[ 1x03 winning a battle, losing the war - part 2 ]
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
"Crap."
The scan finally showed up on the computer and Derek let out a sigh next to Mackenzie. He pointed at the screen. "Dr.Sloan, can you tell me what that is?"
Mackenzie eyed the scan, her heart slowly falling in her chest. "It's a tumor in his brain."
"How did he not know he had it?" asked Alex.
"He either ignored his headaches or miraculously didn't have them." Derek clicks off the screen. "Dr.Sloan I need you to go down to Radiology and get these scans. Karev, you can scrub in with us on Lewis' surgery."
Mackenzie wanted to be excited about scrubbing in on a brain tumor surgery, but this was on someone she cared about. She didn't think she'd have to treat someone she actually knew during her time here at Seattle Grace.
"I can't," said Alex. "I'm scrubbing in on a heart surgery with Dr.Burke."
The head of cardio's name seemed to annoy Derek almost immediately. He didn't say a word as he motioned for Mackenzie to follow him. She gave Alex one last look before following Derek.
"What's up with you and Burke?" she asked as they got in the elevator.
Mackenzie pressed floor one while Derek pressed three.
Derek chuckled. "Like I'm going to tell you what's going on in my life."
"Listen here," she stated sternly, standing in front of him. "I have kept Addison a secret from everyone, especially Meredith because she seems to like you. And you seem to like her. You're a good guy and Meredith would be lucky to have you. Even though you're being an ass to me right now, I still haven't went against you."
Derek pursed his lips. She was right and he hated that. The wall between them seemed to break down a little. "Webber promised me chief of surgery when he retired when I came here. Burke was under the impression he was going to get it. So, it's safe to say there's an unspoken war going on between us right now."
Mackenzie backed off a bit, glad he was finally opening up somewhat to her like he used to. "You deserve it."
"You haven't seen Burke yet," he told her. "He's really good at what he does."
"Yeah, but you're better."
The floor chimed and they were on the third floor.
"Get those scans and meet me in O.R two in a couple of hours!" called out Derek as he rushed out.
Mackenzie got the scans quickly and brought them up to Derek. As he was studying them, Mackenzie went to Lewis' room where she was going to prep him for surgery.
"There she is! Thought I wouldn't be getting the best doctor back here."
Mackenzie flashed him a smile, but it soon faded as she said her next words. "Lewis...um, when we scanned you, your brain showed that there was a tumor inside it. Have you been experiencing any headaches in the past couple of months?"
"Yeah..." Lewis trailed off. "I just took migraine pills. I thought it was because of work."
She sighed and went to his bedside, cupping her hand in his. "You should've went to a doctor to get it checked out!"
"I'm sorry," he tells her. "Am I going to die from this? Is it that bad?"
The scans were pictured in her eyes and Mackenzie couldn't tell if they were going to get it all out. It was one of those tricky ones where you'd know more once you got inside. She then remembered the rules with patients. Although, she had already made a personal connection with him, she couldn't promise him anything. So, she said the one line that was hammered into her brain growing up.
"We're going to do the best we can."
Lewis nodded, seeming okay with that answer. She was surprised he wasn't crying or angry that this happened to him, but he was known for keeping his emotions deep down. Wow, another guy who didn't express his emotions a lot. Maybe she did have a type for the broken ones.
"I have one favor to ask though." Mackenzie nodded for him to continue. "Just in case I don't get out of this, can I have one last kiss?"
She rolled her eyes. "Lewis, we have a date later today, remember? Maybe you'll get a kiss then."
His face was serious now. "Please."
His voice shook and he was starting to lose his brave facade. Mackenzie gave in, he was acting like it was his dying wish and well, she had to obey it. Some part of her did want to kiss him, though. He looked fresh and mature now.
Mackenzie pressed a hand on his cheek and leaned down to kiss him. Lewis closed the final inches between them. She felt a rush of memories go through her when she was kissing him, back when they were together. A little spark ignited in her heart, but it soon fused. Why? Because Alex freaking Karev's face popped into her mind.
She leaned back and composed herself. She swore Lewis' face was Alex's for just a second before blinking and realizing it was all in her head. She stood up from the bed. "Time to get you prepped."
Lewis had a smug look on his face. "You're still a great kisser, by the way."
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
"It's crazy. He comes in because of a cut on his forehead and a dislocated shoulder, but instead we find a brain tumor."
"That's how it sometimes works," sighed Derek. "It's a crazy world."
Derek was working on Lewis' brain, his eyes concentrated in the microscope. Mackenzie was allowed to suction and take a look in as well. Again, she would be relishing in this moment, but her eyes kept glancing at Lewis' monitor every minute to make sure he was fine.
"It's a nasty tumor," commented Derek. "But I think I can get all of it out."
"Told you you were the best," commented Mackenzie.
She glanced up into the viewing room and saw her friends watching the surgery. Alex seemed to explain the significance of the patient to Mackenzie to everyone, but she had a good feeling Lewis wasn't portrayed positively with him.
Twenty minutes went by and Derek was still concentrating on the tumor. Mackenzie checked Lewis' blood pressure and heart rate again: everything was normal. She could see Derek was almost a fourth of the way finished. The tumor was bigger than they anticipated.
"This part here is tricky," Derek pointed to the bottom of the tumor. "See how it's slowly growing into the occipital lobe."
"He won't lose sight, will he?" asked Mackenzie.
"If I don't rupture anything he won't."
Great.
She looked back up at her friends. George gave her a thumbs up. Meredith gave her a soft smile. Cristina looked like she was bargaining her for her to scrub in as well. Izzie looked like her head was somewhere else, but still gave some attention to this procedure. Alex, on the other hand, was gone. Probably in Burke's surgery now.
"Damn it!"
Lewis' monitor started beeping frantically and the doctors around her started to assess the situation.
"What's happening?" asked Mackenzie frantically. She took out the suction and looked around in his brain. "He's bleeding!"
Derek was quiet, trying to fix the problem. The monitor kept beeping rapidly. The other interns from above stood, worried about what was happening.
Mackenzie wanted to fix it, but Derek held out a hand, signaling for her to step back. She held up her arms and did as told. All she could do was watch Derek try and work his magic.
"I can't stop the bleeding," he mumbled. He looked around for a couple of more seconds. "Mother fu- he had a brain hemorrhage."
Just as he said those words, the monitor flatlined.
"No!"
Mackenzie rushed in and started pumping his chest. "Get the paddles! Charge to one hundred!"
Nobody around her moved.
"Come on people!"
In the back of her mind, she knew there was no coming back from a brain hemorrhage. He had a stroke during surgery and bled out in his brain. It was rare and of course, it had to happen to Lewis.
"Mackenzie. Mackenzie. He's gone. I'm sorry."
Derek pulled her back from Lewis' body, but his hands stayed around her as she had the occasional outburst of trying to get back to Lewis.
"But..." she glanced back at the monitor where no numbers or heart beat were shown. "We had a date later."
Derek knew who this guy was and what he meant to Mackenzie. He recognized the name from his time in New York. "Kenzie, I'm so sorry."
Mackenzie pushed her way out of his arms and went into the scrubbing room before she could hear Derek announce time of death. She ripped off her mask and threw everything into the waste bin. She washed her hands, too quickly and hard, before going out and slamming the door behind her.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
The next day had passed by in a blur. Mackenzie was down in the pit treating leftovers from yesterday's bike race. Everyone she treated, she saw Lewis' face. His family was coming today to see his body, but she couldn't be here for that. It'd hurt even more.
Now, she was in her room, flipping through a magazine mindlessly. There seemed to be nothing to get her mind off of it. She knew becoming a doctor was going to be hard with the chance of losing a life under your fingertips. However, doctors learned to cope with it and move on. How was she supposed to move on from Lewis? She couldn't just forget about him like that.
"Kenzie."
Mackenzie didn't answer.
"Kenzie, come on. I think you'd be happier if you came downstairs with us."
"Please go away George," she begged.
The door opened and Izzie was there as well. She reached a hand out to Mackenzie. "We bought pizza."
Mackenzie decided that being alone wasn't doing any good for her, so she took Izzie's hand and followed her and George down the stairs. Meredith, Cristina, and Alex were all sitting down, watching Ellis Grey's old surgical tapes.
"There's mopey!" called out Cristina, a couple of drinks already surrounding her.
Mackenzie let a small smile escape her lips.
"We're watching my mother pull a guy's face off," said Meredith, handing her a plate of pizza.
Mackenzie looked around at everyone and an idea flashed across her mind. "Pause the video. I'll be right back."
She went into the front room and grabbed six sheets of blank paper and six pens. She came back and everyone looked at her confused.
"This is going to sound cheesy, but this will make me feel better," she handed out the papers and pens to everyone. "I want us to write a letter to our future selves. Saying what we're doing now and what we hope to accomplish in the future. I'll keep these hidden and then after we pass our board exams, we'll open them together and read them."
"Oo, I like that!" Izzie stated and started to write down her letter.
George covered his paper with his hands nervously and started to write as well.
Meredith looked around at everyone. "What if we all don't make it to then?"
"Oh, have some faith Mer!" Cristina slapped her paper on the table. "You don't have to worry about me though, I'll be acing my board exams."
"This is stupid," mumbled Alex.
Izzie threw a piece of popcorn at him. "Just write it."
Alex rolled his eyes and started writing as well.
Mackenzie took a moment to look at everyone writing their letters. Her mood lightened a bit; this is what she needed. Before she went to write her letter, she caught both George and Alex give her the slightest glance as they continued to write. She brushed it off, but felt her cheeks blushing. She then started to write.
Dear future Mackenzie,
I hope you're doing well. My life is sort of a mess right now, but the internship is going great. Seattle is beautiful and I've made a great group of friends. Cristina Yang, Meredith Grey, Izzie Stevens, George O'Malley, and Alex Karev (yes, the Alex). I hope you're still close with them by then. I still have so much to learn about them, but they already feel like some sort of twisted family.
Speaking of family, has Mark came to see you yet? I doubt he will. He's off on the east coast making a lot of money from plastic surgery. Why would he ever come to Seattle? Also, are mom and dad still out of the picture? I can probably guess yes.
Please tell me you have continued neuro. That's the only thing on my mind right now and I'm so lucky Derek has let me in on a few surgeries already. Cristina and I seem to be the only ones who know what we want to do. I just lost Lewis Ortega yesterday and it only has fueled my interest for neuro more. I want to stop these random strokes or tumors from happening. I honestly have no idea how I will stop it, but I'll try. I also hope you and Derek are close like you were. I think Derek and I are making some progress now, but there's still some ground to be made up. He was like a second brother to me before and I want it back like that.
As for your love life, hell I don't even know what to say. I mean, I pray you have someone by now. Someone who loves you so much and wants a family with you. Juggling work and the kids will be hard, but you can do it. You love both. Who will the lucky boyfriend/husband be? That's TBA. A part of me still wants Alex to change his mind, but I doubt he will. He'll be an asshole for the rest of his life. He keeps looking at me as I'm writing this and I can't tell if he's complaining about me or not in his letter. God, he looks really good right now. No. Mackenzie stop. Well, whoever you're with, they better be treating you right or I'll come back from the past and scare them away.
Also, for your wedding, if you don't get married on the beach or on a ferry then we're going to have another problem
Anyways, hope future me is doing great things! Those board exams were probably hard as hell right? Great, I'm just getting nervous thinking about them and they're in five years. I love you girl. Remember to be happy and save some lives.
Sincerely,
Intern Mackenzie
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
you'll get to read everyone's letter, but not until many seasons down the road ;)