She woke up wondering if she was in some kind of time loop. Every morning seemed the same; she woke up way before she wanted to. "Five more minutes," she grumbled, refusing to open her eyes. "Need more sleep."
She felt big arms wrapping around her, felt the warmth of an enormous body pressing against her, and she took in a deep breath, smelling the scent of the man she'd known forever, a mix of body odour and fresh cut wood. She purred and sought between his legs, and found what she was looking for, and it responded to her touch the way she knew it would. "Morning, lover," she said.
"Mmmm, babe," Joe said low and urgent, "don't get me started. We gotta get up. The kids will be banging on the door soon."
"Your fault," she said, pouting, "you were too tired again last night. I have an itch I need to scratch, babe."
"I know. I'm sorry." He sighed. "Our timing hasn't been great, lately. Maybe tonight, yeah?"
She sighed in frustration. "The party's tonight. Who knows how late we'll be?"
"Shit. I forgot about the party."
"How could you have forgotten? I've been on the phone with Rachel planning it for weeks. We've talked about it over and over again."
"Do we really have to go?"
"Yes, Joe. It's my coworkers' Jack and Jill party. I have to make an appearance. I can't leave Rachel and Al twisting in the wind. Sunny and Tej will be there too."
"Oh, yeah. Remind me which ones are getting married?"
"Meghan and Tom. Ralph and Gary chipped in for the food and drink, so I definitely have to show up."
"Is Meghan the one with the tattoos and the tongue piercing?"
"You noticed. Is that your thing?"
He chuckled. "No. She has too many tattoos, but one wouldn't be bad, placed discreetly in a place only I could see."
"Oh, yeah? You want me to get a tattoo?"
He shrugged. "Actually, I'm surprised you never got one. You were always up for anything when we were kids, I thought it would be right up your alley." He trailed a finger up her bare back. "I always thought something like a cherry branch with pink blossoms running up your spine would be sexy."
She gasped and shivered with lust. "Jesus, Joe, for someone who doesn't want to start anything, you're certainly acting like you want to start something."
"Sorry, I'll stop," he said, taking his hand away.
"But now you have me thinking," she said as she slipped out of bed and dressed in sweats. "Maybe I will get a tattoo sometime, something only you can see. Maybe not as big as you suggested, that would take a long time and hurt like a son of a bitch, but I like the cherry blossom idea." It was something she fantasized about showing Rachel, too, feeling her lips on it, her skin prickling as if being pierced by the tattoo needle...
"Is she in IT with Tom?" Joe asked, going back on topic.
She nodded. "Love blossomed, so to speak, in the computer lab. Maybe they found themselves freezing in the server room and held each other close, and one thing led to another."
He chuckled. "You've made up stories about their romance?"
"No, I'm just shitting you."
Joe dressed, and they left their room, which wasn't locked, so it was a good thing they hadn't started anything. Joe had been too tired last night, or so he'd said, so she hadn't bothered locking the door. Since that first time in the summer, he'd turned her down more often than she liked, even on evenings when they'd both been home at a decent hour and should have had the energy for it. They were in their forties, not dead. She was still an attractive woman, she thought, and Joe was still an attractive man; he hadn't gone to seed like his brother. Maybe her libido did outpace his a little, as he'd claimed (and luckily she had Rachel to see to her needs when she could,) but she didn't think that was the entire explanation for this change in their love life. It was getting a little annoying, because she'd also had to cancel more than one show for Rachel and Al; they'd now provided more than she had, and she didn't like being in the catch-up position. Not that they were keeping score; they were very giving people and enjoyed putting on a show for her. She suspected Al especially got a kick out of watching her masturbate to them doing it, because she often noticed him looking up at the screen when he should have been looking in his wife's eyes. They had to be dark when she put on her show because Joe didn't know he was starring in his own porn video, but she didn't bother going dark for their shows, so in a way she was giving them a show, and in that way the score sheet was balanced a little.
The kids had already woken up and gone downstairs, and were sitting in front of the TV. Maybe soon they would make their own breakfast. Yeah, sure, and then maybe they'd start bringing her breakfast in bed. She wouldn't get her hopes up.
To her surprise, though, Joe went into the kitchen and started banging around. "Saturday pancakes, everyone?"
"Yay!" Naomi and Tosh called together.
"Yay," Lauren said, more pleased than she needed to be. Joe wasn't a complete stranger to the kitchen, but neither was he a frequent occupant, and it wasn't like he was making pancakes from scratch; they were from the just-add-water mix, bought from Costco in a bag that looked big enough to hold cement, and the resultant batter tended to stick to the bowls like cement when she tried to wash it off after. Still, his offer to make breakfast was some consolation for not giving her what she wanted last night, and she busied herself instead with pouring two cups of coffee from the machine they'd set the night before. She dressed Joe's the way he liked and placed it in front of him, and he kissed her in thanks as he mixed batter with a whisk. She carried hers, black, to sit in the armchair and join the kids, who were zoned out in front of bloody Spongebob Squarepants. Eventually she found herself hypnotized by the antics of Spongebob and his buddies, and she realized she was still waking up. Too many night shifts were fucking with her diurnal cycle, and it couldn't be good for her health.
Joe called them all to the breakfast table, and she pulled out butter and syrup from the fridge, and orange juice for the kids. As they ate, Lauren said, "So, you two know you're going to Grandma and Grandpa's house later, right?"
Naomi rolled her eyes and sighed. "Yes, Mom. Once again, to the grandparents."
Lauren didn't like the world weary attitude from her eleven year old daughter. It was too early to be that jaded. "Come on, I wish I could take you with us, but it's not that kind of party."
"But it's at Auntie Rachel's place!" Naomi whined, and Lauren understood the source of Naomi's dismay. She knew her daughter worshipped Rachel; she was the cool aunt who'd given her great gifts last Christmas and at her birthday, and to whom she was able to talk about things she couldn't talk about with her own mother, something Lauren knew was common but still stung a little; she herself had been able to discuss anything with her mother, and had hoped Naomi would be able to do the same with her. Maybe if she was home more often... no, she wouldn't feel guilty about being a working mother. Luckily, Rachel relayed to her anything Naomi told her that she should be concerned about, which wasn't a whole lot.
"I know, sweetie, but Harpreet and Ajit won't be there either. No kids will be there, so you'd just get bored."
"Will there be drinking?" she asked with disapproval.
"Yes, but your dad and I won't drink that much. We need to drive home and get you, remember."
"You aren't going to leave us overnight, are you?" Tosh said.
"No, buddy, the party won't last that long," Joe said. "I for one intend to leave as soon as decency will allow."
"What does that mean?" Tosh asked in confusion.
"Yes, I'd like to know what that means too," Lauren said.
Joe shrugged. "You know, say hello to our friends, congratulate the bride and groom, have a drink or two, eat enough to say I've had dinner, have a bite of cake, and then go."
She sighed. "We'll see. I'm sort of a co-host of this party, so I might have to stick around a while longer. But we will come back before it's your bedtime, and, hey, you'll get to stay up a little longer tonight."
Neither child seemed enthusiastic about this prospect. At least they didn't cry about it; Tosh especially had been a little clingy lately and, though she normally loved having her sweet boy around, it made things a little inconvenient when she had adult things to do.
The day progressed as most Saturdays did when she had a Saturday off. Laundry to do, bathrooms to clean. Grocery shopping at the Costco off Willingdon Avenue; lunch (Lauren's turn to cook, this time); a workout in the afternoon, followed by a shower and getting ready for the evening. She didn't want to get too glam for this; she wasn't the centre of attention tonight, and she wanted to be comfortable more than anything. She chose her pink, full sleeve, button-down blouse and black slacks, semi-formal but still easy to move around in. She thought she might have worn this to Mrs. Anderson's memorial, but it still looked nice, and she didn't think Rachel would notice or care that she was rotating her outfits.
Joe packed the van with all the boxes they needed to take, then showered and changed himself while Lauren got the kids ready for their visit with the grandparents. They dropped them off with minimal histrionics from Tosh, to her relief, then drove to Vancouver.
As they were bringing a lot of the alcohol for tonight, Rachel had saved her parking spot for their van. She appreciated this later, when they had to bring all the boxes in more than one trip up the elevator. Al met them in the parking garage when they arrived, and he helped. "I needed something to do," he confessed. "Rachel is pacing back and forth, fretting about every detail. I've never seen her like this, she's normally so laid back."
"She's hosting a party at her place, showing her home to people who are mostly strangers," Lauren said. "It's different when it's just us."
Al smiled and nodded, seemingly impressed with that notion. "True. You and your kids, and Sunny and Tej and their kids, you're all like family now."
Lauren felt inordinately touched by this statement. Maybe it was her nerves about the party rubbing away the surface dirt covering her emotions, bringing them closer to the surface, but she had to fight the urge to cry, and busied herself carrying boxes into the elevator to hide her face.
Rachel hugged her fiercely when she got in the door. "Thank God you're here," she said, "I'm freaking out."
Lauren chuckled as she squeezed her lover hard, enjoying probably the only feel she would have of her the whole night. "Al told me. I'm ready to be put to work. What do you still need to do?"
Al received the caterers and oversaw the food delivery while Joe and Lauren unpacked the booze, and Rachel laid out glasses and silverware. "Shoot! Napkins!" she hissed. "Do we have enough napkins?"
"The caterers brought lots with the food," Al said.
"Relax, Rachel," Lauren said. "Your place looks great."
"It does," Joe said. "Much cleaner than it normally looks."
"Fuck off," Rachel said, but she was smiling.
She'd decorated the apartment with streamers and balloons, a banner that read, "Congratulations, Meghan and Tom," and flowers she hoped Meghan would take home later. "I don't want to have to keep them," she said, "one, because I kill everything green, and, two, because the cat will attempt to eat them if he gets the chance." Al nodded in agreement.
"Where is Samson, anyway?" Lauren asked.
"Hiding under the bed," Al said sadly. "He knows we're doing something unusual today, and he doesn't like it. We already moved his food bowls in there, so he probably won't leave the bedroom tonight."
"Poor thing."
"Don't feel too bad for him. I gave him extra treats and a new catnip toy to bliss him out under there."
Ralph and his wife arrived not long after, and Liz was introduced with handshakes and hugs. Ralph looked suitably impressed with the spread. "Good job, you two," he said. "Meghan and Tom are going to love it. I like the location of your apartment, Rachel. Did you always want to live downtown?"
"Actually, no," Rachel said. "I spent most of my life in New Westminster and Burnaby, and loved it there. When I started working at Henderson Peters, I thought it would be nice to live close to work, and when I married Mason he liked the glamour of living downtown even though he worked in the New Westminster Police."
"Mason is your first husband, right?"
She nodded. "Yes. We divorced, and he married my best friend at the time."
"Yikes!" Liz said. "That must have been awkward."
Rachel grimaced. "It was, but Allison and I made amends since Mason died, so it's all good now."
"Wait, your first husband died?" Liz asked, stricken. "How old was he?"
"My age."
"Good lord, what happened?"
"Oh, sorry, honey, I didn't tell you about this," Ralph said shamefacedly.
"Car accident," Rachel explained. "He and his partner were in their cruiser making a U-turn when it got t-boned by a car speeding downhill. The driver of the other car died too."
"Oh, my goodness, that's so terrible," Liz said, placing a hand on Rachel's shoulder.
"That was a little over two years ago. Al actually witnessed the accident, didn't you, Al."
She looked to him, and Lauren got the feeling Rachel was passing the conversational football to him. Al cleared his throat and said, "Yes, I'm sorry to say. It was so fast and so awful. I'll never forget it. Luckily it happened right in front of the police station, so authorities were on hand to help immediately."
"Still, it's dreadful," Liz said. It was dreadful, but Liz looked a little excited, as if this was the most interesting conversation she'd had in months, and maybe it was.
Not long after them, Sunny and Tej arrived, and Ralph finally got to meet the firm's liaison to the Westminster Law Group. "I still can't believe I sent Lauren to an initial client meeting with a person she was friends with so long ago," he said.
"It was serendipity," Sunny agreed. "If we hadn't chosen you guys as our contractor, who knows if the rest of us would have reunited?"
"The rest of you?" Liz asked. She gestured to them all. "So you, all of you, were childhood friends?"
"Well, not me," Tej said sadly, "though I wish I'd been there. Still, they've made me feel just as if I had been."
"It wasn't hard," Al said. "You're delightful, and the only one who could keep this punk in line." He playfully punched Sunny on the shoulder.
More coworkers trickled in, constantly being buzzed in by Rachel. The guests of honour were the last to arrive, as if they'd forgotten this party was for them. They were in their twenties, and Lauren wondered if this was a generational behaviour she wasn't aware of, to show up so late for your own party. If they acted like this at work they'd be fired. They also seemed unused to all the attention, and appeared to shrink into themselves as they were passed between well-wishers. Maybe that was it, she thought. They were so anxious about being here that they came as late as they could and were probably intending to follow Joe's creed and leave as early as decency allowed.
Eventually, though, they warmed up and let themselves enjoy the adulation, telling everyone stories about who approached whom and how they finally knew they were in love, and Lauren softened her position on them. They were good kids. She remembered what that first flush of love was like, intoxicating and exhilarating, and the party made her feel sentimental about her own marriage. If Joe had made love to her last night, she might have felt more secure about it, too. Joe seemed more distracted lately, and she wondered if something was going on with him. It made her feel itchy and annoyed, and she thought she needed to take the edge off with some more wine.
She poured herself her second glass of the night and looked for her husband. The room was quite full now, but she could see him easily, towering over everyone else. He was a slough around which the river of people flowed, solid and stationary. She made her awkward way around them to get back to him, taking little sips of her wine and making small chat with whoever engaged her. Most of it was about work, luckily, so she had ready replies for them, but she still felt the urge to get back to Joe, who was not much of a chatterbox and bereft of conversation companions because they were too intimidated to talk to him.
Just before she reached him, though, she ran into Rachel. "We did it!" Rachel cried. "People are eating and drinking and having fun. It's not a disaster after all!"
Lauren put her drink on the coffee table and took Rachel's shoulders. "Of course it isn't!" she said. "Who wouldn't love your party? You're the hostess with the mostest!"
Rachel laughed, and she laughed too, and they shared a moment of glee while everyone else ignored them.
Lauren found her glass and took a sip. "Where's Al? Where are Sunny and Tej?"
"They're around. Don't worry about them. Aren't Meghan and Tom adorable?"
"Yes, anyone young enough to be our children are adorable."
"Uh, I don't know about you, but I never planned on having children in my teens."
"I think you're in a bit of denial about your age, sweetie," Lauren said, taking another sip.
"Bitch."
"Just stating facts. Don't worry, I still find you hot."
Rachel gasped and looked around. She leaned in and said, "Careful."
"Do you think anyone can even hear us?" Lauren asked incredulously. "Don't worry so much."
Rachel sighed and said, "You're right."
To Lauren's surprise, she wrapped the arm not holding her wineglass around her and drew her close. "Thank you for helping me with this today. Ralph didn't turn out to be much help except with money."
"That's all I really wanted from him anyway," Lauren said. "When he gets too involved, he gets too close, know what I mean?"
"Like this?" Rachel asked, cupping her ass.
Lauren squeaked in surprise, then grabbed Rachel's ass in return, suddenly not caring who saw them; if anyone noticed, they would just chalk it up to the two of them having had a little too much to drink, even though this was only Lauren's second glass of wine. "Damn it," she whispered in Rachel's ear. "I wish we could just lock ourselves in your bedroom right now."
"Down, girl," Rachel purred. "Sorry I got you worked up."
"It's not that," Lauren said with a sigh. "Joe's been a little dry lately, if you know what I mean."
Rachel nodded in understanding. "You haven't been able to tap him?"
"I think that expression usually goes the other way."
"Oh, yeah. Anyway, we've been missing your shows, too."
"Sorry."
"Not your fault. You're always up for it, lucky for me."
"If we hid ourselves in the bathroom, would anyone notice?"
"Jesus, Lauren. Yes, I think they would, since we only have the one, and I bet there are a lot of full bladders right now."
"Shit. I need to get laid."
"I would say let's go down to your van, but I'm afraid I'm on my period, at least for another day or two, and I think people would start to wonder where the two hosts went anyway."
Lauren chuckled and kissed her on the cheek. "Thanks, lover. I love how you're always trying to find a way. I really appreciate it."
"For you, babe, I'd move mountains."
They looked around to see if anyone was paying attention to their conversation. Nobody was. She spotted Joe and made for him like he was the last overhanging branch before a waterfall. That was actually how she felt at the moment, like the floor was a flowing river carrying her to him, and every guest in the way was another bit of flotsam she had to avoid. She never liked moving walkways; they made her feel like she wasn't in control of her own body, and for a static floor to feel like an airport corridor... well, that wasn't right, and by the time she reached him, she sighed in relief that she could finally stop moving.
He didn't even know she'd sidled up to him until she tugged on his hand like a toddler getting Mommy's attention. He was busy looking at something on his phone. "You okay?" she asked.
He jumped as if electrocuted and looked at her, startled, quickly putting away his phone. He'd been doing that a lot lately, too. She considered unlocking his phone one day and looking at what was on there, but she restrained herself. Trust was supposed to be fundamental to a marriage. She was aware of the irony of worrying he was cheating when she herself was cheating, but unlike herself, she didn't think Joe could compartmentalize his feelings for her and his feelings for another woman. Or man, Lauren had to amend, although she was pretty sure he never had thoughts like that, but did anyone ever really know their partner completely?
"Yeah, good," he said a bit too brightly.
"Any word from my mom and dad about the kids?"
He shook his head. "Wouldn't they call you first?"
"Yeah, you're right." She pulled her phone from her pocket and checked the screen. No calls or texts, but for some reason the numerals denoting the time doubled for a second, then swam back into focus. She blinked a couple of times to shake off the dizzy feeling, put her phone back in her pocket and looked up at him. "Nothing. All good."
He nodded and looked around. She'd seen that look on his face before. It was the same face he wore when he suffered through an elevator ride, grimly determined not to freak out in the short time it took to get to the right floor. "You're not big on parties, are you," she said.
He shrugged. "It's just a different scene than I'm used to, and it's a little tight."
"Maybe soon we can make the proper signals to leave, and then maybe you can deliver on your promise from this morning," she said, standing on tiptoe to kiss him.
That moving floor feeling returned, and she stumbled into him, so he had to catch her. "Jesus, Lauren," he said, "how much have you had to drink?"
"Nothing. This is..." She gestured to her glass, which had spilled a little in her stumble. "This... is... my, like, second glass of wine." So why was she feeling like she'd had a lot more?
"Are you sure?" he asked with furrowed brow.
"What, you don't believe me?" she asked a little too loudly, putting the glass down on the pass-through, slowly and surely so she didn't spill again. It seemed to take more concentration than it needed.
"No, no, nothing like that..."
"Come on, lift me up, I want to kiss you," she pleaded, raising her arms like a child wanting to be picked up.
"Lauren, come on," he warned, looking around to see who was looking.
He wouldn't lift her, and she had to kiss him, so she began unbuttoning his shirt to get at what skin she could, at about chest height. When that proved to be taking too long because she couldn't make her fingers do something so dextrous, for some reason, she threw away all decency and made a grab for him through his pants.
"Lauren, Jesus," he hissed, batting away her hands.
"Why won't you love me, Joe?!" she cried, and it seemed like at that moment the entire room had quieted to hear her say that.
He looked around to see if anyone was paying attention. More than a few were.
"Sorry, sorry," Lauren slurred. "My fault. Not his fault. I can't make him horny anymore."
He looked like she'd kicked him the balls, in pain and slightly sick from this public and very inaccurate airing of their laundry. She knew she wasn't being fair, but for some reason she didn't care at all how he felt at the moment.
"Lauren?"
She turned and saw Sunny and Tej, who were looking at her in concern. "You okay?" he asked.
"Fine, sorry, I'm fine," she said, as she tried to stop the room from spinning.
"How much have you had to drink?" Tej asked.
"Just two glasses of wine. I'm fine."
Tej leaned in and said, "I don't like how your eyes look. They're a little dilated."
Lauren smiled, feeling suddenly sleepy, and said, "I love your eyes, Tej. They're like Bambi's eyes... so big and liquid..."
Tej chuckled awkwardly and put a hand to Lauren's forehead. "Are you sure you're not sick or something?"
"You're so fucking beautiful," Lauren breathed, then leaned in and kissed her on the lips.
Tej reared back as if slapped. Sunny said, "Hey, Lauren, what the hell?"
"Sorry... sorry... always wanted to do that. You're a lucky man, Sunny, my boy... I can see why she chose you, though, you're like a fucking Indian lion..."
"Lauren, I think you need to sit down," Sunny said. "Something's not right, you're not yourself."
"I agree," Joe said tightly. He was barely controlling his anger. "Maybe you should sit down."
"Fuck off," she hissed at him. Sunny and Tej gasped. She waved them off and stumbled away, and that moving floor feeling came back, and she thought maybe she did need to sit down. Where was a seat? The couch and armchairs were all occupied. The dining room chairs were...
Wait, Al was sitting in one of them. Maybe he'd be a gentleman and give her his seat if she asked him.
Rachel was standing over him, though, looking concerned, and Al looked a little down, hunched over in his chair. "Whassup, Rachel?" Lauren asked her. "Al okay?"
Rachel eyed her for a second and asked, "He was a bit smoochy, I think he had too much to drink so I made him sit down. Are you okay? I heard a bit of what happened over there."
"Just... need to sit down for a second," she said. "Al, can I sit with you? There aren't any seats around."
He looked up at her with a sleepy smile and leaned back. "Hey, Lauren," he said. "Sure, just park yourself right here."
He patted his thigh, and at the moment it looked like a mountain of pillows, and she knew that if she just sank down on to it the floor would stop moving and she could steady herself, get her bearings.
She plopped herself clumsily on his lap, and it knocked the wind out of him. "Oof!" he gasped, then chuckled and threw an arm around her waist. "Damn, Lauren, whendju get so heavy?"
"Fuck off," she said, then began laughing uncontrollably.
"Lauren?!" Rachel said. "Are you okay?"
"Of course she is," Al said. "We're two of a kind, aren't we? Just two sailors on a ship on rolling seas."
"What are you talking about?" Lauren asked, but she was still laughing because it was the funniest thing she'd ever heard.
"I have no idea," he said, laughing too. "Hey, Lauren, whaddya want for Christmas?"
"I want to get laid, Al," she said, "but no one will volunteer for the job."
"You have to be fucking kidding me. No one? You're so... is layable a word?"
"I don't think so. No... see... Joe's not been a good boy and done his marital duty."
Al chuckled. "You said doody."
She snorted and said, "What are you, twelve?"
"Not anymore, my friend, not anymore. What about you, Lauren, have you been a naughty girl, too?"
"So naughty," she breathed. She leaned in and whispered in his ear. "So very naughty."
Suddenly she had to bite his dangling earlobe. Just nibble on it, just to see what it tasted like. Joe didn't have dangling lobes. It was something different that she wanted to try. Just like when she'd wanted to taste Al's tears, this urge was uncontrollable.
Al gasped when her teeth clamped on, and she felt him harden underneath her, and suddenly she had to kiss him, so she did, just went in and slid her tongue in his mouth, and she felt him respond, felt his arms sliding up her back...
She woke up wondering if she was in some kind of time loop. Every morning seemed the same; she woke up way before she wanted to. "Five more minutes," she slurred, refusing to open her eyes. "Need more sleep."
This time a phone seemed to be ringing. Where was that coming from? It didn't sound like her phone.
She rolled into arms that didn't feel familiar, that were too small. She smelled a different body than the one she was used to. Yet there were soft sheets underneath her, an arm pillowing her head, and she felt warm and comfortable, loose limbed and content.
"Mmmm," she purred sleepily. "Morning, lover."
Mercifully, the phone stopped ringing.
"Um..." Al stammered. "Uh, Lauren, I think you need to wake up."
She grabbed at an erection that was definitely not Joe's, and that, more than Al's request, woke her up completely. She saw only the light of a phone, and Al's face, sleepy and confused, and wondered, What have I done?
It's always hard writing from the point of view of somebody intoxicated, especially when the adverse effects are so rapid. If something about this chapter doesn't ring true, please let me know. I strive for authenticity. If you liked what you just read, hit "Vote." That does it for the flashbacks. Let's return to Lauren in the present day by hitting "Continue reading."