Jungkook opened the door to their practise room, peeking through the crack before he stuck his head in.
The members were mid Fake Love choreography and didn't notice him, all too focused on their reflections in the mirrored wall or too lost in the music. There was a visible empty spot in the formation where Jungkook should have been.
The youngest slipped the rest of his body in, the heavy door falling shut behind him. Hoseok and Jimin looked in his direction, both dancers expression unreadable for Jungkook, his heart beating loudly in his ears and making it hard for him to concentrate. It was still racing from how fast he had ran through the building, several people giving him weird looks. Maybe it was also being so loud and pumping with adrenaline because of what had happened before that, when he had been riding his bike there.
As his heart slowed down a bit, his heavy breathing calming a little, he recognised both their expressions to be relief. They had probably been worried why their maknae, after telling them in the morning that he would ride his new bike for a bit and join them later at practise, had still not arrived. Jungkook never went back on his words, and he would never be late without a reason either.
Now he stood at the door, breathing heavily and face a bit pale. His cheeks should be much redder than that from the cold outside. Jimin had noticed as much and was about to go and ask what had happened but Hoseok was faster. Although it wasn't worry anymore that made him call the maknae's name as he slowly approached him.
Upon hearing that, the rest of the sweating members turned to the door, greeting him with tired smiles and confusion as to where he had been. He smiled back.
Seokjin playfully rolled his eyes, shouting over the music, "Thought you would finally join us?"
He wasn't angry. Not at all. But the youngest felt bad and his guilty conscience made it sound mocking. He had not seen his hyung's warm eyes, only the smile, which his brain decided to perceive as a sneer. The other's quiet snickering didn't help at all.
Hoseok paused the song and it was suddenly silent, staggered breathing the only noise. Jungkook felt like he was in the spotlight, the eyes of his members and the few staff that was situated at the back of the room on him and only him. He usually didn't mind but that was only the case when he was on stage, the cheering crowd looking at him with admiration and passion and love, boosting his ego and his want to give his all and more, show them all he got and drive them crazy, forgetting his shy self and throwing it away. But that wasn't the case and he wanted to make himself as small as possible and disappear instead.
"Sorry I'm late, I- there was, um..." Jungkook stuttered, wanting to give an explanation but he was still in quite a state and then he saw Hoseok shaking his head, so he went quiet, looking at his hyung with shaky eyes.
"It's okay. Just start warming up and then we continue," he told, patting Jungkook's shoulder soothingly, his previous annoyance with the younger replaced with forgiveness as soon as he had seen his apologetic face, eyes big and posture oddly timid. There was no need for scolding if he was so obviously sorry.
Jungkook quickly did as he was told. He threw his bag to the side and began stretching. As he did, he felt a dull pain in his knee that worsened whenever he bend or stretched his leg.
Jungkook gulped, an uneasy feeling settling in the pit of his stomach as he thought back to what had happened and caused him to be late, when he had been pedalling to the company's building, only a few meters away, and a car had suddenly come out of a hidden entrance.
Jungkook could see the driver's face as if it all happened in slow motion yet he couldn't react, couldn't brake, couldn't even yell. He saw that the person inside was not looking in his direction, his eyes turned to the left as they collided.
Jungkook could only watch as his left leg got stuck between his bike and the car, the speed of it not enough to knock him over. The driver stepped on the brake when Jungkook was already shoved onto the road, another car dodging him and the person inside staring at him with concern but not stopping regardless.
Jungkook felt no pain, nothing. It was as if all of this was happening not to himself but to someone who looked exactly like him and he was simply watching. His detachment to his surroundings only stopped when another car was coming towards him and the car that had hit him started to move backwards, back into the entrance it had come from. However, Jungkook's bicycle had somehow got stuck and so he was dragged along, hopping on his left leg that was still squished between bike and car.
"Wait wait wait! Stop...!"
Jungkook had one hand on the handle and the other on the engine cover as he was pulled off the road, hopping on one leg in distress and trying not to trip and fall over, all while the reality of the situation began to sink in and his heart started to race.
The car stopped and the driver hurriedly came out, looking at Jungkook with wide eyes. He was an older man with slightly grey hair and round glasses.
"Oh my, a-are you okay? Oh no..." he stammered. "I-I didn't see you. I really didn't see you. Are you hurt?"
Jungkook felt himself suddenly calm down upon seeing the other's panicked state. He felt bad for how shaken the other seemed to be, even when he was the one with his leg still stuck between both their vehicles. But it didn't hurt, weirdly enough. It didn't hurt at all and he was weirdly calm too, and so he reassured him that he was alright, that it was okay.
"No no, I'm fine. I'm fine."
Maybe he was down playing it too much but he hated worrying people. He would much rather not make a scene out of this and deal with it quietly. Really, he just wanted to go and see his hyungs.
The man detached the bicycle from his car from where one of the pedals had got stuck under the bumper. While he set it aside, Jungkook briefly looked at his now freed leg. His pants were a bit dirty but not torn or anything and it still didn't hurt.
"I'm sorry." Jungkook didn't know why but he felt like apologising.
He had no idea whose fault it was. The driver had not looked to his right side. And Jungkook had not stopped upon seeing him come out the entrance and that he was not looking his way. But he had thought he had already seen him and would stop. So they both ended up not reacting at all.
Somehow, Jungkook felt like it was his fault. He found himself checking the car for any damage instead of looking out for his own injuries, like it was only natural, like the car was much more important. The man looked at him in disbelief.
"Don't worry about my car. Should I bring you to the Hospital?"
"No no, it doesn't hurt at all."
"But still..."
"It's okay, really," Jungkook reassured, giving him a smile to show that he was good, athough he felt like crying. Not because it hurt, but apparently, he was a bit shaken after all. "Thank you but no thank you." He really just wanted to leave and go where nobody could see him let down his walls. Be vulnerable. Maybe cry a bit. Let it out.
"Okay, um, if you insist?" The man still didn't seem convinced, now unsure of how to proceed. The kid was fine, his car was fine; even that bike was fine. With everything being "fine", they said their farewells.
After the man had left Jungkook let out a shaky breath and took his bicycle. He didn't trust himself to ride it though, suddenly feeling not so steady on his feet. So he walked the last few meters to the Big Hit building, his hands on the handle trembling.
As he went his way, the incident was repeating in his mind again and again. Jungkook kept thinking about what he should have done differently, how he could have avoided this. And as he thought, his heart picked up its speed again, drumming out of its usual rhythm. Jungkook was excited in the worst way possible, adrenaline in his veins, heartbeat erratic and breathing unsteady. He was sweating.
He was sweating.
Jungkook finished warming up and joined the others in the middle of their practise room, getting into formation for Idol. He noticed Jimin staring at him and gave him a little smile.
The smaller frowned at him and Jungkook felt like he knew, knew that something happened and knew that the youngest was hiding it. Jungkook felt uneasy. He didn't like lying to his hyungs. Maybe he should tell them.
Just as he wanted to announce his news, Hoseok turned on the music and Idol blasted in his ears. Well... or he could try to dance one of their most exhausting choreographies, Jungkook supposed, and if he couldn't, then he would tell them.
And so he kept quiet and braced himself. And danced.
To the disadvantage of his left knee, the dancing had many moves that included bending his knees. Jungkook felt like the joint in his knee was sore and less flexible, like his movements there were restricted. But it didn't hurt too much. It was bearable. Just very uncomfortable at most. An irritating feeling if anything. Very much so.
Everything went well. Really well. Even the jumping part. Next came the chorus.
"You can't stop me lovin' myself ~"
Jungkook felt hardly any pain.
"Oh oh ooh oh~"
But it didn't feel normal either. He was scared to go all out. He couldn't dance as powerfully as he usually would and that alone let him feel confined in his body. He didn't like it.
"Oh oh ooh oh oh oh~"
A brief but sharp pain took Jungkook by surprise. He sucked in air between his teeth, hissing.
"Oh oh ooh oh~"
Jungkook was so distracted by his left knee that he forgot to switch positions, Taehyung running into him. The second time today, they collided. But this time, Jungkook went tumbling to the floor with a heavy thud.
What a day.
Taehyung was quick to help him up, eyeing him with suspicion.
"Are you okay?"
Jungkook nodded, smiling shyly, somehow embarrassed by his clumsiness. He didn't feel like his playful and cheeky self. Today, he felt like he was fifteen again. Shy and timid. Scared. But he didn't want anyone to ask him if he was okay because he didn't know. He wanted someone to tell him that he was okay, that everything was going to be just fine.
Jungkook's eyes glistened in the light with unshed tears and then they locked with Jimin's, whose frown suddenly deepened.
The small dancer came up to the dazed maknae, wrapping an arm around his shoulder, and looked him in the eyes.
"Hey there," he spoke softly. "You alright?"
Jungkook wanted to cry and tell him then and there. However, he was scared all of a sudden, that he was making it out to be worse than it actually was, that he was a problem they would have to take care of, that he was being weak.
No. He wanted to be their strong little Kookie. Good at everything and passionate, a good kid but sometimes a brat, brave, maybe a bit competitive. Anything but vulnerable. They had not raised him to be a crybaby. That car had only slightly nudged him and he was on the verge of tears? Laughable.
No. He was completely capable of taking care of himself. He was a grown man and he would take this like one.
"Of course," Jungkook grinned at the blond, wrapping his arm around him as well. "And you?"
Jimin furrowed his brows again and Jungkook giggled, straightening his frown by spreading his brows apart with his index and middle finger.
This seemed to appease Jimin as he smiled, sighing.
"And here I worried for nothing," he chuckled. "Don't come late next time, you brat. That's a Jimin thing to do."
Jungkook poked his side playfully and Jimin giggled, moving away from him.
"Alright, playtime is over, kids. Let's continue," Namjoon announced and Hoseok clapped his hands to get the attention of the rest of the members that had scurried off during the unplanned break to drink or get a glance at their phones.
"You good to go?" Hoseok looked at Jungkook, who nodded, eager as he had shortly forgotten about his knee.
And so they continued their practise, going through various songs. Spring Day, Fake Love (again) and some of their older songs sprinkled in-between too. As well as five minute breaks every now and then. The last song had been DNA, which Jungkook found the hardest to get through without groaning at the irritating feeling that was only worsening as he kept moving. A sudden sharp pain would make him wince every now and then. He had never before complained about the complex footwork, but now he really felt like it.
Jungkook lied down on the floor as soon as they were finished, earning a few confused looks from the rest, all of them huffing and puffing as well but not really exhausted enough to drop to their knees. Jungkook wasn't that exhausted either. Rather, it was the slowly increasing throbbing in his knee that made it hard for him to keep standing, moving even more so.
As he lied there, warmth appeared next to him, hot skin touching his left arm. And then there was a voice. The one that usually complained or yelled at him whenever they bickered. That is to say if it wasn't already busy informing the world about his good looks or to ask do you know BTS?
That voice sounded awfully delicate now.
"You're kind of off today, aren't you?"
Jungkook turned to his left, seeing his oldest hyung lying next to him with a gentle smile.
He sighed as he looked back at the bright ceiling before closing his eyes.
"Don't worry, hyung. Nothing's wrong."
"Sure and I'm Worldwide Ugly." Jungkook imagined him rolling his eyes. "You can't fool me when I'm the one that raised you. I know you better than you know yourself."
Jungkook scoffed hearing that but his chest felt warm. He felt loved. And it made him want to open up and tell his hyung. His knee too was desperately begging him to open up, to just open his mouth and say it. Just, he had kind of missed the right timing, hadn't he? What was he supposed to say now? Um, guys, so I was kind of hit by a car like three hours ago and I think it hurts now? No way.
Apart from the fact that they would be really mad at him and Jungkook didn't like them being mad at him, it would be humiliating. He would sound so stupid and careless. Which he was by having not already told anyone, but he didn't want others to think so too. Especially his hyungs.
Jungkook knew that he was acting out of the ordinary, that he had already made himself suspicious. Because normally he would have talked back to the oldest, would have given a witty response, like no, I'm the one that raised hyung or something. But he wasn't in the mood right now and that was all it took for Seokjin to know that something was wrong.
"You can tell me anything, you know. I'm good at talking but I'm even better at listening, really. Want to test me?"
"Thank you, hyung. But I'm fine."
Silence.
"Well, that's good then," the older told, sighting and patting Jungkook's left knee rather a bit harshly, before he stood up, the warmth beside the maknae vanishing.
It took everything in him not to flinch and cry out when his hyung had touched his knee. It must be swollen by now and Jungkook didn't want to imagine what colours were already blooming on his skin.
Jungkook, as well as the the others, had had several injuries in their career with all the tiresome performances and risky dance moves, and combined with frequent overworking and the one or two sleepless nights, accidents and injuries were impossible to be completely avoided. But Jungkook in particular was even more endangered with his sometimes reckless behaviour and tendency to overdo things, the perfectionist in him never satisfied and pushing him further and further... and further.
Jungkook had probably had injuries worse than this. However, he had always come by an injury with at least one of the members or staff around and that always meant that he would be immediately treated and smothered with love and attention. Even if he didn't found it necessary as he had never liked that kind of attention on himself, they would force him to undergo treatment, making the right decisions for him. And in hindsight, Jungkook would be grateful, always thankful to have such loving hyungs in his life.
This time had been different.
Nobody he could trust was by his side when it had happened, nobody to speak up for him or talk sense into him, and now, afterwards, he just couldn't find it in himself to speak up, couldn't find the courage to do so.
But why? Why was it so hard to admit it, to say that it hurts. Why?
Maybe he was spoiled by his hyung's attention, by their protection. Too dependent on them when it came to these things. Unable to act on his own, for his own sake. He was always doing things for other people after all, never thinking of himself first. And now, that one time he should have taken care of himself, should have spoken up for himself, he had not been able to.
He had never learned how.
In some sense, Jungkook was still just a kid. Yeah. And as mature as he was seen as, as much as he was good at everything and some kind of superhuman... he was still just a shy kid in his heart. Some things even the Golden Maknae couldn't do.
Jungkook felt helpless.
As the minutes passed (Jungkook inhaling his water bottle and the rest of the members one after the other leaving for their individual schedules after telling goodbye or see you later), he kept thinking of what to do. The youngest had previously planned on going to his studio and work on his mixtape. But that had been before he was hit by a car.
If he went to one of their medic team, there was no way they would keep quiet about it, being obligated to report injuries depending on their severity. None of them would not report a car accident to the company.
Maybe he could leave that part out?
Jungkook decided to take a look at his knee himself first and then... well, he would think about that afterwards.
"What are your plans after this?" Taehyung stood beside him with big eyes and like always, they held that curiosity for the world and all the people and things in it, so pure and sincere. Always holding so much love - almost too much of it - yet hiding something dark and sad that the younger had never really understood.
Jungkook held the bottle away from his lips, shrugging his shoulders. "Go to the toilet?"
Taehyung chuckled, voice ever so deep. "Silly."
Jungkook smiled.
"You want to join me and some friends to go bowling? You like bowling."
"I do..." Jungkook began and he saw Taehyung's eyes dim at his tone, already expecting him to say no.
It wouldn't be the end of the world. Normally. But recently, it just happened that Jungkook kept turning his invitations down, whether it was to join him and his friends or just the two of them. Jungkook wasn't doing it on purpose, he just happened to have already something else to do whenever the older asked. It was simply bad timing, nothing more.
Still, Jungkook understood that it hurt to be continuously turned down and he could tell that Taehyung was starting to feel neglected, his big eyes not letting him hide his feelings.
"Don't be shy, you know my friends," Taehyung tried again and Jungkook felt even worse for what he was about to say.
"I'm sorry, Tae-hyung." His tone was soft and apologetic. I can't go bowling with my knee like this. "I... was planning on working on my mixtape today. Sorry, I don't want to put it off again."
He felt like it sounded like a bad excuse, felt like he was putting himself before his hyung, and that hurt almost more than his throbbing knee. Maybe he should have just said yes. What more damage could a bit of bowling do to his knee? Where was his reckless self?
"Oh well, that's okay," Taehyung told. Jungkook had difficulties interpreting the tone of his voice. Was he disappointed? Sad? Mad? He sounded strangely monotone. Was he starting to feel indifferent about it? About him?
"Have fun then."
"Um, you too," Jungkook mumbled but Taehyung was already walking off, and then he was gone.
The youngest sighed before packing his stuff. Except for some staff, he was the only one left. Seokjin had gone to record something and Jimin too had left to meet a friend or something. Namjoon and Hoseok wanted to continue working on a song. And Yoongi... probably in his studio.
Jungkook grabbed his bag and stalked off to the toilet on that floor. He locked himself inside one of the bathroom stalls and sat down on the toilet with the lid down.
As he pulled up his sweatpants, he could see purple and blue and yellow, bigger and darker the more he revealed his lower leg. When he saw his knee, his eyes grew big at the sight of the dark colour, almost black. Apart from the bruises that went up to the lower half of his thigh, he could see that his knee was swollen and red. It looked nasty.
"Shit..."