Tay's POV
It was late into the night but sleep still alluded me. I was in my bed, staring at my ceiling wall, still high off the vibe from tonight's bonfire. I grabbed my camera and decided to browse the photos that I took earlier. While going through them, a picture of a smiling Mild caught my eyes.
'She's so beautiful' I thought at once. I was mesmerized by it that I didn't even notice myself staring at it for awhile. I reach for my phone to look at the time and then remember that it was almost Mild's birthday. Since I wasn't sleepy yet, I thought of going to her room and greet her at midnight. Grabbing her gift from my bag, I walked all the way to her room to surprise her. I knocked a few times but no one answered. She's probably asleep so I turned around, a bit disappointed, and went outside instead.
The view at night was amazing. The sky was filled with stars which were joined by the bright full moon, and the waves were washing away the footprints on the sand leaving it bare as if they weren't even there just a moment ago. I inhale the crisp evening air and feel myself relax. Walking by the shore, I see Mild by herself, seemingly lost in thought.
"Penny for your thoughts, miss?" I ask as I caught up to her. She just smiled at me and then we started walking .
"Why are you still up?" I ask her.
"Can't sleep" she answers.
"Me neither. I knocked on your door but you didn't answer so I thought you were asleep by now."
"Yeah well I just felt like going out for a bit. It was getting pretty boring in my room anyway."
We continued walking while making small talk once in awhile. I look at my phone and see that it was almost midnight.
I reach for something in my pocket and turned to her. "Close your eyes for me, will you?"
She looks pointedly at me, suspicious of what I was going to do but surrenders and indulges me.
I stand closer to her and wait a few more seconds. When the clock struck at 12mn, I held out my hand and greeted her "Happy Birthday Mild."
She opened her eyes and saw the necklace dangling from my hand.
She cupped her mouth, surprised by my gift. I thought she might not like it, scared that it was a failed attempt, but the delight on her face the second after blew any doubt away.
"OMG Tay! It's so pretty." she exclaimed.
I turned her around so that I could put it on for her. "Something beautiful for someone beautiful."
She turns around with a wide smile adorning her face, a hand clasping on the necklace. "It's really beautiful Tay. I love it so much. Thank you."
"Glad you liked it." I sheepishly reply, scratching my head.
A comfortable silence fell upon us and we just enjoyed the view, the wash of the waves on the shore and the rush of the wind were the only sounds to be heard. Being here with her, walking side-by-side like this, quietly enjoying this moment with each other's company was really the highlight of my week.
I sneak a glance at her and see her shiver a little, nose a bit red from the cold evening breeze. "So cute" I thought to myself as a smile appears on my face. I held her arm to stop her from walking. "I knew this would happen." I whisper as remove my parka to put over her and help her into it. "Should've probably worn something with more layers or maybe something longer, Mild. It gets pretty cold out here at night."
"Thanks. Mine's in my room and I forgot to get it when I went out." she replies with a small sniff, feeling a bit chilly.
I fondly smile at her and shake my head a little at how cute she was being, She doesn't even notice it. "You're welcome. Just remember to wear it next time. You know you get cold easily."
"It's not like I was planning on staying out so long. I just wanted some peace and quiet, some time to think." She stares at the sea as if entranced by it, a blank look on her face.
I look at her and I felt my heart beating rapidly in my chest. At that moment, it suddenly struck me how truly wonderful she was. Her hair was down, the wind picking up and making it a bit messy but somehow it still looked alright, my parka over her protecting her from the cold, the moonlight illuminating how pretty she was. She has always been like this, effortlessly looking beautiful no matter what she did, her smile and loud laugh lighting up any room she was in. She was endearing most of the times with the way she knows how to handle herself in any given situation as if she always knew what to do or say, and she also strikingly exudes such confidence and grace that highlights her strong will and personality. She was all these things but tonight, as I was looking at her gazing at the sea and the night sky, something comes to mind encapsulating what she was to me - perfect.
One look around us and I see nobody in sight. This might be the perfect time to finally confess and tell her what I truly felt. I start to feel the butterflies in my stomach, tongue-tied, struggling to form words to say, but then she finally looks at me and everything just instantly clicked. One thing went through my mind at that moment - I want to be with her and I need to tell her now. So I gathered up the courage to speak out my mind. It was all or nothing.
"Mild, there's something I've been wanting to say to you for a long time now but I couldn't because I don't know how to say it. To be honest, I was afraid of how you were going to react once you hear it so I chose to keep it to myself." I rumbled out nervously. "But since you and I are already out here, I might as well just say it." I take a big breathe in and finally say it. "Mild, the truth is..... I-"
"I'm leaving, Tay." she said, eyes downcast and I was stunned with what I just heard. "I don't know for how long I'll be there or if I'm ever coming back but I am leaving. I was meaning to tell you sooner but I didn't know when or how. I'm sorry for not telling you."
Everything just shattered and the world seemed to stop. I didn't know what to say, the surprise on my face the only indication that I even heard what she said. There were so many questions going through my head but I stayed silent, too dumbstruck to even utter a word, afraid that I might say the wrong thing because nothing suddenly made sense anymore.
"It's been awhile since I decided about it. It took some time and a lot of ruminating before I even began to consider it but when I did, it became easier somehow. Only Gun and Alice knows, although it hasn't been long since they knew about it. I haven't told the other guys yet." she continues as she faces me. "That's why I wanted this trip to happen, so that I could have the chance to tell all of you. I was going to earlier at the bonfire but I looked at all of you and I just couldn't. Because I wanted to have one more memory of all of us together again, just happy and care-free, all the smiling faces of the people I love, before I left."
I turned away from her, pursed my lips, calming my heart and trying to make sense of everything she was trying to tell me. "Where?"
"Singapore. My father has put me in-charge of our offices there. He thinks I'm ready to step-up and handle bigger things for the firm and I know I am ready so I accepted the job." she answers back.
"When?"
"My flight's this Wednesday."
The air in my lungs got knocked out and I somehow felt defeated. "So soon?"
"I have to Tay. They badly need me there."
But I need you here too. That's what I wanted to say but I can't. I could never because I had no right to. So I just stayed silent, my back towards her, praying this conversation to be over because I can't handle anymore.
"I'm sorry it took so long to tell you. Believe me I tried telling you but there were a lot of things going on and we both got busy so we didn't have the time for anything else. I guess I also got scared and then eventually, it just got harder and harder as the date got closer and now- I'm sorry Tay. I really am." She grabs my hand, pleading, her eyes getting wet. "Please look at me. Talk to me. Say something, anything. Please." She tries to make me but I couldn't look at her because if I did, I knew that I'd crumble in front of her.
I bite my lip to try and control my voice. "I don't know what to say or do with that Mild, I just don't. I can't-- I just--"
I felt her hands hug me firmly from behind. "Please Tay. I don't want to leave like this. To see you and know that I've hurt you. I'm so sorry. Tell me what to do." I feel her shiver on my back, her arms tightening around me, tears soaking my clothes.
Her hug somehow kept me grounded, keeping me in place as my mind was wondering away, trying to get away from all this misery. We were like that for awhile, she clinging to me while I try to compose myself but failing miserably.
I remove her hands around me and stepped away from her. "Happy Birthday again, Mild. Take care na." I uttered as I start to walk away from her. She tries calling me back but I couldn't hear her over the loud pounding of my heart.
And then I started to run, far from there, anywhere but there, her words still echoing in my mind. 'I'm leaving Tay'. Suddenly everything hurts and I realize I was out of breath from all the running, the cold of the night seeping into my bones, penetrating deep down to my soul. I scream out my frustrations to the sea and let my tears fall. I shouted a few more times and when I felt like I couldn't anymore, I lied there on the sand with my eyes closed, a steady stream of tears falling down the side of my face and I just felt all the energy drained away from me. The sounds of the waves and that of the wind lulled me to sleep as I clench a fist on my chest, desperately trying to will the hurt away.