Killian's eyes widened, his breath caught in his throat. His hand clenched hard around Jasper's, his legs feeling weaker than they already were. They were planning on killing Jackson? Tom seemed reluctant to the idea at least. "If he's infected then he'll just waste away," Chris said bluntly. "Why wait? Put him out of his misery while we still can."
"N-no!" Killian couldn't stop the desperate stammer that left him. "No, you can't. You can't kill him."
"Only because he's your cousin?" Chris said, rounding on Killian. His lips pulled back into a small snarl, "Bit selfish to keep him alive and put everybody here in danger."
"Get away from him." Jasper said tensely.
"Does your boyfriend always fight your battles, Killian?" Chris taunted.
"That's enough!" Jasper's voice was loud and commanding. It even jolted Killian, Chris paused and took a hesitant step backwards. Everybody's eyes were on him now. "I'm the one he attacked, but we have to think through this. If we take him out back and give him the Old Yeller treatment then we won't get any information out of him," He nodded to Cohen, "Everybody's jumping to conclusions. Cohen, explain the whole situation." He narrowed his eyes. "All of it."
Glancing up at Jasper with confusion, Killian's brows narrowed. Why wouldn't Cohen tell them all the whole situation? Why would the doctor keep secrets from the group, especially when it came to Jackson's life? "This is insane!" Killian protested. "Listen to yourselves, debating whether or not we should take somebody's life." He narrowed his eyes and spat, "If we just kill him, there's no difference between us and the monsters outside."
Quieting down once Jasper gave his hand a comforting squeeze, Killian could feel the familiar and nauseating twist in his stomach. His arms shook as he laid his head against Jasper's arm, laced in makeshift bandages where Jackson had injured him. "If I may continue," Cohen said curtly, "Then I'll explain further."
As the situation began to calm down, Killian suddenly felt out of place. Like he didn't belong there, almost as if he was trapped in an invisible box with no escape. The air choked out of his lungs, his gut lurching. At any second now one of the group members could march across the house and kill Jackson, with him having no say in it. "Jasper," He squeaked out shakily. Everything felt wrong. It couldn't be real. I can't live right knowing my group killed him.
Jasper squeezed his hand again, another firm and silent reassurance. With his frustration mounting, all Killian wanted to do was yell. To make them understand. "He's been infected, but he hasn't died. From what he's told me, he was bitten a little over four weeks ago." Cohen crossed his arms. "The only theory I can muster is that he's caught some sort of mutated version of the virus, or perhaps his body just doesn't react like the rest of ours."
When nobody interrupted him, Cohen continued. "There's a possibility he could have caught something...in between."
"In between?" Harley muttered curiously.
"In between," Cohen repeated, "Two different mutations of the virus, one that infects the dead and kills its living host in the process, while another infecting a living thing and taking control without killing them." His voice grew dark. "Jasper, you remember those biters you talked about? The ones that weren't quite like the others?" Jasper nodded once, but said nothing. "That could be the result of a middle ground. Keep in mind these are just theories," He added. "I don't have the equipment to test any of these out. So that begs the question, should we deal with him now or wait to see what happens?"
"He's not just an experiment for you to toy around with!" Killian raged. "You can't just keep him alive 'to see what happens.' He's a person! He's my family!"
"Family ties mean nothing now," Chris growled softly. "Not in a world like this. Not when the dead come alive and murder our own. If Jackson is capable of doing whatever that thing did to Wilson, then we can't risk it." His eyes flickered towards Jasper, "As a group leader, maybe stop thinking about your plaything and think about the rest of us, too."
Plaything? Killian felt as if a knife had been stabbed through his chest. A sudden sharp, indescribable pain he couldn't describe. "I'm not a plaything." Killian hated the way his voice shook. "I'm a person."
Looking up, Killian could see the bloodlust in Jasper's eyes again. A burning hatred towards Chris and everything that man stood for. Somehow he still calmly replied, "Of course I won't take personal matters into consideration," then quickly added, "So I'm dismissing you from the meeting on account of unsolicited aggression towards another group member."
"What? You can't do that!" Chris whipped around to glance towards Tom. "Tom, you're the leader. Can't you-"
Before Chris could continue to cause problems Tom replied bluntly, "You've already just established that Jasper is a group leader, and you'll treat him as such. All leaders are equal here. Respect his decision as you would respect mine, learn to hold your tongue on unnecessary insults."
"It's not just an insult if it's true." Chris jeered, glaring at Killian straight in the eyes. He shoved past him, purposefully bumping into his shoulder. Trying to catch his balance, Killian put his bad foot down and immediately winced, using Jasper to help him keep his balance. Something about Chris' glare put him off. It wasn't just a glare. There was some sort of promise behind it, a promise Killian didn't want to see come true--whatever it was, it wasn't good.
The next person to speak was Casimir, ignoring everything that had just happened. "I agree that murder might be a bit hasty," His voice was smooth as he continued, "However, if Jackson holds some sort of information we could use, it shouldn't be hard to get it out of him. The only problem would be...husbandry." Husbandry? Killian thought angrily. He's not an animal. "Specifically, diet." Casimir moved his arms away from Keagan to cross them. "If he has a taste for human flesh, that won't exactly be pleasant."
Clenching his hand harder around Jasper's, Killian could feel the anger growing more and more inside. Like the bottle Jasper had talked about before, he was about ready to shatter and hurt anybody unfortunate enough to be close. Aubrey suddenly gave him an apologetic glance, and Killian felt his stomach churn uneasily. "This is all too complicated. Why don't we just let him go?" Aubrey, you too? At least she hadn't been heartless enough to suggest his execution.
So far, things weren't looking so good for Jackson. He had to do something. Jerking away from Jasper, Killian had to get away from that conversation. Part of him wanted to break Jackson out of the house then and there, but that would cause too much of a scene. Jasper's reputation would be on the line if he stuck up for Killian, which he knew he would. Jasper was too protective for his own good. From the hallway he could hear Darren say quietly, "We can't kill him, but if Cohen thinks some sort of tests could be done to figure out what he is, I don't think we should throw that away as an impossibility."
With his stomach twisting and a dizzying nausea taking over, Killian wound his way through into the kitchen and slammed open a screen door, not bothering to close it as he left. Shoving his hands in the pockets of Jasper's jacket, he sat down on the steps and closed his eyes, wishing the feeling of impending disaster would go away. A cold sweat broke out across his forehead, he could feel his heart beating hard against his chest. Everything felt tight. Even though he was outside, it felt like he was trapped, unable to move. It was getting harder to breathe. Pressing his face against the wooden railing, Killian attempted to cool himself off, clenching his hands to try and alleviate the anger and resentment he felt towards these people he trusted.
Killian didn't know how much time it took, but however long it was, it felt too long. He heard footsteps approaching, calm and steady. He was surprised to see Tom instead of Jasper, walking over and sitting down next to him. The man set a hand on his shoulder with the intent to comfort, but Killian shoved it away violently. "Get away from me," He said sharply. "You're all monsters, the lot of you. Go back to whatever miserable conversation you were having."
"Killian-"
"I said go away!" Killian snarled, even louder this time. More threatening. When Tom didn't move, he felt uneasy. "What, are you finally going to get rid of me too? I said get the fuck out of here, Tom. I don't want to see any of you."
"Not even Jasper?"
"Don't act like I can be tempted to forgive any of you assholes just from you mentioning my boyfriend." Killian hissed. "I told you, go away. Leave me alone. It's all any of you would have done anyways." The satisfaction of seeing the guilt in Tom's eyes was something Killian would savor for a long, long time. Before he could say anything in return Killian continued, "If you kill him, then you'll have to kill me too."
"Nobody's killing anybody." Tom said quietly, "I wouldn't have let it happen myself."
"Then why was it an option?"
"Cohen never told me any of that before he said something. The only thing he said was what happened and that we'd discuss how to handle the situation. He never even insinuated anybody was going to get hurt."
Chills ran along Killian's whole body. He wasn't sure why, but something about Cohen not consulting with the other leaders before suggesting they put somebody to death was sickening. He remembered that look in Jasper's eyes, the distrust and cynicism in his voice when he told Cohen to tell them the whole story. 'All of it,' he'd said. "Why are you telling me this?" Killian's mouth felt dry.
"Because I want you to keep an eye on Jackson for me. Make sure he's safe." Tom said. Killian must have done a poor job at hiding his surprise. Chuckling, the large man added, "You really think me and Jasper would let them kill him? Jasper is beyond worried about you hating him, since he's the one who brought Jackson here in the first place." He tilted his head to the side. At first Killian was uneasy, but he saw no malice in the other man's stare. Just patience.
"I would have worked to keep him safe whether you told me to or not." Killian's reply was tense, his glare piercing. "Congratulations," He added in a much dryer tone, "You all decided not be murderers today." With that, Killian stood up and shoved past Tom, back to the house. For once he didn't even feel like talking to Jasper. Silently skirting past Jasper and Casimir, he noticed a concerned glance from his partner. To his relief, the other man seemed aware of him wanting to be alone and didn't follow.
❖ ❖ ❖
The sky had darkened by the time Jasper arrived to their room. He gave Killian a wide arc of space, keeping his head down a bit as he walked over to the vanity to tend to his wounds. Taking the time to observe Jasper's guilty expression Killian chuckled, "You don't think I'm mad at you, do you?"
"Oh thank God," Jasper let out a long breath, as if he'd been holding it all day. "I thought you hated me for bringing him here. I didn't mean to put his life in danger when we got here, I didn't know they would just want to kill him you know? So what if they do hurt him? It'll all be my fault and-"
Killian stepped in and set a hand on Jasper's chest, standing up on his tip-toes and placing a delicate kiss on his partner's lips. "Calm down, love. I know you didn't mean anything by it...at least, well, maybe not to extent of killing him."
"I could have." Jasper murmured softly, closing his eyes and resting his chin on Killian's head. His hand drew comforting circles on Killian's back, just between his shoulders. "You know," He said softly, "I never want you to see me like that. I don't want..." A sigh left his lips. "People used to glare at me, you know. My job wasn't really to kill. But it was something that happened. It's scary, how easy it is for me now."
It was a strange thing, thinking you should be afraid of somebody, but feeling no fear whatsoever. Killian could never begin to imagine what Jasper had been through. He didn't want to.
"I've done horrible things," Jasper said. "When this all first started. Things nobody could ever forgive me for. Those few months before I ran into the group, if they knew what I did, they never would have welcomed me." Killian felt his hand tighten against his back, balling up in a large fist. "So when they say I'm mellow, how they trust me..." His voice shook, "When you say I'm gentle. All I can think is the person I used to be."
"Jasper," Killian said softly, looking up at his partner. He lifted a hand, setting it on Jasper's cheek in an attempt to soothe him. "Somebody told me a very long time ago. You can't change the past, but you can change yourself." He paused, "I love you, Jasper. Maybe I couldn't love you were before. But the man I fell in love with, that's who you are now. Nothing's going to change that."
A small blush heated up Killian's cheeks. "I know I'm not good with all the mushy emotional stuff. But that's what I think of you now. Maybe you can't tell me the things you did. But that's okay. I'll remember the things you've done when you met me. Not the maybe-bad things you did before."
Biting his bottom lip, Jasper looked as if he were trying to hold back a smile. His blue eyes met Killian's. "Do you mean that, though? If you knew, would you still love me?"
"Even if it's worse than what my life was before the biters showed up—even if you were hypothetically a huge jerk to everybody around you. I know it matters, I won't say it doesn't." Killian replied, keeping his voice low and calm, "You still loved me. I'll still love you. I know you probably won't ever tell me, maybe not anybody. But that's okay. You aren't that person anymore. I only care for you. What you did then isn't what you'd do now. So...it doesn't change anything."
As Jasper chuckled, Killian could hear the deep rumble in the man's strong chest. "That might not be the healthiest thing. But it means more than you'd ever know."
When a yawn split Killian's sentence he knew, "Okay Army Man, it's time for bed. Got a long day of tolerating people's shit tomorrow. I'll help you question Jackson tomorrow. He'll talk more if I'm there."
"Mm." Jasper hummed, "Can't make me. Not going to sleep."
Raising his gaze Killian bit his bottom lip and said softly, "Well I'm sure there's one thing."
Jasper's brows raised, a small smile twitching at the corners of his lips. "My my, quite the troublemaker aren't you?"
"Maybe." Killian said, hopping over to the bed. He scrambled up as best as he could, with the grace of a drunk raccoon. He let out a squeak as Jasper shoved him down against the pillows.
"I want to walk tomorrow." Killian reminded him.
"Hm," Jasper feigned consideration, "We'll see."