i updated it a day after. ya girl updating early as usual 👺🙄🤚
song of the chapter: habits of my heart by jaymes young
A while has passed since the bell rung and PE started. The usual. Asahi had to sweat and suffer in sports. The ticking clocks on the wall made seconds feel like hours. He ran laps around around the track field with the other students.
"You got 5 more minutes, come on!" The sports coach yelled from the distance. Asahi looked up at the blue sky while he was running, putting his eyes in a squint due to the golden rays of the sun. Even though the coach said five minutes, he still felt like collapsing. He was never a runner.
While he was running, he bumped into someone. He stumbled back in his footsteps and looked at the person. The guy looked back at him with an annoyed expression.
"Sorry." Asahi mumbled.
"Watch where you're going, faggot." He grumbled and kept on running. Asahi took a moment to process what he said. A cold chill ran down his spine when he heard that word.
"Move!" The sports teacher yelled to him. He looked back at him and kept on running with the confusion running through his mind.
PE ended and Asahi sat on his own in the locker rooms trying to change back to his uniform. some walked out of the showers with towels wrapped around their neck from the showers they were taking . And some were playing around with their friends. It was loud nonetheless. A room filled with half naked guys changing. Asahi just wanted to be out of there.
He slipped on his white long sleeved shirt and started buttoning it up. his jacket, tie and vest were beside him on the bench. Just like he wanted, he should be out of there soon.
His eyes roamed around the room as he wore his jacket and straightened it on him. He noticed a group of shirtless guys standing in the corner of the room looking at him in disgust. They talked about him with each other, he couldn't hear what they were saying. But he knew since they were pointing at him.
"He's looking at you." He heard one of them murmur to the other. The guy shuddered in mock disgust and the other guys laughed. Asahi rolled his eyes and looked down at his vest as he straightened it.
Once he fully changed into his uniform, he left the room. Their eyes burned holes on his back, he knew it. He walked through the school halls trying to get to class. The feeling of eyes on him and the sound of murmurs made him quicken his pace.
He got to class and he sat on his chair beside the window with his head resting on the table. Rest was the only thing he needed. Not anyone to bother him. The class started to get to filled up with time, he couldn't see them but he heard their voices. The teacher wasn't here yet.
"Hey. Asahi." a guy pulled his chair to Asahi's desk and said. Asahi peeked his eyes at him to see who it was. It was just his friend so he looked back down.
"What?" He muttered back to him.
"Is it true?" he asked.
"Is what true?" Asahi said in a monotone voice.
"What everyone's saying." He answered.
"What's everyone saying?"
"Are you gay?"
Asahi tensed in his spot at the mention of that question. He clenched his jaw and balled his fist.
"No....I'm not." He responded.
"Sorry's not good enough." He heard a female voice say. He abruptly looked up from his position at the class in surprise, searching for the voice just to be met with complete darkness . It was extremely familiar. Painfully familiar.
"Are you stupid?!" He heard her say again. The voice kept on talking, he desperately searched for the person but he couldn't find it. He found no one.
"You're useless!" She yelled again.
"I'm sorry." He heard his younger self whimper back.
"Sorry's not good enough." She said the line again.
"I'm not stupid." His younger self sobbed.
"Yes you are!" She yelled.
"No!" Asahi shouted as all the memories came flooding back to him. A cold sweat showered him from top to bottom.
"Can't you do anything?!" She said again.
"Please....no." Asahi sobbed. It felt like he was tied to that chair.
"You're a lost cause!" She yelled. He heard his younger self cry, he felt the same agony he felt as a kid back then.
"No I'm not!" Asahi shouted aimlessly at her.
"I'm sorry." His younger self said.
"Sorry's not good enough." She said again. That same line over and over again. Rubbing salt in his wounds.
"You know I'll always love you." He heard his mother say into the void.
Asahi bolted up sitting on his bed desperately gasping for air. He was drenched in sweat and a heavy load was dumped on his heart. He looked down at his hands to find them shaking. A rattled feeling dawned on him as he ran his fingers through his hair and started sobbing. The lump in his throat was about to choke him.
The hot tears escaped his eyes and rolled down his cheek. His breath hitched in his throat as another sob came. The load on his heart became heavier and heavier. It was too much to bear. He slowly got up from his bed with his body still in shock. Sobbing was all he could do.
He walked up to his desk and grabbed the box of cigarettes and the lighter off his shelf. The balcony door was open when he saw it so he walked in and pulled out a cigarette from the silver box. He put the cigarette between his middle and index finger and brought it up to his lips with a trembling hand.
Taking the lighter from his pocket, he lit up the cigarette and took the first pull of smoke. A familiar feeling of relaxation took over him but it didn't stop the tears from falling. He looked forward at the not so impressing view with a million things running through his mind.
solutions. He tried to look for solutions. But the only thing that came to mind was something he didn't want to be a solution at all. Jaehyuk. Asahi shook his head and looked down. His breath hiccuped between his lips from time to time, but the sobs calmed down. He took another pull of smoke and puffed it out in front of him. Watching the smoke go.
His phone rung in his pocket, catching his attention. He took it out and looked at it with curiosity.
It was Jaehyuk.
He answered the phone and put it up to his ear.
"Hey um...sorry for calling this late. I forgot my jacket in your car." He said.
"No it's fine." He took another pull of smoke.
"I wanted to call you anyways." He said when he blew out the smoke.