Lútharían P.O.V
I sit in the window looking out at the forest. It is late at night but I am not able to fall asleep. After I escaped to the garden I stayed there for what felt like an eternity. When I went back into the halls it was dead silent, and I knew that the feast would be nearing its end. I quickly went to my room, and thankfully I went unnoticed. I start fiddling with the buttons of my dress, it takes a lot longer than I wish but I finally get them undone. I take the dress off and hang it up in my wardrobe and reach for my nightgown. It is a light pink dress that stops just above my knees. The sleeves are short and rest below my shoulder. The top part of the gown is lace so it is fairly see-through, and in the front it dips down and stops just above my bellybutton. Linnoriel had this and several others made after I had told her about my engagement to the king. It was left behind when I traveled back to Lothlorien after we broke it off that day in the woods. But as I was back I figured I could use them. Since the chances of getting to use them for their real purpose seemed slim when I can here a few days ago. I wrap my arms around me. The air is fairly warm and yet I feel very cold. I focus my attention back outside. From my window can see the big gardens that belong to the King's halls. It is not the small, secluded garden built around my painting, but a big garden that is commonly used by most royals and visitors who enters here. I have yet to visit them since my return. I shift my gaze upwards. Most of the forest is so thick that the sky is hidden. But the palace is built close to a clearing. And that is where the big garden is placed, so from my window I can actually see the stars. They shine brightly, more so tonight than usual. The stars were for the majority of our courting period something we had a special connection to. I first meet Thranduil in Lothlorien, and we quickly discovered that we shared a bond. I was devastated when he had to return to Mirkwood. Or Greenwood at it was known then. But he had smiled that dazzling smile and tilted my chin upwards. "Look up my darling. We are walking under the same stars, and I shall look up at them from my chamber and we shall be together through them, even when we are apart." I can still hear his voice as clear as the day he spoke those words. At the memory, the aching of my heart grows. How can we, who started out in such a lovely way, have had this long and painful journey. The answer was simple. Orpher had brought much sorrow with his meddling, both for us and many others. As I sit under the stars I can't help but wonder; maybe that was why my naneth had such a sorrowful look in her eyes when I told her I had met the young prince. 'Did she know?' I know there is no use in wondering anymore. "It is in the past. And no amount of wishing will change anything". I speak out loud as if hearing it will somehow convince me. I pick up the robe I have had laying on the windowsill and wrap it around me. And a soft knock on the door startles me.
Thranduil P.O.V
I lay in bed unable to sleep. I am haunted by the memory of holding Lútharían in my arms as we danced. She has always been breathtakingly beautiful, but tonight she looked ethereal. Holding her close for that long again was like a dream. She smelled heavenly, the sweet floral smell that suits her so well clouded my senses as I held her. How I wish I could have danced with her all night, held her close, and basked in her beauty. However, I knew that would be foolish. And if it one thing I cannot afford to be now it is that. Although I fear I might have been more foolish than I thought possible. When she left the table I was worried I might have been too reserved in my response when she showed me her emotions. Oh, how I wanted to tell her everything, to show her how much she means to me there and then. But I knew I could not. Everyone was observing us, and I knew that she would regret it. She might have become used to being the center of attention. However she has always been reserved when it comes to emotions, and I am fairly certain she would not be pleased had I acted on my emotions there on the dancefloor. Although the memories from the dance have been haunting me there is something else that plagues my thoughts and keeps sleep away.
Lútharían walked quickly out the door we had entered through a few hours prior. And just as the doors closed it looked like she was running? 'No that can't be'. I convince myself that it is simply a trick my mind is playing on me. I shift my attention back to my guests. The only one who noticed her abrupt departure was her mother. She looks worriedly at the door and then shifts her gaze and looks at me questioningly, I just shrug my shoulders. I have a thousand theories, but not actually knowing the reason I decide that it is best to keep them all to myself. Just as I am about to dive into a conversation that was being held I feel it. Through our bond I feel her emotions. The sensation makes me lose my composure for a moment. The pain and grief is so intense. And somewhere in the mix I sense love and... longing? The sorrow is the strongest and it feels like a knife is cutting through my soul. I instantly know that this is the grief I caused her. Whether now or earlier I do not know, I only know that it is my fault. The intensity leaves me feeling feverish and reminds me of my own pain that I have done my best to keep at a safe distance. What the reason for her sudden pain is I do not know, neither do I know why our bond suddenly is so much stronger than just yesterday. But honestly I could not care less. Every part of my being is screaming at me to go and find her. But I stay. 'I can't leave my guests', and so I stay, painfully aware that the elleth I love the most on this earth has suffered so much, all because I was such a coward as a young king.
I sigh, painfully aware that I was lying to myself. I did not have to stay for my guests. I have left my own celebrations and parties early on many occasions. I stayed because I was afraid. Afraid of facing her, and actually seeing the excruciating pain I had put her through for over 3000 years. I am still as terrified as I was then. Give me a few hundred orcs to kill, a dark lord or a dragon to slay and I will be fine. I might actually enjoy it even. But tell me to face the woman I love and tell her everything. To face her and see the pain I have caused. To tell her how I really feel. I am sure dying is less terrifying*. Knowing sleep will continue to evade me until I actually do something about this I get out of bed. I wrap my red robe around me and peek out the door. There is no one in the hall, and I slowly exit and walk towards her chambers with determined steps. As I come closer and closer they become less and less determined. 'What am I doing?! She Is probably asleep. And here I am coming to her at night like a mad man?' I have half made up my mind to turn around when notice that I am standing in front of her door. My emotions a whirling and among my anxious emotions I pick up another one that is not my own. She is not asleep. She is awake and lonely, and there is the same longing that I felt coming from her earlier this evening. I take a deep breath, knock on the door and hope to Valar that I am doing the right thing.
Lútharían opens the door and I instantly regret coming to see her. Her long wavy hair falls loosely around her face and with the moonlight shining into the room behind her she looks unreal. That is not the reason for my regret however. Her robe is tied loosely around her figure, exposing quite a lot of skin around her chest and shoulder area where the nightgown doesn't reach. The robe pools at the floor, but it is so loosely tied that the entire front on her nightgown is visible. The nightgown is short stopping just above her knees, leaving her long slender legs bare and in plain view. She gasps and quickly covers herself better with the robe. "Thranduil?" Her voice nothing more than a whisper and she takes a step back into the room. "May I?" my voice sounds foreign to me, but she must not notice the strange tone of my voice. She nods and allows me to step inside. I close the door behind me. The window is open and the wind is softly blowing the flowy curtains into the room. I go to the window and close it. "You must be careful not to become sick, the night is cold." She just nods, still standing at the same spot as when she let me in, she reminds me of a scared animal and the sight breaks my heart. I walk towards her and stop in front of her. My hands reach out and grab hers, they are cold which tells me she has been sitting by the open window a little too long. As I take her hands she lifts her eyes. Those beautiful deep blue eyes that hide so much. Only it is not hidden anymore. The grief lies there, open for me to see. "Forgive me. I should have come to you much earlier. I was afraid." A confused look crosses her face. "Afraid?" I nod: "Afraid of seeing you and seeing the pain I have caused you. I am sorry. I should have fought for you all those years ago. I should not have been so quick to give you up meleth nín (my love)" I use the endearment that I once used and the look on her face gives me the courage to continue. "Please forgive me, I want nothing else than to return to how it was before that fateful day in the woods. Le uivelin (I will always love you). Can you find it in your heart to forgive me for my foolishness?" She looks at me, eyes wide open and gaping, stunned and clearly not believing that what she heard was actually said. "What...?" I can't help but chuckle at her stunned expression. It makes her look so childlike and sweet. "Le melin meleth nín, iesten goheno nin (I love you my love, please forgive me)".
Lútharían P.O.V
I can hardly believe the words I am hearing. Did he actually say that? Did the stubborn and proud king ask me to forgive him for being a coward? No, I must have heard wrong. "What...?" My confused question is met with a melodious chuckle. "Le melin meleth nín, iesten goheno nin" He said again. My hands fly up to my face and cover my gaping mouth. I gasp, 'he really said it!' I can feel my eyes brimming with tears that threaten to spill over and my answer is barely a whisper: "Maer (yes)". I have longed for so long to hear him say those words, and now that I am hearing them I can hardly believe it. He smiles that dazzling smile and I can't help but grin myself. "Oh Thranduil!" I throw my arms around his neck and he puts his strong arms around my waist and holds me tightly to him. My sobs are mixed with laughter. I am so relieved, and so unimaginably happy. We stay like that for quite some time, and I relishing the feeling of being held this close to him again. He pulls away slightly and places a large warm hand on my cheek. A sigh escapes my lips and I lean into his hand, so content to finally have but the painful distance behind us. I open my eyes again and meet his icy blue ones that are watching me intently. A smile plays at my lips. He kisses my forehead and with a chuckle says: "Go to bed Meleth nín, you look exhausted." I must admit that he is right, I feel as if I have been run over by an urukai pack twice however, I don't want this moment to end. I shake my head about to retaliate that I am fine but as I am stifling a yawn that argument would hardly have been convincing. Thranduil picks me up as if I weighed nothing and puts me down on the bed. "Losto meleth nín (sleep my love)" I shake my head again but as he strokes my hair I don't manage to keep my heavy eyelids open and soon I am sound asleep. And for the first time in many years, it is a peaceful sleep uninterrupted by the normal thoughts and dreams that have plagued me for so long.
***
The sun casts its soft rays into the room. I blink slowly and sit up. I am alone in my room but the memory from last night is enough to keep my loneliness at bay. We finally reconciliated. After 3000 years, nothing will ever come between us again. I get out of bed, happier than I have been for centuries and open my wardrobe. I pick out a light green dress, it has short flowy sleaves that end at my elbows, the neckline is round but high showing only my collarbones. The airy material flows down my body and pools slightly at the floor. I sit down in front of my vanity and decide that it is time to do something new with my hair. I braid it into a thick braid and stick a few of the flowers on the table in between the strands of hair. Satisfied with the result I head to the dining hall and as I enter I am meet with an empty room. 'Is it really that late?' Not being able to phantom why it would be empty I walk out, and head towards the kitchen to find something to eat. I do not meet a single person I know on my way there. 'I wonder where they all are?' As I enter the kitchen I am meet by a familiar face. "Arnion!" The tall dark-haired ellon turn towards me. "Lútharían nan belain! (by the Valar)" He quickly walks towards me and gives me a warm hug. Arnion is the son of the man who owned the bakery in town, and he became like a brother to me when I stayed here in earlier times. "Manen le? Thiach meren( How are you? You look joyous)" "Im maer (I am well). I travelled here with my Adar and Naneth for the celebration." He nods a look of realization crossing his face. "Ah I see, but what are you doing down here?" He asks gesticulating to the kitchen. I laugh and explain that when finding the dining hall empty I figured this would be my best shot at getting something to eat. The cook must have understood that long before I had said it, because I could barely finish my explanation before she was standing in front of me with a plate of food and a cup of tea. I smile thankfully and take it. "Hannon le (thank you)". On the plate lays among other thing one of the delicious raspberry tarts. "I haven't seen you in so long. What has happened after you left Greenwood?" I notice that he like many others is still having a hard time getting used to the new name. Or, it was no longer new, but compared to the thousand years they used Greenwood it was still a fairly young name. While eating my breakfast I update Arnion on the events of my life. Keeping it fairly impersonal though, as we were sitting in the kitchen and were far from alone. "And then we came here for the feast", I end my short version of the last 3000, or as short as you can make it when it is that much time. "It is very good to be back, I really enjoy being here." I tell him as I take the last bite of the tart. He smiles happy that I still like his home. "And perhaps you will find yourself staying for good!" The exclamation of the cook startles me and as I turn to her she gives me a slight wink. I am mighty confused, and so is Arnion for he asks: "What do you mean Helen?" The cook, who I only now notice that has to be only half elven answers playfully: "Well she was dancing with the King yesterday! And seeing that he apparently haven't danced with anyone since his wedding I think he would be unwilling to let you leave that easily." I freeze, how does she know? As I focus my attention back on Arnion he looks at me with wide eyes. "YOU were the one everyone was talking about?!" His voice is a mix of shock and joy and I slowly nod, before addressing his question. "What do you mean 'everyone'?" He looks at me, clearly not buying it, but as I remain as confused he slowly starts talking. "Don't tell me that you don't know. Everyone is talking about 'The King's new woman'." Everyone? One of the maids chirps in: "I heard someone saying how they felt like they were attending their wedding instead of a celebration of starlight." I can feel the blood rushing to my face and I swear I am blushing right down to my toes. "What?" I managed to squeak out while looking at her, and everyone else that is now staring at me. For the second time during this stay I wish the ground would swallow me. "Well because of your dress-,"the young ellith continues "and because the emotion that was show was the same that usually are visible during weddings." I am mortified and regret very much that I came down here. I burry my face in my hands: "Oh Eru...." Arnion chuckles but I do not find this the least bit funny. This situation couldn't possibly get any worse.
"Lútharían?" I roll my eyes. Of course, he had to show up now. I lift my head and come to look upon Thranduil's questioning expression. He walks towards me and most of the kitchen staff hurries away. "What are you doing here?" "Good morning to you to" He chuckles and lift my hand to his lips, "Sorry-," He gives my knuckles a soft kiss. "Guren linna le (my heart sings to see you)" I blush, again and avert my eyes down to the floor in shyness before answering: "I was hungry, and when I found the hall empty I went down here." I explain before looking up at him with a sheepish smile. His low melodious chuckle sounds and my heart sores. "I see-," He shifts his attention towards Helen and gives an instruction for lunch to be served in the garden. I shift my weight and realize that he is still holding my hand in his. "Shall we go? Everyone else is in the garden." I back look up at him and nod feeling incredibly shy. 'What is the matter with you?! Get a grip woman. How can I be shyer now than 'all those years ago! He places my hand on his arm and starts walking out of the kitchen. I turn around and give Arnion a wave to tell him that I will stop by the bakery later. He only nods and looks at me with the same slight smirk everyone else is giving me. Oh Valar what have I gotten myself into?
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*This is a little nod to my favorite writer here on Wattpad (and quotev) EVER! Havecouragebkind is the most amazing writer, and if you haven't read her stories I highly recommend checking them out!
xo Aranel