"Teacher Jinyoung said I'm smart, and he gave me the biggest chocolate because I got everything correct! My friend has one too, but mine was bigger than any of them! Are you happy with it, daddy?" Chan nodded and smiled at his daughter as she continued talking about her day. She raised her hand in the air, gesturing something towards the ceiling that Chan couldn't quite make out.
It's almost 10 PM, and Mira is still wide awake. They are currently laying on the bed, with Felix who decided not to go home because of what happened earlier. He doesn't want to leave Chan, knowing the older might have a breakdown, so he stayed to provide comfort.
"And I also have a secret to tell you, daddy!" Mira said, leaning towards her daddy's ear.
"I heard my teachers talking when you left earlier after driving me to school. Teacher Nayeon has a crush on you, daddy, but we're not gonna tell dada because he'll get jealous again. It's our secret." Mira giggled after whispering to her daddy. Chan laughed at her naughtiness, and at the fact that her whispering didn't sound much like a whisper, and Felix definitely heard her.
"I heard that clearly. Who's that Nayeon? I'm gonna punch her," Felix playfully said to Mira. The girl gasped exaggeratedly, then faced her dada with wide-opened eyes.
"Dada, that's bad!" she exclaimed.
"Then I'm gonna tickle her instead, like this!" Felix attacked Mira with tickles, and the girl started laughing loudly, trying to stop Felix's hands.
"Dada, no! I can't... Daddy, help!" she screamed between laughs, making both the older guys laugh too.
"Say the magic words first," Felix said. Chan glared at the younger, remembering what those magic words were, something Felix invented out of his randomness when he and Mira were playing the other week.
"Dada is daddy's master, he's so jjang!" Mira shouted. The moment Mira said the last word, Felix stopped attacking her with tickles and started laughing his lungs out. It was always funny whenever Mira said those words, though Chan looked at them, speechless.
After getting out from Felix's grip, Mira also laughed, joining her dada as if she really understood why Felix was laughing, not even realizing that the older was laughing because he successfully teased Chan again with their daughter's help.
Felix reached for Mira and pulled her closer to him for a hug, while they lay on the bed. Mira hugged Felix back and rested her head on his arm.
"Shall we sleep now? It's already late, and we have classes tomorrow. We should rest," Felix said to Mira, who nodded.
"Daddy, aren't you hugging us too?" Mira asked. She reached for Chan, who moved closer to them and hugged them too.
"Good night," Chan whispered to them.
"Good night, daddy, good night, dada. Sweet dreams. I love you," Mira said, closing her eyes. Chan and Felix responded to her, then closed their eyes as well.
After about 30 minutes, Felix and Mira were already asleep, while Chan was still wide awake. He was having a hard time sleeping, thinking about all his worries.
He tried to close his eyes and sleep, but nothing happened. He opened his eyes again and admired his daughter and his boyfriend, who were sleeping peacefully. He smiled at the thought of them being together like this, but suddenly, a worried smile replaced it, along with a sigh.
"I can't afford to lose either of you. There's no way I'm letting that happen," Chan thought, feeling the fear of losing Miracle. He didn't want it to happen, especially if Sana was involved. He didn't want Mira to be close to her, as he was a hundred percent sure Sana would not keep her mouth shut and might start bad-mouthing him and Felix, leading Mira to hate them. He didn't want her near Miracle.
Chan continued to look at them, then decided to stand up and go to the kitchen to get himself a drink and relax for a bit. This was much more stressful than his already stressful job.
He removed his arms from hugging Felix and Mira, then moved away from them carefully so as not to wake them up. He stood up and went out, heading to the kitchen to give himself time to unwind.
Felix felt the sudden loss of contact, waking him up. He saw Chan had left the room, so he carefully removed his hug from Mira to follow the older one outside.
He entered the kitchen, where he found Chan standing in front of the counter, holding a can of beer. The older one was just staring straight ahead, lost in thought. Felix walked closer to him and gave him a back hug.
"Why are you drinking so late? Are you still bothered?" Felix asked, resting his head on Chan's shoulder.
Chan came back to his senses when he felt Felix's presence. "Oh, why are you here? Did I wake you up? I'm sorry," Felix shook his head, answering him with a no.
"Are you upset, love?" he asked.
"I'm thinking about what you told me earlier," Chan began, and Felix nodded in response.
"I don't think I can do that, love. I mean, you witnessed how she acted earlier, but why do you still want her to meet Mira? I understand your point, but I just... You know, I'm worried," Chan continued. He and Felix had talked after Sana left, and Felix suggested letting Mira and Sana meet for the sake of Miracle. Miracle was waiting for her mother, and Chan had said they would meet someday, and this was that time, even though Sana acted terribly.
Felix let go of his hug and made Chan look at him. "I know you're worried, but Mira is waiting for her. In the first place, you were the one who let Mira believe she'd come back, right? Love, we need to trust her so she'll trust us too. Also, she's a mother. What if she wants to make up for her past mistakes? Let's accept the fact that we both can't provide all the things that a mother can give to her child. Love, Mira needs her. At some point, it's still different to be with your real mum," Felix said. He held Chan's cheeks and smiled at the older man, but Chan gave him a sad stare.
"I know, but you see, we're not on good terms, and she said it herself, she wants Mira. What if she really takes Mira away from us?" Chan said. He couldn't think of anything now. He might sound selfish, but if it was Mira they were talking about, there was no way he'd let anybody take her away from him. Mira was the reason why he was still alive, and he couldn't afford to lose his source of motivation to live. Yeah, Felix was here for him, but Miracle was his daughter, his own blood and flesh, and in any area to look at, Miracle was different from Felix. He needed them both, and no one should be taken away from him.
"That's why we're talking to her, right? She said she wants to talk about this matter, so we'll discuss it with her, okay? We're not letting her take Mira; we'll just give her a chance, but Mira is still ours to take care of," Felix responded. He held Chan's face with a smile and pecked the older's forehead, then his lips.
"We'll do it, okay? We'll fight for Mira no matter what happens, but we're doing this fairly. No matter how scared we are of the possibilities that might occur, we still need to be fair. Let's not be selfish to Miracle because it's not just about us; it's also about Miracle's feelings. Let's not be selfish to Miracle just because we're scared for ourselves to get hurt," he added. Chan sighed and lowered his head to rest it on Felix's shoulder. Felix automatically hugged Chan and started patting his back.
"I know you're worried, hyung, me too. But we can't hide Miracle from Sana forever, and we can't lie to Miracle forever. So now that we have a chance to fix all the misunderstandings, we better grab the opportunity," Chan nodded while still resting his head on Felix's shoulder, then hugged the younger back.
"I don't know what I'd do if you weren't here," Chan whispered, making the younger smile.
"And I don't know what I'd do if you were this sad. Please be strong for me," Felix said. Chan lifted his head, looked into the younger's eyes, then nodded, earning another soft smile from Felix.
Felix held Chan's face again with his comforting smile. "Smile for me then. I want to see my boyfriend's beautiful smile and cute dimples," Chan chuckled, then smiled as he hugged the younger tight.
"I love you. Please stay with me 'til a lifetime," Chan whispered.
"You don't have to tell me; I'll do it on my own. I love you too," Felix responded.
The couple stayed there for another good ten minutes, discussing what they were going to do once Sana came back and talked to them. After just a few discussions, they decided to go back inside the bedroom and rest.
* * *
"Chan Sunbae is at the parking lot, we had a quick conversation. He already missed the campus it's funny, I'm so ready to leave this school."
"Really? He's probably here to pick up Felix."
"Felix? Who's that?"
"Chan Sunbae's boyfriend."
"Boyfriend? Are you kidding me?"
"No, dude. He said it himself on their graduation day that he was dating Felix. He also has a daughter."
"Fuck! No way, man! Didn't know he was into guys, I would never even thought of it. I heard about his daughter, though. But who the hell is this Felix?"
"Felix Lee. He's a Junior in the same department as Chan Sunbae. Han Jisung's friend."
"Damn, man! Jisung? That shithole from Music Department?"
"Fuck, that's funny but yeah that thing."
"Damn, hearing his name cringe me out. I don't know why he's so popular."
"Of course, he likes fucking around so he's popular to the horny seniors, you know how eager those fucking oldies get their dicks suck."
"Shit, that's filthy. Damn! Chan Sunbae being gay and dating the slut's friend was shocking."
"I was more shocked with Felix being gay, to be honest."
"What do you mean? He's friends with Jisung so of course, they are both gay. He's probably a slut too. Damn, I didn't expect Chan Sunbae to be one of those horny seniors."
"Felix don't give that vibes, man, but you have a point."
"Jisung no, calm down," Felix whispered and held his friend's wrist then pulled him back to the other side of the restroom to hide.
"How can I calm down? I never sucked a dick of whoever they were talking about, I never fucked around, we ain't a slut and Chan Hyung isn't a horny hoe. Fuck, I don't even know those dudes but they have so much to say. So being friendly now is what these people call a slut," Jisung irritatedly responded to his friend. They were just washing their hands after peeing when those two dudes entered the restroom while talking about Chan so Felix and Jisung heard their whole conversation.
Of course, Felix got irritated too but he didn't want to pick a fight especially since Chan was already waiting for him at the parking lot he needed to rush there because they were meeting Sana to discuss about Mira and also this wasn't the first time anyway, he already heard the worse comments about him and Chan from their department after knowing their relationship but he cares less because it's just a waste of time and energy.
"They don't know us personally let's just ignore them, they will not listen to us anyway, they are just gonna think we're defending ourselves using lies," Felix responded then let go of Jisung's wrist.
"We cannot please every single person, Ji. There's always someone who'll talk shit about us even if we do nothing." He added.
Jisung sighed and just nodded to Felix even though he was really pissed. If Felix is not here he's probably having a fistfight with them already. Jisung wasn't the type to shut up and not defend himself because he couldn't stand looking like a loser to people who bad mouth him.
"I'll go ahead now, Chan hyung is already waiting for me, don't get in trouble, Jisung," Felix said, then walked out of the restroom carefully so those two guys who were talking about them would not know that they heard them.
After Felix left, Jisung remained inside and listened to those dudes who were bad-mouthing him. He doesn't understand why people keep misunderstanding his intentions to be friends with others just because he's gay as if being gay means being a slut too. What else can people throw against him? Even though he's not doing anything he still receives the worst treatment from the majority of the people around him. It's not his fault that he turned out like this so why can't people just accept and respect his sexual orientation?
Fuck this world full of judgemental people!
"I don't know but Jisung disgusts me so much also the fact that he's popular even though he's that of a slut makes me cringe." One of the guys said again.
"He's actually good at rapping but it doesn't suit him, damn a gay rapper sounds pathetic." Both guys laughed making Jisung to be more mad. What the fuck is the connection of his sexuality to his rapping!? Dumb idiots! They are obviously insecure.
Jisung was about to leave but then a familiar voice caught his attention.
"Can you believe it? A gay rapper? Fucking shit that's pathetic, you're right. I feel like gayass dirts don't really deserve talent and recognition. Is that what you're trying to say?" The new guy asked, his voice dripping with arrogance, making Jisung get mad even more.
Ah yes, why do I even think you'll actually change? You just gave me another reason to hate you more, Minho. Jisung thought the moment he heard his senior's words.
"Oh, Minho sunbae you're here."
"Yes, I heard your conversation and it's quite interesting. So, what about Jisung then?" Minho asked, looking innocently at the two younger boys in front of him, waiting for their response.
"Nothing special with him, sunbae, he's just a sucker for a dick," someone said then laughed, so Minho faked a laugh too.
"Ahh, really? Did he suck well? Seems like you know how he does it," the guy chuckled, thinking that Minho was joking, so he responded with the same enthusiasm in his voice, "Bloody hell, no! Sunbae, I won't let that filthy trash go near me, he's bloody disgusting. He's the last slut I could ever think of," he said, making his friend respond in agreement while Minho just stared at them with the same innocent look on his face.
"I know, right, the world doesn't deserve that thing, he's a dumbass shit. Disgusting fa-" the guy got cut off when suddenly Minho punched him, making them both shocked at their senior's sudden action.
"Sunbae! What's your problem!?" the other guy asked Minho, then helped his friend to stand up, but Minho remained standing, now smiling at them before saying, "Nothing, I just feel like punching someone. Do you want it too?" He innocently responded.
The other guy stood up and punched Minho too; that's when his facial expression darkened, then he returned the punch to the younger.
"Oh, boy, you can't punch me in the face. I earn money for this face so you better pay for the damage you caused," Minho said then punched the other guy once again.
They continuously fought but for Minho's bad luck, he was the one being punched the most. Well, this isn't an action movie where the protagonist always wins a battle between 2 to 5 people. This is reality, and the fact that Minho is alone makes it harder for him to win.
It just angered him when these two bad-mouthed Jisung. It's pissing.
Jisung who's on the other side of the rest room knows exactly what's happening and is currently battling to himself whether he'll help Minho or just let him be knocked out by those fuckers, they are all fuckers anyway and he hates Minho so what's the matter if he got hurt? He shouldn't care, right?
"Was that a punch? What a pussy." Minho teased even though he was obviously hurt. Jisung chuckled in disbelief. Minho is already hurt but he still keeps being arrogant. Lee Minho and his guts are so fucking annoying.
Jisung went out and called for the two guys who were currently picking out Minho.
"Hey, what are you doing?" Jisung said, making the two guys look at him in shock because he came out from the other side of the restroom.
"Oh? Why are you staring at me? Are you shocked? Yeah, I'm here even before you came. Do you have a problem with me? At least tell me directly." Jisung said as he walked closer to them.
"Too bad, I really want to bang your faces but Felix said to just ignore you both but I don't think I can so let's get this to a professional deal. What about we go to the guidance? The office is just a 2 minutes walk from here or you want me to go further? What about legal action for defamation? Are you willing to pay and cry to your parents? Using violence is only for highschoolers and we aren't one, unless you think that way?" Jisung said. One of the guys grabbed Jisung's collar and was about to punch him but Jisung spoke again.
"That's physical injury if you continue. I know you're well aware of it, you're taking pre-law am I right? This is so childish of you." The guy let go of Jisung and pushed him.
"So you're acting smart? How much do you know?" The guy asked.
"I know enough to stand on my own. You clearly know what will happen if you continue talking shit about me so if I were you I'll leave." Jisung said. The guys glared at him but still walked out of the restroom leaving Minho and Jisung inside.
Once the two walked out, Jisung glanced at Minho for a short time then started walking to the door to go home.
"Aren't you thanking me? I stood up for you." Minho said to make Jisung stop.
"Yeah, calling me gayass dirt and assuming that I sucked one of them's dick really helped," Jisung said without looking back at Minho. The older walked closer to Jisung and made the younger look at him.
"I was just pissing them too. Look, I received punches for you." Jisung glared at him and pushed the older man away from him.
"I didn't ask you to do that and you were punched because of your arrogance not because you stood up for me so shut the fuck up," Jisung said then walked away but Minho followed him and of course, Jisung ignored the older man until they were already standing in front of Jisung's dorm building.
"Can you leave now? Why do you keep following me?" Jisung asked in an irritated tone.
"Look, I was hurt for you at least treat my wounds." The older said so Jisung whined in irritation.
"You got hurt because you were so arrogant! Why are you even here? I told you already that I don't want to see your fucking face but why are you still following me? Are you a fucking stalker!?"
"I can be one if you want." Minho plainly said. Jisung sighed and just continued walking inside the building, "don't fucking follow me!" He said without looking at Minho.
Minho being himself of course didn't listen to the younger and still followed him until they reached Jisung's dorm room.
Jisung opened the door and entered a bit quicker so Minho wouldn't follow him inside but too bad because the older already expected Jisung to do that so he quickly placed his hands on the door to stop Jisung from closing it.
"At least invite me in, right?"
"What the fuck Minho!? Just leave me alone will you!?" Jisung glared at Minho but the older acted like it was just nothing and stepped inside Jisung's dorm.
"Thanks for inviting me in. Nice place, by the way," the older said, then went directly to the bed he assumed was Jisung's bed according to the extra things that were placed on top of it. Jisung watched him sit on his bed while glaring at him.
Damn, this motherfucker is so annoying!
Jisung ignored him and just did his usual routine. He went to his small closet and got himself comfortable clothes before going into the bathroom to shower and get dressed.
Minho just stayed in his place, he dialed for a food delivery then waited for Jisung to walk out of the bathroom but damn because the younger took almost an hour inside before going out.
Once Jisung went out Minho looked at him quickly.
"What took you so long?" The older asked.
"You don't fucking care."
"Salty, of course, you are." Jisung didn't talk again and just went to their small dining area after getting his phone and ear pods, then watched the continuation of an animal documentary he was watching the other day.
It was quiet and Minho was dying from boredom but thankfully because the delivery finally arrived. Minho opened the door and paid for it then placed the food in front of Jisung who was confusedly looking at him and at the food.
Minho sat in front of the younger then started unwrapping the food for Jisung and for him while Jisung was still looking confused.
"Eat," the older said before he started eating.
Minho eats while Jisung just stares at him. The older got uncomfortable from the younger's stares so he sighed and looked at the younger too.
"Why are you still not eating?" The older asked.
"Why would I eat? What if you put something here? I don't trust you." Minho looked at him in disbelief, what the fuck?
"I ordered it, how can I put something there? And I unwrapped it in front of you."
"I don't know, how will I even know? I don't trust you."
"Damn, you're making simple things complicated." Minho responded then took the younger's food then exchanged it to his, "here, you see there's nothing in it." He said then started eating once again but Jisung was still not moving.
"Why aren't you still eating?" Minho asked blankly.
"I don't like it."
"What's the problem this time?"
"Why are you giving me half eaten food? What's your problem?" Minho looked at him dumbfounded. The older chuckled then suddenly let out a laugh.
"Wow! Han Jisung you're something." The older continued laughing while frustratedly scratching the back of his head in disbelief and amusement to the younger's unexplainable logic.
"I gave you a full meal but you hesitated because you don't trust me so I gave you my food as an assurance that I didn't put anything and now you still have a problem with it because it's half eaten? What the fuck Jisung? Can you at least stop being a brat for once?" The younger glared at him then put his phone down on the side part of the table along with his ear pods.
"Nevermind! Give this to me! You fucking eat like a pig take your food it looks like a dog food why do you even mixed everything here fucking disgusting," the younger irritatedly said while his getting back the food that's originally supposed for him and gave back the half eaten food to Minho.
Minho chuckled at the younger's whining and just let him do what he wanted. They eat while bickering non-stop to each other until they finish. Minho was the one who cleaned the table and once he's finished he went back to Jisung's bed and sat there while resting his back on the head board.
"Why are you still here? Get the fuck out now," Jisung said.
"I got bruised because of you, would you mind treating my wounds first? You know I use this face to earn money. You should take responsibility for this." Minho calmly said but it still sounds like he's teasing the younger.
"You motherfucker! You got bruised because of yourself and not because of me! Why do I need to take responsibility?"
"Then pay for the food you ate. It's not free, treat my wounds." Minho rebutted. The younger rolled his eyes in irritation and just got Felix's first aid kit then went to Minho.
"After this you'll go home. I don't want Felix to see you here." Jisung said the moment he sat beside Minho while facing him and examining the older's bruised face.
"Whatever you want, princess." Minho teasingly said. Jisung glared at him, "Shut the fuck up." The younger said which only earned a chuckle from the older.
Jisung examined Minho's face and yeah, the older has quite a big bruise on his left cheekbone and right chin. He's injured but damn he's still handsome.
Jisung is getting annoyed by his own mind so he grabbed the older's face a bit roughly and made him face to the side.
"Aw, what the fuck? That hurts," Minho said.
"Don't move you fucker," Jisung said.
They became quiet, Jisung is focusing on treating the older's bruises while Minho is just quietly admiring the younger boy while he's busy doing something.
"Don't stare at me Minho, it's uncomfortable," the younger said while still continuing his thing.
"I can't, I'm attracted to beautiful things." Jisung started to clean Minho's wound a bit harsher after hearing what the older said which earned a hiss from Minho.
"Stop talking." Jisung said.
Minho chuckled then smiled. Jisung is just trying to stop himself from reacting even though he's obviously flustered by what the older man said. Even Jisung tries to deny it. Minho can clearly see that he has an effect on the younger.
Another silence filled them until Jisung finished treating the older. Jisung was about to stand up but Minho reached for him and stopped him.
"What now?" Jisung irritatedly asked. Instead of responding to the younger, Minho just stared at him into his eyes making him stare back but after just a few seconds Jisung looked away.
"You can leave now before Felix goes home, it's getting late." Jisung said and once again tried to stand up only to be stopped by Minho again.
"Seriously what's your problem, hyung!?"
"Felix isn't going home, he isn't staying here that much am I right?"
"That doesn't concerns you just leave my fucking dorm." Minho just stared at the younger and moved closer to him.
"Why don't we talk first?" Minho said and stared back and forth to the younger's eyes and lips. Damn, he wants Jisung.
Jisung can feel Minho's stares and to be honest it's making him feel hot so to avoid it he looked away, "we don't have anything to talk about i just want you to leave my place."
Minho smiled seeing Jisung being flustered. He moved closer and closer to Jisung until their faces were just inches away. Minho held the younger's chin making him look into his eyes.
"What are you doing?" Jisung asked while also looking back and forth to Minho's eyes and lips.
No Jisung calm your fucking hormones! If you fall for this he'll make fun of you the next day!
Jisung tried to look away again but Minho made him look at him again, "Jisung, why are you restraining yourself? You want me I can see it." Minho whispered. Jisung didn't respond so Minho just held his cheek then leaned closer to him and within just a second their lips touched.
They kissed, Minho leading them while Jisung just followed. Minho is getting hungry for Jisung so he started kissing Jisung harder. Minho thought it's all fine not until he felt his hands on Jisung's cheeks getting wet and there he realized that the younger one was crying between their kisses.
Minho stopped and looked at him worriedly.
"Hey," Minho whispered.
"Are you done? Are you satisfied Minho? I don't know why can't you just stop bothering me. Is this what you want? A rumor to be spread? Yeah this is definitely what you want a proof that Han Jisung is that slutty gay you all hate, right? That I do fuck around with seniors to get the recognition." Jisung cried. Minho got stoned; he didn't know that Jisung would react this way.
"Don't cry, Jisung. I'm sorry." Minho whispered.
"Yeah, I want you. I fucking want you, I want you to touch me, I want you to moan my name, I want you to call me yours, I want you all mine, Minho. I want you so damn much and I'm hating it. I hate it because I know how trash of a person you are. I'm scared of you Minho can't you see? Just leave me alone please don't hurt me... Don't hurt me, Minho. Don't make me believe that you like me too if you don't I don't want to believe you, please don't hurt me." Jisung cried as he continuously begged Minho not to hurt him.
Minho tried his best to comfort the younger even he sucks at it. He wiped the tears that were falling on the younger's cheeks, "don't cry, I'm sorry. I won't hurt you I promise, please believe me this time Jisung I'm sorry I was a dick. I know I hurt you but I was just in denial at the time. I'm sorry, I won't hurt you, please believe me."
"Don't make me believe you, Minho. I don't want to get hurt please, I beg you."
"Jisung, trust me this time please." The younger only looked at Minho then later on he looked down. "What if you're lying? What am I gonna do? I'm scared." Jisung continuously cried while looking into the older's eyes.
"I won't force you, I'll wait. Just believe me this time I'll change I promise, I'm sorry. I'll wait until you're ready, I'll wait for you, is it okay? I'll wait. Just don't avoid me, let me show you my sincerity. Can we work for this together? I damn like you, I like you so much." Jisung nodded, looking at the older's eyes, hoping that he'll not regret anything after this.
"I like you too hyung but I'm scared."
"I know, I understand." Minho hugged the younger and comforted him.
They stayed that way until Jisung fell asleep because of crying. Minho didn't know that he already caused so much to Jisung, he's not aware that Jisung is scared of being hurt by him, he didn't know that he's that of a dick.
Minho rested Jisung on the bed properly then admired the younger, "I'm sorry." He whispered before kissing the younger's forehead. Minho stood up properly. He went to his stuff then got a paper and pen.
He wrote something before going home.
* * *
"I'll pick you up let's get breakfast
together wait for me :") "
-Minho
Jisung smiled as he read the note that was left for him, "That motherfucker," he whispered then started preparing for himself before Minho arrived.
Damn, I hope not to regret this shit.
* * *
Published:
01/09/21