[Trigger warning: Mild descriptions of abuse, sexual harassment and mental health issues. No graphic descriptions/scenes, but make sure you are comfortable with the themes before proceeding with the chapter. If you want the recap reveal, there is a small description at the very end so feel free to scroll down!]
◤
Minji wasn't always a bitch. Back when she lived in a cottage house with her mother, grandmother and twin brother, she was very much a naïve girl.
She used to think that her father loved her in a special way that nobody else could understand. She remembers those eyes, how full of emotion they were. She traces the scar on her left thigh sometimes and thinks of those eyes, she remembers how full of emotion they were.
She understood quickly that that's how human irises get when you don't have the ability to love someone. They light up like magma and overflow like a volcano, and they burn into your skin up close. If you can dissociate yourself from the pain, it's almost fascinating to watch it happen.
He was made to leave when Minji was seven years old.
He lined curse after curse at their family as he dragged a luggage away from their little cottage house. Minji, Yoongi, their mother and grandmother stood at the porch and watched him dissolve into dust.
Minji believes that his soul lives in that house to this day.
◢
◤
By the time Minji and Yoongi graduate, Minji is very clear on what she wants. But she hasn't been on her best behavior as a teenager and her overprotective mother and grandmother won't let her have it unless she is supervised. That's how Yoongi ends up following her to Gidae University in Gidae.
They rent a furnished house in the neighborhood and move in.
The next day, Minji announces that she is moving out.
"Where?" Yoongi gapes with a toothbrush poking through his cheek.
"I booked a dorm room at the campus. Give me half of eomma's allowance money after you find a roommate," Minji says, grabbing her bags from the living room floor.
"You are not going anywhere," Yoongi starts calmly, testing the waters. He knows pushing Minji will cause her to revolt but she always came around in the past, so he pushes her.
"Yoongi," Minji shakes her head apologetically.
"I'm not asking you a question, why are you shaking your head?" Yoongi breathes a laugh, frustration starting to creep into his features by reddish ink. He throws his toothbrush on the TV stand, wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt. "Drop the bags in that room, I cleaned it in the morning," he blinks fast and avoids Minji's gaze, not moving an inch like he knows she will be gone the moment he loses her from his sight.
He mumbles a quickly when Minji doesn't move a muscle.
"I'm not going to live under your watch like a dog," Yoongi's eyes shoot at his sister when she speaks, a sudden moment of tension forming in the air as the two size each other up.
"I promised eomma to take care of you and that's what I will be doing," Yoongi pushes himself to respond, although it's obvious that he is having a hard time speaking through the nerves. "There is no reason for you to feel like that."
Minji bites on her lip not to say something she will regret. She doesn't want to hurt his brother but sometimes he says some manipulative shit that really gets on her nerves.
The fact that she is feeling so is enough reason. It should be.
"I can take care of myself," she tries to keep her tone calm but that's only encouragement for oblivious Yoongi to believe he convinced her. He even attempts to grab her bags from the floor, which causes Minji to pull the handles towards herself. "Let go. I'm leaving. You can't stop me."
"You are not going anywhere," Yoongi clenches his jaw.
"Yoongi don't make me hurt you."
"Go on, hurt me," Yoongi nods, voice shaking. "You are still not leaving."
"Why? Why is it so important to have me supervised?!" Minji raises her voice finally, her emotions starting to cloud her brain. She feels a burn on his nose and her chest rises with the warning of tears. Here she goes, looking like the crazy person in the room again.
"Because you are immature. The moment I let you out there you are gonna get yourself hurt."
Minji breathes out a condescending laugh. "Just admit it. You think I will end up like eomma because I am a girl, don't you?"
Yoongi's patience is visibly wearing off. He tries to ignore her words and pulls on the handles but Minji isn't letting it go, repeating the questions over and over again until Yoongi bursts and shouts a "Yes! The world is full of people like him, Ji, you can't be left you alone!"
Time freezes for ten seconds as Yoongi's words sit on air. Both siblings watch the past replaying itself in frames through each other's eyes, the memories of their broken family trying to mend itself flooding back, their mother trying to find reasons to stay alive every day after a lifetime of physical and emotional abuse. It's sickening.
Minji lets go of the bags and steps away. She disappears into the bathroom, only to reappear five minutes later with nearly all of her hair missing, choppy cuts at the edges and no more bangs.
"I don't look like a girl now. Don't have to worry about me anymore," she gives Yoongi a look, abandoning her stuff altogether and banging the door behind his jarred expression.
Yoongi is right, acting reckless might cost her a lot and she might regret it. But there is one thing he is eternally wrong about, and that is the fact that she is never going to end up like her mother.
That she can pledge for.
◢
◤
Freshmen year hits everyone differently, and Minji comes out of it a socialite. The university culture absorbs her like a magnet, and she barely recognizes the girl she was a couple months down the timeline.
It is a beautiful rollercoaster, and it's impossible to catch up to it. Classes to social events to clubs to trips — there is so much to do and Minji gives it all a shot. She tries everything that is not her, until she is nothing like herself.
It feels good to be anybody.
Claiming independence is not always fun, but Minji isn't about fun entirely anyway. She doesn't know what she is doing like most students around herself, but she is not lost like they are either. She has a purpose. She has a driving force that makes her spring out of bed every morning to do well at school, at the social realm and the finances, but she fails to identify what that is exactly.
The closest she could get to describing it would be,
"Like a volcano brewing at the bottom my stomach. It bursts its fire through my throat whenever I fall behind, with or without my consent."
Her roommate and best friend Yong-sun smiles at her as they lie on the bed upside down one night, stoned.
"That sounds like greed to me," she says.
But Minji shakes her head.
"It's more than that," she gets lost in the patterns of their popcorn ceiling as her blinks slow down. "It comes from a darker place."
Maybe she does know what it is, after all.
◢
◤
She starts working at a college bar on the weekends. It's a popular place around the corner of a sketchy building with dim lighting, hip music and plentiful events during the weekends. As exhausting it is to catch an 8 a.m. class after a 2 a.m. shift, the job comes with a lot of perks, like meeting performing bands, free drinks and a good paycheck. The people that Minji gets to know while bartending doesn't come close any number of friends she ever had (acquaintances included) and soon, she knows everyone on campus.
There is this guy, Hann, who comes in every night with his frat brothers who are already drunk, and they always screw the jukebox. As his friends lose it, he pays attention to Minji. Staring turns into flirting, flirting turns into sex, and sex turns into dependency. Four months deep in an emotional attachment and Minji is drowning in complicated, heart-wrangling feelings of guilt and fear.
She has matured enough to know that he doesn't love her, but not enough to free herself.
Outside the confine of her demons, it was almost like the past had never even happened. But the truth is far from the lies she had told herself. No matter how far she tries to escape, she will always come back to him.
◢
◤
Minji finds out mental health is a thing during her sophomore year. It's not a concept she grasps entirely. Sounds more like something privileged bastards with loving parents and perfect childhoods have. It's a mighty battle to get a hold of the concept, but little by little Minji realizes that mental health is only something she can learn to cultivate.
After an entire year of skipping and stumbling, she is not even close to a clue about how to start putting herself together. So she does what she should have done a long time ago: she pays Yoongi a visit.
Her twin is a true simp because he hugs her for long minutes and cries, which sucks because they are supposed to be enemies and never understand each other, because they never did to this day and it only makes sense that Minji keeps hating him, that Yoongi acts like an asshole about her feelings — but he hugs her. He squeezes her like he is asking for forgiveness, and when he mumbles a weak sorry into Minji's shoulder a second later, Minji breaks down too.
It is a turning point for the both of them.
Yoongi sees through her because Minji lives with the trademark of sadness in her eyes now. She isn't sure if being an adult entailed losing fascination with life, because she was someone else entirely when she walked out through this door that day, ready to conquer the world. But there is a Yoongi thing about Yoongi that makes it okay to not be okay. When he listens to her solely because he missed caring about her, that's when Minji realizes she isn't the only one who matured along the way.
Things get easier from there on, somehow. At least for the most part.
Minji starts taking Yoongi's advice. She drops 70% of her extracurricular memberships, levels down the number of classes she is taking, and stops attending nauseating frat parties to decorate her boyfriend's arm. Well then, she doesn't entirely take Yoongi's advice because he doesn't want her to work at the bar and she won't let him get in the way of her job, but what she does is limit her shifts for the part. After all, she was offered a heady position at his brother's quirky club underpinning, the Secret Services, and to hell if she isn't excited about it like she was ever about anything that lately.
She used to hate the slightest suggestion he brought to the table regarding her life or decisions. Now it almost feels like she has a place to refuge with him when things get overwhelming.
It's funny how time changes things, and as cliché as it sounds, it does heal. It is healing Minji.
◢
◤
Minji's true revolution begins in junior year.
It's around the time she is learning how to establish herself, make arguments because her opinion is valid, and stand up for herself because her feelings are important. She is tired of the way she keeps reincarnating as the same little girl from her childhood. She has failed to set boundaries with people and went too hard on herself to compensate for the traumas she carried from the past, but things are different now that she is willing to take a leap of risk to escape from the spell of fate.
It's around the time she has gathered enough resources to take revenge on every appearance the ghost of her father made on her life.
Being Hann's puppet for more than a year has scarred her heavily, even permanently. She used to think she deserved the yelling, harsh criticism, self-degrading roleplays and punishments because her past with an abusive dad made her a target. It was almost like she was made out of a translucent lump of skin and everybody saw the helpless little girl right through her disguise. It takes her a while to realize that she might have been once once upon a time, but she has grown to be so much more than that.
Just so much more.
It's another one of those threatening encounters with Hann at the end of a late-night shift, him crowding her into an alley and her warning him to fuck off. She doesn't want to get under his skin more than she has already disturbed his composure by breaking up with him. He has been restless lately, like he has made it his mission to make life hell for her. Thanks to her coworkers who are aware of the situation, she is reached before he can attempt anything, but she is shaking in fear and anger already, tears streaming down her face and nerves utterly destroyed.
She can't take it anymore. She can't for the life of her keep playing the safety beggar to get her through the night.
"I'm gonna make you pay for this shit, dickhead!" her ends up yelling daringly through the arms that are holding her back and the words echo in the street.
Hann stops walking, and silence absorbs the air. Minji breathes violently, heart beating like it's about to take her down as he throws her a condescending look over his shoulder.
At that moment he looks almost inhuman, like he was waiting for the day Minji would finally realize. And Minji is dissociating, dark phantoms of painful memories taking her to the porch of her childhood home, watching his father drag away his bag, looking at her with an identical expression on his face, like he might be going away but not without gifting her the present of agony.
Minji snaps back to reality only when Hann continues walking away.
An overwhelming rush of hatred surrounds her body, and she bursts like black confetti. She is shouting again, threat after threat at both her father and the man, falling exhausted at the end of a bunch of I hate yous. She has no memories of going to sleep that night, but the first thought she has when she blinks her eyes open in the morning is... revenge.
She'll show them the wrath of a smart bitch. She'll do it.
◢
◤
On the spring of junior year, the pieces start coming together. Minji is a fast-paced learning and evolving machine, dedicated to her values and purpose. Damn right, she is on the path to finding the true essence of her identity. She doesn't want to be a nobody anymore, but she could use the disguise if it gets her to the endgame faster.
Her initial intention to destroy Hann has slowly evolved into a hatred towards bigotry, misogyny, toxic culture and stereotypical gender roles. The popular opinion is ignorance, and acceptance is the easiest route out — so nobody talks about it. Thankfully, Minji is smart enough to spot the cynical apples in a crowd regardless of how well they are blended into the backdrop. She has a big circle of allies and bigger of acquaintances. She knows how to use her words and is gifted with the art of persuasion. Which is how she starts filling her own basket of apples: people who have a blood feud going on in their hearts but never had the courage to do something about it.
Minji becomes their platform of empowerment.
They are a private bunch working on a private schedule to find and eliminate points of pain within the university. Cases are rising among the youth regarding rape and harassment every two weeks (one of the reasons Yoongi doesn't want her to bartend in a college bar), with little to no action taken to prevent or protect. It's a sad thing to realize that there are so many like Minji who are suffering, yet it is selfishly comforting to know that she isn't suffering alone. Having been long enough in the toxic surrounding of secret parties and societies, Minji and her team come to the agreement that the most efficient way to get to the bottom of the problem is... by exposing fraternities.
The rest of the school year passes by in a blur. They hustle harder than their capacity can handle but the results are promising. They establish informants in most frats, interview victims and form a pool of stories, anonymously publishing and advertising them on campus grounds. No big action is taken by the university but at least people talk about things now, be it a gossip or rumor at the backroom of a party or during a lunch break, at least people talk about it.
Before the school year ends, the anti-frat team is able to organize their first ever protest against hazing and bullying. It is an online protest which takes physical form upon high demand, and hundreds of Gidae-ers tour the city with hopes of bringing change to the system.
It is beautiful, and it's sad. It's all Minji ever wanted but it's not good enough to save fate from repeating itself. Little does she know that she will have the power to create change one day, and she will need to blur her own lines of morality to fulfill her bigger purpose.
◢
◤
That day is a year later in the dim lighting of the Secret Services club, surrounded by the Mascot schedule and her dearest friends, planning out the finer details of the Dae Wang Sejong Library hack. They are trying to come up with as many backup plans in their power, just in case Jungkook and her team need assistance while they are inside the ballroom.
Minji knows it will be a Friday night. She knows what happens in Friday night parties. She has been to enough as Hann's guest to witness the horrific rituals they force newbies to perform, the lack of respect and boundaries revolving around sex, the "submit" culture and laughers that revolve around it. This is her chance to offer live footage to the eyes of the world, and she is not going to miss it.
She proposes that they falsely direct the press towards the frat houses to empty the area around the Library in case the team falls in danger. Her idea is welcomed by the members. She volunteers for the role of the watchmen just so she has control over the part of the plan that's relevant to her. The next thing, she is sitting on the dome of the P Hall with Hye-jin, the lead hacker of the West building, watching the press circulate all over campus the night of the pledge.
"The performance is about to end," Hye-jin announces, briefly peeking through her phone where she is watching the SBS livestream. Minji bites her lip, anxiety flooding her veins. The surrounding of the library is pretty calm and the members could take their time escaping at the absence of a real threat.
So Minji fabricates it. She sounds ridiculously dramatic but that's a game she has to play if she wants an excuse to call the press. Nobody suspects. Over the weekend, numerous frat members are arrested for the intoxication scandal, and to Minji's luck, Hann is one of them.
Minji should be happy about it, but as far as she is concerned, she is greedy for more. They were able to strike a blow for the fraternities and woken up the media and legal forces, but more needs to happen. It's not time to be satisfied with what they have, but to meet death if that's where the tunnel takes them.
And maybe she should have given it up right there and then. Because she isn't thinking straight anymore. She is the party with a conflict of interest and she is too deep in both teams to give up either.
On the Monday following the protests, Minji chooses revenge over loyalty. If she doesn't fight for her values and beliefs, nobody will care enough to fight them for her. She hates herself when filing that frat petition with Jungkook's information to the school. It's not detailed enough to give away his identity, but that doesn't make her any lesser than a bitch.
She can only choose the decisions she makes, but not the consequences she will get. She is left with hoping for the best and thankfully, things work out for everyone.
It's time to let out a huge breath.
◢
◤
On the senior year of college, Minji starts working part-time at Avocado. Yoongi's nagging had gotten so unbearable that she didn't have a choice anymore, and also... stuff happened.
She had a major confrontation with Hann close to the end of last semester. He must have sensed that Minji was onto him or figured out that she was behind the anti-frat society, because as soon as he is released from his week-long custody following the mascot protest events, he cornered Minji for good with a bunch of thugs and attacked her physically.
Yoongi was enraged like a madman and he didn't stop until he put the dude in jail. Minji spent her summer healing back home (all the surveillance protocols were brought back into place, of course). Most importantly, Yoongi made her quit bartending altogether and registered her for the barista position in Avocado since Minji was still being a brat about economic independence.
It worked out for the best though. Minji is now close friends with Dawon, Hoseok's sister who owns the coffee shop, and they even moved in to an apartment in a safe neighborhood together. She doesn't see Yong-sun much, sadly, considering the fact that Yong-sun herself has been going through her own episodes of depression ever since Minji has met her, and it must be tougher to tend to her social circle lately. It's okay if they don't keep in touch. Minji just wants her to survive through the storm and she will knock on her door when her friend is ready to let her in again.
Life is a funny thing. It gets better for the worse, and it worsens for the better. She would best sum up her journey with a quote from poet Stephanie Bennett Henry that says, "Life is tough, darling. But so are you."
Minji is as tough as tough gets, but so she believes are all women across the world. Her heart goes out to each and every single one.
◢
[Recap reveal: Minji was the leader of the anti-frat team, and the one who filed the petition with Jungkook's details.]
A/N
I got really emotional while writing the final part of this chapter! I have endless love for this girl and I hope you love her too. Lemme know what you think about Minji's point of view! Were you surprised to find out that she was the whistleblower? (:
Also! Next POV is Yoongi but it's not going to be as dramatic as the other characters'. I'm planning to focus on his love life and personality traits (no mentions of childhood n stuff). Like a cute little treat of sugar! I'll make it an easy ready since Minji's one was pretty charged.
Stay well and healthy my loves!