My confessions meet yours
Forever your secrets on this dance floor
Never had I asked for this
I want only your lips
And you even knew before me
Because only blindly I could see
And prove me wrong when I say,
"It would be wrong of you to stay"
Forever returning back to this evening in May
Try to change my mind
Make me set my doubts free
My desolation is yours to seize
Little did we know we were never destined to meet
❀
When I woke, it didn't hit me directly. It took me a while of tossing and turning with my eyes still closed to catch sign of my nakedness underneath the sheets. This bed was inconceivable warm, and I could blindly tell that at least half of the sheets were being taken from me. There was nothing to worry about, was there?
Then, I seemed to remember, vividly. I remembered how he wouldn't let go of me just like I'd asked of him. I remembered how he kissed my body ever so gently until the late hours of the night. It was as though I were slowly landing from a nightmare, but I wasn't quite touching the ground yet and wasn't sure I even wanted to, because what awaited was going to be a shock, perhaps a regret, though I knew I couldn't keep denying what had happened last night with my eyes still closed and remain pretend-asleep until he'd finally sneak out.
I wondered to myself how I had let him do all these things with me, and how eagerly I had participated in them, and spurred on them, and waited for him, begging him.
When I finally had the courage to open my eyes, I found myself reaching for clothing that was closest to me. Almost in a hurry, I covered myself up and in the process I caught sight of him— waking up, stretching and yawning. It all got back to me; the magic of his mouth, my hand squeezing his, the tattoo that I'd admired more than once. The memories flashed before my eyes. I was instantly reminded of what I'd done it for. His bare chest, where I had kissed him multiple times, was clearly visible, and I was surprised to notice he was free of any marks I had attempted to leave on him. That reminded me... vampires healed, didn't they?
As I snuck off to the shower, I wasn't going to contradict the fact that I had enjoyed his company more than I had anyone else's these past months. I recollected last night in the back of my mind. Down at the bar, his comfort had forced me to reveal more of myself than I had wished to. I recalled I had the impulse to stop him, but no longer wanted to when we finally danced. Not even when I discovered the truth about him, placed the puzzle pieces together to reveal him to myself. It should have been a warning, a wake up call, but I never acted upon it and now I knew there was a chance I'd regret it. Even so, his charm had been my weakness, just like his hands had been my weakness. Thinking back, dwelling on the long hours of last night, it had been breathtaking, exciting and amazing. I knew I was flushed while thinking about it, and the worst parts inside of me hoped I would be given the chance to relive at all again, but it also put me to shame— to my recently broken family, to the humans, and to myself.
There was nothing I wanted more than to climb back into bed with him and pretend that he wasn't what he was, and to skip my priorities of the day, do last night over completely, but I couldn't.
Minutes later, in complete silence, I slipped on my coat, but before I had the chance to gather my things after my brief shower, a voice spoke. "Sneaking out on me, love?"
He startled me, and when I looked at him, I caught him looking at me with a smile on his face. He was sitting comfortably, the sheets covering him up only barely. It was a distracting sight, and of course he knew it. I was standing awkwardly at the foot of the bed, not knowing what to do with my hands, so I played nervously with my fingers. He must have noticed me struggling to represent myself as the bold and certain woman he had seen me be last night, because he glanced away to give me relief. I look ridiculous, I thought. This and the butterflies he awoke in my stomach, which I hoped he wouldn't sense, were undoubtedly giving me away.
I swung my bag over my shoulder. "I... I have somewhere to be."
He was quick to get up on his feet. Intelligibly, he was careless of his nakedness, yet I glanced away when he reached for his clothes. "Fantastic." He said. "I'll walk with you." I guess it brought him satisfaction to see me tense. I pretended I wasn't observing him, but, in fact, I was. I swore I would watch him button up his shirt in secrecy, although he might have already caught me. I did really glance away this time, because who was I kidding? Of course he'd noticed me staring. I reminded myself of how I'd practically torn that shirt from his body last night. My cheeks flushed red.
Nervous or not nervous, I no longer cared to cross-examine every one of my impulses. If I'm stupid, let me be stupid. If I wanted to know more, let me know more. As I watched him, I considered asking him to explain it all to me. I wondered whether I would look back on this with sorrow, or shame, or even indifference. "I know what you are." I blurted out as he finished getting dressed.
He stopped with what he was doing. Silence, but only for a moment.
"Do you?" He then responded, almost in way that sounded bewildered. He hadn't seen this coming, had he?
I collected my bravery from top to bottom. I spoke the words slowly. I sounded hesitant and timid. "I know you're a vampire."
Klaus' eyes met mine, and as he continued to stand still, he stared at me with a stern look, and suddenly I was afraid I'd pushed the wrong button. It was strange to seen him caught off guard this way, and I expected a hailstorm of the truth, which was why I was nervous, but instead he remained calm. "A hybrid, actually." His truthful response gave me hope.
I stood confused. "A what?"
I was nervous, too nervous, I could feel it everywhere in my body. I could feel it with every step I took, with every step he took. I breathed in sharply when he was only two steps away from me. He brought me a tension I was unfamiliar with. It's nothing that anyone had ever made me feel before, and I tried to suppress it the best I could, push it away, but I realised I wasn't all that bothered by it. I just didn't want him to mistake it for fear. I watched him as he tried to form words. "How did you know?" He asked.
"Your name." I said. "I was born and raised in this city. I'm not entirely clueless."
I should tell him to leave, to never near me again, because somewhere deep down I knew where this was leading, and I think he knew it, too. If we both wanted more, it would mean we simply couldn't have it, but I had no desire to stop him— just like last night, not even when I inhaled his hot breaths, not even when his body was dangerously close to mine once again.
With his lips hovering now, drawn to mine, tempted to press a kiss on my mouth, he instead breathed out my name. "Sweet Violet." He whispered. "You should have ran the moment you realised."
"Klaus, I'm—"
"Not afraid." He spoke. "I know."
I brought my hand to his cheek. I suddenly became just as confident as him. "You don't have to hide from me." I said.
"Then, why do you?" He questioned me.
Despite the fact that I didn't know where this would eventually lead, I did not want him to disappear from me. I was slightly shaking, but not because I was worried about the outcome of it all, no, I was entirely interested in him, and the longer this lasted, the more I severely wished it wouldn't end. "I don't." I answered in return, but I did not sound all that sure.
I received a soft look from him, and that was enough to tell me he wanted this to last. He wanted to know me like I wanted to know him, not just beneath the sheets, not just each other's lips, but he wanted to know me inside out— my fears, my needs, my beliefs, my joys. He wanted to feel my human lips on his own again and know me at the same time. He wanted to feel loved, because that's what he knew I could make him feel like. Loved, wanted, secure. And perhaps, through me, he wished to feel human, too.
He brushed my hair out of my face with his fingertips. A question lingered on his lips. "So would you dare say you don't regret last night, then?"
He stared at me as he had done yesterday, this time even more intensely because both of us knew we'd already crossed the bar multiple times. What a question, coming after the night we had spent together. "No, Klaus." I said in all honestly. "I don't regret it."
He fell silent. His gaze never returned to my own, steering clear of my blue eyes that might persuade him to change the course of what he was about to say. His hold on me weakened, his touch ever so gently, almost as if disappearing, but I stepped closer in attempt to bring it back. "Everything I touch, breaks." He confessed. There was a silence between us that I didn't dare to punctuate. "I told myself I would leave you at that bar last night, but I simply couldn't." I adored the way he was showing me vulnerability and honesty, and something told me this wasn't his usual course of ways. I appreciated it, and right here and now it felt like I'd known him forever. "You remind me of things I've been long distanced from. Purity, goodness, simplicity. And that is why I cannot afford to know you, Violet. I'm afraid you'll have to let me go."
"No." I broke my will to listen. Although, I could think of plenty of reasons to prove him right, in the mean time I could only think of so many reasons why this was wrong.
The warmth of his body parted from me. "Listen, last night, that dance, it meant more to me than you might begin to realise. I certainly hope I wasn't as disappointing as the men before me, but this can't happen, love. I do hope I might run into you again someday, but for now this is goodbye."
I scoffed. "I don't need you to make that decision for me, Klaus."
He quickly neared me again, this time with a sudden raised voice. "And I do not wish for you to be the victim of my nature. I've made a great deal of bad choices, but I know this isn't one."
Did I simply not want to be defied by him? Did I just want to be right even when I was wrong? Or was I thoroughly infatuated with this man, even after one night of knowing him? The fact that his words made me feel wounded proved the latter— not just because being together solved my darkness, but also his, not just because I wanted my demons gone. I knew this was something worth fighting for. Though, somewhere deep down, I understood his defence. I probably would have done the same thing.
He cleared his throat. "Yes, I've poured my love out to you, Violet. Yes, I felt it too. However... I have broken far too many beautiful things."
I grew silent after those words. It gave him the perfect timing to leave me here alone, and it happened quickly, in a heartbeat, in a flashing moment. He was no longer standing before me, and my body was left cold.
With the door widely left open, he had left me standing here on my own, and I knew he was long gone.