"Could it be that desire for a good thing has become a bad thing because that desire has become a ruling thing?" -Paul David Tripp
chapter 23
Jazz was honestly enjoying the fuck out of himself at the moment.
For the most part of the morning, he watched Castor move from row after row in the field of strawberries which grew in the middle of the apple orchard on the west wing of his estate and it was the cutest thing, seeing his boyfriend practically drown himself in strawberries and being so happy.
He just plainly liked to watch the star be happy too, and know he was his boyfriend.
Right now, though, after Castor filled up all the jars with strawberries but wasn't done eating them, they were sitting between the rows and just talking.
"I'm so jealous that you- -berries- -grew up here." He admitted, popping a smaller strawberry into his mouth. Jazz couldn't help but to watch the way the light red juice travelled over his lips, wanting to taste them as the star lowly groaned from the back of his throat. "These are fucking great."
Castor looked like, honest to fucking hell, a cat who rolled around in catnip for just a little too long, all wide eyed and wiggly.
But he was happy and it was cute.
"Oh?" Jazz grins, all dimples and a dark happiness elighting his own tone-- it now too loud to ignore. "Can I try it?"
Nodding and not knowing the sudden confidence boost that the musician has, Castor props himself up onto his knees, scooching closer to where he was sitting and holding out a ripe, sweet looking strawberry.
But he doesn't quite want it like that.
Instead of taking it, Jazz lightly grips the god's hips in both of his hands and pulls him closer, both the same height now, with him leaning back slightly and the celestial propped up-- and kisses him.
It was enough of a surprise that Castor gasped into his mouth and the musician smoothly moved their lips together, still soft but now slightly sticky with juice and sweet.
But how much sweeter is his God, who had been eaten his form of a divine offering, now?
"Hmm," Jazz hums, the sound catching between their lips and parting them, allowing him to deepen the kiss. Allowing his tongue to wrap around his star's, he realizes that the strawberries were mixed with Castor's usual-- and he realizes he likes strawberries a whole lot better now.
It was addictive, how his god invaded all his senses, how he slowly only felt him-- only felt the man he loved against his body, against his fingertips, their tongues dancing and lips sliding and heart pounding.
Castor might be a God, but this was far from a sacrifice.
His fingers dung into Jazz's hair, the other hand coming up to cup the back of his neck-- Cas was claiming him, a growl bubbling up his chest and hands tightening as he pulled him even closer.
It felt ethereal, just like the color of his voice.
The celestial is all the colors of green, he's safe and warm and Jazz must be viridescent, because there's no way to describe it other than that.
Pulling back for air and needing a break from the intense feeling curling in his stomach and running heat up and down his body, from the top of his spine to the tip of his toes, Jazz pulled back and released a breathless, small groan as Castor pecked his lips one last time.
"You're right," He said, blinking up at lightning-strike gray eyes half-dazed and dizzy with pleasure. "Those are really good."
Castor smirks, "Want to try them again?"
Smiling but also feeling a little overwhelmed with it all, Jazz nods and places a soft, sweet kiss onto his boyfriend's lips, savoring the feeling and the taste of him for a few seconds before pulling away.
"So," His God grins back at him, fine with just getting a small kiss as he leans back slightly but Jazz's hold on his hips don't let him get very far. "You said that this isn't the only thing you wanted to show me today? Though I don't know how it can get better than this."
The musician chuckles, "You probably won't like it more than this, with your strawberry obsession and all, but I think you'll still appreciate it."
Castor grumbled at him, muttering incoherently under his breath.
"What was that?" Jazz leans forward teasingly. "I don't speak strawberry."
Rolling his eyes, the celestial says, "One, I'm not a strawberry, and two, where are we going?"
"Fine, not strawberry," He shrugs. "But you are a God, so I'm taking you somewhere sacred."
"Sacred?"
"Mhm."
Jazz grins back at him and pulls them both up to stand at Castor's doubtful look. He nudged his arm into the star's shoulder slightly, because that's just what their height difference allowed, and wiggled closer.
"It's full of magic," He promised, dimples popping out. "You'll see."
"Lead the way," the celestial smirked back. "I'm sure I'll like it even if I'm not a god."
"Excuse me, sir, but you are a god and I don't appreciate this blasphemy."
"It's not blasphemy, Jasper, you're just a dork."
"I am a dork but that's besides the point," He huffs back, interwinding their fingers to tug Castor forward. "Now, c'mon, it's almost three and that's the best time to get there."
The god hums thoughtfully in reply and lets him lead them both back to the castle where he instructed a butler to get the strawberry jars Castor collected from the field and then took him to the garage where all his family's old, but still very beautiful, cars were.
Going to the motorcycles and to Jazz's, the musician grabbed his keys, two padded leather jackets, and helmets for both of them.
The celestial was still looking around by the time he got back to him, so he tapped him on the shoulder and grinned while holding out the safety gear.
"Castor!" He chirped, fully knowing he saw him less than two minutes ago. "Those will make sure you don't get too hurt on the very, very low chance we crash but if you're more comfortable riding in a car, it's no problem at all." He excitedly points to the wall across from them. "See? The keys are over there."
"The motorcycle's fine," Castor chuckles at him. "Whose jacket is this?"
"Mine, it's almost in perfect shape because I grew out of it almost a month after getting it when I was like, fifteen I think?"
The celestial gives him a deadpan look, "You were this tall at fifteen?"
"Does it make you feel better that I was a shortie up until freshman year?" Jazz asks, grinning as he walked up to his motorcycle, Pickles, took off the kickstand to hold it by the handles as he began walking towards the driveway.
"Actually yeah, it does," Castor nods, coming to walk next to him. "Because I was tall for our age until around that point too. Damn," He frowns. "If I met you sooner I would've had the chance to be taller."
"But now you're stuck as a pipsqueak."
"Says the giant."
"But I'm a friendly giant," Jazz quips. "You're a strawberry grump."
Castor, of course, just ends up grunting at him before coming to a stop next to him as Jazz pauses in the middle of the driveway to straddle the bike and put on the leather jacket, adjusting to get comfortable but not putting on the helmet yet.
"Do you know how to get on, Star?" He turns to him, mint eyes curious and not missing the way the lightning-strike eyes seemed rather distracted, colors all sunflowers and pears. "Castor?"
"Ah," The celestial snaps out of it. "Yeah, I know how to get on. Um... what happens if I tic and jerk us?"
"I'm a steady driver, I'll keep us in the middle of the lane and I weigh quite a bit more than you so the chance of you overpowering one of my turns or anything like that is very low. We'll be on private roads, no busy ones, too so they'll be barely anyone to hit, either."
"That response sounds like you've thought about this," Castor purses his lips slightly, looking a little curious.
Jazz tilts his head at him, "Of course. I want to keep you safe, so I need to make sure whatever we're doing or will be doing keeps you safe and comfortable. Like the jacket and helmet, but other precautions for all situations."
"And you do this for other things?" He asks.
"Of course," Jazz nods because, well, it was true. "I usually make sure that where we go won't be too busy or whatever because I know you don't handle crowds well and I make sure that there's nothing that you're allergic to on the menu because you, sir, are a dumb dumb who drank a whole pomegranate smoothie."
Castor points at him, "And I still don't regret it."
The musician just sighs and says, "Get on, Star."
Wasting no time, the celestial does just that and Jazz turns on his motorcycle and they're on the way to the Red's rather sacred space. The ride there was smooth for the most part, he could tell Castor tried really hard not to tic but when he did it didn't hurt them at all or even jerk the bike so he relaxed after that.
Pretty soon, he parked in a very small lot, turned off the motorcycle, and pulled off his helmet, messing up his hair with one can to be able to free it from the probably weird looking way it was left earlier.
"It doesn't look like much," Jazz admits, looking from Castor to the woods that were a little dark and the empty fields with knee-high grass in them and nothing else. "But the sacred place is like, a five minute walk into the woods."
"This is technically our second date," Castor said, raising an eyebrow. "Is this the part where you kill me?"
Skillfully-- and surprisingly not clumsily-- the musician gets off of his bike and puts the stand up, pouting at his god the whole time, "I wouldn't do that, Castor. I'm really bad at murdering things. I ran over this stick once when I was learning how to drive and I thought it was an animal and I started to cry. My Tio thought I was crazy for the rest of the month."
Castor snorts, shaking his head as his lips curl up in amusement, "That doesn't surprise me at all."
"Welp," Jazz gives a little shrug. "I've embarrassed myself enough around you that I kinda think you're immune to it at this point."
"No, you're just a cute, oblivious, and clumsy puppy. Not embarrassing."
The musician wrinkles his nose at him.
Castor does it back.
Grinning widely at the action, Jazz chuckles and holds his hand out to help the celestial down, bouncing excitedly when he does and quickly holding his hand to drag the now laughing god towards the woods.
Pretty soon-- after a little stumbling from both of them through the trail in the woods, not because the star was clumsy but because he almost took him down by tripping-- they're at the mesh tent that keeps all the little magical flying creatures inside and the musician lets go of his hand to unzip it tightly.
"Go in, Star," Jazz turns to him with a smile, holding the flap open knowing he won't be able to see anything until he gets inside the enclosed area and his eyes adjust to the dull lighting. "I'll be right behind you."
Castor gives him a weird look for a second, before doing just that.
Hundreds of different colored butterflies fluttered about, over flowers and spread out trees, a small path leading to a clearing where the musician knew blankets and pillows were able to be put down-- them kept in a waterproof chest by the base of a tall oak, the way the leaves were thick in some patches and open in others made everything darker and look deeper, but the sun was still high in the sky, making it all seem to glow-- including Castor, who Jazz came in after and now stood by a tree, watching his god's reaction.
Head ticing to the side, Castor's arms flapped in a happy and excited tic-- which he did earlier when he saw the strawberries, too, it was pretty cute-- and looked back at his boyfriend with wide eyes.
"Jasper," He pointed around him. "Butterflies! This really is magical-- magic, magic, magic-- thank you for showing me. What... what is this place?"
"Welcome," Jazz grinned back at him, all dimples and black peonies. "This is butterfly land. It's sacred to my family. A l-lot of things happened here-- both good and bad."
"Tell me about them?" Castor asked, and with a smile, Jazz did.
Leading him to the clearing and letting the god look around a bit more, the musician set up the blankets and pillows for comfort reasons and dove into the story about how butterfly land became sacred.
It was his papa's safe place to begin with, when his undeserving of the title grandfather was still abusive and he still had his warrior-- self-harm-- marks, this is where he would come. It was the place his parents had their first date, their first and only break up, their wedding.
It was where Nyx met one of her best friends, where she realized she was in love for the first time. Where she met Teddy, her first but now dead best friend and where she goes to feel closer to him, too.
It was where Eris asked Arabella, her girlfriend, to marry her. It was where they exchanged their first 'I love you's and where they found each other after a really bad fight.
It was where Dela and her girlfriend Lavender fell in love together, studying there almost every afternoon, painting and reading and learning to accept the other as is.
"It's so full of love," Jazz explained. "So full of good, but there's bad too. Fights happened here, a break up. In love there's always tragedy, though, I suppose. And me..." He clears his throat. "I'd have a lot of panic attacks when I was younger, because of my synesthesia. No one really knew how to help. I mean, how do you teach your kid or your student to exist in a world that looks completely different than your own? I had no good ways to cope. But my dad brought me here and I just layed in the grass, watching and listening and feeling everything around me. I learned how to find peace here, how to focus on everything and ignore the little things, the stuff that doesn't really matter."
"It's beautiful," Castor looked around, following a Monarch with his eyes. "I'm glad it helped you. Does--" he growls. "-- your family come here, still?"
"Of course," The musician nodded. "When one of us gets hurt, we usually find our way here. Even if we're a ways away, we always come back. It's safe, y'know? It's always going to be here. Not a lot of other things are."
"Hmm," The god hummed thoughtfully, glancing at him with lightning-strike eyes and a sunflower song. "Do the D'Silvettas come here too?"
"Not really," He gave a little shrug, scooching closer to his boyfriend. "No one is supposed to come here unless a Red is with you, or you think a Red is in trouble or hurt-- because you'll most likely find one of us here if that is the case. Sacred, remember? Not just anyone can waltz right in."
Castor blinks at him, "So why did you bring me here, then?"
"You're my butterfly," Jazz laughs. "It's important to me to show you this place. You're a Red's, you're mine, and... I don't know, it seemed appropriate to show you it. It's full of magic, and so are you. Thought you'd feel at home."
"Is that the real reason?" The celestial leaned over him, cocking an eyebrow.
"It's... part of the real reason." The musician wrinkles his nose and glances away. "I didn't know if you had a safe place, too. This is my safe place, you are my safe person, and you're a butterfly. You're welcome here whenever you need to be, is what I'm trying to say."
"You're sharing your safe place with me."
It isn't a question, but Jazz nods anyways.
"You're... you're an anomaly, Jasper." Castor tells him, huffing slightly as he sits up. "I think I have you figured out, and then you do something like this and change that."
Blushing a soft pink, Jazz sits up as well and rubs the back of his neck.
"Well," He says, a bit uncertain. "At least it's a good change?"
"Definitely," The celestial gives him a soft look. "I like knowing more about you, even if it's weird stuff."
"I have olaf socks," Jazz blurts, going more red. "Uh... I'm not sure why I just said that. But it's true, they're my lucky socks and they say 'I like warm hugs' on the bottom. Why do I keep doing that?" He whines.
"Doing what?" Castor laughs out.
The musician pouts at him, mumbling, "You know exactly what."
"Enlighten me."
"The blurting out, thing. I never do it with anyone else! Maybe Viv when I'm overthinking but she just ignores me half the time, off in her own mind anyway. But you actually pay attention to me, you weirdo."
"Why am I a weirdo for paying attention to you?" He asks. "You're my boyfriend."
"Because," Jazz brings his finger up to poke Castor's nose. "Your observing skills are too strong. You're gonna be watching me one day and think, 'man, this dude is a doofus' and realize that I'm actually pretty dumb."
"Watch it, Jasper." Castor growls out, hand quickly grabbing onto his jaw to make the musician look at him. "You're not allowed to talk bad about yourself, not now, not in the future, and not even when you mess up. And you're not dumb, you're just excitable and you blurt things because you're comfortable enough around me to do so. Understand?"
Jazz nods and he's rewarded a soft kiss on his lips and pecks where the celestial had grabbed him a bit rougher-- but not hurting him at all-- than usual.
"You're important to me, Jasper, and I don't like when someone is mean to you, even if that someone is you."
Kissing his forehead, the musician easily replies, "You're important to me too, Star, and right back at you."