a/n: no joke I started writing this chapter today (& finished in about two hours) just because I was so pumped to write it. I absolutely love all your feedback, so PLEASE keep it coming!! It's so empowering amd motivating, I love you all!
Going to start dedicating chapters to people whose comments I love. Seriously, you guys are the best.
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Twelve
Wednesday morning was not anything out of the ordinary. Instead of watching the sunrise on my walk to school, though, I watched it from the football field bleachers. It was freezing cold, and I was shivering for the rest of the day because of it, but it was well worth it.
"Alright, everyone. I'll call your name and then bring up your copy of Gatsby." Mr. Portman started class, causing everyone to take their seats.
Realizing I forgot my book at the apartment, I started thinking about where I had left it. It wasn't on my night stand, or on the kitchen table, or in my empty, unused locker.
The more I thought about it, the more I began to think I didn't even check one out in the first place. Sure enough, when Mr. Portman went through the list, my name was not called. He also seemed to notice this, and he gave me a look that seemed to say meet me after class. I nodded with a sigh.
He passed out our new book, which was The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. Looking at the book card before me, I was certain I hadn't filled one of these out for the Great Gatsby. I wrote down my book's number and my name along with the other details.
"Have the first three chapters read by Friday for a test," He told us before beginning today's lecture.
Admittedly, I had a lot on my mind, which made it practically impossible for me to pay attention. The main thing occupying my mind was my parents, but I can't deny that Ashton snuck in there a few times. I couldn't help but wonder what made him act how he did yesterday.
"Sami?" Mr. Portman called, grasping my attention as class ended. With reluctance, I made my way up to his desk for what felt like the umpteenth time in the last few weeks. Instead of starting, I waited for him to continue.
He sighed, "I really hate to do this, so I hope you know it really is a last resort. But we are going to need to schedule a conference with your parents about your attendance."
My stomach dropped at this, and I could feel the blood draining from my face.
"Your family needs to be aware that your lack of attendance is really setting you back. If you want to get in to college, Sami, you are going to need to get your grade up." I looked away, feeling all sorts of upset over this. "You have so much potential! I cannot express how unfortunate it would be to see your natural intelligence to go to waste."
I furrowed my eyebrows at this. Any 'natural intelligence' I had was sure to be small, considering I was failing English and History, my only decent grade is math.
"When did you actually read the Great Gatsby?" He asked, and I knew he must have been referring to my answer sheet and the fact that I didn't have a copy of the book.
I shrugged timidly. "I rented it, along with some others, from the library last summer." That had mainly been to keep me occupied and somewhere cool during the hot days so I didn't have to be with Anna all day.
"Well, your answers were quite insightful, considering it's been what, eight months since you read it. You got a perfect score on the assignment. Imagine what you could do if you applied yourself in the moment, Sami!" Mr. Portman tried to inspire. In fact, it was working. I felt the motivation bubbling in my throat. Then, the guilt started to come.
What would Caleb be doing in my position?
"Now I am willing to help you get this grade up. Yesterday in class we wrote an in-class essay on Gatsby. If I give you the prompt to take home, will you have it for me by Friday, please?" Mr. Portman asked, or rather pleaded.
I found myself in utter disbelief that this teacher still had so much faith in me. To everyone else I was some sort of lost cause. No one seemed to remember my brother who was accepted to Stanford, or maybe they were just too cautious to remind me of him. Still, no one pushed me, or helped me along, and told me I could do it. This was new.
I nodded and took the paper he was extending to me.
Then, he nodded. "I expect great things from you." I couldn't muster up and apt response, so instead I smiled and left, all emotion gone.
The halls were as empty and desolate as I felt, and my spirits dropped just a little more upon that realization. I heard a locker shut and when I turned my head, I noticed a familiar figure that belonged to Ashton. He wasn't too far off, but he either hadn't noticed me or was still ignoring me. Nevertheless, I walked quickly to him.
"Good afternoon, Ash -" I greeted him smiling, but I didn't get to finish because he brushed by me hastily and didn't even look me in the eyes. Turning around to go after him, I was not about to give up.
I gently grabbed his wrist, "Ashton, wait," He didn't react though, and he jerked his arm away from me.
"God just leave me alone, alright?" He spat, causing me to take a subconscious step back.
"But you said -"
"Why don't you tell me how it feels now?" He glared before storming off, leaving me infinitely more alone than I had been minutes before. Adjusting my bag on my shoulder, I let out a deep sigh and leaned against the wall, wondering how my life could possibly be the mess that it is.
*****
"Okay, spill it, girl," Jenny ordered. I stopped by Jay's Market after school, and they said they didn't need me, so instead I strolled over to the café. It was after four o'clock now, and Jenny was staring at me with a raised eyebrow.
"Spill what?" I asked, confused by her out of the blue question.
She rolled her hazel eyes. "Sami, honey, your eyes are like the window to your soul. What's got you so contemplative?"
"You think you know me so well, huh?" I teased with a small smile.
She grinned, "Hell yeah, I do! Plus, you've been staring off in to space for the last five minutes."
I chuckled, "Yeah you do know me."
"Is it that one sulky guy?"
I crinkled my nose. "A little bit." And there was all the family drama, but I was keeping that personal for now. Jenny certainly knew a lot about my circumstances, but she did not know each little detail.
"What's wrong?"
I sighed, "He's avoiding me and acting all stand-offish again. I think he is doing it to get back at me for something, but I don't know what."
Jenny gave me the most reassurance I had gotten all day. "Don't worry, honey. I'm sure he will come around," And she put her arm around my shoulder, flashing her motherly smile.
"I didn't think I would say this, but I sort of hope so," I sheepishly admitted. It had been nice having a friend, while it lasted anyways. That is, is Ashton and I could have even been considered friends.
She nearly smirked, "See? Being social isn't so awful!" I had to laugh at this.
The evening passed slowly. I tried not to, but I couldn't help but glance at the door every so often, wondering if Ashton's unknown anger towards me would prevent him from getting his free espresso.
And in the end, it did.
*****
With a trembling pain, I rolled over to see what time it was, and the clock read 4:32 a.m. No sooner than I read it I was out of bed and tumbling in the dark towards the bathroom. I nearly fell before I reached the toilet, and I made it mere seconds before the contents of my stomach were emptied.
After all was done, I was too exhausted and sickly to go back to my bed, so I reached under the sink for a new towel that I bundled under my head as a pillow. I slept there for the remainder of the night, waking up every so often to either vomit or nearly vomit.
I had finally, finally dozed off when I was awoken. "Sami oh my god!"
Blinking my eyes open, I saw Jenny standing above me panic stricken.
"What's wrong, sweetheart?" She asked, concern etched in her features and her voice.
"What time is it?" I groaned, my stomach rumbling in disagreement.
"It's after eight," She informed me.
I shot up, which was a bad idea because my insides started to churn. Clutching my stomach, I mumbled, "I am late for school."
Jenny laughed as though I were completely ridiculous, "No no, Missy. You are staying here today." I was about to protest, but she continued, "I'm going to call and excuse you, then make you some toast. Why don't you wash up and splash some water on your face?"
I did as I was told and then trudged my way back to bed, where I collapsed and yanked the covers around me. Minutes later, Jenny re-entered with a plate of toast and a glass of water.
"Whenever you're ready, eat up. It'll help soak up some of that gross fluid," She directed, though even the mention of fluids made me want to throw up again.
"Thanks, Jenny," I said from my curled up position under the covers.
"Anytime, I'll be up to check on you throughout the day, okay? You know the number to call if you need me," She said sternly, forcing me to agree before she would budge. I nodded my head and she said goodbye. Moments later I heard the door leading down to the kitchen closing.
I only threw up two more times that day, and one was after I ate the toast Jenny left me. After that time, I brushed my teeth once more, splashed water on my discolored cheeks, and laid back in bed. Needing some sort of distraction, I noticed my copy of Huck Finn on the nightstand. Figuring it wouldn't make me feel worse, I picked it up, and I read.
Read myself right to sleep.
"Sami," I voice whispered softly. Dreamily, I curled up tighter and squeezed my eyes shut harder.
"Sami," It sounded again, but I didn't respond. Finally, after one more time, I opened my eyes. The sight surprised me.
Low and behold, Ashton Cromwell was leaned over my bed.
"Oh, good, you're awake," He said thankfully, as if I had been awake all along.
"Ashton? What are you doing here?" I asked, rubbing my eyes to gain some clarity.
"Seeing you," He said in a duh tone, as if his answer were the most obvious thing. I forced a laugh, not sure what else to do. Then he seemed to grow more serious. "You don't look so good," He commented.
I chuckled, "I know, I saw myself in the mirror." My blond hair was a tangled mess that I had thrown up into a haphazard, half falling out ponytail. Last I checked my cheeks were an unusual color and my eyes were red from exhaustion.
"Did you scare yourself away?" He joked.
"Am I scaring you away?" I turned it back on him, and he apparently wasn't expecting it. I began to realize that the question had another deeper meaning that I hadn't originally meant.
Instead of answering, he changed the subject. "Jenny sent me to get you seven-up and chicken noodle soup," Ashton smiled sheepishly, holding the two up, including the uncooked soup.
My stomach grumbled, and this time it was because I felt hungry. "That sounds amazing, thanks for bringing it to me," I reached out to grab them, but he pulled away.
"I'm not going to let you make it, you're sick. I'll make it for you."
I conceded to that, feeling too tired to make it myself. "Thanks," I beamed before standing up and grabbing the blanket on the chair next to the bed. It was thick and huge, not to mention amazingly soft. I wrapped it around myself, and it was then that I noticed Ashton staring at my attire. This made me hide a smile, since I figured he was baffled by how disgusting my clothes were.
"I'll at least sit in the living room for company while you make it."
Ashton nodded, satisfied with that arrangement, so I shuffled to curl up on the futon while Ashton figured out the stove and pot locations.
Admittedly, I was not good company. I was laying limp on the couch and Ashton was working away in the kitchen. Then, a thought occurred to me. "Wait, shouldn't you be at school?"
He shrugged, "No sense in being there today." I didn't push him any further on the matter.
A few minutes later, he came to help me up and walk me to the table, his arm around me as he did so. He sat with me while I breathed in the soup. At first, it didn't smell very appetizing, through no fault of Ashton's, but then I realized how starving I was, and I slurped it town happily.
"Thanks for the soup," I smile gratefully across the table, before moving back toward the couch. This time, Ashton joined me, sitting close enough to me that we were almost touching.
"Did anything exciting happen at school?" I tried asking.
He sighed, and shook his head. "Sami, I don't really get you." I blinked, not understanding where this was coming from. "I mean, I have been a jerk ignoring you the last couple days, and you're acting as if nothing happened. How? How do you do that?" He asked.
I thought about this, and shrugged. Truthfully, I hadn't been thinking of Ashton's weird behavior since he arrived, I was only thinking of how thoughtful of him it was.
He let out another deep breath. "I came by to apologize, by the way." I stared at him again, knowing he had more to say. "When uh, you said you were working on Monday, I didn't realize you also work at Jay's Market. So, um, when I stopped by here to get my espresso from you and didn't see you, I sort of thought that, that you made as excuse to avoid me..."
Instantly, my lips curled to a tiny smile, "Ashton, that's silly talk."
"I was being really immature about it, and you didn't deserve it," He choked out. Ashton, the boy whose pride was the size of Siberia, was spitting out an apology.
"I understand," I told him gently. It made sense now, and he was being sincere so I was gracious to accept his apology.
"Why do you forgive so quickly," He asked, not directly at me.
"There is no point in holding grudges; it's just extra negativity that weighs us down. Plus, it would be a shame to block people out of life," I answered.
Ashton stared at me with unreadable eyes for a moment, before clearing his throat and changing the subject. He was not a fan of the intimate conversations, I could tell.
At that moment, I could feel myself getting shaky and clammy again, as if I would need to run to the bathroom any minute. Ashton sprang to his feet, right before I to mine, and pulled something out of the microwave I did not realize he had put in there.
"Put this on your stomach," He ordered, to which I did as he told. Instantly, the heat helped calm down my betraying stomach and I pulled my knees to my chest. Ashton surprised me when he wrapped his arm around me so I was tucked under his shoulder, and then he softly stroked my hair.
"I do this for my little sister if she gets sick," he admitted, answering my unasked question. His hand was moving slower, as if he was realizing I was myself and not his younger sister. "Sorry," He mumbled.
I shook my head, "It was calming, no need to apologize." A few moments later, Ashton seemed to take it as his cue and he began to smooth my hair once more.
I sighed contently, feeling myself relax and feel more at peace. My eyes closed on their own accord.
"Thank you for taking care of me, Ashton," I told him graciously. He momentarily tensed before loosening up.
"Of course," He said, a tenderness lacing his words that I had not heard from him.
"It's nice not to be alone for this," I found myself admitting without thinking. "I can't remember the last time someone was here to console me when I was sick."
"Sami..." Ashton trailed, sounding perhaps speechless.
Maybe it was the groggy exhaustion, but I kept talking, without any awareness of the words. "Carissa used to rub circles on my back when I was sick to help me fall asleep, and Caleb would make me some sort of food. Then, they would sing songs to make me laugh," My lips formed a soft smile from the memories. Things were messed up with my family by that point, but that was still some of the happiest times I have had.
Just me, with Caleb and Carissa, braving the world. With them, anything was possible, and life was an adventure rather than a challenge.
I could practically feel Ashton carefully thinking. "What about your parents?" Hesitation was prevalent in his tone, but it didn't completely mask the curiosity.
I shrugged, and found myself moving without thinking and nestling closer to Ashton. Yes, I had certainly entered the state of delusional illness. It was as if I was acting without my mind considering the consequences. He had certainly stiffened, my actions startling him just as much as they did me. But I couldn't help it, I was in another frame of mind.
"It is a shame that I forgot what I have been missing out on all these years," I mumbled nearly incoherently. In fact, I'm not even positive I said that. The whole after noon was kind of a blur.
Especially because after that, I was out.