JACOB
I reached my house where the door was left open overthrowing the huge structure filled inside it.
The shadows walked over here and there_back again.I was sure that the meeting had to do something with the overly-proud-wolves that we met last night.
But ...... Wasn't it too early to come up with any solutions?!_Only within some hours and what it could be-
The numerous waves of thoughts flood in my mind cutting-shot the list of possibilities that never ends_and I stepped in the house;_while Seth and Leah settled on the couch beside Billy's chair with Quil and Embry on other side; Paul and Jared leaned against the kitchen counter that was attached to the hall.
Sam stood upright in front of Billy.
I shook my head, "So what do you guys come up with-" I observed the grave trouble buried deep inside Sam faintly blended in; my eyes flicked to Billy who remained utterly silent in contrast to his usual response.
"What's wrong_?!",I asked growing impatient due to overwhelmed stillness.
Sam flashed a wrinkled-crinkly yellow pages book_ although book seemed like the magical word for it,"Here-",he passed it to me.
"Lèh munnázle Alfë ",I read out aloud.
I could bet the phrase was derived from the Quilete dictionary and I was sure that the last word meant Alpha; but had no clue of the left out part.
Lèh munnázle Alfë I thought.
"The Crescent Alpha", Billy said his eyes remained highly etched unblinking
"_The Crescent Alpha," I repeated the words; pronounced in one's- own- proud that struck me at my terror stricken condition.
I exhaled, "What does it say? -"
"It's a Crescent blessing that was placed upon a wolf_clan among one of the tribe near South-west; It says that they are blessed with the power of immortality even if they escape their transformation into a werewolves and makes them vulnerable to any weapon."Sam answered.
I sucked in every information he added; eager to know more __and more and everything_
I gulped down to force the gate of blockage down my throat,"_and then why does they have a crescent-moon mark? And What brings them here? What's the tribe did they belong to you? And what are the ways out of this?!"
There was no response.
WoW I thought on my own irony; soon releasing that the old- book drafted only the bit of information.
"....So then what are we gon'na do we__we need to find about them," I said.
"Of course, we have to-", Sam stepped forward ,"_and for that__",he hesitated.
There was the inevitable sense that engulfed me. I must confess I understood what Sam wanted to say but still I played sceptic maybe wanted not to get sure of it.
"_and for that?!",the words left out of me with shaky breath.
"I want you and Leah he to go and find about them if there is a chance we could find about anything; we will have to dig up every possibility that we can."
I step back and shook within the surging nothingness.
Grief ? Pain? Anger?
I felt none of them....yes I actually felt nothing_nothing at all I went all numb...totally lifeless.
What is even trying to say?! No, I suddenly had a hard time breathing.
Is this true? Did I heard it correctly-?!Could there be any reality in this or it's just my imagination a product of an active brain and strong nerves of an overtired body?
No. No. No. I can't.... I can't leave her.
"Sam's right we should not let it go." Billy agreed with Sam. "Sam with the rest of them will stay here under high alert in the meantime you and Leah should have at least a trip to South-west. "
Sam rested his hand on my shoulder. "Jacob, I know it's hard for you; I would have done it myself but if I leave this could grow suspicious for them-" he added.
"I need time" I said bursting out of house.
"Jacob?! Wait-" was all I heard.
The pain shot me up; but I continued to pace far away....away from the mess but the anger exploded in my head with a blending whiteness that made me
dizzy; it felt like thousands of needle had been dipped through my skin.
I stopped.
I can't just go away from her at least not yet__
I shifted back losing my balance I tripped over the thick-rooted branch of a tree and I sat wrapping both of my arms around my folded legs.
__but it is the hope that shines bright in me now; hope that I would return soon and be back with her, around her with no certain fear.
And it shows me the courage to hold onto that hope....to love, life and everything; but then here at the same time the pain in my shoulders rammed from stiffness all the way to surging blinding agony faster than I blink.
.............
___and then the next thing I knew was darkness; it was dark all around the sun has set as regular in its time but I remained still here.
"_in the meantime you and Leah should have at least one trip to South-west", his word bounced back in my skull.
I can't leave her. Not now. Or Never.
Never ever .
__but on the other hand I can't just go in a straight denial with Sam and live a life with her in a certain fear. I know at some point I will have to move; I will have to take the responsibility I am given_but even with all effort I can't.
But now all I know was I needed to see her; and not waste another single minute I can have with her.
I thought and jump to my feet pacing.
And if I do this, I'll do it for her, for my best friend, for them and for my pack__ my family.
I feel like each one of their life depends upon me.
I scoffed because they really do and I will do anything to protect her or any one of them.
I pulled myself up the stairs of "The Cullens" house as I bumped into a cold- pale structure.
"Slow Down, kid", Carlisle said.
I glanced at the door briefly, unevenly breathing.
"Jacob, what's wrong?!", Carlisle glared at me.
I found Edward appeared behind Carlisle; his eyes narrowed at me,"You are leaving_ what happened?!",his eyes grew suspicious-topaz.
I recalled each part we have been through_ The trail _The Crescent wolfpack and the purpose that brings them here _the reason behind I'll have to go_ that clung to each of my nerve straining them till it burst.
I flinched at their utter silence,"The pack is staying here we'll be on high alert patrolling among the perimeter; so it won't be easy for them to lurk around forks," I informed ,"_but keep a check that no one's left apart,You all should keep moving in a group," I said my voice remained shaky.
"_and what about her?!",Edward asked.
"I will tell her myself,I'll-",I choked.
" Jacob-", Renesmee came out of the house, "_You' here and I have been waiting for you all day."
Edward blinked briefly down impassive.
"Is everything okay?!",she asked her eyes flickered in confusion.
A shaky breath escape out of up my throat.Edward and Carlisle pursed their lips and walked past leaving behind me and her.
"Heh",I choked; it was hard for anyone to leep out.
How should I start? What would I tell her?
"Jacob-",she raised an eyebrow.
I gulped down the lump choking my vocals, "Renesmee there is something you should know-,"
Both of her brows pull together pouting as she shook her head. Unaware of what was coming ?
I stepped forward towards her,"Last night when we followed up the trail, the whole pack faced the same dead end and we crashed with another pack of wolves_"
"An another pack of wolves?!",she repeated blinking in confusion; her breathe held up tight, she listened deeply and engrossed taking in every word I said.
I nodded gently,"_Yeah,they are here with the desired purpose to be accomplished and moreover they want us to join them," I informed.
"_Why are the here-?!",she questioned.
I choked hard trying to gain control of my certain thoughts that flooded my mind. my heart hammered loud against my chest .
What should I tell her? That they are here to kill them and in addition they want us to do the same?
No, I can't__I can't.
I exhaled," But beside this there is something else you need to know," I broke off.
No, of course not I cannot do this to her. I cannot hurt her.
The blood in my veins felt as if have been replaced by an intense sorrow sucking me into its black hole.
"I'll have to go."
She remained unflinching, "Pardon?What_?!"
I did not responded.
"_You're kidding right," she said taking in what I really meant.
I shut my eyes closed for a fraction of a second and the next moment I found her eyes welled up with the glassy layer of tears. Please don't....
"_Ness'", I whispered, "You know it_ even I don't.want...to -",I fell short of words and the words that came out of my mouth was in a broken sentence that was hard to understand.
Each time I'm the one to tell her that she deserves every stars in this world __then why I'm the only one who takes it away from her. How can I do this to her-
The guilt filled me like a gasoline burning in me from inside in its toxicity; and needing no more than a spark to set it ablaze.
"Is this some kind of joke going on here?!",she shook her head impatiently as a drop of tear rolled down her cheek.
"I don't get it Jacob; Why you? Why are you the one to leave the town__ it could be anyone Paul, Jared, Embry, Quil, Seth, Leah or Why not Sam himself?! Why it's always you_?!",she gushed over the words in a single breathe, anger ebbing and flowing through her but she breaks down at end as the unsteady sob cried out of her, "It is not the way it is supposed to be Jacob_You can't..You can't control everything," she complained both of her hands clutched to her head.
Am I the one here in control?! Where every part of me is controlled by her, where every square inch of me belongs to her-where everything that matters for me is her. The words cracked down in my head.
I needed her to show me that I can be better, that I care for her. I wanted to be perfect for her, never hurt her and it's killing me that I'm not. I'm not enough for her-
"Renes-" I looked at up but she was nowhere to be found. I felt the strength inside me giving up. I froze in pain, and it doesn't seem to melt, nor shift at all. And it's hard to move through it. I deserved this.
Maybe, I should just leave...... She needs sometime...
I started to pace where my mind commands me to take every step after another; I want to refuse to walk but what else can I do_?!
She doesn't want to talk to me. I take in long deep breath and I force my eyes shut escaping the guilt, the pain I caused her.
"Promise me that you are never going to leave me even if it's what I want-" Her words bounced at me.
No I stopped my eyes popped and stretched wide open. I promised not to leave again. Not to leave her ever again.
I can't __I can't waste another single minute that I can get with her.
And I jogged back stepping in the door.
Where is she_?! I thought my eyes rained etched at Edward. He stood against the corner of the wall of the living room.
He raised his eyes upstairs; and the next second I pulled myself upstairs to her room with hesitant long strides.My heart pounded hard as it would explode and a minute.
I will have to talk to have__ try to calm her down__ I need to-
I stepped in the door that remained
half_ open peering inside and there she was ...... I found her streams of tears left a path through her cheeks and her eyes were filled with it__but the tears conversed something more as far as I knew her __apart from the tears that followed for a goodbye;
__it was something much more ..... much more than it can ever be explained; its the sense that hits me in nanoseconds ....... this is when the sense of realisation that leaves far beyond words in speech was accomplished.
"Renesmee-", I whispered and her eyes flickered to me but before I could say anything; she rushed towards me slamming so hard that the force would have hurled her to the ground if my arms hadn't caught her and held her up.
I wrapped my arms around her and it felt safe with her; embraced into each others love and forbidden forever as we are and we will be and it's that love that we accept shows the best way we both feel for each other.
"Please don't do this,Jacob," She said,"Please don't leave me", she whispered.
I wanted this moment to last until eternity even further after that till the time goes on which I knew was impossible.
"Jake__we will find another way out of this you...you", she stammered with the hysterical cry.
"Shhshh",I stroked her bronze-long hair and pulled away.
She shook her head, "You can't leave when everything is so beyond perfect", she looked at me with her bloodshot red eyes; being so broken inside that her on suppressed cry get stuck in the back of throat.
I cupped her face, "I will return as soon as possible as.......as soon as I can", I said.
She looked at me giving me a forceful- consoling smile, I struck the strand of a hair back to her ears and an utterly little cry escaped out of her at my touch.
Nearly losing her balance she clung to me with no strength left in her with the moment of real uncontrollable pain she made no sound but simply seized me bodily.
"Don't leave_",she whispered as the warm air touch my ear. I grabbed her gently taking her to the bed about half way she stumbled over me.
"It's okay, It's okay-",I caught hold of her stroking her hair gently as I took her over the bed and sat beside her; she breathed unevenly and held my hand squeezing it gently melting me under her soft touch as our fingers entangled.
"I ..... I'm scared not being around you", she said with crack in her voice with all the hope she was left with.
" Shh shh",I kept stroking her hair gently.
In her compassion lies her true self the part of her nature; she has journeyed through this life not on calm seas but in storms that has startled many but she is too strong against all odds.
And I believe she'll live through this too.
There is something different that makes her heart lit the brighter and ignites her soul and that's not common.
She lays curled up on the bed as her head lightly rested on my laps still holding my hand she sobbed. I rested my head against the headboard as I thought if she gave me a chance_ I swear that I would take care of her until my last breath. I stroke her hair as her breathing slowed; my throbbing head picked up it's rhythmic beat.
She could soothe me like no- one else; even her breathe were deep ghat felt like a slow lullaby that made it impossible to stay anxious or upset with her around.
Her eyelids became heavy and dropped.... As she fell asleep_
My eyelids fell closed and the next thing___' I knew was the clock struck four-oh-seven and my eyes flickered to the soft darkness outside and them back to her as she was dozed off slightly snoring; her face was still cold grave, and she desperately tried to hide her fearful she was.
Her held mine with a tight grip; I tried to loosen the grip but her fingers enlaced so hard with mine that made it even harder.
"Let me do this for you," I whispered in her ear and sighed.
Soon I let myself out of the bed adjusting her slightly on the bed as a head rested on the pillow. I pulled out a soft- blanket for her; spreading it gently around her.
I shut off the blinds to not let the sunlight extend through.
I look at her and found a slight frown on her head; as her lips remained parted from each other flinching, I run my hands over her cheeks moving the hairs that fell on her face as the frown smoothed out.
I smiled pursing my lips and searched for paper and pen which I found on her bookshelf arranged in a pretty order and I wrote-
When I am gone don't look for me as a part of me will always be with you you carry my heart within you for long I've not been able to find myself I am still lost somewhere in you
-J
I flipped through several places to keep the message and my eyes flickered to the charm bracelet that glistened and sparkled under the reflection of the dim light.
I placed the message under it and skipped the room shutting the door gently behind me.
I stepped out of the house as the gentle cool- breeze press against my face.
I am leaving everything behind..........only until I return.