"Keep that jaw of yours open and a fly will come in."
Isanna's attention was called when Adalaide closed her mouth for her, only realizing then that she had been staring with a slackened jaw at the man sitting across her.
Who wouldn't stare at him? Erwin's hair was literally not in its usual slicked look, the strands of blond sticking out in random directions. If his gelled hair made him look like a classy noble gentleman, his messy hair made him look like one of those underground street ruffians. Still handsome, of course.
Isanna had wanted to eat in the same table as Erwin's squad this time because of the incident that had happened yesterday with the new trainee, but imagine the girl's surprise when she was met with a messy-haired Erwin first thing in the morning.
"I know he's so hot that you want him to push you up against a wall, but you should finish your breakfast before we're late for our morning training," Adalaide whispered near Isanna's ear, causing the latter to erupt into a blushing mess.
With furrowed eyebrows, Isanna glared at the redhead and whispered back with gritted teeth, warily trying to keep her volume minimum. "Would you shut up? Erwin's right across the table, he'll hear you."
"So what? Let him." Adalaide leaned back and looked at Erwin. "Hey Er -"
"You didn't gel your hair today?" Isanna quickly interjected, breaking out into a cold sweat of nervousness as she slapped a hand over Adalaide's mouth and shoved her face away.
Erwin was about to place the spoonful of rice into his mouth when Isanna asked him a question. He lowered his hand while his other hand reached out to roll a few of his strands between his index and thumb. "I ran out. I was thinking of buying one in town later."
Isanna nodded meaningfully before she side-glanced at Adalaide and shut her up with a hard look. The redhead merely shrugged and continued on with her food.
Mentally sighing, Isanna returned her attention to her breakfast and began eating while occasionally scanning around the mess hall. That Baldrick was nowhere in her line of sight, which improved her mood. But there were ogling eyes from the girls as they gazed admiringly at Erwin's rough, bad boy look. Isanna redirected her eyes back at the blond across her and observed how his hair strands would sway from time to time whenever his head moved. Those long eyelashes attached to his eyelids nodding up and down whenever he blinked, and the way his jaws would move whenever he chewed on the food inside his mouth, accompanied by his adam's apple bobbing up and down when he swallowed. The scene was like in a slow-mo, and Isanna was able to catch a full glimpse up close at his handsome features.
Isanna confirmed she was going nuts. Since when was she this observant of him?
I'm a total creep, Isanna lowered her eyes.
Erwin lifted his gaze and saw how the jet-black haired girl in front of him was staring intently at the food in her hands, to the point that she was almost glaring. He wondered what kind of serious offense did a cup of rice do to her for her to wear such a face. He realized Isanna had been acting strangely ever since yesterday when she visited their cabin room and tried to think what could be bothering his best friend. She was perfectly fine during dinner yesterday, and Erwin was pretty sure he hadn't done anything to upset her. He was about to ask what was bothering her when his eyes landed on something.
Isanna froze when she felt a hand touch her hair. She lifted her gaze and saw Erwin stretching his hand across the table, tugging something away from her hair. Her breath hitched at the back of her throat.
"You had some rice," he said as he showed her the small white grain between his thumb and index finger.
Isanna wordlessly stared at him for a few seconds, unable to muster a reply, until someone cleared their throat.
"Do you guys want some romantic background music or somethin'?"
Both Erwin and Isanna turned their heads to see the rest of their friends watching them. It was Adrian who had asked the question with an amused grin, while Adalaide and Chiara wore twinning smirks at the entertaining scene before them. Mike was wearing a ghostly smile of his own, while Nile donned an unimpressed face at them.
Isanna's face twitched in embarrassment at the attention while her cheeks went a darker shade of red. Shit, was she too obvious?
"That would be lovely, but I recall you have the voice of a dying horse when you sing, Schulz," Isanna blurted out automatically, mentally giving herself a pat in the back because she was able to say a comeback before anyone could interrogate her.
Adalaide and Chiara chortled at Isanna's remark, and the attention was now shifted at the topic of Adrian's singing voice as both girls started making fun of him.
"Remember how he was singing in the bathroom and it was so bad the instructor had to come barging in just to tell him to shut up?" Adalaide said in between snickers.
Chiara was holding her stomach as her eyes watered due to excessively laughing. "A-and then Instructor Koch surprised him so much he tripped and fell through the window and landed on the horse stables, naked."
Both girls gave each other high fives as they bursted out laughing without restraint. "BWAHAHAHAHA!"
"That was gold!" Chiara guffawed, repeatedly slapping Mike on the back, causing the poor blond to choke on his food.
"O-oi! That was ages ago!" cried Adrian as a blush of embarrassment covered his cheeks.
"Yeah!" Adalaide laughed. "And we'll still laugh about it 10 years later!"
Isanna mentally sighed in relief at the scene, happy that that she was able to dispel the awkward tension between her and Erwin. She looked at her friends and smiled, contented at their company and the light mood surrounding their table.
Come to think of it, all of them were planning on joining the Survey Corps, which was probably one of the main reasons why they became such a tight-knit group of friends in the past 2 years; they were all oddballs of some sorts, which seemed to be a requirement of enlistment in the said military branch.
The Survey Corps, Isanna thought to herself, thinking about her future in the next year. That's right, we have bigger goals in mind, yet here I am getting so bothered by my personal feelings.
How selfish of her.
Isanna turned to Erwin, who was now silently smiling at the commotion his friends were making at their table.
She wished she could protect that smile for a long time.
•
"Say, Isa," Chiara started, looking over towards Isanna. They were currently on the training grounds, taking a brief water break from their 3D gear training. "why do you wanna join the Survey Corps, again?"
Isanna lowered her water bottle and lightly tilted her head at the sudden question. "Huh?"
"I mean, I know you're joining because of Erwin," she stated in a matter-of-fact, "but like, what about yourself? What's your personal goal?"
At her friend's query, Isanna looked at her hands, one holding a water bottle, the other holding her blades. Goal. That was a good question. Isanna had joined the Training Corps with the goal of enlisting into the Survey Corps along with Erwin, but she never really had an inspiring dream that sprouted from her own desires.
It's not like she wanted to do heroic deeds for the glory of humanity; no, she wasn't as patriotic. That was burdensome. She also wasn't all that excited to venture beyond the walls and see the outside world for herself. It was a waste of time, besides, she wasn't the adventurous kind. And she wasn't as determined as Erwin in uncovering the truth outside the walls to prove his father's theory correct.
What exactly was her driving force?
Isanna frowned at herself.
"You do know it's not good to rely and tag behind Erwin forever?" Chiara's question brought Isanna's attention back. "You should find your own goal, too."
Her driving force. Her goal. What was the reason why she had been constantly pushing herself to get stronger for the past 2 years of training? Isanna tried to take Erwin out of the picture.
"..My goal.." she muttered, eyes trailing on her hand which was gripping the blade, seeing her reflection on the glinting surface staring back at her. "does my goal have to be achieving something?"
Chiara lifted a questioning brow. "Huh?"
"Does my goal have to be.. something?" Isanna finally raised her head and looked at the brunette, her eyes burning in what seemed to be determination and hard-earned resolve. "Can't it be someone?"
At her words, Chiara took a pause. A person. Isanna's goal was a person, and the brunette didn't need to be told who it was. She chuckled, shaking her head while closing her eyes in surrender. "You really love him, don't you?"
Isanna's forehead scrunched up, but she didn't answer.
She was aware how bizarre she sounded; making a person her goal. It was a risky dream, considering how her goal was heavily dependent on someone else. But did it matter to her? Did it matter to her how uncertain it was, and how it could potentially lead her to an emotional crisis in the long run?
It doesn't matter, Isanna thought as a certain blond came to mind. I made a promise.
She tried leaving Erwin out of the picture and imagined herself beyond the walls, fighting titans alone for herself. But it just didn't seem right. Because, as simple as it may be, her dreams came back to him. She wouldn't be here if it weren't for him.
I made a promise.. to stay with him. For a long time.
Staying beside Erwin's side was Isanna's goal, and she wouldn't have it any other way.
"I do love him," the girl finally answered after a lengthy contemplation. "but not in the way you're thinking of."
Chiara smiled. "I know. 'Family' love, right?"
Isanna didn't want her conflicted emotions to be exposed, because she was still in the middle of working and figuring out her true feelings.