2 year later.
Lisa welcomed by the dark room and silence. She carefully made her way to the common room, turning on the lamp on her way. She glanced at her watch. It was past midnight. Her wife and children were definitely asleep.
With a glass of wine in her hand, Lisa sat on the chair in the kitchen. She caressed her temple, hoping it'd ease the tense. She sipped the liquor slowly, letting it washed her dry throat.
Slowly, her research started to find a light. She'd been working day and night in the lab doing the project for more or less a year now. A little more of hard work, she was sure, it was there, she was getting there.
She leaned at her back, eyes wondering around the room. The view of the triplet's photo on the fridge constricted her chest a bit. She missed them. When was the last time she spent time with them? Two weeks ago? Last month? When? What did they do? What was the last story she read for them before sleep? Was it The Little Mermaid? Beauty And The Beast? Or was it Donald Duck? She forgot.
Don't even start on when was the last time she made love to her wife or slept beside her for that matter. It had been ages, she believed.
Instantly, she felt like she was the worst mother and wife on earth. The guilt ate her alive. She quickly shook her head, swallowing her drink in one go and then poured another glass.
She rested her head on the kitchen island as she started to drive off to sleep.
---
Something poked her leg. She ignored it as she adjusted to more comfortable position. Her back, arms and neck were aching but she couldn't careless. What she needed was sleep.
"Dada!"
The sudden scream jolted her up. Her head throbbed painfully. "What the f-" She stopped herself in time when she saw Aorta and Venous, with the biggest smile on their face was staring at her. "Aorta, what are you doing?" She gave him disapproving look. "Don't yell at home."
Those smile faded gradually but Lisa didn't notice that. She had to put the wine back to its place before the kids' curiosity kicked out.
"Dada home late again? Venous wait long." The little girl rambled. She was excited to see her Dada.
"Dada need to make money, Venous." She answered curtly. Her head felt heavy, she badly needed sleep. Her mood was bad due to rudely awakening. "Otherwise you couldn't get all those toys and meat."
"What did you say?" Another voice joined the conversation.
Lisa turned to see her wife standing near her kids with obviously unhappy face while her arms folded in front of her chest. Jennie squatted down to Aorta and Venous's level, asking them to wake their brother up. They slowly walked out of the room with dejected heart.
"Their behavior is getting out of my hand." Lisa put the glass in the sink then washed her hands.
"You have no right to talk that way to my children." Jennie warned her.
"What?"
"You ask for them, Lisa. Not the other way around." Jennie gritted her teeth. "They don't understand what you do. What they want is your time. Only your time. They miss you, we all do."
"Jennie, I have a job-"
"You are not doctor inside this house, Lisa. You're their mother, you're my wife. Start act like it. And guess what? Your arrogance is not valid here. You're tired with your job? Then quit, I can make money, too." Jennie said coldly.
"That's not what I meant-"
"That's exactly what you meant. That's exactly what you said to them not a minute ago. You never get to return the time, Lisa. They're growing up. They're not going to be this small and innocent forever. Set the distance with them now and you're going to regret it later."
"Jennie, I'm trying to-"
"Trying to what?"
"..." Lisa didn't have the answer.
"Lis-"
"Look, I'm tired. I'll make it up to you, all of you, okay? Just be patient a little longer."
"We've been doing nothing but wait, Lisa." Jennie clenched her jaw, turning out her heels away from her wife.
Lisa watched Jennie's back disappeared inside the kid's room. Sighing heavily, she took a long hot shower then getting ready for another stressful work.
---
7.26 a.m., Lisa stared at the clock, contemplating how many minutes she could spend with her children before off to hospital. Ten? Fifteen minutes? It should be enough time.
She entered the playroom, finding Aorta, Artery and Venous, all fresh from the shower, absorbed with their toys. She approached Aorta first, instead of kissing her like she asked for, Aorta turned his body away from Lisa. She requested the same thing from Venous and sadly, she got the same treatment.
That rejected gesture from Aorta and Venous sent a chill through her body. She was weary and needed some space. But she didn't mean that. She would never mean that.
"Hey, Buddy." Lisa poked Artery's back, smiling full of hope he wouldn't turn her down, too. "Do you want play with Dada later?"
"When?" He asked without looking up, still busy with his toys.
"Later afternoon?'
Artery stopped moving his car, frowned a little before saying, "Dada always home late. Artery sleeps before Dada home."
The smile on Lisa's face faded. His statement was clear enough. He didn't believe she could make it. Had she made that promise often? Had she broke it off each time?
"Aorta, Artery, Venous, let's go! Donald Duck and Goofy couldn't wait long." Jennie sang song from the hallway. The kids immediately flew off of their butt, delightedly ran to their mommy.
Lisa could hear the laughter outside their playroom. She felt left out. Their joy didn't include her. She had no idea what Donald Duck Jennie meant. Where would they go this morning?
Lisa slowly walked out of the room, watching her wife putting socks for Aorta. Venous in serious manner was trying to put it on by herself. Her fingers were still so tiny. She was having a hard time doing such a simple work. Artery was in the corner, making weird sound as if he was fighting with his robot.
"Let Dada help you with that, Sweet Heart." Lisa gently taught Venous how to pull up the socks to her ankle. It took time but she finally made it. The little girl grinned widely then turned to Jennie, showing off her good job. The mommy then gave the little girl peck on her lips, said she was a smart girl.
Lisa wanted a kiss, too. Unfortunately she didn't get one. Venous was already running with her brother to the front door.
"Why are you still here?" Jennie shouldered her bag. "I thought you're going to the hospital again?"
"Yeah." Lisa scratched the back of her head. "Um, where are you guys going?"
"The park. It's Sunday, Lisa. This week Disney characters will be there." Jennie increase her brow. "Right, you never take them there. Never mind."
"Wait," Lisa grabbed Jennie's wrist, "can I at least get a hug from you?'
Hesitantly, Jennie enfolded Lisa and patted the latter's back. "Don't forget your meal." Jennie smiled a little. "Off we go, kids!"
Lisa could feel her heart break a little.
---
Aorta, Artery and Venous enjoyed their day with their mommy. Not only Donald Duck and Goofy, Mickey and Minnie Mouse were there, too. They took a lot of photos together, Jennie even let they had cotton candy and ice cream. The park was full of people. Thankfully, the triplets listened to their mother and keep holding hands throughout the day out.
"Mommy, dumpling is so tasty!"
"Yeah? Does Artery like it?"
"Yes, Artery does!"
"Aorta, too."
"Venous likes noodles more, Mommy."
"Do you want more?" Jennie took Venous's bowl as the girl nodded and filled it with noodle and soup.
"Thank you, Mommy."
"You're welcome, Sweet Heart."
"Mommy, why Dada never come with us?" Aorta asked while chewing his food.
"Dada has a work to do, remember?" Jennie wiped the corner of his mouth gently. "Does Aorta want Dada to come with us next time? We can ask her."
The boy nodded a little. "Will Dada come if Aorta promise not to eat many meat? Aorta can share toys with Artery and Venous, too."
"Artery misses Dada," Artery said absentmindedly.
"Venous, too," the youngest chimed in. "Could Mommy ask Dada to join us? Venus is a little scared if Dada angry again."
Jennie's heart sank at the confession. They remembered Lisa's statement vividly. They thinking about it. They thought it was their fault that their dada couldn't spend time with them.
Jennie gulped, "well, why don't we ask Dada together? Mommy's sure Dada would love to come picnic with us."
"Okay!" The three answered simultaneously.
Jennie got an idea. She took her phone out of her bag, opened the camera application then requested her children to say what they want to say to Lisa.
It was upsetting to see the innocent triplets had to beg for their mother's time when it should be something that Lisa provided without they demanded. If this couldn't crack Lisa's heart, then Jennie didn't know what could.
---
Jennie was ready to turn off the bed lamp when the bedroom door opened and Lisa walked in. It was early considering she usually came home so late at night. Lisa looked weary but there was something off. Jennie caught Lisa's eyes and saw guilt.
"You're home?"
"Yes," Lisa answered quietly. "I did a six hours stressful surgery. Thought I should go home and rest."
"You didn't get to work in the lab?"
"I did this morning. I'm going to take a shower."
"Okay."
When Lisa was done with her night routine, Jennie was still wide-awake.
Lisa slipped under the blanket, lowered the light on her side of the bed then turned to Jennie. She could see her wife's faint face in the dim room. "Why aren't you asleep?"
Jennie let out a breath, "I miss you. I can't even remember the last time we share the bed." Her eyes listened. "It gets lonely, Lisa." Jennie bit her lip as she wiped away the tears from the corner of her eyes.
"Oh Baby," Lisa scooted closer to Jennie and wrapped her in her arms. "I'm sorry. I am so sorry."
"I'm sorry I'm selfish. I - I..."
"I'm right here," Lisa tightened her hold. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. Let's sleep. It's been a day."
A soft squeeze on her shoulder was the respond she got.
---
Lisa couldn't stop her tears when she saw her babies confessed their longing towards her in the video that Jennie sent just now. They politely asked her to play with them when she had the time. They even promised to be in their best behavior. Their innocence made her feel guilty beyond words.
Was it what she really want? Sitting in the freezing room accompanied by mice's hearts in front of her, looking at the microscope for hours, counting the living and the dead cells, was it really?
Was it what her heart desire? The quietness, the absolute silence so she could concentrate on her thing? Then why was she replying the video of her children making noise over and over again?
She couldn't focus. Not when her kids considered her like a stranger instead of mother. Not when she had witnessed those vacant faces. Not when her own wife behaved just politely towards her.
She had set a line, a limit, a define boundary from her family. Her family that she built from zero, that she prayed for all day and night, that she swore she'd do anything to keep them intact. Then what the hell was this? Why did she feel an outsider?
How could she make her children begged for her time? Why did she hurt her own children?
"My God." Lisa let out a long, deep breath. "What have I done?"
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