Fifteen
I honestly was surprised to say that we made it through the first night with having grace in our home with us. It didn't go at all how I imagined it to be with Grace being a smiley baby and happy that she had this new room. Niall and I didn't get to place a sleeping baby into a crib on our first night of ever having a baby to ourselves. It wasn't a peaceful night's sleep for any of us.
It wasn't just the fact that I was a little nervous about it. Even before I picked Grace up, who was not having it all, I knew that I wasn't going to be sleeping very well. I was going to be up all through the night, wondering and worrying if she was all right in the room that she would be all alone in. Something just didn't sit right with me about taking her away from Louis and then placing her in a room where she would be all by herself.
That means while Niall was in our room, listening to Grace crying and me attempting to soothe her through one of the baby monitors, I was sat in the rocking chair. At first I had held Grace in my arms, thinking I would rock her enough until she drifted off because she had to be tired of all of the crying and screaming that she had done. That didn't work so I put her back into the crib and I sat back into the chair and waited until she decided that sleep was a better option for her. That didn't work either. At that point I was hoping Niall would come into the room and do that map thing that I imagined would work. I was wrong again.
When Niall did finally join the two of us I, apparently, had fallen asleep on the floor. All I was trying to do was lie down and show Grace what it looked like to be asleep. That got her to stop crying so I thought that it had worked. I didn't remember a thing after that, until Niall was gently nudging at me to wake up.
The first thing I thought about was Grace and Niall knew that because he brought his finger to his lips and whispered to me that she was asleep. My relief wasn't too rewarding because I felt like I was already failing at all of this. It hadn't even been a full night and I ruined Grace. I couldn't wait to tell Louis just how much of a terrible job we were doing.
I wasn't really going to tell any of that to Louis. I knew that this was also his first night without her. He probably wasn't getting much sleep himself. I didn't need to worry him and tell him that Grace was being fussy with us because the truth is that we didn't know what the hell we were doing.
Niall told me that the both of us should head back to sleep in our room but I was against that and told him that I was going to be spending the night on the floor where I was. He argued with me a little bit, telling me that I couldn't complain to him that my entire body was aching or anything. I told him that I wasn't going to be doing any of that.
Now, it was morning and Grace was wide awake and my entire body felt like it had been aimlessly thrown around. I wished that I didn't promise Niall that I wouldn't complain. I stood up slowly, wincing every time I felt sore, and put on my best smile for Grace.
She was standing up in the crib with a worried look on her face. Her nose was bright red and her cheeks were stained with tears. I prayed they were from last night and that I didn't sleep through her crying.
I wasn't going to be a terrible father. This was a new day, and as much as I would rather have a hot shower and sleep in my own bed for a few hours, I had responsibilities to do and all my attention was going to be on Grace. I was still just as excited as I was when I found out that we were getting her. I just wasn't displaying it as much.
"Good morning to you, Grace." I told her cheerfully. I wondered if she even believed that I could be so chipper after the night we had.
Her light hair was sticking up in the back and I couldn't help but to chuckle as I softly stroked it down. I was hesitant at first because I didn't want to touch her and make her cry. I couldn't associate myself with negative emotions.
"How about we check on your diaper and then go see if Niall is awake? Then we can eat breakfast. That sounds good, yeah?" I asked her, keeping the same light tone with her.
After I didn't get a response from her I carefully put my hands under her arms and lifted her up, bringing her body close to mine with one hand supporting her bottom and the other on her back. She rested her head on my shoulder and turned her head away from me.
"Just like Niall, you are." I joked.
I turned around and walked over to the change table, laying her down onto it. She brought her legs up and moved her mouth around, babbling to herself as I bent down for a clean diaper, keeping my eyes on her and one hand on her belly. I also made sure to get the bottle of powder and clean wipes.
As much as a confident father I was trying to be, I couldn't help but try to brace myself for opening up her diaper and seeing something I didn't want to see, or smell. I knew I had to just get used to it because this is what living things did and if Niall and I were going to have a baby of our own someday, that would also produce plenty of messes that neither of us wanted to deal with.
Once I made it through changing her, I couldn't help but look down at her and wonder how her little heart was feeling. I wished that I could ask her and she could be able to tell me.
Her blue eyes stared back up at me, without even blinking. Even though the exact shade of colour belonged to Louis, I couldn't help but see Niall mirrored in them. I shook my head at that, knowing that I couldn't let myself get caught up on the fact that she wasn't ours. That was probably selfish of me to pretend that she could be.
"Let's go check on your other friend, shall we?" I asked her as I picked her up again. She squirmed in my hold and let out a grumpy whine as she rubbed her face onto my shoulder.
We walked over to where I thought Niall would still be sleeping but when we arrived to give him a wake up call, he wasn't in his bed. I thought he would be trying to sleep in but then I guessed that he was going to try his best at raising a child.
I took Grace downstairs and walked into the kitchen, where I could smell the familiar sent of toast and baked beans. Niall was making breakfast and even had a small jar of baby food, a bib, and a small rubber-ended spoon, waiting for Grace.
Niall looked to me from over his shoulder with a small smile on his face before he glanced over to Grace. "Look who's finally up." He chuckled as I turned to try and get Grace
"Maybe she'll be happier once she eats. I thought for her first morning she could have her favourite." He pointed over to where everything was set up. "I looked over the list that Louis printed us this morning and I may have found one of the reasons why she didn't have the best time falling asleep."
"What do you mean?" I asked him with a hint of shock in my tone because I had to have looked over that list numerous times to try and memorise it. I couldn't recall a thing that mentioned what made her sleep easily at night.
"I mean we didn't exactly set up her stuffed animals in her crib in the way she liked. That could have been more comforting and home-feeling to her. We can try that when we put her down for her nap this afternoon." He suggested as he walked over to the stove to stir the pot of baked beans.
I let out a sigh. I was going to have to read that list over again once she was having her nap. "Yeah, we'll have to do that."
Niall nodded. "So, how'd you sleep when I left? I didn't hear much in the monitor once I was back in bed. I almost felt the need to come back and check on the both of you again."
I tried my best not to groan at the look Niall was giving me right now, the one where he knew exactly what my answer was going to be but he also knew I promised not to complain. I hated when I gave him that power and he gave me the look to follow.
"How'd you sleep?" I asked Niall, changing the subject, as I walked further into the kitchen with Grace on my hip. She took her hand out of her mouth and waved to Niall, telling him 'no' as I set, and safely secured, her into the high-chair.
He shrugged his shoulders. "Not that well. It was more of a half-sleep so I wasn't completely out of it. I told you I was waiting to hear from the monitor." He turned off the pot of beans and gathered two plates from one of our cupboards. "I hope I'll be better tonight since I've got work in the morning."
I didn't want to be reminded of that already because I didn't want Niall to have to go back so soon. He's barely had any time to get to know Grace. I hoped once we started our own family that he would have more time. My children were going to know Niall.
"What am I going to do when you go back to work and I have to fend for myself?" I asked Niall in a dramatic tone, leaning back in my chair and looking up at him.
Niall let out a small chuckle before he served me my toast and beans. "I'm sure you will manage just fine without me. It's me who has to worry about having her when you're not around. I bet she'll get attached to you after having to be with you everyday."
"No," Grace said with a shake of her head.
"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Grace." I told her as I picked up her bib, the one decorated with flowers, and placed it around her neck so we could get breakfast started. I hope she accepted food happily and without having to fight.
"More!" Her voice was loud as she noticed me grabbing the jar of her food.
"Hang on, I haven't even opened it yet." I didn't know why I told her that because babies didn't have the grasp on what patience even was at their development level. I just kept my tone positive so she didn't worry about having to wait of her food.
Once I heard the cap make a popping sound, I let out a sigh of relief. I picked up the spoon to mix the food, which had the consistency of watery applesauce. It didn't hit me until now to actually read what I was going to be feeding her. Plus, Niall said it was her favourite and he was more on top of her favourite's list than I seemed to be.
"Apples and bananas." I read aloud and I couldn't help but take a quick smell of it, curious as to what was so delicious about baby food. It didn't exactly look appetising.
I took a small spoonful for Grace, wiping away the excess on the edge of the jar before I was ready to feed Grace her first official bite of breakfast with us. I was probably going to be excited about every time something was considered a first time with her while she was with us.
"Come on, darling. Your dad said that this was your favourite." I told her as I brought the tiny spoonful of apple and banana baby food closer to Grace's mouth.
Grace opened her mouth and I put the spoon into her mouth and waited until her lips
"That's a girl." I praised her as I went back to retrieve another spoonful for her.
Niall joined us with his own plate of food, smiling at Grace and asking her if her breakfast was good. Once she finished the jar, he wiped at her mouth and then got a wet cloth for her hands. Then he told me that I needed to eat my own breakfast and he'd keep his eye on her.
After I finished and Niall cleaned up, Grace was antsy to get out of her high-chair already so I unfastened her from the chair and picked her up. We decided that we were just going to have a weekend at home instead of going out, which is what we did often when it was just Niall and I.
As I placed Grace down onto her blanket with her toys, which was set up last night so she could have a little bit of fun before we had our adventurous bedtime, my mum rang us and asked us how everything has been so far. Niall and I waited a while before we decided to tell our families about what we were doing, both of them being very excited for us and very surprised about what we decided to do with Grace. As much as our mums wanted to be around the house and meet her, we all knew it was best not to introduce her to so many people and to save the grandparent excitement for children of our own.
My mum could have stayed on the phone with me for the entire day if I let her, telling me all kinds of stories about raising me. I know she was just happy and wanted to help me out. I let her chat for a half hour until I handed her over to Niall so I could sit on the floor and play with Grace.
When I sat down with her, she looked up at me from her plush blocks. This girl really seemed to like to stare at people until she decided that she was comfortable around them. Then she took her stuffed moose and offered it over to me. I felt like she was getting used to me already.
"Thank you," I told her before making the moose dance on her blanket, which she reached over to push her block into the moose, probably wanting me to stop because she's seen Louis do this with her so many times. I had no idea how he entertained his daughter.
I hoped Louis was feeling better, even though he was missing Grace terribly. I had no idea how I would feel if the roles were reversed but I would want to be happy knowing my child was on their way to feeling better. I planned on emailing or ringing up Louis soon so I could help him feel a little lighter over missing her and worrying about her so much.
"That wasn't fair of you or very nice to do to your mum." Niall announced as he walked back into our small front room. He had gotten up to chat with my mum in the kitchen
"She enjoys talking to you, you know. Plus, I already spent a half hour on the phone with her. Did she tell you about their holiday or did she share more baby stories about me?" I asked, shrugging up my shoulders to act like I was cringing, before I laid on my side and propped my arm up to cradle my head as I watched Grace pick up random toys and then placing them around her in her own strategic manner.
"I was lucky to hear a bit of both." Niall said before he joined the two of us on the floor. "So, what are we doing here?" His voice sounding more like he was asking Grace than me.
At the sound of Niall's voice, Grace stopped what she was doing and stared at him next, her lips pursing to make her already adorable cheeks chubbier. She studied him more closely than she did with me, going back to playing with her toys by herself.
We hung around on the floor until it was time for Grace's scheduled nap before lunchtime. She went down so much simpler than the previous night. It also helped that Niall followed behind me with the specific stuffed animals that she wanted to have in the crib with her. In his arms I had seen the one that we had bought her. It brought a smile to my face that she accepted ours as one of those important ones, or Louis had talked her into it.
Grace sat in her crib, kicking out her legs as she looked up at the two of us, turning her head to the side. Niall made a remark about how annoying it must be to her that we looked at her all the time. I shook my head at him and told Grace that were weren't annoying, well, I wasn't.
"So, do we just walk away now?" I asked him as I gripped onto the side railing of the crib. I felt bad having to do that and then hear her crying once she figured out that we had disappeared from her. She was already missing Louis and I didn't want her to be upset.
Niall nodded. "She's not going to sleep if we stand here the entire time. I'm sure she'll be just fine. We have her on monitor and we'll only be downstairs."
"But she doesn't know that." I sent Niall a pout, which he just lightly scoffed at and shook his head.
"You both are going to be fine. I promise." He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and looked down at Grace. "Right, Grace? Everyone's gonna be fine."
"No," she told him as Niall shifted her so that she was laying down. He thought she would know that it meant that it was time to have her nap. I'd ask Louis when I got a hold of him how else we can make it easier for Grace to fall asleep.
Niall made a face at me, after he was done telling Grace that it was nap time, when I sent him a satisfied smile at him. "Now, you know she doesn't really understand yet so don't you go falling for it." He playfully warned me.
"Me?" I shook my head at him. "You
"Yeah, I think leaving you two alone together is gonna cause you to turn into a huge sap." His tone was joking around but he was probably right about that. There was something about children that pulled me in and I would probably cave on plenty of things and then Grace would have me wrapped around her finger.
It was just too bad that Niall was going to miss that happening when he was away at work.
"I wish you had more than just a weekend, well half of one, to get accustomed to things here." I finally said to Niall as I let myself back away from the crib.
Niall crossed his arms over his chest, letting out a sigh. "I know and I don't want to leave tomorrow for work tomorrow morning. My mind will probably be here the entire day. I'll ring you during my break time if I can." His voice softened, probably so Grace wasn't paying attention to us so she could fall asleep.
I nodded, feeling a little bit better that we'd get to hear from Niall when he was away.
Once we finally walked out of the room, I wanted to turn and go back in to see if Grace's eyes were still open. Niall closed the door part way and I let out my frustrated sigh. I really couldn't believe that this was still happening and that I was taking everything so hard.
Niall wrapped his arms around me in a warm hug, his hands soothingly rubbing up my back, mumbling to me that I was doing just fine and it was all a learning process. I closed my eyes and let out a breath.
I really didn't want to do any of this without him here with me.
I pulled out of his arms and looked at him, placing a few pats on his shoulder. "Oh, and since I did the first one this morning and you'll be missing them tomorrow, you get to change her diaper when she wakes up." I chuckled at him before giving him a kiss on his cheek.
"Great, I'm looking forward to it." He told me.
"Look at it as a welcome to fatherhood."
I can't believe in just a few days I had started this story a year ago. I'm not really that excited about it because I've only posted 15 chapters in that time. Whoops. Anyway, thank you all so much for sticking with this story and the extreme slowness of updates! It's reached 100K reads and it's only halfway until the end :)