Ben sat with his back against a tree. Armitage sat next to him, his back leaning against the wall that had been erected for his cell. Neither spoke.
It was full night. Most everyone was sleeping. Those who were awake didn't bother checking the cell, knowing there wasn't a way for the prisoner to get free. Furthermore, Armitage had been nothing but compliant the entire time, even waiting patiently as they scrambled to build his cell in a week. They had kept him bound during the process, and he never once complained or tried to sneak away.
Sitting like this had become a nightly ritual for the pair. They had both agreed meeting in the dead of night was best. Not only did they want to avoid suspicion that they were plotting something together, but they didn't think anyone else knew the true nature of their relationship.
"I miss you," Armitage said. His knees were pulled up, his forearms resting on his knees.
Ben looked at him and laughed. "I'm right here."
Armitage shot him a look. "That's not what I meant, idiot. I mean physically."
"Oh."
"I wish this blasted force field wasn't here," he continued wistfully. "I don't even want sex. I mean--I do, but...I wish I could lean on you. Or hold your hand."
Immediately without thinking, Ben reached out to Armitage with the Force. Closing his eyes, he imagined taking Armitage by the hand. The other man gasped immediately, nearly falling over. Ben stopped, recoiling. Armitage looked at him with large eyes.
"What was that!?"
"Sorry... I just..." He made a gesture to insinuate the use of the Force.
"Oh..." Armitage relaxed, propping himself back against the wall. "Next time warn me."
"Sorry."
"Not your fault." Armitage took a bit of grass, tore it apart, and then tossed the pieces down. "This entire blasted situation is stupid."
"Did you mean what you said? About agreeing with me that the war should end?"
Armitage laughed bitterly. He leaned his head against the wall, looking up at the brick ceiling. "I did. I just have no idea how to go about accomplishing that. Especially since I'm stuck in a cell!"
He sighed heavily and then pressed the heel of his palms against his eyes. "How do we fix an entire universe that's been at war for decades?" He blinked then, looking at Ben half seriously. "You've ruined me, you know that? Completely ruined me."
Ben grinned. Just then a person ran past, followed by a second, then a third. Armitage narrowed his eyes, gesturing his head toward the people. Ben swiveled his head right, catching a brief glimpse of the last person.
"What was that?" Armitage wondered.
"No idea," Ben replied. "But I'm going to go find out."
"Be careful."
Ben smirked and then hurried away. Peeking around one of the trees he saw the small group running towards the building General Leia was in. He wasn't overly concerned; they were Resistance members. Even so, he wondered what was going on that they were sprinting.
Silently he moved after them, making sure not to be seen. By the time he made it to the door they were already mid-conversation. Ben silently stayed outside.
"--and we thought this couldn't wait until morning."
"What is it?" Ben heard his mother say.
"We intercepted a First Order transmission regarding our prisoner. They're looking for him."
Ben's blood ran cold.
"Were there specifics?"
"No--just that he's missing and that there's reason to believe he's been coerced and is being held against his will."
"It was on a secured line, but not encrypted," a second voice spoke.
There was a long pause. "What should we do, Ma'am?" the last voice said.
"Did they state where they were looking for him?"
"No," the second voice replied, "we think this was just a preliminary message that was sent days ago."
"Any other transmissions?" Leia asked.
"Negative. This is the only First Order message we've managed to pick up in months."
"Is there a ship nearby?"
"Not that we can tell, but we're being cautious in our searches to not compromise our location."
"Excellent. Until any further developments, we do nothing. We're going to keep our heads down for as long as we can. Keep me posted."
"Sorry to have awoken you, General."
Ben hurried away quietly.
~
"I'd like to leave."
"Well, hello to you too."
Ben hadn't spoken to his mother since their last testy interaction. Ben remained silent, not saying hello back. Leia frowned.
"Leave?"
"Yes. The planet."
Days had passed since Ben had eavesdropped on the conversation the Resistance members had with Leia. Since then, Ben had been avoiding everyone as he tried to make up his mind about what he was going to do.
Leia walked away from the small group of people she was talking to, briefly muttering "excuse me". She took her son by the arm, and they walked through the encampment, arms linked.
"May I ask why?"
"Is there someplace private we can talk?"
"Of course. Let's go to my bunker."
As soon as they were inside, Leia shut and locked the door. They moved to where she kept her desk and they both sat down. Ben immediately put his head in his hands, rubbed his face, and then looked at her.
"I don't belong here."
The General rose her eyebrow. "What makes you think that?"
"Everyone hates me."
She laughed. "That's a rather sweeping statement."
Ben remained serious. "Most people here would love nothing more than to stab me in the back; literally."
"Rey likes you. Poe seems to have warmed up to you. I love you."
"Finn told me that if I ever did anything to harm Rey, he'd kill me."
Leia frowned, briefly drumming her hands on the desk.
"You can't deny that I am the very embodiment of everything everyone here is fighting against. I am the very vessel of what they hate. They don't want to see past what I've done," he said, becoming impassioned. "I don't blame them."
"Give it time."
"How much?"
"As long as it takes."
"You're not impartial to the matter, mother."
"If you mean because you're my son, I don't play favorites." She narrowed her eyes.
Ben flat out laughed at her. "Rey has told me all about Poe--his recklessness, his demotion, his promotion. You really believe you don't play favorites?"
"It sounds to me like it's a matter of not being able to forgive yourself for what you've done. And you just want to run away from it."
Ben was quickly becoming agitated. "I would be lying if I said that wasn't part of it, but the greater scope is I'm not wanted here."
"I want you here." Before he could reply, she rushed on. "Besides. Where would you go? What would you do?"
A flicker of Armitage's face flashed in Ben's eye. He swallowed thickly. "I--I'm not sure."
Leia rose an eyebrow. "Not back to the First Order?"
"No! Never." Ben flushed. "Look--there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about. Something I should tell you about. I--"
There was a knock on the door. Leia looked past her son to the door. After a moment, there was another knock.
"General Leia?" a muffled voice said through the door.
She rolled her eyes. "The door is locked for a reason..."
"I know, Ma'am, sorry. But they've arrived."
"Oh good!" Leia got to her feet, looking excited, and moved toward the door. Ben's mouth dropped open and he flushed.
"Mother! I was about to tell you something--"
"I'm sorry Ben," she said, throwing a smile over her shoulder. "We'll continue this conversation in a little while."
With that she opened the door and left.
~
"And she just... Left?"
"Yes!"
"Hey," Armitage said gently, looking at Ben on the other side of the force field. "Keep your voice down."
"I don't give a damn anymore if people know if I'm talking to you. Nothing has changed. I'm a fool for thinking it would have."
"What do you mean?"
"My mother! Here I was, having a serious conversation, and she decided her job was more important!"
"Why did she leave?" Armitage asked gently.
Ben waved a dismissive hand. "A regimen of new Resistance fighters arrived. For a long while no one was responding. Apparently some people reached out and came to join."
"Are we talking a ship, or a fleet of people, or--"
Ben shot him a look, not hiding the suspicion. "What does it matter?"
Armitage briefly looked offended, and then sneered. "Because I have a transmitter shoved up my ass, Ben, and I'm going to feed this information to the First Order."
Ben relaxed. "I'm sorry. I just... I'm worried about you. The less you know the better."
"While that's sweet, I can take care of myself, thank you very much."
Ben fought the urge to roll his eyes.
"So..." Armitage continued, gently. "Did you make it a point to talk to General Organa since?"
"No. I was so angry I didn't want to say anything to her."
Armitage hesitated. "What were you going to tell her about?"
"Us."
For a long while Armitage simply stared at Ben. To Ben's surprise, he then burst into laughter.
"Why?"
Ben felt himself flush, happy it was dark. "Because maybe I could convince her to release you!"
"Oh Ben. More and more you surprise me." Armitage tilted his head back. "I'm doomed to spend the rest of my days rotting in this cell. And if not this cell, some other cell. Don't waste your breath."
"I don't think that's necessarily true."
Armitage snorted.
Ben adjusted himself so he sat facing Armitage fully. "I'm serious. Even with the new recruits we're barely at fifty people--if that. There's no judiciary system in place. Plus historically the New Republic was always fairly lenient with its prisoners. They always viewed the persecution of Imperial officers daunting, and would rather encourage them to desert rather than jail them."
Armitage looked genuinely surprised. "What?"
"You didn't know that?"
The General's eyes grew. "Are you telling the truth?"
Ben frowned slightly. "Why would I lie to you?"
"Sorry... I need to stop thinking of you as the enemy when we discuss matters like this." He rubbed his face, looking haggard. "In the Academy we were taught the New Republic, and by proxy the Resistance, were ruthless when it came to their prisoners. Psychological and physical torture was the norm."
"So that's why you seemed so surprised they were treating you nicely."
"Yes--"
Armitage paled.
"What?"
"The entire reason we use torture is because the other side does. We're taught that getting what we want by any means necessary is acceptable because if we were captured we'd be shown no quarter."
Abruptly Armitage got to his feet and began pacing his cell.
"Are you alright?"
"No I'm not alright! What else have I been lied to about!?"
"I don't know," Ben replied gently. He not only saw but felt the panic bubbling up in the other man. "I mean, I didn't go through Imperial training like you did."
Armitage's breathing became ragged.
"We were told over and over about the rebel scum, and how they sought nothing but anarchy and upheaval. They were made out to be the aggressors in all the major wars--the Clone Wars, the Battle of Endor. It was drilled into our head that the destruction of the Death Stars were acts of terrorism, and we were taught the statistics regarding loss of life and the insurmountable financial loss of these projects, and what a waste of time and human resources it was."
He was starting to hyperventilate. "And I was told that the destruction of Alderaan was an unfortunate but vital military operation, and that the Rebels had pushed our hand in the matter, and that we had to make an example to stem casualties in the long run."
Armitage stopped walking, looking like a frightened child. "Ben--if I was lied to about something as simple as interrogation techniques, what else have I been lied to about?"
Ben got to his feet. "You need to calm down."
"Calm down!? I may have just discovered my entire fucking life has been a lie! I'm a war criminal!"
"Look," Ben said soothingly. "We'll make this right. I'll go talk to my mother right now and--"
"No!"
The confusion and fear that ripped out of Armitage nearly made Ben stumble.
"No," Armitage said a little calmer. However, Ben couldn't notice how Armitage's eyes glinted in the dim light. "No. Please don't leave me alone Ben. Not now."
Ben walked up as close to the energy field as he could manage. Armitage came to him. After staring at Ben for a few seconds, his face crumpled. "What am I supposed to do?"
"I wish I could hold you."
Armitage tried to smile, but only managed to make a pained face. He then got down, laying next to the field. Ben sat on the ground. Armitage shifted, placing his hands under his head, looking up at Ben.
"Could you please stay with me? Until I fall asleep?"
Ben laid down, getting as close to Armitage as possible. It was like this they both eventually fell asleep.
~
"Finn!" Rey said the next morning. Her friend turned and gave her a smile.
"Have you seen Ben?"
Finn's smile evaporated. "No, I haven't. And why must everyone talk about him here!? I'm so sick of that name."
Rey held up her hands. "Sorry...I'll go look elsewhere."
"What do you see in him, anyway?"
"I see a scared, lost man who is seeking redemption and peace in the wake of the terrible things he's done."
"Some things aren't forgivable, Rey."
Slowly she nodded. "Okay. I'll take that under advisement. Thank you Finn."
As she wound her way around camp, she saw a familiar droid. "BB-8!"
The droid beeped happily, changing its trajectory and swinging back around to greet her. When it got up to her, it let out a long string of happy, enthusiastic beeps as it shifted back and forth excitedly. Squatting, Rey tried to follow around as best she could.
"C-3PO said what? A sarlaac?" She gasped. "He did not! C-3PO is not as vulgar as R2! There's no way he would have said that!"
As the droid continued, Rey shook her head. "BB-8! I'd love to talk to you later, but right now I'm looking for someone. Have you seen Ben?"
BB-8 beeped.
"No? Well how about Poe?"
The droid responded. Rey got to her feet and smiled. "Thanks! I'll see you later, and you can finish telling me all about the argument you heard."
After a brief discussion with Poe, Rey went to the only other person who might have known Ben's whereabouts.
"Armitage."
The General started from his sleep. Groggily he sat up. Squinting against the light, he stared up at Rey.
"Is your cot not comfortable?" Rey asked. "I'm sure we could get you another one so you don't have to sleep on the floor. "
Stiffly the man got to his feet. Straightening his shirt, he ran a hand through his hair. "The cots fine. And I don't know how I feel about you calling me by my first name."
"Sorry--General."
"Hux will do."
"Hux. Anyway, have you seen Ben?"
"No. Why?"
"It's just he's late to our meditation session. He's always super punctual..."
Armitage rose his eyebrows. "And why would I have any idea where he is?"
"I just--I just thought maybe--"
"Just because we're fucking doesn't mean I have him under lock and key and know where he is always."
Rey winced. "Sorry. I'll... Just. Um. Yeah."
"Rey--wait."
Rey turned.
"I'm sorry. Being friendly isn't really something I'm good at. Also..." Shyly, a look foreign on him, he looked at the ground. "When you find him, would you mind telling me?"
Rey smiled. "Yeah, I can do that."
Rey was going to make her way back to the tent they always met in, figuring he must be there by now. On the way, she passed General Leia. She was flanked on either side by people. When she saw Rey, she smiled and nodded.
"Good morning General."
"Good morning Rey."
After a few steps, Rey whirled around. "Oh! Leia! I mean, General Leia...General Organa."
The small entourage halted.
"Sorry to bother you--have you seen Ben this morning?"
"I have not."
"Okay."
"Is everything alright?"
Rey walked away backwards. "Yeah, he's just late for our meeting."
When Rey made it back to the tent and opened the flap, she was confounded to find it empty. A nervous knot bound itself in her stomach. Something suddenly didn't seem right. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and steadied her breathing. Reaching out with the Force, she searched for Ben.
A wall of pain hit her, and she stumbled, nearly falling. Startled, her eyes flew open.
"Ben!"
Rey ran out of the tent as fast as she could.