Sorry for all the angst lol, also this must be probably the longest one shot I've ever written. (At the end I divided it in two, but I'll post it on Ao3 complete after I finish the two parts.)
Thalia was observing how his son was resting peacefully. She could not quite remember the last time she had seen her boy sleep like that. Probably never, she thought. Back at the league Damian always was a light sleeper, paranoid, and always aware of his surroundings, sleeping as a soldier to sleep in a way he could wake up and defend himself fast.
But it was not like he did not had the motives to do so back then.
She smiled as she observed him sleep in his room at the manor, she wish she could see his son awake and talk to him right now, but she would not be able to hold herself if he was awake, it would be too painful.
"Thalia, what are you doing here!?" He heard Bruce, his beloved whisper at her, he was ready to fight. "You will not take my son, you lost all rights over Damian a long time ago."
Yes, she had, some years ago when she had disowned him, but now Damian was 15, almost 16, he was already a teenager.
She got down of the tree and got closer to his beloved.
"I am not here for that beloved, I just wanted to see him, and I need to speak with you."
Bruce tensed.
"But not here, I would not want to disturb Damian nor wake him up."
They both got down to the Batcave, Thalia never understood why her beloved worked in such a cold place, she had never liked the cold. Bruce interrupted her thoughts as he got to the computer and glared at her.
"Talk."
Thalia inhaled before explaining herself.
"You have noticed the same color of eyes that my son, my father and I share right?" Bruce nodded. "You may had suspected it before, but it is not natural, my eyes were brown a long time ago, and so were Damian's. It all changed after the Lazarus Pit of course, as you noticed with Jason and his eyes."
Bruce frowned. "I dont see were youre going Thalia-"
Thalia signed him to keep silent. "I am not done, you probably do not know this, but the Pits are almost completely gone, my father has just one more left, and I am afraid it is the last one in the entire world..." Thalia looked down for a moment, and looked at Bruce again. "He does not wants to share them with us..."
"Us?"
"Me and Damian beloved. I am afraid that after the amount of times we have used the Lazarus Pits...we have uh created a dependance to them, we are only alive thanks to being able to use them after certain amount of time, and our time is running out. I would not be surprised if Damian is starting to show symptoms just as I soon will."
"Thalia this isn't true, Damian is fine he-"
"Is he, beloved? Is my son really fine? Or is he just being the great actor he is thanks to the league that he always liked to be? After all, it would not be the first time he is hiding an illness."
Bruce crossed his arms. "I dont understand it, if there is just one Lazarus Pit is left why cant we bring Damian to it?"
"Im afraid it would not work for long Bruce, and after all, my father will use it as fast as he shows symptoms, after it, I finally will have an opportunity to kill him, in the meanwhile he will have the best of the best taking care of the pit, it will be impossible, even for you, to get there alive."
Bruce was slowly realizing what this meant. He would loose his son, again. And he was refusing to believe it.
"Of course I can, I could bring all the family!"
"Beloved-"
"Maybe Superman too or part of the JL-"
"Bruce"
"We could all bring Damian to the pit and-"
"Bruce!"
Bruce finally stopped, he knew he was not thinking rationally, he didnt cared.
"Beloved, please, you have no idea how much I would want that too...but what after it? What if any of you do not get out of there alive? How would Damian feel about it? What if Damian does not makes it out of there, it would be in vain...it is too risky, and it would be for nothing, maybe he would just get till 18, maybe he will get through 21 birthday at most, would you risk it all, risk the rest of your family, just so Damian can live a couple of years more."
Bruce knew she was right, Damian would not want to feel responsable of any death just so he could live a little more.
"You already gave him a second chance Bruce, a second life, in more than one way, now let him enjoy the last months of it, do not waste them on searching a way for him to live longer, it is not possible, I know it."
Bruce wanted to cry so bad, but he wouldn't do it in front of Thalia, then another painful thought came to his mind, what about Jason? What about his other son? Will he die again too? He wouldnt be able to get through his two sons dying for a second time.
"What about Ja-"
"He will be fine Bruce, he only used the pit once, as I told you, we developed a dependence because of the amounts of times we used them."
That...that meant Damian had used the pit more than once, probably much more times, and it hurt him as a father to know it, to know that he hadnt been able to save his son sooner, if he had known before, if he had took him when he was younger...maybe he would have avoided all this problem and saved Damian from most of the horrors he had been through his life...
Bruce stopped himself from thinking further, there were no ifs, and it would be of no use to him or Damian. He needed to focus. He turned back at Thalia.
But she was already gone. And Bruce had a feeling that it would be the last time he would see her.
He didnt cared to follow her, it would be of no use.
Bruce got upstairs after changing to civilian clothes, and walked through the halls toward his room. He stopped as usual in the other rooms, his sons' rooms.
Dick, Jason and Tim were visiting. Dick had taken a few days off from his work due to a concussion and his brothers had forced him to take some rest. Jason had been visiting a lot recently, their relationship had improved a lot recently, they were not at the same point they were before, but they would get there eventually. At least that is what Bruce hoped for. Both of his eldest were asleep.
And Tim kinda lived half of the time in the manor and half of the time with his team, he was still awake on his room, he was working on a case. "Hey B, I was just about to go to-" He yawned, and looked at Bruce. "Are you ok?" He said concerned.
Bruce hadn't noticed how he was crying silently, he had some tears on his eyes, he wiped them as he entered the room and sat at the feet of Tim's bed.
"You...you know you can talk to us do you?"
Bruce nodded. "Thalia was here, I just talked to her a few minutes ago."
Tim tensed as he closed his laptop. "What did she wanted? Was she here for Damian? Are you all right? Is Damian all right?"
"That's the thing...she came to talk, she warned me about something." Bruce told Tim about everything, Tim listened to him silently as he nodded, not showing emotions until he realized what it meant.
"What are you going to do? Will you tell Damian, or do you think he already knows?"
"I'm sure he already knows something's up, I believe Thalia in the fact that he is hiding the fact that he is not feeling well, but I dont think that he knows what is going on."
They both stayed silent, both of them in their own thoughts.
"Im planning on telling him tomorrow morning, we will tell the rest on the afternoon, I probably shouldnt have told you, but I just-"
Tim nodded, he understood.
Bruce stayed in his room for a little longer before finally heading out.
He entered to Damian's room, he watched him sleep with music on, and with Titus and Alfred (the cat obviously) at his bed.
He probably stayed in the door for too long, before he headed back to his room.
He wasn't able to sleep that night.
***
Damian woke up with a headache, he felt as if he hadn't rested at all, it had been like that for the last couple of days...maybe weeks. His body ached too, sometimes it was worse, like as if he was burning, but he knew that feeling, this was nothing compared to it.
He took a shower and decided he would not take Titus on his daily morning walk, he would do it after breakfast, maybe that would help him get some energies back.
"Master Damian, I hoped you rested well, you father had mentioned yesterday a morning training with you."
Damian lied about the fact that he hadn't rest at all. And mentally swore because of the fact that he had forgot his morning training with father.
And speaking of the devil...
"Damian! Son, Im glad to see youre already awake, can I have a moment with you?"
Damian did a mental list of all the things that his father could possibly want to talk about. He hadn't fought much with Drake recently, he had respected father and Pennyworth, he hadn't disobeyed father as Robin...at least not too much. And he hadn't talked much with Grayson and Todd during the last week.
"It's not anything bad you did." His father told him as they both entered the studio. His father closed the door behind him. He seemed nervous, maybe a bit sad too. So maybe it wasnt anything bad that Damian did. But it was something bad after all.
"What about the morning training father?" He asked, even when he mentally thanked any God or being for it being mostly probably cancelled.
"We...we wont do it. I just need to talk to you."
(Omg this is getting so long in my head that I'm thinking about making this as a short story of its own or a series of one-shots, but nooo I want to see were it ends lol, like I want to write around 5000 words but I dont think Im capable of doing it in just one seat....or maybe I will be able?)
Damian was already worried, but he was getting even more worried, why would father wanted to talk to him and only him for something bad that he did not do, (or probably), and not with all the rest of the family at the same time?
His father took a deep breath. "Thalia visited yesterday."
Oh...
oh.
"Wait? Mother visited? Why?" And how had he not know about it? Or even noticed it?
"Yes, at night, you were asleep, I'm surprised you didnt wake up." Bruce let out a sigh. "She wanted to talk..."
"Talk about what father?"
"She said something about a Lazarus Pit dependence..."
Bruce told his son all about what had happened the night before, he didnt mentioned the fact that he also told Tim, he would tell him later.
"I...I had heard mother mention the...secondary effects that the Lazarus pits could do on someone, but I never really got the chance to see it before, I probably had required to use the pit in so short amount of time that I never had to deal with all that before."
"Damian, please, I want...I need to know if you have been hiding any of this symptoms from me."
"Yes father, I did...but I swear I only got a small flu that wasnt important, it had just been being tired, headaches and my body hurting, nothing too important."
Bruce was sad about the fact that his son still believed that him being sick wasnt important.
"Son, I know you think a small flu isnt important, but anything is important if it is bothering you, I hope you understand that."
Damian nodded looking down. He was still processing the things his father had said.
"Father...so Im dying?"
Bruce stayed quiet, he couldnt bring himself to tell him that he was in those words, but they both knew the reality so it would be just useless to try to convince them both that he wasnt.
His father's silence was all Damian needed to accept the reality.
"Damian we can still try to get to the pit-"
"No father, we cant do that, why doing it for just so little time to all of it to repeat again. Mother is right, it would be selfish and useless."
So this is how death would get him again for once and for all? Not even before he got to finish high school? It had all been useless, his resurrection all those years ago and the sacrifices his family had made to get him back.
Life was unfair, but Damian already knew that, he just wished he could be a little boy again, believing things would get better.
He started crying at some point, and the next thing he knew was that his father was hugging him.
He cried without caring for once in his life.
"Father...can I ask you something?" He asked to his father.
"Of course son, what is it?"
"After I die...if you ever find a way to bring me back, could you...could you not? Could you let me rest please?"
Bruce hugged his son tighter as he cried.
"Dad, please...I want you to promise me."
And Bruce used all his will of power to answer his son's request.
"Ok Damian...I promise."
***
They called a family reunion in the afternoon with everyone that was at the manor at the moment.
Damian was sitting in a couch at the library at his father's side, he had fallen asleep at some point while he was reading and his father had woke him a few minutes ago.
"B what is it? I was just about to go out with Roy." Jason complained, but he knew it had to be important judging the tone Bruce had told him to go to the meeting. And the fcat that Alfred was there too.
"Yeah Bruce youre scarring us" Dick said.
"Who died?" Jason joked.
Bad choice of words, the room's mood changed.
Dick opened his eyes when he saw the face on Bruce, Tim and Damian.
"Ok guys now youre truly scarring me, is someone dead?!" He panicked.
"No one is dead Richard, dont be foolish." Damian tried to said that in a deadpanned tone, but his voice cracked. "At least not yet..." He murmured, but his family still heard him.
"What do you mean with not yet demon? Who is dying? Is it Bruce?" Jason looked at the man to see any confirmation, it was a relief when he shook him head.
Bruce looked at Damian to support him, but mostly to ask him without words if he wanted him to tell them.
Damian shook his head, I can do it, he told himself.
"My mother came yesterday," Dick almost gasped, and Jason almost punched something, Alfred stayed quiet, and Tim...didnt looked surprised for some reason. "She said some things about secondary effects of the multiple times I used the pit..."
"The pit's dependance." Jason said with eyes wide open. He was starting to understand were all this was going to, and he didnt liked it. He had heard about it back when he was in the league.
"Whats the pit dependance?" Dick asked.
"It is a dependance people form when they use the pit too much, I didnt developed it because I just used it once, but Damian on the other hand...he should use the pit after a couple of years, sometimes more, if he wants to keep living."
"When was the last time you used a pit Damian?"
Damian didnt had to try hard, it had been exactly 9 months before he had meet his father.
"So that was years ago..." Dick said.
"I dont understand, why dont we bring you to a new pit if you need it so badly? Of course I dont like the idea much, but it is the only way isnt it?"
Damian nodded.
"The only problem is that there is only one pit left, not much of it, and Ras refuses to let Thalia or Damian use it." Bruce said.
"It would be selfish, careless and useless if I use it, it would only expand my life a couple of years, but no more. And then I would die either way."
Dick started shaking his head, refusing to believe it, his little brother, his Robin, he couldnt-
"But we can try Dames, we can bring you-"
"Richard, stop."
"No Damian! I will not let you die again and so easily when we can do something about it, I will not-"
Dick was interrupted by a coughing fit he got that made his head feel dizzy and his throat taste like blood.
And indeed there was some blood in his hand.
"Symptoms have already started?" Jason asked preoccupied.
Damian nodded. "Yes, they have been going for a couple of weeks, but the coughing is new." He said looking as his feet, after dizziness was gone he looked at his oldest brother. "Dick, please, I have my reasons, and I hope you understand it."
He stood up to go to his room, Drake and his father helped him.
When they arrived, they put Damian on his bed, he was feeling exhausted, today was a bad day.
"Timothy..." He said before they left.
"Since when have I become Timothy?" Tim asked, their relationship had gotten better, but not that good.
Damian tried to roll his eyes. If he was about to die for good in less than a year, he wanted to at least show his family he cared and loved them.
"You did not seemed surprised about anything."
"I told him" his father said. "Right after Thalia left, I just needed someone to speak to."
Damian nodded, he had told Tim before him, but he had been asleep. He would have gotten very angry probably a few months ago, but right now he didnt had the energy to care, not when he didnt knew how long he had, he didnt wanted to die while being angry at his family.
He wouldn't make the same thing twice, if he died again, for good, he wanted to be in good terms with everyone, and that included Tim and his father.
And at some point, he felt asleep.
(oopsssss so did I lol, I felt asleep while writing this lmao)
***
The next couple of days Alfred let him sleep longer than usual. Weird. But Damian was not feeling like he just had some extra hours of sleep.
He looked at the clock, it was past noon, lunchtime.
Damian stood up, maybe too quickly, it took him almost an entire minute to gain balance and see perfectly again.
Someone had already took Alfred the cat and Titus out, and probably took Titus for his daily walk that Damian hadn't took him yesterday.
A couple of minutes more and he had already taken a shower and dressed up. Today was a better day than yesterday, he could feel it.
As he walked down the stairs he noticed lunch wasn't served yet, he could see Pennyworth in the kitchen cooking, and Tim was at the table on his laptop, probably doing something college-related. Which reminded Damian that he still had homework to finish.
He didn't understood what was the point of doing his homework, he wouldn't finish the year anyways. Maybe it was just so the press wouldn't suspect, or because Bruce still wanted to give him a sense of normality as long as he could give him.
"Good morni-afternoon Pennyworth."
"Master Damian." Alfred greeted the teenager. God, he was still only a teenager. Alfred thought.
"So do I help you with that?" Damian signed at the stuff the butler was cooking.
"Oh it's fine master Damian, I don't require assistance right now."
"Oh." Damian said, and then took the dishes to place them in the table as he normally would do when he helped Alfred.
"Don't worry Master Damian, Tim was already going to help me with those."
Tim heard his name and looked up from his laptop.
"I was?" He asked confused, then he saw the look on Alfred. "Uh yeah! I-I was let me just..."
Damian frowned when he understood what was going on.
Tim noticed his frown.
"You know Alfred, I still have to do some stuff about those admissions for college...but I'm sure the grem-Damian! Can still help you."
Alfred glared at the young adult.
"Master Tim-"
"Tt, I understand Pennyworth, thank you Timothy, just tell me when it's time to eat."
Damian left the kitchen and decided to head to the bat ave. It was already noon so he could go to the bat cave.
Dick was in there, he was talking to Barbara who had been invited to eat with them.
Damian decided to ignore them and go straight towards the mats, he hadn't been able to come down to the bat cave for training and he was starting to feel anxious, he needed it.
He started stretching a bit before he took a katana and decided to turn on the simulator, nothing out of usual, Damian thought.
Or at least until he had already beaten two levels of it and Richard came running to him as a lunatic.
"Damian! Stop! What the hell are you doing?!"
Damian almost got hit because of the condition, emphasis on the almost.
"Tt, training of course? Or had no one told me that aside from your concussion you got blind too?"
Dick didn't responded him and just turned off the thing. "Damian stop it, you're in no conditions of do this."
Damian rolled his eyes, he was about to answer to his older brother until a bad headache hit him. Timothy was still working on those pills to help his headaches, because normal pills wouldn't help him, so he just tried to his it as well as he could in front of Grayson.
"See? What if you feel bad while training? Damian you're sick you can't-"
"I'm perfectly aware of my condition Grayson. Now if you will act so stupidly I shall leave you here so you won't keep bothering me."
And with that he left the cave, leaving the couple alone.
"You know Dick, you should let Damian be, he did told you about the fact that he has been having all the symptoms for weeks right?"
Dick nodded.
"And he has still been pretty good at being Robin, so unless there's a big problem with him at the moment, you should let him do his stuff, he's not a kid anymore, you can't protect him like that...even if he's, you know. 'Sick'."
Her boyfriend didn't answered. Damian was his little boy, he just...wish things could be easier for him.
Even if he had been fighting well during his recent trainings, his ribs could confirm it.
(Omggg I'm writing this now on an airplane and damn I think I just broke a bone the other day that I felt, because I hit it again accidentally and it hurtsss-)
Damian was angry, he went upstairs, maybe he could read something during his free time while Timothy and Pennyworth finish the lunch.
He was surprised to find his father at the library, he would normally be at his studio or WE around this time of the day.
"Damian, I didn't knew you were already awake."
"Of course father, it's almost lunch time, why would I still be resting?" Damian would love to have some more rest, but he would just waste time, he knew it was useless, it didn't mattered how long he sleep, he
would always be tired.
Bruce just shrugged his arms and continued looking at some papers he had placed on the desk.
"What are you doing?" Damian asked curious, maybe he could help his father with whatever he was doing.
"It's a case, WE related, someone apparently stole some of the money that was supposed to go to the charity, and I have motives to believe it was some of the money the penguin has been using, I just need a way to connect it."
"Oh I can help-" Damian got a closer look at the documents, they were some financial stuff with graphics on it, and some notes with father's handwriting.
His father covered them with his hand and looked at Damian, "uh, I think food is ready, why don't you go ask Alfred?"
Damian didn't protested, he did frowned at his father, but the man was already too invested in his documents to notice it.
Lunch wasn't ready yet, soDamian decided to go out to check on Batcow, who was currently taking fresh air outside the manor, after checking the cow, he found Todd, who was carrying some boxes into a car.
"Demon! Hey can you help me with this stuff? There are some other boxes right in the entrance."
Damian picked the boxes and helped Jason carry them.
Jason noticed how the teen was looking at the boxes, "Oh, they are some stuff I ordered online for my apartment, I asked Bruce if I could pick them here because it would be kind of dangerous to leave them at my door and have someone looking at them or taking them." He closed the car's door and gave Damian a friendly punch in the shoulder.
"Thanks Dames."
"My name is Damian, use it."
"Sure Demon."
"Tt." Damian watched as Jason entered to the manor.
"Thank you Todd."
Lunch was finally ready, Damian seriously didn't knew what took them so long. It must have been the fact that they didn't got Damian's help, he always finished first.
As they ate lunch they were talking about Barbara and Dick getting back together, and Tim teased Dick about if he would finally would stop being so scared of taking the next step.
"Nah, I'm pretty sure it's gonna be Babs who makes the question." Jason said.
"Yeah, no offense Richard, but I'm pretty sure Gordon will ask you because you're too much of a coward."
Dick protested and Barbara grinned. The discussions continued for some more minutes.
"Ok,ok, now if you're done with teasing Dick, I think we should all take our dishes to the kitchen, Dick could you pick Damian's?" Bruce said.
"I'm perfectly capable of bringing my own plate father."
Dick ignored his protests and took his dish. "Just let me take it Damian."
"No, everyone else is taking their dishes, why not me too?"
"Damian-"
"All of you are treating me as if I'm invalid! Which I'm not! Even Pennyworth isn't letting me help him! Only Todd is treating me the same, and Drake let me do things! Even if he is treating me differently, more nicely! I'm perfectly capable of doing things and I'm fine!"
"You're not fine Dames! You're dying! My little brother's dying and I can't do anything about it!"
"Don't you think I know that?!"
"No! You just try to ignore it! But it's us who are going to have to see you die, it's us the ones that are seeing you get sicker, it's me who will have to bury his little brother twice because I could help him! I will have to wake up someday soon, and know that you're not here to live it with me!"
Damian stayed quiet, Dick was probably tearing at this point. He didn't knew what to do, normally it would be Dick the one comforting him, not the other way around, he wasn't good at it...he just-
"The cycle of life is the younger watching the older die, not the other way...not again..."
Damian hadn't showed it, but he was scared of being sick. Scared he didn't knew how long he had left, and scared that they would forget him.
"I'm sorry Damian, it's just, why does it has to be you? It's so unfair..."
Damian knew life was unfair, but not for him, but for his family, for his siblings and his father, they had already lost people, lost Damian already, and they would loose him again, and Damian wasn't going to do anything to change it. He deserved it, and he had already got another chance to live, it would be too much.
Damian just hugged Dick, trying to comfort the eldest.
"I'm sorry" Damian said.
***
A couple of days passed after it, it had been a week since Thalia had told Bruce about Damian's state.
Damian hadn't patrolled in almost an entire month, and Gotham had noticed it. People were fast at noticing it and making theories, seriously, those people didn't had anything better to do.
Some of the people said he was dead, some said he had moved and didn't wanted to be Robin anymore, just like what happened with Richard.
Damian couldn't take it anymore.
His father was down at the cave, he was about to put his suit on, when he noticed Damian being there.
"Damian, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be asleep."
"I don't have school tomorrow father..."
Bruce raised an eyebrow, he already had an idea of what his son wanted, but still waited for him to speak.
Damian took a breath and looked his father directly into his eyes with a poker face.
"I still want to go to patrol father"
Bruce stayed silent, his son had been telling him for days, and he knew it wasn't going to be long until he found a way to go solo, and Bruce didn't wanted to risk it.
"Fine, just because I know you will end up going one way or another."
Damian opened his eyes as he stood up to run towards his Robin uniform. Bruce stopped him before he reached it. He could see the light on his son's eyes, a light that had been gone for almost a week.
"But I need you to promise me that you will tell me when it has become to much, I wouldn't like to loose you even sooner."
He nodded, this time, unlike so many other times he had been sick or injured, he wasn't lying.
"I will father."
Bruce smiled at his son.
Yeah so it got so long I thought you guys wouldn't finish it, so I'll post the part two soon (I have already a big part of it)