Placing two hot tea mugs on the island counter, the dark-haired woman felt delicate arms embracing her from behind. Her smile growing wide as she felt soft lips pressed against her cheek. Maura, never stopping holding her with one arm, came by her side and picked one of the mugs.
M:" I'm sorry about my behaviour today."
J: "It's ok, Maura."
M: "No, it's not. I was dreadful, and it will likely happen again."
Seeing sorrow hazel eyes looking into her's, Jane started rubbing her shoulder, trying to give her some comfort. Maura's actions and words seemed to hurt her more than herself.
J: "I know you didn't mean to."
M: "I didn't, but I still said it. It doesn't matter if it wasn't really me talking to you that way because it was still me, and I hurt you."
J: "The only thing that matters to me is that you didn't mean it, and you're trying to fix things right now."
Maura stopped touching her and looked at the floor. Quiet tears starting to roll out from her eyes. Jane took her hands between hers and caressed them.
M: "Jane...I don't want to hurt you. I spoke to my doctor, and it's going to take a while...and that is if the new treatment works. If you don't want to be with me right now I understand, a-and if you m-meet someone in the meantime I won't blame you."
J: "What are you saying...Maur...I love you."
Jane tried to look her in the eyes, but it was useless. The blonde was sobbing gently, staring at the counter. It hurt her, seeing her in such pain and still being able to be so selfless. This was the real Maura.
M: "I-I don't mind if you leave if that means I won't hurt you."
J: "Maur... You're not listening to me. I've been in love with you for years."
M: "I k-know, b-but...you deserve better."
J: "That just tells me you deserve me more than what you realize."
______________________________
Glancing at her watch, again, Maura grunted in annoyance.
Jane was waiting for her at the Café, and she was still here-waiting for Kent to return. She supposed she could leave, but she didn't want to wait another day without him clearly understanding they were not together. She thought she had been clear but apparently not. In the past days, every time she tried to bring the subject up, he interrupted and avoided the topic. At this point, she couldn't stand him.
Knowing most of the anger was caused by a lack of compassion and strong impulsive feelings, she tried to stay as calm as possible. The last thing she wanted was to turn him into a scapegoat for all of her problems. However, part of her felt a rush of adrenaline running through her body with the mere idea of exploding on him.
K: "Hello!"
M: "Kent, please close the door."
Intrigued, he did exactly what she asked and walked to the front of her desk—staring at her, more relaxed than what she expected. Maybe he was more clueless than she believed.
M: "It's over."
K: "What's over?"
M: "Our relationship. Although I wouldn't necessarily classify it as such."
Kent went stiff and gave her sad eyes. She almost felt guilty.
K: "I... you've been oddly happy this week. I thought mayb-"
M: "I'm sorry, but you thought wrong. You knew this was only a matter of time."
K: "Is...is this anything to do with Rizzoli?"
M: "I did, indeed, enjoy your company, but Jane has nothing to do with why I can't see you as anything else but a friend."
Maura watched his face go pale. Now, she felt slightly guilty. He might talk too much and try to push her into being in a serious relationship, but he was, nevertheless, a good friend. He had been next to her many times before. When she found out she had Chiari malformation, he was the first to know-he guessed it even before her and any doctor. If it weren't for him being so pushy and inconvenient, she wouldn't have gotten help so soon.
K: "I meant Tommy..."
This time, the ME was the one getting pale. Not ready to have this conversation with anyone at all, she nervously tidied her paperwork. If she focused on Tommy, maybe he would forget what he just realized reading between the lines.
M: "How do you know about Tommy?"
K: "I'm not an idiot, Maura."
M: "Why didn't you say anything?"
K: "I thought you were unsure about us and hoped you would eventually choose me."
M: "I'm sorry Kent, but I told you many times this wasn't serious. If it brings you any comfort, I had a similar talk with Tommy."
K: "So...Jane..."
Waiting for him to leave, the ME, ignoring him, opened her computer to pretend she was busy. She was furious. Who did he think he was to assume he could talk about her and Jane?
______________________________
Stepping inside the 'The Dirty Robber', Jane ordered food and drinks while Maura chose the table. Frequently glancing at the blonde, she noticed she looked stressed.
This morning they almost arrived late for work because she had surprised her with a big nutritious, yet, delicious breakfast. Jane loved these gestures but wondered how much these were to compensate for feelings of guilt over her mood swings and fatigue from the new medication. She didn't want her to think she had to constantly pamper her to convince her she cared, especially when she was so tired.
As Jane walked towards the table and sat down, Maura stared at the menu- fidgeting it between her fingers. She was definitely upset and trying to calm herself down.
J: "What happened?"
M: "Nothing."
J: "You barely said a word since we left...Is this anything to do with your doctor's missed call?"
Maura turned her attention away from Jane, and her eyes started travelling all over the bar. Everywhere, except what/who was in front of her.
J: "What did he say?"
The dark-haired woman reached for her hand in hopes of giving her some comfort. Maura, quickly, tried to pull away but Jane got a hold on her wrist. Light enough for her to still be able to pull away but firm enough to make her stop acting so defensive. The ME stared at her.
M: "He needs to do another evaluation. He wants to run a few possibilities he didn't in the first place, so... it's just possibilities, it doesn't mean anything. It might be nothing. It's probably nothing."
J: "That's good. If he finds out, he missed something that can explain why the treatments weren't working...Maur?... That's good, isn't it?"
For the second time that night, the blonde started looking around the room. Eventually, focusing on their holding hands.
J: "Maur? What did he say?"
M: "I...one of the possibilities is that I might suffer from bipolar disorder. I-I'm not bipolar, that's ridiculous. Why would he even consider it? It doesn't make any sense if you ask me."
J: "What if he's right?"
Suddenly, the blonde looked at her. She seemed anxious and almost angry. This was the first time Jane saw her completely dismissing a doctor's opinion. Knowing her as she knew, she quickly realized Maura was likely just afraid that he was right. It was also likely that there weren't any other possibilities. Distressed as she already was, she didn't want to pressure her even more.
M: "He's not rig-"
J: "Even if he is. It doesn't matter."
M: "What do you mean it doesn't matter?!"
J: "What I mean is, it doesn't matter what he calls it. The only thing that matters is that you get better. Whatever it is, we're already dealing with it right now."
M: "You don't have to."
J: "No, I don't, but I chose to because I love you."
Maura pouted her lips and shed a few tears quietly. Sighing deeply she reached for Jane's free hand and held it tightly. Then, grabbed both of her hands between hers-massaging them.
J: "You need to stop focusing on definitions and the perceptions and prejudices on them. All you need to do is focus on getting better."
M: "... you're right."
Jane felt cold when her hands stopped being held but immediately felt warm when the ME got up to sit by her side. Her big, Bambi eyes staring at hers while giving her a sad smile. When she felt her lips on her cheek, the detective couldn't help but put her arm over her shoulders. Maura reciprocated by resting her head against her chest and massaging her stomach gently. Then, gave her another kiss on the cheek. Neither of them caring if someone they knew saw it.