"Arnav!" A completely unaware and unprepared Shekhar opened the door and stood staring at his son in absolute shock. "Dear God, this is — this is some surprise!" He said, finally finding words to put together wearing a heartwarming smile on his lips. "Shaila! Shaila, look who is here!" His voice suddenly came alive after surviving the initial shock.
Arnav grinned as he entered the house along with Akash. Akash deposited the suitcase in the living room and left immediately after making an excuse of his parents waiting up for him for dinner at home. Arnav touched his father's feet and watched Shaila burst into the living room from the kitchen. She broke into sobs the moment she laid her eyes on her handsome son after four long years and ran into his arms. She held on to him for long, crying without saying a word to him while he tried calming her down with soft, soothing words of comfort.
"You didn't forgive me for saying that to you, did you, beta?" Shekhar asked, tears stinging his eyes. "Because your mother surely hasn't."
Arnav didn't respond initially, but his slight swallow and the understanding in his eyes told his father that he realised what he was talking about. "I had forgotten all about it until you mentioned it right now, Pa." Arnav turned towards him after making Shaila comfortable on a new brown leather sofa which had replaced the old wooden one.
"I had been harsh with my words then. I hope you forgive me." Shekhar murmured with a tremble in his voice.
Arnav felt his heart give a painful pinch hearing his father's words. "No, Pa. You had every right to object. I had flown down in the middle of the course, spending a lot of money on the ticket when I wasn't even earning well." He stepped towards his father and enveloped him in a hug. "I swear to God, me not coming here all these years had nothing to do with what you said, and everything to do with my demanding and hectic work life, Pa." He assured him as he held his father's hands in his. "And please don't ever apologise to me again. Ever. Please."
Shekhar nodded. "Very well, then." He smiled. "I cannot tell you how happy I am right now." He said earnestly as he circled an arm around Arnav and turned to look at his wife. "Shaila, let's have his favourite daal chaawal for dinner tonight. I am sure that must be the first thing on his mind." He looked at Arnav and saw him grin at his mother. "And in the meanwhile, my son and I will help you in the kitchen while catching up on what's going on in his life."
****
An hour later, Arnav stood leaning on his bedroom balcony's balustrade after having showered and changed into a burgundy vest and black lounge pants. Was he ready to take on these two weeks, he wondered. A wave of nostalgia hit him as he walked back inside and stared at his room, leaning against the door. It had surprised him when he had found his bedroom precisely the way it had been on the evening he had left Pune four years ago. Only more organised and cleaner. The only change he noticed had been the addition of some more framed old photographs of him with his parents and extended family on his desk and the walls. His parents had missed him... the realisation struck the core of his heart with a painful blow. He felt a prick on his conscience, wondering if he was the reason behind the tinge of sadness he had seen in their eyes earlier. With every passing moment in the house, he was now berating himself for staying away from them so long for selfish reasons. Although Kabir had always been with them, he regretted not having made a single trip to check on them. Unfortunately, with his father being too busy with work and his mother refusing to travel without him, he hadn't been able to convince them to make a trip to London either. Now he realised with guilt that although the time he had been away from home seemed to have raced by him, it had passed painfully slow for his parents.
Sometime between remorse and dinner, he had started unpacking his suitcases and had opened the locker of his almirah to keep his passport and other documents inside when he heard a knock on the door.
"Yes, Ma?"
"Bhai."
Arnav spun around to meet the eyes of a man, who looked nothing like what he had four years ago. Kabir stood by the door in his six-foot frame clad in a navy blue tee and jeans, his face as handsome as ever, the dark curls all tied up behind his head and a light stubble covering his tanned, chiselled face. The deep dark eyes set against his uncertain face, which was now more manly than boyish, stared at him and then lowered to Arnav's feet. He took a few hesitant steps towards Arnav and bent forward to touch his feet. Arnav's heart lurched and cracked wide in his chest, and tears stung his eyes as he caught his arms mid-air. He saw a film of tears in Kabir's eyes as he looked at him with a grim smile on his face.
"What's with the paiyr-chhoona? You know you never have to do that with me." Arnav said softly, his eyes reflecting the strain of pain locked up inside him.
"Respect. Pa always insists on respect." Kabir said hoarsely, swallowing the thickness in his throat. "It's a short notice, but I have laid down all the respect I could gather from within me at this time of the day at your feet." He murmured, his eyes still focussed on Arnav's feet.
Arnav regarded him with his arms crossed over his chest. "You've never done this before, and you don't have to do it now, Kabir."
"I would have had to bend before you then, Bhai, and you know I would have never done that." His voice was low, his face inscrutable yet relaxed.
A slow shimmering smile teased Arnav's lips. "So, what brought about the sudden change of heart, may I ask?"
"You are a wealthy man now. I bend where the money is." Kabir quipped, a smile finally tilting the corners of his mouth.
Laughter exploded into the room and refused to be held in check. Kabir's eyes lit up instantly watching his brother laugh wholeheartedly, and happiness bubbled inside him after years of drought, his heart swelling inside his chest.
"Idhar aa." Arnav ordered after the laugh had subsided into a genuinely happy smile.
"Maaroge?"
"Haan."
Kabir shook his head. "Then I won't. I have had enough slaps from you to last me for a lifetime. I refuse to come near you again just to get my ass kicked." He said as he took a step away from Arnav.
"And what makes you think I won't kick your ass if you don't?" Arnav asked him, one of his eyebrow arched.
Kabir stared at him, and the smiles evaporated from their faces instantly. Arnav walked towards Kabir the same time he took a step towards him and pulled him into a fierce hug, his arms wrapping around him tightly. The brothers felt the pain, the agony, the guilt, the worry and the tension of years melt away into nothingness in those precious fleeting moments. The hug probably lasted for an eternity and Arnav pulled back only because he thought he heard a suppressed sob.
"Chhotu?" Arnav looked at him with all the love in his eyes.
"Don't ever leave me alone again, Bhai. I— I've been killing myself every single day since you left." His lips quivered, and the tears finally spilled this time. "I'll take the slaps and whips if needed. But don't ever punish me like this again." His throat hurt having difficulty pushing words against the surge of emotions he felt inside him. "I thought you would be back the next year, Bhai. And I was hoping to keep holding onto your feet until you forgave me. But you didn't come. Neither did you speak to me even once. I counted days. I—"
Arnav held Kabir's face between his palms. "You— I — I have made —"
"No. I put you in a situation—" Kabir choked on his words as he wrapped his hands around Arnav's. "Don't say it. Because if you are about to call them mistakes, then your's are pardonable, Bhai. Mine aren't. But still, here I am—shamelessly, desperately, hoping and praying for a chance to build a new relationship with my wonderful brother who blew up his happiness and chose to remain in exile because of me. And I was—"
Arnav shook his head, blinking the tears off from his eyes. "Bas. We will not bring this up again." He walked back towards his suitcase, quickly hiding the lump in his throat which he could no longer swallow. "We all learn from our mistakes, Chhotu. Some learn quickly. Some learn it the hard way, I guess."
"I know." Kabir cleared his throat as he wiped the tears with the middle of his palm. "Aate hi pravachan! God, you can't help it, can you?" He smiled through his sniffles.
Arnav chuckled. "There's something about you, Chhotu. I can't seem to help it."
"Fine! It's me then." Kabir shrugged as he hopped on the bed and sat watching his brother unpack. He sighed as his heart finally felt at peace. A few minutes ago, he had knocked the bedroom door in fear and apprehension, not knowing how Arnav would react to his presence after so many years. Because Arnav hadn't spoken to him even once in the last four years, and he had counted every single day of them.
Initially, Kabir had found it hard to believe his brother would do what he had promised when he had walked away from him. But as days had turned into months and years, the guilt that started gnawing his insides had become an excruciating ache. He had begun to pray every day for his brother to have a change of heart, but the day never arrived. Shekhar and Shaila had figured out the friction between the brothers eventually but had no idea of the reason behind it. They, in their own way, had tried encouraging Arnav to let go of his resolve and speak to Kabir but Arnav had not relented. With every passing day, Kabir had finally begun to realise the extent of the damage he had brought upon their relationship. But the most painful thing to bear had been Arnav's silence and absence. It made him understand the place his brother held in his life and heart, making him curse himself for despising him and blaming him for things he had never been responsible for all these years.
"How are you, Bhai?" Kabir asked casually as he glanced at the books he was carrying in his suitcase and slapped his forehead. "How much more will you read?" He said with a grimace.
Arnav shook his head with a smile. "I am good, Chhotu." He picked up a pile of t-shirts from his suitcase and turned to place them on the shelf inside the almirah. "You tell me. How are you?"
"I am good now." Kabir smiled. "It's good to have you back, Bhai." His eyes shone with the same sincerity as that of his words. "You know what I was thinking about right now? That the four of us should go out somewhere while you are here. A family trip. That's something we haven't done in a long, long time. Because Ma and Pa have missed you a lot too."
Arnav smiled. "Let's do that. Tell me when."
"I have to be in Bombay tomorrow night, unfortunately. I wish I could cancel it, but I can't. But I am free after that, so we can go anytime once I am back."
"Work?"
"Yes. Recording a song for a play. Theatre." Kabir informed him with a shy smile.
"Brilliant! Are you arranging or playing?"
"Both. I have a session with the composer tomorrow night. They work nights and sleep in the day. Fantastic life, I tell you." Kabir rolled his eyes as he pulled out more things from his suitcase and handed it over to Arnav. "Hard work but no complaints. You know it's what I have always wanted to do. I love it, Bhai" He said with a smile.
Arnav stared at him for a few long seconds and gradually eased his lips into a smile and nodded. Hearing Shaila's call for dinner, they left the unpacking and discussion midway to join their parents in the kitchen.
***
It was a while after dinner when Arnav and Kabir reached the terrace with cups of hot tea after wishing their parents goodnight. They both realised it was the first time they were doing something like this together, yet it felt like this was a part of their daily routine for years.
"I am surprised you are having tea." Kabir glanced at Arnav as they sat down together. "That's a big change, Bhai." He smiled. "In fact, you've changed so much, I wonder what you've done to my brother! Your face looks stern and intimidating, yet tired and exhausted. Is your health okay?"
Arnav nodded with a smile and swallowed the hot tea he had sipped on with difficulty. "I don't know, Chhotu. Must be my job, I guess. It's—" He let out a tired sigh. "—also the sleepless nights. Life is almost on autopilot over there. I love my work and enjoy the zing in it, but there is a price to pay. Years, days, hours just slipped away without me realising it." He said as he took another sip from his cup.
Kabir felt a sharp pang in his heart as he watched his brother's eyes cloud with sadness he had never seen before. "I am sorry, Bhai. Because of me, you had to—"
"Kabir—"
"We will have to talk about it, Bhai. And I would prefer it if we did it now because we don't have much time. You are here for just two weeks, and I want to talk about everything, clear things up and get it out of our system. I want to spend as much time with you as possible." He looked away. "And if you still hold anything against me, I need to know." He paused as he turned to look at Arnav once again. "And I want to talk about Khush too." Arnav's face stilled for a moment, and Kabir cursed himself mentally for bringing it up.
A few moments of silence ensued, and Arnav finally met his gaze. "What do you want to talk about?"
"Anything, as long as we are talking. About what happened and —"
"Okay." Arnav sighed. "I'll be honest, Kabir. A part of me will never be able to forgive you for what you did to her that night. We have been through this before. You shouldn't have—" He closed his eyes and drew a deep breath. "—And then you had played me well, and ruthlessly. You put me on the spot, presented half-truths and clouded my judgment. It was very–"
"I know." Kabir agreed. "I won't forgive myself for it too. And whatever you have to say or do — I'll take it, Bhai. I deserve it because I have acted in a way that — don't ever feel bad for feeling that way about me." He looked away. "I am just glad that you are talking to me after so many years. And that you don't intend to cut me out of your life completely. I am more than happy with that."
Arnav drew in a deep breath. "But I am willing to let go of what you did to me, Chhotu." He glanced at him and looked into his eyes. "Because you alone were not at fault that day. Yes, you started it, but I messed it up too. It would be easy blaming you, but I won't. It would be unfair."
Kabir stared at him. "That doesn't absolve me, Bhai."
"Me neither."
"Khush didn't tell you about what I did that night—" He looked away "—she tried to protect me and you and our relationship. And I —"
"There are things each one of us has done which have hurt the other, and now it cannot be undone, Chhotu. You and Khushi need to talk, I guess. And as far as what happened between Khushi and me is concerned, leave it to us and stay out of it." He said harshly with a sudden tinge of bitterness which surprised him.
Kabir flinched, but he didn't react. "Will things never get back to where they were, Bhai?"
"I don't know." Arnav stared at his cup. "Apparently time heals everything."
"I feel like I have ice in my guts which never thaws. I was such an—"
"Was." Arnav cut through. "It's your past. You've changed now, Chhotu." He looked at him. "I haven't spoken to you, but I know what you've been doing every single day of your life. I know you haven't touched a cigarette or a drop of alcohol in these four years and have immersed yourself wholeheartedly in music. I know you've graduated well putting in mad hours of hard work. There is no gundagardi and no reckless behaviour with any girl or boy anymore. You have held on to good friends, and you are doing extremely well with your recording studio. You've changed your entire life and turned it around. This is reparation if you ask me. And —" He swallowed. "—now, just by becoming the wonderful person you have always been, you have given me the biggest gift of all." Tears suddenly filled his eyes. "I —I now feel that I have finally come home. My home. This feels like home again, Chhotu."
Kabir felt his heart sink in pain and disappointment. "I wasn't aware of the extent of damage my reckless, immature, uncaring behaviour had caused, Bhai. I am so-so sorry. I never—I never—I—I have been a monster to you and—" The sobs came unexpectedly as he bend his head low, covering his face with his hands. It was as if they had waited for four long years to find a release. Kabir burst into tears, spluttering, trying hard to breathe through the racking sobs that tore his body apart.
Arnav trembled at the sight and pulled Kabir into his arms quickly as he watched his brother break down in front of him as he had never seen before. He kept rubbing his back and arm, trying to comfort him, but Kabir was inconsolable. "Enough, Chhotu. Four years is a long time to burn in guilt. It's time to look forward now." He whispered, his throat choked, his heart in absolute agony, watching his brother disintegrate in front of him in the most painful way.
As the sobs subsided to sniffles, Kabir pulled away and looked at Arnav. "I don't know what all I have done, Bhai. I don't even know if I can do anything to make things better for all the people I have hurt in these years. But the worst of all was, I messed it up for you and Khush. That's something I can never get over, or forgive myself for. I wish I could undo it or fix it."
"You cannot fix things which are not in your hands, Kabir."
"Is there nothing left that can be salvaged?" He asked quietly.
"Nothing." Arnav's voice suddenly turned thick and heavy, forcing him to look away. "I will stay here until the wedding and head back to my world the very next day. I came here for the Akash and Payal, nobody else."
"Bhai, don't you think Khush deserves a chance like me too?"
The words took Arnav by surprise. "And what makes you think she wants one, Chhotu? And who am I to give her a chance? She —" He swallowed, "She has moved on, Kabir." The sting he felt in that admission was a thousand times more powerful and potent than the one he had felt the morning she had left for Bangalore. "I don't think it ever mattered much to her. We haven't spoken to each other for four years, and that's saying something. All I know was years ago we had some expectations from each other, and we both failed each other miserably, and that's where it all ended." He took in a shaky breath as he glanced at Kabir "For me, that part of my life is over. So forget all that. Let's talk about something else."
Kabir closed his eyes, wishing it had never come to this. It stung more because he had been instrumental in what had happened between them and he knew his brother wouldn't appreciate any more interference from him even if he wanted to do something about it. "Okay, Bhai. We will talk about something else." Kabir kept looking at his brother and felt an instant desire in his heart to banish the bleakness in his eyes. "But before that, I'll make another cuppa for us. You made the last one, and it sucked." He moved away from Arnav quickly when he said it and chuckled as he saw one of Arnav's eyebrow arch. "I'll make a stronger and sexy brew this time. Will be back in a jiffy."
Arnav nodded with a smile and turned around to lean his elbows over the parapet. He stood under the star-studded black velvet sky while the cool breeze played with his hair. He sipped on the last dregs from his cup and glanced at a couple of new buildings that had sprouted up out of nowhere. Not much had changed yet everything had. Everything. He sighed as he kept the cup down and stretched his arms. He glanced at his watch and pulled out his phone from the pocket and began to text a few messages to London. He had just placed his phone back in his pocket when he heard quick footfalls up the stairs.
"Chhotu, you remember that crazy friend of your's—Amit? Remember when he had threatened to stand on this parapet and jump because his team had lost a cricket match against you?" Arnav chuckled. "I remember my heart was in my mouth when you or was it her —I can't remember which one of you had come screaming downstairs asking me for help to get him off this place." He chuckled. "I remember rushing upstairs hoping I wasn't too late and—"
"I think it was Kabir who came to you." Khushi's voice arrived in a hoarse whisper.
The muscles in Arnav's shoulders tightened instantly, and he stood still for a moment, his back facing her. He then turned around slowly to face the woman who stood in front of him in a plain white shalwar kameez looking ethereal in the moonlight. It was him and her under the moonlight on this very terrace all over again. Memories and emotions forced their way through the momentary crack in self-discipline, and his pulse quickened as he held his breath, wondering if he should stay or walk away.
For countless undecided seconds, he stared at her with disconcerting eyes and the decision was finally made somewhere between two shallow breaths. "It always is." He said in a clipped tone and strode away from her without looking at her.
Khushi closed her eyes, letting the icy barb prick her. But with a strength born out of anger, she raised her voice watching him walk away from her once again. "You want to play these games, Arnav? These jibes and snarky remarks, these walkouts? Trust me. I can do all this too. But I won't because that's not what—"
Arnav stopped mid-stride and turned around to look into her eyes. "If this is about Akash and Payal and the gang, I repeat. I will put up a friendly act in front of everyone else as I have no intention of making my friends unhappy." He said coldly as his strong jawbone clenched. "But there is no need of that pretence when it's just you and me. Let's keep this simple. Just stay away from me or leave me alone. And God knows, you are good at doing both." Hard eyes glinted at her as if with disdain as he turned around once again to walk away from her. He had just about reached the door when her voice stopped him once again.
"You keep walking away like I was the one who had messed everything up when your heart knows it isn't the truth. You're equally responsible for what happened between us, Arnav." She managed to speak from some unknown reserve of strength from within her. "Whatever happened —"
"Your desire to have a conversation with me regarding what happened between us comes four years too late." He threw back at her. "You weren't in a mood then. I am not in a mood now. Goodnight."
And he was gone, without looking back at her, leaving her heart aching in ways, she couldn't understand anymore.
Note : Hope you are all well and had a good Christmas jaanemans! The next update will in the New Year. I wish you all a very very happy new year! May this coming year bring you lots of happiness and everything you have wished for. :)
Thank you for the pats on my back in the form of your lovely comments and votes. They mean a lot to me. Thank you for being here, staying with the story and loving it so much. :)
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