Bienvenida a casa, a voice said in my mind.
Our lips met like a reckoning. No matter how hard I could've tried to stay away from him, the same pull that had our bodies meet in an embrace would have torn down every barrier.
Maybe all roads led here, to Pace Leblanc's arms. He tightened them around me until only our clothes were between us. One of his hands cradled the back of my head, tilting it for access.
When his tongue swept over my lips, a lick of fire traveled all the way down. I didn't even know I could feel this way again.
A moan tore from deep in his throat that only served to stoke the heat. I threaded my fingers in his hair and grabbed a fistful of its softness, pushing him down with more strength so I could explore his mouth. My other hand ran a trail down the muscles of his back and I resented that his t-shirt prevented me from feeling his skin. I had to remind myself it was too soon for that, but all thoughts went out the window when Pace pulled his mouth away.
He didn't let me mourn the loss for long. I thought the pause was to breathe—I certainly needed the oxygen. Instead, he lifted me by the hips and forced me to wrap my legs around him if I didn't want to fall. I gasped, but grabbed on for dear life, especially when he started walking.
"Where are we going?" I asked, voice raspy and out of breath because, while my legs hadn't ran a marathon, my heart just had.
"I just realized we're in the middle of the parking lot and anyone could be watching," he said, not even breaking a sweat as he carried me all the way to the passenger's side of his truck and opened the door. He settled me on the seat and added, "I thought you may want some privacy."
I grabbed two fistfuls of his t-shirt and pulled him to me. Hard.
Tilting my head, I asked, "You were able to think?"
He laughed—or tried. I swallowed his amusement with another kiss.
Even though he was trapped between my legs and closer to home than ever, Pace braced himself against the car instead of holding onto me. He strained so he wouldn't lean on me and it took me a moment to realize he was trying really hard not to make me feel trapped.
I slowed down, melting with the warm feeling enveloping me. Caressing his jaw, I stroked his lips in languid motions. In return, his tongue brushed mine like it was making love to me, unhurried but sure it was the right thing to do.
I had goosebumps all over me by the time we parted for breath. Pace's eyes were hooded as he panted. His lips parted as if to say something, but only the tiniest groan came out.
That made me smile. "I guess your head finally shut down, eh?"
"The one above my neck did, yeah," he said, tearing a surprised laugh from me.
Pace's eyes shone as he pulled away to run both hands through his hair. I couldn't help glancing down and sure enough, the other one was very much awake and active.
"Sorry." He cringed when he noticed what I'd caught sight of. "I'm trying to control myself but it's hard."
"It really is," I said, chuckling as deep red crawled up his neck.
Clearing his throat, he walked around the front of the truck to climb onto the driver's seat. "I'll take you home."
I shut my door and fastened my seatbelt as he started the engine. In profile, his cheek was as red as if he'd spent hours outdoors without wearing sunblock. But it was because I'd caught physical evidence of his interest.
"Ugh," I said, shaking my head. "You can't be for real."
"You don't want to go home?" Pace asked, startled just before he set the car in motion.
"No—I mean, yes. But I just can't deal with you. You're too damn adorable, it pisses me off."
His lips stretched into a toothy grin. "Not the compliment I was expecting after making out."
Pace drove out of the deserted parking lot. It would only be five minutes before we reached Margaret's place, tops, and I didn't want us to reach our destination any time soon. As if I'd braced myself over the weekend for a lifetime apart and now that I'd shattered that possibility, at least temporarily, I couldn't bear the notion of parting ways so soon.
"Take me on a date," I said suddenly. "Right now."
I thought he'd be shocked, ask me if I was crazy. Instead, he drove right past Margaret's and stopped by the supermarket.
"Okay, wait for me," he said as he turned the engine off. "I'll get us dinner for our first date."
I didn't mind it wasn't something fancy. Electricity coursed through my body as I sat in his truck, watching a few people come in and out of the store. Consciously, I kept asking myself if I was crazy because this was entirely the opposite of what I needed to do.
The moment he said it would be my decision, I should've decided I was right and this was wrong. That it was best for both of us to not go down this path.
Yet, as I watched him come out of the store with a plastic bag in hand and a pep in his step, I couldn't help the way my whole body flared to life like it was waking up from a long nightmare. Or maybe, I was falling asleep into a dream right now, I didn't know.
"There's a really nice spot where we can catch the sunset," Pace said as soon as he opened his door and climbed back on, settling the bag of groceries on the floor between our legs. "It's kinda secluded, so if that makes you uncomfortable I have an alternative."
I patted his arm. "You don't have to try so hard. If you do something I don't like I'll just knee you in the cojones."
Pace nodded, as though I hadn't just threatened him with excruciating pain. "That's fair."
He drove us out of town, bordering the big lake. The windows were rolled down and the breeze helped me cool down from the flaming mess his kisses had turned me into. I almost told him this was the first time I was in close confines with a guy in years, but that would probably make him even more tense than he already was.
Never in the past five years had I wanted to forget Rodrigo more than right now. Bone-deep exhaustion plagued me from him ruining everything, from jobs, to my relationships with people, to my dreams at night.
I didn't want to let him ruin this. My first attempt at enjoying myself.
It wasn't long until we'd reached the opposite shore of Lake Mary. From this vantage, we could see the town across the waters under a sky that finally started changing colors. Pace parked in reverse and popped the trunk open, hopping backwards to sit on the lid, grocery bag beside him. He patted the spot beside him and I followed suit.
"What did you get?" I asked him. He opened it and took out sandwiches, chips, cookies and sodas. "Ooh, a boon."
"I got several options because I don't know what you like." Pace made a pause. "Yet."
"Smooth," I grinned, checking the labels. Veggie sandwich, chicken, roast beef and turkey. "I like all of them."
"Oh, good. Me too." He put the roast beef and chicken on my lap.
I took the veggie and turkey from him and tore them open before he could attempt a trade. His eyes narrowed as if to hint that next time he'd be nicer.
After munching in silence for a few minutes, glancing at the purple and orange swashes on the sky, I figured that since I'd asked him out on an impromptu date we should do date-like things.
For example, a good one would be to get to know each other.
"Tell me more about you. So far I know you're a firefighter, in annoyingly good shape and a great kisser," I said, popping open a bag of ketchup chips. He choked a bit on a gulp of soda, so I added, "All good points in your favor, trust me."
"Good to know." Even as he hummed in thought, his eyes were crinkled at the corners with a smile. "Let's see, what about me is not boring... I guess I could start by saying I'm the eldest brother of two. My little brother's a senior at college and uh, full disclosure, I live with my dad."
He rubbed the back of his head like it was a total embarrassment, but I nudged him with my shoulder. "Hey, I'm not judging. I'm renting a room from the person who was supposed to be my realtor. What about your mom?"
"She passed away when I was ten."
I hissed. "I'm so sorry."
"It's okay." Birds flew overhead, finding refuge from the upcoming darkness among the tree branches. He watched them for a while before saying, "Once I understood it was better to have lost her than to watch her keep suffering, it got better. Cancer, you know?"
"Oh." On impulse, I reached out and grabbed his hand. When he laced his fingers with mine, it didn't feel like it was the first time. Encouraged by that, I said, "I also know what it feels like to lose a family member."
Guilt crawled up my chest. I hadn't finished mourning him when my ex-boyfriend killed something else in me.
"My brother, Carlos," I said, taking a sip of soda and wishing the kick weren't just because the drink was carbonated. "He died during my last year of high school. Was killed, more like."
I hadn't really thought about it in those absolute terms. For me, one morning I woke up and he was just no longer there, never to return. But the truth was, as Cata had seen firsthand, he'd been hearty and healthy on the day he left for the protests, and just because we never found the culprit, it didn't make his death any less the murder that it was.
I told Pace about this, about how Carlos' death made me lose my mind and throw myself away to my cause, just as my brother had for his. And I also told Pace how that turned out for me and my family.
We lay on our backs on the trunk, looking up at the darkening sky as we talked. I raised my hands and turned the palms towards us, so he could see the burns. "Funny, these turned out to be the least painful scars of all."
He reached out to my hands with one of his. Bigger as it was, it covered both of mine easily. "It's okay, even the most painful scars heal with time. As a first responder, I can confirm."
Ugh, my heart. It tingled.
And so did my eyes.
I twisted until I was on my side, forearm up to prop my head up. "Speaking of, do you have any scars?"
Pace got the hint I wanted to change topic right away. His eyes twinkled like the first stars above us as he said, "Maybe you should find out."
I smacked him dead in the middle of his chest.
"Okay, okay." He chuckled. "I have a few small scars from my hockey days and from work, but the biggest ones are on my feet."
"Wait, what?"
"It's a long story," he started and I was just about to hit him again when he said, "No, wait. We already told you what happened to Dean and Charlie."
"Oh, I remember." That had been a long story, crazy in unexpected ways and hilarious. "You were the one who sneaked away and got the cops."
"Yup." He sighed and pillowed his head with his arms. "Problem was, I was wearing my skates and couldn't change into shoes because the whole mess was going down in the lockers. So, I just took my skates off and walked in socks to the police station. In the middle of winter."
"No!"
"Yeah." Pace shrugged like it was no big deal. "The combination of frostbite and random cuts wasn't fun, but no one lost life or limb that night so a few scars don't matter."
I sat up so I could shake my head down at him. "I hope they gave you an award."
"Not really." I minded that he clearly didn't. After a moment in thought he said, "Well, we did end up winning against the Eagles that night, so I got a medal for that."
"But not for saving other people's lives and almost losing your feet in the process?"
"Just my toes," he added.
"Stop." Lifting the palm of my scarred hand, I said, "Your selflessness deserves a reward."
He smiled. "Doesn't that defeat the purpose of being selfless?"
I rolled my eyes. "Do you want me to kiss you again or not?"
"Oh." His eyebrows went up. "You meant that kind of reward. Yes, please. I'm feeling very neglected by life right now."
I sent a prayer up to the heavens—for the first time in ages not to ask for relief for myself, but in gratitude for this guy who was good and beautiful and kind, who I didn't deserve but who still found his way into my life.
Someday, maybe soon, Pace would wake up and realize I was wasting his time but until then, I wanted to do what he said and just try. Try to be free, to enjoy life, to learn how to use my heart again with him, despite our scars.
I leaned down over him and kissed him, soft and sweet like he deserved.
"I like this reward," he murmured against my lips.
"Just like?" I pulled away, taking it as a challenge. "How about this?"
Pace blinked up at me as if waking up. It took him a moment to realize I was on the move. "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to reward you properly," I said as I crawled up on top of him and settled down to straddle his lap.
"Whoa." Pace sat up, eyes wide. "You don't have to-"
I smiled at him, lacing my arms around his neck and pushing him back down with my body. When he was on his back again, I said, "Oh, but I want to. I really, really do."
"Are you sure?" he asked once more, and it earned him a peck on his lips.
"You said everything we would do would be my decision," I started, looking him in the eyes so he knew I was serious. "And I've decided I don't want to hold back anymore."
His hands cupped my hips, warmth seeping through my jeans and finding its way to where it counted. Pace's blue eyes set me on fire as he watched me lean back down. I clutched at his hair as I devoured his mouth.
Finally, his politeness faded away. He ran his hands down to cup my ass and pressed down. A groan escaped from my throat when I felt just what kind of effect I was having on him.
I trapped his bottom lip between my teeth and let it go softly before saying, "Don't you like being a good boy?"
"Actually," he croaked out and next thing I knew, he had us flipped over. "I think tonight I wanna be bad."
"Hmm."
I pulled his t-shirt free from his pants and kept pulling, until it was up and off of him. His hair was mussed, the skin of his chest, neck and cheeks was flushed and warm to the touch of my hands.
He watched them travel across his skin with hooded eyes that had me curling my toes inside my safety boots. I trailed the palms of my hands down the hard planes of his pecs, across the washboard abs and southern still, until I clenched the belt of his pants and pulled him on top of me.
"Good news for you," I said, whispering against his neck. "I'm also feeling kinda naughty."
In retrospect, that wasn't true. I wasn't just feeling naughty, I was falling in love.