so I guess I've been thinking really what is life? Life to me is living how you want to live I mean I guess we don't really get to choose how our Life Starts or ends ER I guess we do if we end our life with suicide that's beside the point as of right now I'm sitting in a hospital well because I tried to end my life and let's just say I didn't go as planned but I'm thankful for that because otherwise, I wouldn't be able to write you I wouldn't be able to maybe help other people I know this may not help anyone except myself and really don't know if this even helps myself but maybe it will so I'm going to try to write and if it doesn't well fuck this but, I mean right now I guess I'm just sort of I don't know I'm tired but not like physically it's just emotionally tired and you ever feel that where you just are tired and you can't seem to get out and you just want to be free you feel your chest is heavy you just can't breathe and it's like you're being overpowered but you don't know how to get untangled from this mess of your life and everything's just seems to be falling apart and you want it to stop so you do something to try to make it stop. It still doesn't so I'm sort of trying to do what I'm doing right now I guess. I guess right now while I'm writing I'm trying to get everything to stop. But Yet when I write my chest feels heavy, Yet its only for a few seconds.
