Miss Grimshaw will murder both of us if we keep her waiting too long Andersen."

"So true, so so very true Mr. Morgan! See you around miss."

"See ya!" Blue called over her solder, riding on up the small hill.

And there it was. Even in the dark that crept ever closer she could see that not much had changed. The horses eating hay at the edge of the camp. Several small fires and one big one. Wagons and tents dotting the ground in an orderly chaos. The smells and voices ever the same.

The group of people around the fire turned their heads at the sound of approaching horses. One of them stood up, at first she couldn't tell who it was but when she heard the familiar Irish accent she laughed. "I don't give a shite, I ain't gonna sit here waitin'!" approaching with quick, unsteady, strides he opened his arms wide and shouted out to her "Come over here and give yer favorite uncle Sean a hug girlie!" and so she did.

Sliding off of Ares Blue let herself be twirled around by her crazy Irishman, continuously giggling in delight.

"Man you put on some weight!" he groaned putting her down.

"Sean!!!" she put on a playfully wounded expression and hit him hard on the arm.

"Ow! Mostly muscles it seems... damn kid! That hurt!"

"You were being mean!"

"I spoke only truth!"

"I'll hit you again!"

"I yield! Spare me! I'm but a poor Irish bastard!"

"Hm... true, you are but a poor Irish bastard."

"Hey... that's mean..."

"You know..." came Arthurs voice from behind them, causing them to turn and look at him "nothing good ever came from an interaction between the two of you."

"Aw that's not true! Remember when we figured out how to steal those bags of flour!" Blue protested.

"Exactly and like when I saved her from them nasty Spaniards!" Sean cut in, pointing at Arthur accusingly.

"Pretty sure that was a team effort and they were Italian you dumbass!" Blue whispered to him, elbowing him in the ribs.

"Yeh yeh Holla Holla, whatever! Point is-"

"Point is-" the powerful presence of the leader himself disrupted their conversation "-MacGuire, that you're not very good at sharing."

Dutch van der Linde stood there, back straight, hair slicked back, greyer than before, and the flower she'd given him tucked neatly into the buttonhole on the pocket of his vest.

"And that is not a trait I value." He concluded, opening his arms for her.

"I knew it was you! The moment I read that article in the paper about that robbery I just knew! Such a Dutch-move!" as she said it she could hear laughing from around her where the others had finally stepped forward.

"It was, wasn't it." his voice rumbled in his chest.

Blue then made her way through the small crowd. Abigail was crying and so was Miss Grimshaw, something Blue never thought she would witness. Jack had grown so much while Charles hadn't aged at all.

She hugged Bill gently, knowing he was more sensitive than he let on.

"Thought you'd forget 'bout me" he mumbled.

"How could I forget about my very favorite Bill out of all the Bills' in the whole wide world?" this caused him to blush furiously and for his own sake she moved on to the next in line.

She learnt that Lenny, Mary-Beath and Molly had left but it was one person they didn't mention, one who she was desperately in need of seeing. And as if he'd heard her thoughts, he came out from one of the tents.

He looked so very old. All through the day she'd never let a tear slip but seeing her Hosea, grandpa Hosea, old but very much alive, brought on the tears. Letting them freely stream down her face she jogged the last few steps between them and let herself be enveloped in his arms.

He kissed her hair, rubbing soothing circles on her back, and hushed her sobs.

"You know Dutch-" he said "-I do believe you were right all those times you said she'd grown over night, cause our little girl has grown into beautiful young woman in the blink of an eye."

***

He sat there, shoulder to shoulder with his daughter, his sixteen-years-old-daughter. She rested her head onto him and whenever he thought no one was looking he'd kiss the top of her head, just to make sure she was actually there. Night was approaching and yet they all stayed around the fire, talking, laughing. It had been decided, by Blue's wishes, that any conversations about her disappearance would wait until the following day. No one objected to this and they all fell into a familiar flow of socialization.

"I missed this" Blue whispered, the only answer he gave her was another kiss on her golden hair. Looking to the opposite side of the fire he found Hosea, smiling a knowing smile.

***

She was so comfortable, warm and comfortable. Feeling sleep pulling on her eyelids she let them rest for a while.

"Got some good news Dutch." That voice... it sent shivers down her spine, making her eyes snap open. For years it had haunted her dreams and the only way to comfort herself when she woke up was to tell herself that when she went back home, he wouldn't be there, couldn't be there, her family would never let him stay after what he did to her.

Turning around Blue stood up and faced the man who had completely torn her life apart, the man who tormented her and then got rid of her when she wasn't fun to play with anymore.

The look of utter shock on Micha Bell's face when they locked eyes told her how much he'd trusted his own actions that night so long ago. He'd thought that what he did was complete, the problem was gone, none of his business anymore, he thought he got away with it.

"Well shit..." he mumbled.

"Thought you'd be gone by now" she said, her voice strained with hatred.

"Now now Blue, I know you and Mr. Bell haven't always gotten along but-"

"Gotten along?" Blue interrupted Dutch as he tried to ease the obvious tension that rose between them.

"Gotten along? Did you not see it? not suspect anything? did you seriously think I left on my own?"

She didn't take her eyes off of Micha as she spoke, letting all her heartbreak, hatred and sorrow fill her eyes, forcing him to keep eye contact with her. He was scared now, she could see it, his hand twitched as it slowly made its way to the holster where his gun gleamed in the warm light of the fire.

He was faster than she could have ever expected and the sound of a gun suddenly echoed through the night.

_____________

Thank you to the little bird I mentioned, who told me no to leave you guys. I actually had a really nice day of writing which is something I haven't had in a very long time. Between school and life in general I never take time to relax so I needed this badly, so thank you.

2020 was weird for us all. I, unfortunately, lost two family members but then I also gained one. And even if writing has been hard it also gave me some peace.

Thank you for every read, comment and like.

I hope I can bring you some joy and peace, if only for a moment.

Love; Linnéa