Two weeks had went by since my little chat with the guys in the field. Neither were giving me the cold shoulder, and they both were surprisingly understanding of me still not knowing who I would choose.
I tried spending time with Isaiah and Colton equally but it was really hard not to lean more towards Colton when all my time with Isaiah was limited and usually involved a long drive so no one we knew could spot us together.
I knew the risk of picking Isaiah. His job. His reputation. My reputation and my education if it actually went that far. Our relationship would never be a walk in the park. Even if he decided to quit at the school, we'd still have to remain a secret for a little longer. That piece made me uncomfortable.
There was no true way to become public with Isaiah. We both were starting to realize that much. Our conversations half the time were stressful because neither of us knew what to do. Isaiah loves his job as much as he loves art. I couldn't really allow him to quit just to be with me.
However, it was a fairytale to believe he and I could last as a secret until I graduated next year. I mean, his brother had already found out about us, how? Who the hell knew but it obviously meant he and I didn't truly know how to hide our relationship.
From my understanding, Isaiah and his brother weren't even close anymore so if he could find out, anyone could. As exciting and thrilling as our relationship was when it first started, reality was beginning to set it. We both had too much to lose to be together right now.
But he loved me, and I somewhat loved him too. Although my feelings for Isaiah were genuine, they were clouded by my feelings for Colton as well.
Colton, we'd spent so much time together over the past two weeks people were beginning to think we were dating anyway. Understandable, because we kind of were. He lays with me and watches my favorites movies, even if he doesn't care for them. His hands always find a way to my hair when he snuggle up on one of our beds for the day while we talk for hours at a time.
Getting to know each other. Learning the in and outs of of one another. What the other liked and disliked. What made us tick and how we act when we're hungry or tired. We'd even hung around Liz and Carter a few times, something Isaiah and I currently couldn't do. They knew everything, about Isaiah and I but having us all hang together would be strange. He's their teacher too.
Little things that Colton and I could do that I didn't have the luxury of doing with Isaiah. Colton and I hung out at local dinners and coffee shops, saw movies that weren't at least two hours away, and even held hands sometimes if I didn't pull away when he laced his fingers through my own.
As I laid in my bed, lost in these thoughts, I couldn't help but feel like I didn't deserve either one. My phone kept beeping over and over again, but I decided to ignore whoever it was. I needed to get my thoughts together.
Two weeks was enough. They told me to take my time but at this point, I was only making things worth by dating both of them.
A timid knock sounded from my bedroom door, but again, I ignored them too. Figuring eventually they would just go away, I was wrong.
"Do you honestly think laying in bed all day is going to fix whatever problems you obviously are having at the moment?" Carter said from my doorway.
"Just invite yourself in. Sure, I'd love some company." I bit out with a roll of my eyes.
"I know, that's why I popped up. You're so lucky to have a great friend like me." He plastered on his signature grin, jumping onto my bed while doing so.
I pushed Carter off my leg, choosing to just sit up because he wasn't planning on moving. "I just met you this year, I don't know how great you are." I joked.
I didn't mind having company but I just wanted to be alone in my thoughts.
"I'm listening." Carter folded up his arms, laying his head on top of them like his own personal pillow as he looked up at my sitting form, waiting to hear what I had to say.
"There's nothing to listen to." I shrugged. He wouldn't get it.
"Then why did Colton text me, saying to come check up on you." Carter said after shoving his phone in my face.
My eyes narrowed as I looked at his text and my gaze quickly found its way to the window where I found a smiling Colton. His hand was rubbing his neck and his face was filled with nerves. Colton just waved and disappeared from my sight.
"If he wanted to know what was wrong with me, why not just ask instead of being a peeping tom?" I wasn't mad but I'd rolled my eyes at least five times since Carter stepped foot in my room less than three minutes ago.
"Maybe he did try to ask." His eyes were on my phone that was currently across the room, untouched.
"Can't a girl ignore her phone every once in a while?" I said, sheepishly smiling or at least trying to.
"It's okay if you're unsure you know." He started.
I nodded my head but I kept my mouth closed.
"It's a complicated situation you've allowed to go on for a really long time, Stac. I'm your friend and I'm going to be honest with you, always. You know that right?"
I nodded again, waiting for him to go on.
"Colton won't be waiting around for you forever." My heart stopped. He'd only spoke what I knew all along but did he know something I didn't? The two have grown close, maybe he'd told Carter about someone else.
The jealously that sparked inside of me was unfair but I couldn't help it. I really like the guy.
"Don't look so shaken up. There's no one else, I'm just telling you it could be. If you wait too long." Carter said in a soft voice.
"But what about Isaiah?" My voice was low, my eyes staring off into Colton's bedroom window.
"What about him?" Carter sat up suddenly. "You can't seriously be considering this dude?" I'm sure my face said it all.
"Stacie, seriously?"
I shrugged my shoulders aftering brushing loose hairs behind my ear. "We fit, Carter. He's a nice guy. You don't know him like I do."
"Stac, are you sure you even know this guy at all? I mean what's a few hook ups and a couple secret dates. Screw knowing his favorite colors and favorite foods. What else do you know?" Carter shot off aggressively, his eyes lighting up with every word.
"I know more than that!" I shot back with just as much aggression.
"What's his mom's name?"
"What's his father's name?"
"How many siblings does he have?"
"Is he allergic to any animals? Foods?"
"What does he do when he can't sleep?"
"What calms him down when he's nervous?"
Carter shot the questions at me like he was the guy I was choosing between. His face was a bright red and the frustration in his eyes and voice were all there. Still, the question threw me into a whole new realm of thinking.
I didn't know those things about Isaiah at all. But I didn't know those things because they were secrets, I didn't know those things because I never asked and with Isaiah it was don't ask, won't tell.
"See, you don't know him like you think you do." Carter's voice was calm now even though his eyes told his true opinion.
"What are you getting at, Carter?" I didn't yell but I rolled my eyes for good measure.
"I'm saying you don't know him well enough to risk everything for him. You guys relationship is impossible Stac, and you know it. We all do. I'm sure he does too. Put your attraction aside, is it really worth losing everything for? Not just you, him too, especially him. Think about it, Stac. You have a great guy living next to you, ready to get to know you better but he can't do that if someone else is getting to know you too." Carter got up and left my room before I could fully let his words sink in.
It wasn't his choice to make. It was mine.
I got up, showered and fixed my hair. Allowing it to wave which way it may, I got dressed. Simple black jeans, a tank top, and my brown boots, I put on my coat and rushed out the house.
Phone in hand, I knew what I had to do, who I had to call.
-I didn't proofread. Really sorry. One more chapter and the story will be at it's close. My heart hasn't been in this story for a while and I'm really disappointed in myself for taking this long to write it but here it is. One more chapter. And thanks to everyone who has read it. Kisses.