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Y O U ' R E A R O U T L E D G E
Y O U ' R E A P O G U E
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Breathing wasn't easy. Breathing was difficult. It took so much energy to heave in deep breaths and when you already felt drained it took that much more energy. Sweat dripped down Harley's back and framed around her face, slicking her flushed red skin. Her usually bright eyes were clouded with fear and confusion and fogged up with tears.
Today everything was a little too much for the temporary Routledge girl. If she had the choice, she would fall back into the ocean, curl up and drown so that she didn't have to feel the constant disappointment, wistfulness, and despondency that had rooted in her brain and grown in her chest. There was an uncertainty at how long she could have a hold of those emotions or how long it would last for.
How long did it take to get over your parents abandoning you? How long did it take for the frustration of not remembering or knowing things to fade? A few weeks? A few months? More?
On autopilot, Harley got dressed and stepped into the kitchen with a hardened expression. She still looked rather pale. Harley didn't notice John B sat on the couch or the other Pogues sprawled out with him.
A smooth bowl filled her hand, she was going to make cereal or maybe a salad. She didn't know or care, as long as it was edible.
She spun away from the cupboard not expecting to see anybody behind her. She startled almost jumping out of her skin. The bowl slid from her loose grip and crashed against the floor, clay shards exploding over the floor.
"Hey are you okay?" John B reached out, but Harley evaded his touch.
"I- yeah. Yes. I'm-" she realised what she had done. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do that. Sorry. I'll clean it."
She crouched down and started picking up broken pieces. John B was quick to follow and reach out to stop her grabbing the jagged pieces so carelessly. He wasn't quick enough.
"Ouch!" Harley dropped the pieces she had a hold of as she cradled her bleeding palm. "Ow."
"I'll clean up," John B explained. "You go get that patched up with Pope. Dude the first aid kid is under the sink."
Pope came over and helped Harley up careful not to get blood on her clothes or the floor. He led her into the bathroom and got her to sit on the side of the bath tub.
"I'm really sorry. I guess I'm not feeling one hundred percent today." Harley murmured whilst Pope pulled out the kit and started muttering to himself what he had to do.
"It's cool. John B has out there sorted and I've got you sorted." Pope smiled.
Harley hissed as he wiped away the blood with a bit of antiseptic and bandaged her hand.
"All done. How does that feel?"
Harley grimaced, "Better. Thanks, Pope."
Pope scanned over Harley for a second taking in her slightly dishevelled appearance and ashen skin. He stroked his chin thoughtfully, before asking, "You didn't faint or anything right? No seizures?"
Harley looked up at Pope and managed a smile this time. "No. Nothing like that. I just had a bad dream and now I just feel famished."
"Oh right. Well, you'll definitely feel better after you eat. Oh and I read somewhere that chamomile can help with bad dreams, it's supposed to be calming. Or talking about it helps... you could talk to me about it if you wanted. I'm a good listener and it wouldn't have to go any further than this room. Or I could get John B."
"Chamomile. I'll keep that in mind. But, no it's okay. It was just a stupid dream. I was drowning and I couldn't get to the surface." It was only part of her dream, but she didn't want to discuss it any further.
"Is it like a memory from how you ended up here?"
Harley nodded. "Probably. It could be another time I had drowned but obviously I wouldn't know. Honestly it's stupid, we should get back to the others."
"Okay. And we can get you eating something," Pope chuckled.
Harley grinned back. "Yeah. Thanks Pope." Harley stood up and helped Pope pack up the bandages and antiseptic. He then led her back into the kitchen where the others sat around the dining table. In front of one of the empty seats, a bacon, egg and cheese bagel sat on a plate accompanied by a glass of strawberry milkshake, that Big John had bought upon John B's request.
All eyes found Harley and Pope as they entered. Pope sat beside Kiara on one side and Harley took the seat she assumed to be for her, between John B and JJ. As soon as she slid into the seat, JJ stretched an arm over her shoulder with a cheesy grin, "Feeling better Harley Davidson?"
"Did you just call me a motorcycle?" Harley pulled a weird face. "Should I be offended?"
"Of course not, I love Harley's."
John B swiftly pushed JJ's arm from around Harley and glared at him mouthing, "Moron."
"Thank you for the bagel," Harley voiced not sure exactly who to thank.
"Anything for our guest New Yorker."
Harley tried not to frown at his use of the word guest. It just reinforced her ephemeral stay.
Kiara sighed from her spot. "How many times JJ? We don't know that Harley is from New York."
"Well it's not impossible. Wait until we meet her crime family."
Whilst JJ and Kiara went back and forth with the occasional note from Pope, John B decided to speak to Harley. They hadn't really spoken since he left her to go to the marsh with the gang and when they had returned she was knocked out on her bed. She only woke up to eat then went back to sleep. John B's dad had put it down to the girl still needing recovery time and time to reenergise after her first week living in the Routledge home. John B wasn't too sure, because Harley had looked rather sad and out of it over dinner.
He nudged her softly whilst she slowly chewed on her breakfast. She looked over, away from the bickering, and focused on John B.
"Are you sure you're okay. You seem distant, like you did yesterday over dinner. Did something happen?"
"I'm okay. I've just been feeling very exhausted."
"That's all. You don't feel funny or anything? You're just tired." Harley nodded. "If it's about yesterday and me leaving you, I'm sorry. I should have stayed and kept you company."
"It's alright. I- uh. I didn't want to say anything, because I knew you didn't want me to leave the shack. But, I did go on a small walk, hence why I was so tired yesterday. I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have left, but I was starting to feel claustrophobic."
"You went on a walk by yourself?"
Harley nodded. "Just me. I don't know anybody else around here."
On one hand Harley wanted to tell John B she had gone out because it didn't feel good lying to him. On the other hand, she had gone out with Rafe and she knew how much the Pogues hated the Kooks. She didn't want to cause any tension or get them angry especially at her. They had told her to keep her distance, but Rafe always seemed to be there, being friendly and charming.
"Right, sorry. It's okay that you went out, you came back in one piece." John B looked around the room for a second. "Maybe we can do something today. Do you wanna go to the beach. We know a great spot we can all just chill for a day and then you don't have to go into the water."
It was a nice idea. Being out of the house and just relaxing, the offer was very enticing. "Okay. That sounds nice."
"Perfect." John B addressed the rest of the group with an excited smile. "Hey guys. We're going to the beach."
"Right now?" Pope questioned.
"Yeah."
"Nice!" JJ fist pumped the air hopping to his feet. "What are we waiting for?"
"We need to get dressed," Kiara pointed out. "Harley come with me."
Kiara stood up from the table causing Harley to look at John B. He nodded his head and so she got up with her bagel and followed the other girl. Kiara grabbed her bag and led the way to Harley's room.
"What are we doing?"
Kiara rummaged through her bag and pulled out a blue bikini. She held the straps to the top holding it up for Harley to see.
Harley stared at it confused. "Your bikini?" Kiara smirked and shook it a little as if that would make things more obvious. "Is really pretty? No? I mean it is, but... I'm very discombobulated."
Harley bit into her bagel to stop her rambling. This made Kiara giggle. "Discombobulated?"
"I really like that word," she chuckled. "I read it in one of the books Pope gave me."
"Okay. It is a funny word. This bikini is for you to wear. I've already got one on, a great hack for living on an island. Just wear a bikini underneath."
"Like all the time?"
"Most of the time."
Harley smiled that was pretty great advice, especially when it seemed the Pogues were always doing something.
"Why do you have two?"
"That's a tip from Pope. Always be prepared: he says." Kiara held out the bikini which Harley took before turning around.
Harley took that to mean she should change into it now. Just about keeping the bagel in her mouth, she slipped out of her top and unclasped her bra.
"So, do you like reading?"
Harley checked to make sure Kiara wasn't looking as she slipped into the two piece bikini. The topic of conversation seemed a little out of the blue, until she remembered the books Pope gave her and her earlier comment. "A little, but I find it hard to remember what I've read or picture some things and it gets me frustrated."
Her shorts slipped on over the bikini bottoms.
"You should talk with Pope. I know he'd be happy to explain things to you. He'd be happy somebody wanted to talk about his books."
"Yeah. Maybe." Harley's top slipped on now. "I'm done."
Kiara spun around and gave Harley a once over. Her eyes lingered on the stitches on her torso where her top had ridden. The skin around the threading didn't look as angry as when she'd seen the stitches when Harley first had them done. It still looked sore though and made a tingle of discomfort run down Kiara's spine as she imagined how it must have felt.
Harley noticed her stare and swiftly knocked down her top. She hadn't been particularly self-conscious about her stitches nor any other wounds, however like anybody else there was still that unease if anybody stared for too long. She did her best at all hours of waking to forget her ordeal which proved difficult with her PTSD that still had it's claws hooked in her mind.
"Sorry," Kiara picked up her bag. "Your stitches are looking better though."
"It's okay. I get them out in a few days hopefully."
"You're jellyfish stings are almost invisible too now."
"Yeah. It hasn't stopped John from nicknaming me jellyfish though," Harley laughed softly. It was better than being called Bird like John B. "He even got me a phone with a jellyfish sticker on it."
Kiara laughed too. "That is cute. John seems to like you a lot."
Harley smiled. She liked John and John B too.
The girls rejoined the boys in the living room. Nothing had changed except they were now wearing swim shorts with their tops and JJ had Harley's milkshake in hand sipping it slowly.
"JJ," she whined. "I wanted that."
"I'd be happy to share," he held out the large glass to her ignoring the fact that he now had a frothy moustache.
"I told him not to drink it, but JJ doesn't listen," John B commented beginning to head for the door with Pope and Kiara in tow.
Harley shrugged finding JJ's expression funny. She took the cup from him and had few gulps before offering it back.
"You have a little..." JJ gestured to his mouth showing her where she now had the frothy drink smeared above her top lip.
"So do you, dummy." Harley licked away the milkshake whilst JJ opted to messily wipe his away, subtly watching her.
"It's pretty sunny out, you might want a hat or something."
Harley remembered the hat he had gifted her. She'd put it on the end of her bed post. "Right. Will you wait for me?"
It only took a nod from JJ for Harley to run off back to her room. She swiped the hat. On the way out she clocked the phone on her bedside table and pocketed it. Harley hurriedly put on the hat whilst speed walking back to JJ. She took her drink from his hands and downed it before urging him out of the house.
"What's the rush? They're not gonna leave without us."
"We're hanging out." Any chance Harley got to go out and explore she'd take. Her day out with Rafe had been fun at the start and being out and studying her surroundings trying to sear everything onto a map in her brain was completely thought consuming. Harley needed that right now. She wanted distractions, she wanted to be happy and have fun without a dark cloud raining over her.
"Quality time with yours truly."
"Sure." Harley laughed ducking away from his arm and running off to the boat.
⚓
Sand sifted through Harley's fingertips. The softy, grainy feel felt like her arm was laying on a soft mattress. She was recovering her breath from the game of volleyball they had played and all of the laughter it entailed. Kiara was sprawled out beside her on their towel, John B and Pope sat at their feet.
Harley watched JJ slather sun screen over his shoulders and across his chest. He was watching the waves roll in with a kind of fascination, it was like he was calculating or picturing something.
Harley nudged him slightly and grinned up at his bewildered look. "What are you doing?"
JJ's eyes travelled back to the sea before returning to Harley. "You see those waves..." Her eyes travelled up his arms, to his hands, to the body of blue water. She hummed in response. "They're perfect for surfing. You'd be able to ride the wave to about there." Her eyes travelled to the smallest part of the wave that swirled before the entire thing rolled over and crashed against the surface.
"Is surfing difficult?"
"Not really. You'd probably be able to get the hang of it pretty quickly."
"What makes you say that?"
He shrugged. "Just a feeling."
Harley perked up with the desire to see JJ showcase his skills and surf. Her eyes surveyed the area before landing on a random boy sat with his friends who all had surf boards. "Why don't you borrow one of their boards and show me."
JJ caught sight of the people Harley was very openly staring at. "I doubt they'll let me borrow a board."
"C'mon. I'm sure you'd be able to persuade them."
"Oh, I know I could. I'm gifted in the art of persuasion, but what about you?"
"Me?" She pointed at herself just to make sure she understood him. "You want me to go over?"
JJ nodded flicking the sun lotion bottle closed. "Yeah."
Harley thought about it. "What if I just took a board?"
"That's theft," JJ commented.
"Yeah but you talk about how you steal stuff. Plus, I'd give it back, so it's borrowing."
JJ shook his head and rested a hand on Harley's shoulder. "As much as it would be fun to corrupt you... maybe another time. For now I'll get the board and later we're gonna have to refresh your mind on the law of ethics."
Harley scrunched up her eyebrows at JJ.
"Where is he going?" Kiara asked shielding her eyes from the sun and gazing after him.
The boys craned their heads to look, too.
Harley grinned sitting up and resting back on her hands whilst watching JJ intently. "He's going to ask to borrow one of their boards."
"Why?"
"Because I wanted to see him surf. He said the waves were perfect for it."
"That they are," John B glanced over the rolling waves.
The group watched JJ successfully get one of the guys to let him borrow their board. He sent the group a thumbs up before jogging into the sea. Harley sat up straight and watched him with eager eyes. She was certain she had never been surfing before, so it intrigued her to see JJ do it so effortlessly. He mad it look like second nature.
"He's doing pretty good," John B said.
Harley remembered that John B had once called JJ the best surfer he knew so she knew he was joking around, but she took the opportunity to try and get him to show her his surfing.
"Can you do better?"
"Of course."
"I surf better than you," Kiara shoved John B.
"Show me," Harley's eyes twinkled as she prompted them.
John B shook his head. "You've still got your stitches. We're not going to leave you alone."
"Come on. You'll be like two-hundred metres away. That's not really the epitome of abandonment is it? My parents not searching for me, however, is. So, I would be more than happy for you to leave me for five minutes to show me how good at surfing you are." Harley ignored the brazen looks of surprise at her throw away comment and grinned. "Unless you're too scared because you know you're not actually that good."
Pope peaked his head forward. "I'll stay with Harley. I don't feel like getting in the water."
"See. Me and Pope will be fine."
John B thought about and then nodded. "Alright." He jumped up with Kiara and headed toward the waves.
The two watched their friends.
"You seem much better than this morning. How are you feeling now?"
"You're right I do feel better. I think I just needed to get outside and do my best to forget about it."
"Good. Well like I said, if you ever wanna talk I'm here."
"I wanted to ask you if you would want to help me with understanding some of the books you gave me."
"Like a tutor?" He was obviously surprised.
"Yeah. Kiara said you'd be happy to help."
"Yeah. For sure. I'd be glad to help whenever."
Harley liked Pope's smile, it always felt genuine and very sweet. Pope was just a very genuinely sweet person.
"Do you want a drink? A coke or something?"
"Yeah sure."
Pope got up and started heading off. "I'll be back in a second."
"Alright." She turned back to watch the others in the water.
Harley glimpsed to the side and saw Rafe heading her way. Her smile faded as she looked away grabbing for her phone and getting up. If she went and found Pope then maybe he'd leave her alone. He didn't like pogues after all.
The two hadn't spoken since the he left her hanging, granted there was no way to be in contact anyway. Still, he had hurt Harley's feelings, so she had nothing to say to him. He was probably just messing with her anyway, since she was new and with the pogues. JJ has said he was sly and couldn't be trusted. Kooks were users, it was the law of the land.
Harley started trudging through the sand at a fairly quick pace trying to catch sight of Pope. She couldn't remember the way to John B's van for the life of her.
"Harley!"
She ignored his calls.
"Harley! Hey! Harley." His hand caught her wrist as he slipped ahead of her and stood in her way. "Hey."
"What do you want, Rafe?" She sighed.
"To talk to you."
Feeling a surge of confidence, Harley held her chin up and kept eye contact with Rafe. "I don't want to speak with you, so could you please go away." She tried to sidestep him only to be blocked again.
"What happened yesterday? We were having fun and then you ditch. I came back to the Wreck and you weren't there. What's up with that?"
"Me ditch you?" Had the two of them even been experiencing the same day? Harley hadn't rearranged the events of the day. Rafe had left her and instead of sitting around like an idiot she went back to the Routledge shack. "You left me. You ran off and I was stuck waiting around, so I headed back to John B's. Some weird guy even tried to give me a ride. Brandon. No. Brady? It doesn't even matter. I had to find my way back alone. That's my point."
Harley got flustered at her rant. She stopped her hands from waving around and scratched at her neck feeling her heart racing. Clearly, confrontations weren't her thing or it was trying to formulate points and express them in a coherent manner without losing track of her thoughts. She hadn't raised her voice once, but Rafe could hear her frustration and hurt.
He ran a hand down his face. "I told you I would come back."
"You didn't."
"I did. Why would I leave you like that? I made my opinion on how those pogues left you pretty clear. I wouldn't do that."
"Not fast enough," she commented under her breath looking away from him and crossing her arms. "I don't like being left alone."
A tiny smile edged across Rafe's face as he watched Harley's cheeks tint ever so slightly whilst she frowned. He could tell she was embarrassed about admitting that which made him feel important.
"Why didn't you say that."
"You didn't exactly give me a chance. You handed me the drinks and sprinted off."
Rafe puffed out a breath and laced his hands behind his head. "I had to urgently deal with something. I didn't mean to be that long." His hands dropped and he shifted his weight between his legs. "I shouldn't have left you."
"Is this you saying sorry?" If it was, Harley didn't think it was good enough. He looked sorry and he acted sorry, but he hadn't said it. Despite how he made her feel, she knew she'd forgive him if he outwardly said sorry, it was the kind thing to do.
"Yeah. How about I take you somewhere during the week to make it up to you."
She shook her head disapprovingly. "I'd rather you just say sorry, Rafe."
This time she managed to slip passed Rafe and pull her phone from her pocket to call Pope. He'd be able to give her directions and she could meet him at the car since he was taking so long.
"Harley wait!" Rafe managed to get ahead of her again and held up his hands to grasp her shoulder. "Come on. You forgave those four easy enough. Just forgive me already."
"They said sorry."
"Okay. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for leaving you so suddenly at the Wreck. Do you forgive me?"
Harley pursed her lips in mock thought, although she knew he could probably tell already what her answer would be. Finally, she nodded, "Yes. I suppose I do forgive you."
"Great." Rafe's expression quickly turned to a smirk as he let go of Harley and the two remained close. He had spotted the phone in Harley's hand. "So are we okay then? Still friends."
"As long as you keep being nice."
"I'm always nice to you. Is that you saying you want to hang out with me again?"
"I didn't say that."
"I think you did. How about I put my number in your new phone?"
Before Harley could blink, Rafe hands slipped her phone from her hands and started swiping and typing.
"Don't you think you should have a pass code? Security one-oh-one."
Truthfully, Harley didn't think she'd remember a password right now. She'd probably have to write it down and slip it in her phone case and that was a silly idea because anybody could find that.
"Maybe I don't want your phone number." Harley reached for the device but Rafe stepped back.
"You may not want it, but you definitely need it so that I can call you."
"Shouldn't you be taking my number then?"
A ping sounded and Rafe held up his phone to show a message from an unknown number saying 'hi.' He handed back her device and she saw the message he'd sent to himself. He had saved his number under the title 'R 😍🤍💦'.
"Rafe," she gasped. A light flush coloured her skin.
"Looks like your friends are heading out of the water." Harley looked to see them laughing and bouncing over one another. She felt lips press to her cheek shortly and her phone slip into her back pocket, then watched Rafe step back. "I'll call you later."
He jogged away to where she could see Kelce and some other guy. At the same time Pope emerged in the distance with an arm full of drinks, she met him half way and took a couple of cans.
"You took forever. I thought you got lost," Harley joked.
"Had to pee."
Harley nodded. "When nature calls..."
"Exactly." Pope laughed.
Harley was first to offer the others one of the drinks in her arms, then helped Pope put the others in the empty cooler.
"So what did you think of my surfing?" JJ jugged down his can.
"I thought it was pretty bad."
JJ almost believed her, almost. He squinted his eyes and pointed at Harley. "Has anyone ever told you you're a terrible liar. Your eyes give you away. They're very... alive."
"Alive?" Pope exclaimed mockingly. "Really JJ, alive? Do you mean expressive, maybe?"
The blonde snapped his fingers. "Yes, Dude. That's the word. Thanks buddy." He swung back to Harley and melted back into his charming, smooth demeanour. "You have very expressive eyes that give you away."
Harley laughed at the whole thing along with Kiara. JJ was a special boy that never failed to put a smile on her face and question his thought processes. It made her laugh harder when Pope corrected him.
"Thanks I guess and yeah you're surfing is really good. I love it."
"Harley you're way too nice," Kiara said. "Don't fluff up his ego."
Kiara's commented sparked a playful argument between Kiara and JJ which Pope naturally became the referee for. Harley took this time to crawl over to John B and crash beside him.
"Hi," she nudged his shoulder with her own and gave him her best smile.
He chuckled, "Hi."
"Um. I wanted to say thank you for the day out. It's been really fun so far. You guys are lucky you live on this island."
"You don't have to thank me. And, that makes you lucky too, because you live here remember." John B swayed and gently nudged her back. "You're a Routledge now, which makes you a Pogue."
"I'm one of the cool kids."
"Of course."
Harley engulfed John B in a sudden hug that took a moment for him to reciprocate. She didn't know what else to say, so she showed him her gratitude with a hug.