I had rented a hotel room in The Grand Hotel. It was 30 mins away from Father Oliver's residence. When I heard that the former priest was sick, I packed my bags and paid him a visit.
Probably, it was old age that made me reminisced. The old priest was A' Han's confidant. He was like a father figure for him. He would know what the other boy was thinking and feeling all those years ago.
"I'm glad I get to see you before I die." Father Oliver coaxed me to take the chair in front of him. He asked me what I want to eat or drink. As I answered the older man looked at me with a smile. I smiled back
Looking at him, I took note of the changes time had done. Gray locks frames his face. Crow's feet adorned his blue eyes. I remembered how the old man plays the clarinet. He used to play the instrument beautifully everyday but now seems like he was drowning by just merely breathing .
"Have you heard from Chang Jia Han? " Father Oliver asked.
"We've had no contact over the years." I smiled sadly.
An eyebrow shot up.
"I heard he doesn't attend reunions and no one's in contact with him." He continued. "You know we talked about you a lot, yeah?"
"Hmn,"
"He was so sure that you cared for him, that you also like him."
"I did."
"Then why didn't you tell him?"
"I-- ," I was lost for words. I wanted to say that I love him, that I am more than willing to lay my life for him. I wanted to say that I was protecting Chang Jia Han but I can't voice it out. It was a bullshit excuse.
"I was trying to sway him from liking you. I don't want him to feel the pain I did and yet the more I swayed him, he was more adamant about his feelings." Father continued.
"I just want him to accept me. Those were his exact words. When I left the school and went back here to Montreal his words haunted me. How can loving someone wrong?" He scoffed.
How can loving someone wrong? He smiled bitterly and pictured a boy kneeling, praying.
*******
Chiang Jia Han was kneeling and praying earnestly to God. Knowing that he's the cause of A' Han's restless heart, he masked his uneasiness by mocking him in prayers.
He was praying nonsense. Chang Jia Han got pissed. Two black orbs eyed him intently. A'Han walked towards him. His heart leaped.
"Are you mocking me?"
He didn't respond and just smile sheepishly.
"You're Lame!" A'Han was about to leave but he grabbed his arm.
" Why don't you stop hanging out with me alone? We can still be good friends. Why don't I introduce you to a girl?" He asked, still holding that facade of nonchalance.
This fueled A' Han's anger. Two hands grabbed his face. They were trembling but one can't mistake the strength in them. He wanted to peel them away but the other boy held on tight.
Their eyes locked. His was mocking, playful while Chang Jia Han's was hurt.
"Just lend me your scooter. I will date Ban Ban tonight." He asked shamelessly.
Chang Jia Han pushed him hard then walked out. He watched his back sadly and can't help but sigh.
******
After that incident, A ' Han still lent him his scooter. He was supposed to be enjoying the breeze and trill but his mind was wandering. He can't stop thinking about Chang Jia Han's eyes which were full of sadness.
It was too late for him to notice the car crossing. He only got 2 choices now. One is to collide directly with the car, surely, he will fly like a bird. Or jump out of the scooter. He chose the latter and got only a broken arm and leg.
As always, A' Han was there to the rescue.
They say the more you avoid things, the more it will show in front of you. A' Han finally caught him in the dorm's bathroom despite his efforts.
He entered and A' Han was about to leave. If he just arrived a little late then they won't meet each other.
With his arm and leg in a cast he was having a hard time moving.
Chang Jia Han entered the stall he was in. He tried to push him away but at the moment he was incapable. The door closed with an ominous "thud".
Once he was undressed, he started soaping his body. He can feel his hands cold despite the warm water. They were trembling.
"Plish, plash, plish, plash." Chang Jia Han soaped his hair, ears down to his neck. His body became rigid when the other boy's hands crawl up his chest.
"Spread your legs. Turn Around"
When he still refused to do what he says, A' Han moved closer. He felt his back touch something solid.
He clenched his jaw. The way A' Han touched his body sends his brain into overdrive. That little organ inside his chest was beating so hard it could jump out of his ribcage. He sucked in his breath when A' Han's hand touch that part between his legs.
"Chang Jia Han. Tha---ts enough." He stuttered.
Instead of stopping, A' Han's hands moved faster. He was trying to wake up a something he only encounters in the movies or books. He can't help but pant like a dog in need of water.
Groans, grunts and moans can be heard from that small cubicle. A' Han looked straight in his eyes while his hands move vigorously.
Someone said that when release is near the more intense the pleasure is. That heaven is more reachable when you are with the person you love. Is this that feeling?
The sounds they make increased in volume. His face contorted in a mixture of pain, ecstasy and confusion. White, sticky liquid shot out from his manhood to A'Han's shorts. The other boy finally released him.
Neither spoke. His head bowed, trying to avoid the other's gaze. Their chest moved up and down, trying to catch their breath.
A lot of pictures played in his head. They didn't go all the way but he was afraid. He pictured Chi Chia Wei - he didn't know him at that time, being dragged by the police for advocating a right they deserved. - Also, that junior who got bullied buy Chang Jia Han's friends, his face always adorned with bruises. He imagined Chang Jia Han being hurt, dragged, and humiliated.
Before he can stop himself, he pull A' Han's face. He really doesn't know how to kiss. Although he read and watched about how doing it, he never get around practicing. He just let their lips touched.
Tears flowed.
"I--'m sorry."
"I'm sorry!" His shoulders shake from the unnamed feeling he felt.
Chang Jia Han didn't say anything. He just moved closer and engulfed him with his embrace.
**********
"Why did you comeback to Montreal?" I asked. "Why did you take off your Cassock?"
Father Oliver smiled gently. He pulled out a cigarette and light it. After inhaling a puff of smoke and slowly let it out, he continued.
"Remember when I said 'Live in the Moment? It was more directed to myself. I was like both of you. No. I was more like you. We are men trying to escape the storm. I always think that homosexuals deserved to burn in hell and I'm no exception. I deluded myself that by running away, the man I love will be saved. If I serve Him, He will be lenient to us. "
"Chang Jia Han changed that perspective. He came to me, bloodied and confused. Asking what he did wrong. When had he become an outsider? Why was loving someone wrong. That he's willing to go to hell just so someone would understand him. I tried pushing him away. "
It was very hard to dissuade him, after all he has a point.
*********
The school found out who orchestrated the flying balloon. BanBan was called first and after talking with the school master, she and her mom went out crying.
Right now, he doesn't care about BanBan. He's more worried about A' Han. What if the school found out that he had help? He needs to ensure that he was safe.
His dad came and as soon as he saw him, his old man started hitting him. The School Master tried to stop Mr. Wang, appealing and reminding him that they don't allow Corporal punishment anymore.
They never gotten along well. Mr. Wang always calls his son, a good for nothing. And that he wished that he didn't allow him to grow up. They were like playing cat and mouse. Birdy runs while his father follows and hit him.
His father was like the God of War who descended among mortals and punished them. His hand grabs whatever he can and hit him. Then out of nowhere, a voice he dreaded to hear shouted "Stop hitting him!"
"Chang Jia Han! Leave me alone! You've got nothing to do with it!" He shouted back. But that boy is hard headed when he wants to. So the game of cat and mouse became 'Tug-o-War'
Everytime his father will hit him, A'Han will automatically use his body to shield him. He got a couple of hits from his father. This enraged Mr. Wang more so he grabbed a chair and was about to hit Wang Po Te, when A' Han embraced him. It was too late even after he pushed him the chair connected to the side of his head.
He felt the world suddenly stopped. A'Han was on the floor, blood on his face. He was about to stand up and protect him again but he lost it. He stumbled after he pushed him. He was silently praying for him to stand down.
"Sir! I did it! It was my love affair!" Suddenly Chang Jia Han said firmly.
"CHANG JIA HAN! STOP BUTTING IN MY AFFAIRS! WHEN DID YOU HAVE A LOVE AFFAIR! IT WAS MINE!"
"What do you know about my love affairs?" He said blood and tears already became one. He looked again to the School Master and repeated firmly that he was at fault.
He lost it. He didn't know what happened. If not for Father Oliver pulling them away he wouldn't notice that he and A'Han were already exchanging blows and the School Master shouting for them to stop.
The world is spinning. He vaguely remembered hearing the school master blaming Father Oliver for this fiasco.
*********
They say when you are with someone you like, time passes by quickly. At some point I could agree with this. The 30 years I avoided Chang Jia Han creeped seconds by seconds. During the earlier years, after the last time they talked, felt he was in an unending limbo. Even after BanBan gave birth to their daughter, a face would always pop somewhere.
Chiang Jia Han nudged him, waking him from his thoughts.
"Ahm. We're here. " There it was again. His heartbeat skipped.
"Do--"
"May--"
They looked at each other and laughed. It broke the awkwardness that looms above their heads.
"Yeah, ahm, Come up and have some coffee." I paused. "Know what? Fuck coffee, let's have a drink."
Chang Jia Han punched the air and smiled childishly.
"Lets."
And I have a bad feeling about this.
TO BE CONTINUED
P.S
Sorry for the late update😭😭 My brother is in the hospital and a lot of things playing on my mind. If not for the alcohol I won't be able to finish this. I hope you enjoy the story. Let me know what you think in the comments😊😊😊 Happy New Year