"He is found dead at the parking area."
"..."
"In his car."
"..."
"He shot himself on the head."
"..."
"Mr. Park is dead, Mrs. Kim. We're doing the autopsy as soon as the authority issues the warrant."
Jennie had heard that the first time loud and clear. She was not sure what to do or feel regarding this situation. She wanted to be happy that the person who had hurt the love of her life got what he deserved. But where's the justice? He was free just like that. He's dead, and what? What would happen next? He just left his mess and granted it to her to deal with it.
Why didn't he kill himself without harming her Lisa? Why didn't he follow his family and leave her Lisa alone if in the end, he's join them without hesitation? What was all of this about, a revenge that he didn't desire to win or just an irresistible decision at the moment?
Whatever his motives were, her Lisa was still in coma. Whether he alive or dead, her Lisa still couldn't breathe by herself. So it didn't matter to her. He could've gone straight to hell for all she cares.
---
Jennie stared at her reflection in the mirror. She watched herself crumbling down. She'd died thinking Lisa wouldn't be around. She was losing her mind. Her senses were numb. There was a huge hole in her soul, an unexplainable emptiness as she fathomed that Lisa might not able to make it out alive.
It had never really crossed her mind how substantial Lisa's presence to her being, how Lisa could easily take away her happiness, how Lisa's absence could destruct of her entire existence. She thought she'd always have Lisa by her side. Did she depend on Lisa too much? Was it normal to feel what she felt now?
All of sudden, she was alone in the deserted road. Her one and only companion left her just like that, without warning, without telling her how to survive. How was it possible for her to continue by herself? It was beyond believe that death could make a great impact on someone's life.
A touch on her hand startled her, interrupting her wandering mind.
"You're holding up the line, Jen." Gently, the intruder pulled Jennie from the sink as she flashed a quick smile to the people who had queued.
"ChaHee? What are you doing here?"
"Do you have a seat somehow?"
"No."
"Okay." Not letting Jennie's hand off of hers, ChaHee led the way to the nearest empty table. She withdrew the chair and let Jennie sat on it. "Coffee?"
"No, thanks, I'm not hungry."
"It's not a meal, Jen. Just a drink." ChaHee observed Jennie closely. The woman was unfocused. She couldn't blame her. She understood how Jennie felt at the moment. After all, they once lived together and she still cared about Jennie a lot.
"Oh, yes, um. . . okay, sure."
The taller woman ordered two latte while occasionally glancing at their table. Jennie was as blank as before. Her eyes were empty. She vacantly stared at far ahead. ChaHee exhaled a deep breath. Her heart broke watching Jennie like this. However, she couldn't help but wonder if the lawyer would act this way if she were the one in Lisa's position now.
It was funny to think that after years of not seeing each other, a piece of her heart still wanted Jennie. It was clear that Jennie never had a mutual feeling towards her. She was stupid to make Jennie moved in with her and persuaded her that she could change her mind. She should've known that Jennie was made not for her.
But she was only a human, and human always wondered, always wishing for something even if it were far out of their reach.
"Here you go." ChaHee pushed scolding drink to Jennie. "Careful, it's hot."
"Thank you," Jennie muttered lowly.
ChaHee nodded slightly. "Look, I'm sorry for what happen to Lisa. I hope she'd recover and - and able to be with you and the kids soon."
"How do you know?"
ChaHee bit her lower lip, "I just landed from Switzerland a few hours ago. I brought you some chocolates because I know how much you loved them," she whispered the last part. She then shook her head and chuckled nervously. "I think the triplets will love it, they're really good. So I stopped by your office and your secretary informed me the news. I came straight here, I tried to call you but you didn't pick up your phone. I had not had breakfast so here I am at the cafeteria when I saw you spacing out."
Jennie's smile of appreciation didn't reach her eyes. Nevertheless, it was enough for ChaHee.
"If you need a friend," ChaHee squeezed Jennie's hand. "I'm here. I will always be here."
Just in case Lisa... ChaHee didn't dare to say it out loud. The last thing she wanted was to push Jennie away. But should Lisa go, she'd be by Jennie's side and never let her go for the second time.
---
"Are you happy? You do seem so." Seulgi folded her arms, looking at the sleeping Lisa angrily. "Come on, Lisa. I know you're a jerk, alright? But I thought you've changed for the better. Show me, come on!"
Seulgi walked back and forth, biting her nail frustratingly.
"It's been days! Enough already! Wake the hell up!" She threw her hands in the air. "You've rested enough. Open your eyes, dumbass!"
Outside the room, Jihyo, Jisoo, and Sana were watching Seulgi in silence. They could see what the general doctor did through the glass.
"Do you really want to die and get it over? Alright, you can die and leave whatever... here. You die, maybe it'll be good to you. You don't have to through the long and painful recovery. You're just done."
Seulgi paused, waiting for any sign Lisa hopefully made. "Goddamn it! Don't be selfish asshole, Lisa! There are people here who want you to make it. They need you to make it alive." She emphasized the last phrase.
"She's talking trash again, isn't she?" Sana asked to no one.
Jihyo turned over to the nurse station, starting to write the progress on Lisa's file. "Seulgi has always believe if she triggers Lisa enough, she'll wake up just to beat her."
"And she's okay to have a bruise on her face?"
"I think she'll punch Lisa back and make it even."
"You should see Jennie, your kids, your family. They're falling apart and you just sleeping here soundly, acting like nothing happen. Wake the hell up!" Seulgi approached Lisa's side.
"I need you to wake up, Lisa," Seulgi hissed desperately. Her breath was raging but nothing was changed. Lisa didn't twitch a muscle.
The automatic door slid as Seulgi, face like a boiled shrimp, walked out from the room. "Let me know if she finally comes to her senses. I'm never coming here for that dumbass ever again."
The three friend watched Seulgi's back disappeared at the corner.
"She'll be here again in an hour or two." Sana spoke absentmindedly while replying a message on her phone. "Like she always do."
---
"Hey Baby." Jennie intertwined her fingers with Lisa's under the blanket. "How are you feeling?" No answer. "Jihyo had removed the tube. I don't understand her explanation but it should be a good sign, right? You're strong enough to breathe, right, Baby?"
Lisa was unwavering.
"C - can you hear me? Squeeze my hand, Baby, I'm right here." A tear dropped, descending Jennie's cheek freely. "I can't take one more sleepless night without you, Baby, please... I - I miss you, Lisa, please..."
With a pain of swollen eyes, Jennie walked out from Lisa's bedroom. When she woke up, she didn't find Lisa next to her. A sudden panic waved attacked her, but then she heard a loud sound from the kitchen. What happened last night was not just a bad dream, it was real. And she was still at the same apartment, she was not at Chaeyoung's or Irene's. Lisa held her through the night. Lisa didn't let her go. Lisa begged her to stay.
Jennie could barely process it all. She found it hard to believe. Did Lisa really-
"Good morning," Lisa smiled softly behind the kitchen counter. "I figured you'd want something to eat so I make what I cook best." She poured the milk to Jennie's bowl and set a box of cereal next to it. "Let's have some breakfast."
Jennie ate quietly. She was aware of Lisa's eyes on her but she couldn't know what to say. It became awkward to her. Did Lisa pity her? Or did Lisa really mean what she said?
"Just so you know, I say this because I know you're still doubting me. Nini, look at me."
Jennie lifted up her head, eyes meeting with Lisa's warm stare.
"I love you," Lisa said earnestly. "I will show you how amazing this feeling. I - it's new for me, too. I mean, it's been so long but I trust you. Whether you realize it or not, you bring the dead faith out of me. You constantly prove that I'm worth it. Please, don't ever think you deserve less because you are beautiful and incredible and so out of this world."
She covered Jennie's hand carefully as if it were the most fragile thing in the world.
"I know it's hard for you to believe, so let me love you until you learn to love yourself."
Jennie did learn to love herself. Every time she was about to give up, Lisa's firm hold pledged that the victory was within her reach. With Lisa beside her, she could see the starlight vividly. She had a purpose. She was walking towards a promising future. As she stated her holy vow on the altar, Jennie believed she had defeated the weak, flawed herself.
But now, Jennie found herself back to square one, to a place where she was a coward, unworthy and extremely lonely. It was dark even in the brightest day. It was stormy in peaceful breeze. It was hideous under the dazzling light.
"Please, Lisa..."
---
Jennie opened her eyes slowly adjusting to the light. Her right hand felt weird because the IV line was still there. Her newborns were asleep on their bed, just a few feet away from her. It was late afternoon, the sun was starting to set. Lisa was all by herself, staring up the sky outside through the transparent curtain. Jennie noticed the contentment, the soft, grateful look and the dried tears on Lisa's face.
She fathomed Lisa's concern, she also felt her fear. The past nine months of her pregnancy had constantly pushed Lisa to the edge. Her wife had made a great attempt to hide her uneasiness. She always tried hard to appear relax and cool despite the tense she had to fight.
Jennie had always had this belief that Lisa was not as cold hearted as she always put on show to the world. The solid and unbreakable mask she consistently wore was just a tool to cover her true gentle soul. In places no one would find, sometimes including Jennie, Lisa would lower her wall and exposed her vulnerable side.
Just like now.
Lisa's lips trembled. Another tears fell. Jennie wondered what was she thinking.
But then at that moment, Jennie saw it crystal clear; eternity was in Lisa's eyes.
Lisa wiped the tears off using her long sleeve. She stuffed her hands to her jeans pockets. Next, their eyes met. Lisa startled like a deer caught in the headlight.
"Come here." Jennie spoke softly.
Unsurely, Lisa drew nearer. She sat at the end of the bed as Jennie scooted closer.
"I want to make your everything alright."
Lisa closed her eyes, relenting under Jennie's touch on her neck. Slowly, Lisa bent down aiming for Jennie's lips. Before she kissed them, she whispered, "Thank you for bringing the greatest gifts from above to me."
Pictures of perfect memories scattered around the floor. Jennie rested her chin on the knee as she touched the papers faintly. How pathetic, Jennie chuckled bitterly. Days ago, Lisa still slept on their bed but now her pictures had to replace her absence instead.
The clock seemed to run way too slowly. She wanted to fast forward to the moment Lisa woke up from her long nap. She had pushed the other possibility down to the core of earth. Lisa had to make it. She will make it.
Jennie had been selfish because she didn't know how else to cope up with the idea of losing Lisa. She asked Lisa's parents to look over the triplets while she dealt with her own despair and torment. She was afraid she'd breakdown in front of them again. They were so pure and precious, Jennie had no heart to bring them sorrow.
The bell rang.
Jennie didn't move from her spot. She had no desire to get up. Whoever visited at this our was a mad person. Besides, she wanted to be alone, apart from the reality of the cruel world. Lisa had the kindness to keep the evil away. Lisa was her shield. Jennie felt naked without her around. So she had to wait, she'd wait till Lisa was ready to protect her again.
She could hear Lisa's laugh, taste her tears, see her clear brown eyes. She felt so close yet so far. She was here and yet she was not. Lisa was in between, so was Jennie.
The bell rang again, persistently this time.
Having no other option, Jennie stood up lifelessly. She opened the main door as a familiar figure gasped for air came to her sight.
"Seul?"
"Lisa is asking for you."
----------