Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
No one could hold in a secret, especially a big one. Whispers would start spreading the haunted tales until everyone knew the dreaded truth, spreading like wildfire. The chaos of the fire burning everything and everyone in its grasp, destroying and destroying until only the horrible ruin remained.
Secrets were enticing, they were mysterious and people couldn't seem to let them go once they had a little taste. It was like poison.
Which was why I limited that poison entirely to myself. No one other than me had to take a sip, feel the detrimental effects.
Still, that didn't stop other people wanting to taste the forbidden fruit, taste the enchanting chemical that would soothe their soul until it just didn't.
I sighed.
I really had to stop thinking about this but it was extremely hard, seeing that it was such a big part of my life, so controlling over me.
I popped my AirPods in, blasting random music immediately, trying to drown away my thoughts with the shouting lyrics that banged against my eardrums. The contrast of the obnoxiously loud music and the quietening of my thoughts was bliss to my being and I started to relax.
I rested my head against the soft of my pillow, my dark hair panning out around me as I closed my eyes and brought my body limp, just relaxing, the only solace and quiet I had really felt the entire day.
My heart that had seemed so anxious slowed until it was a soothing thump in my chest and I smiled.
If only I could feel this level of relaxed forever.
It was after some time that something felt abnormal, different, perhaps even wrong.
I opened my eyes and would've startled had it not been for the strength of my mask at the sight of both Forrest and Rex in my bedroom with the door shut behind them.
They both were beautiful but contrasted greatly.
Forrest was pale, his skin an innocent white with the tiniest hints of colour on those cheeks. He was decked out in dark colours, a great difference to that of his skin colour but the thing to note was his presence. It was large, intimidating and accentuated by the hard line of his face, by the intensity of those eyes of his.
Rex, on the other hand, was as tall as Forrest but he had a softness, a kindness that Forrest didn't possess. His presence was soothing, brown warm eyes that were trusting, a small curve of his lips and arms that were by his sides instead of crossed in front of his chest.
I would never admit it to anyone but seeing them both here, seeing Forrest downstairs and hearing Rex made me realise how much I missed the both of them. Rex had been my friend and I missed the solace in his company but with Forrest, it was the opposite. He had a presence that you couldn't ignore and without it, there was a gaping hole.
"I'm sorry Talor, we knocked," Rex started softly, his eyes apologetic as they watched me sit up and take my AirPods out with my eyes blank and detached, urging them without words to explain why, out of all places, they were in my room.
I watched them as Rex looked towards Forrest as if trying to figure out a way to breach this topic whilst I pretended to be bored even though I was nothing but. However, this layer of detachment with them was what I needed. It was my shield, separating my selfish desires to my painful reality. I had tried some time to separate myself and I would not allow myself to be brought back to square one.
"We're worried about you Talor. Something happened and we've let you be on your own for too long," compassion laced Rex's words, eyes soothing and gentil, piercing my heart cruelly with his kindness. Forrest watched on emotionlessly but I could see the slight tick in his jaw, proof to his emotion he was so trying to hide.
Having hidden in the shadows for so long, I had learnt how to be a wallflower, allowing me to watch and analyse the people around me. So, I knew exactly what was Forrest was doing even before he realised it himself.
Rex's kindness still surprised me though, shock at still being nice even after all these years of pushing me away. An uncomfortable dose of nostalgia also coursed through my veins. I didn't know what to do with all these emotions.
"Just help us help you Talor," Rex said as he took a step closer to me, "We can see that something happened. You aren't the same; you look sad all the time now. Whatever it is, we can help you, you don't have to push us away."
Without completely processing his words, I stood up and turned to face the window, away from them, hiding the emotions that threatened to show on my face.
Ever since I had shut them out, they had tried to get me to explain, to help me. But what they couldn't see was that they just couldn't.
Over time, they had stopped, let the distance grow between us. I was sad that it had happened but I was relieved.
Relief had been my main emotion.
They just couldn't be in my life, not anymore, despite how much it hurt to see them so far. And here they were, trying to console me, trying to make me regret my decisions that were put in place for my protection as well as theirs. It wasn't fair. He said that I didn't have to push them away but I did have to and they were just making it harder on everyone.
"I'm fine guys," Boredom lacing my words even though there was so much pain and heartbreak hiding beneath those shallow words, "My sisters are probably wondering where you went so I'd g-"
Before I could finish whatever I was saying, Forrest had grabbed my arm, much to Rex's disagreement and forced me to turn around to him, pushing me against the wall, holding all my attention and more at the sight.
Green eyes burning red as they glared at me ferociously, his lips pulled into an even harder line than before as his muscles strained under the effort of holding himself back whilst gripping onto my shirt that felt as if it was about to rip apart.
All the years that I had known Forrest, watched him, never had I seen him this angry. I should've been scared but there was something fascinating, something beautiful in how he let his emotions master his body for once, them pulling on the reigns. I couldn't help but stare in fascination.
He was angry, yes, but I knew deep down, I could tell that he wasn't angry at me, rather at something else. It was shocking, nevertheless, at the swift change of his mood and I could do nothing but train my gaze on his.
"I'm sick of this shit Amherst," He growled, "We've let you mope around for years. It's now you tell us what the fuck happened. Stop lying to us, we aren't the fools you paint as us!"
Rex cursed under his breath and grabbed on Forrest's forearm to pull him away but I didn't need his help.
Anger coursed through my veins, flooding past the gates that I used all the time to hold my emotions in.
How dare he? How dare he demand for answers as if this was such an easy task, as if it didn't cause me so much pain?
Before he could see the change of reaction, I stomped on his foot and then with all my strength, I put my hands on his hard chest and pushed him away.
He tried to grab my wrists but I pointed my fingers at him instead, getting closer to him and more in his face. In the background, I could hear Rex swear under his breath but the angry feeling inside of me was so much more prominent and I had to let it out.
"Listen here Forrest," I so much as ripped through my throat with thick disdain, "I don't know why today is special and you picked it to come and barge into my room and demand for answers. But I have said before and I will say it again. I am fine!"
I emphasised the last part and got more in his face, not even nearly done. It hurt so much to constantly push them away and they were just making it hurt so much more by doing this. Why couldn't they understand? Today had been a bad day in itself, the self-loathing so thick that my barrier for my emotions had already felt weak before they came into my room.
"I am fine and I have been for years. I don't care if you think I am a mystery. Wonder why I'm not like my sisters. I do not care and neither should you. There is no answer so stop whatever you're insinuating and leave me alone!"
My chest rose and fell as I tried to control the pulsating anger that had been entirely too strong ago. I hadn't released my emotions in years. Perhaps I had reacted much more than necessary and I'm sure that they didn't deserve this but in this moment, I really couldn't have helped it.
"Talor, I-"
I cut off Rex's words, a numb blankness coating my words again, "Just please leave."
When they did nothing but continue to stare at me, I sighed.
"Fine then, I will," I said as I grabbed my coat and made my way to the door, not even turning around at Rex's protest.
They had left me alone for so long. Why did they have to try again today, why of all moments?
But even though it hurt me to hurt them, I knew with all my heart that I had done the right thing.
Pushing them away was the right thing.
They could never know.
But I knew and it was only reinforced in my mind by seeing that glint in Forrest's eye. He liked to know it all and he didn't stop until he got what he wanted.
I just hoped that everything I had done, all the misery I had caused myself wouldn't be for nothing.
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