Blue's Blues

Texas, April 2002

       I gritted my teeth and with all the  force I could command, I hurled my body into the body of my lover and sent her body flying off the rooftop. Janet's body plunged seven stores and crashed into the jagged rocks below.

       The unmistakable sound of death spun swiftly around my ears, causing me to become disoriented. I was dizzied and dismayed by what I had done. I stumbled clumsily backwards as a flood of emotions swelled within me. I tripped over a rusted pipe that  lay across the rooftop,but I regained my balance by anchoring myself against the A/C unit that rose from the rooftop.

       I shook my head from side to side ,in wild disbelief and screamed silently into the night. Horror stole my voice, but I couldn't free myself from the sound of her screams. The chilling sound of death would echo in my ears long after this night had passed.

       I wasn't sure how I would react to the sight of my dead lover. My mind raced and unpleasant thoughts threatened to topple me. What would I see when I looked down ? 

       Oh my God! What have I done? Please God , let her be alive.

       In spite of my pleading I already knew the truth.No one could survive that fall. I teetered and tottered slowly to the edge of the building . My breathing labored and dug deeply into my chest . When I mustered up the nerve, I peered downward , toward the ground in search of Janet. Despite the darkness , I could see far better than I had expected .

      Then  , my eyes locked onto the twisted and mangled body of Janet . Her body was broken in ways I never realized a body could be broken.

      Blood flowed from her body , as if she had an endless reservoir of it . I had never seen so  much blood. It seeped from the corners  of her mouth and flowed from her chest aided by a crooked piece of wood that shot through her neck. With my state of awareness at a all time             high . I could even smell the blood.

      I continued to eye my dead lover . This was no proper end ,  for  our love  , With Janet lying twisted below me . I thought about moving the body , but I wouldn't  be able to stomach the stench of death so close up . 

     Still, I longed for a final touch from her .  

     Only days ago ,  we had been locked in a passionate embrace on this very rooftop , making love like it was our first time . 

     Only days ago , our lips had locked in a kiss that set every cell in my body ablaze. Even now with Janet splayed acrossed the ground below me . I could feel the weight of her body on top of mine . Our bodies sang together in harmony that night . I thought our union had been blessed by the heaven , instead of cursed by tonight's hell . Now , Janet was dead by my hands .                                                                                      

      I cocked my head to the side and eyed the lifeless body , almost expecting her to rise before my eyes , but Janet was gone  . Even from my distance , I could see the pleading in Janet's eyes , her eyes wide , held open by shock . Her mouth was open as if terror had been ripped from her throat  . One of her arms was folded behind her back and her leg seemed to point in multiple directions at the same time . 

      Dear God , What have i done?

     There were so many chaotic thoughts powering through my mind .

      Flee  !

       Scream !

       Cry !

       Call  9-1-1 !

        Hide any evidence . Run , Run , Run !

        What lead us to this nightmare . Janet asked me to meet her at our special place . The rooftop was our hide away .

        I was a little late getting to the rooftop . Janet stood on the edge of the building , her hands in her pockets .  She smile uncomfortably and shifted her weight as I approached . 

       What's wrong ? I moved closer to her and kissed her , but Janet didn't kiss me back . Her lips were cold and void of passion . Then , I hugged her . Janet's embrace was empty .

       Have I done something wrong ?

       Is she mad at me ?

      A sick feeling grew in my stomach as Janet turned away from me .                                                           "It's a lovely night ,  isn't  it " ? Janet spoke  , but her voice was low.                                                                  "Yeah , it is , but what's going on ? Are you OK ?"

     I felt panicked  , like I couldn't catch my breath , but Janet didn't respond . I looked at her and her eyes  confirmed my greatest fear .  This was the end ! Our love affair had run it's course .             Janet need not speak the words for me to know . I realized that when we started this affair that we had and expiration date . Janet was clear in stating that in the beginning . Janet told me that she could never fall in love with  a me , because she couldn't leave her husband and her family would never allow it.

   But the last year had been magical . She couldn't deny that . We loved in ways that resisted definition , in ways that made it difficult for her to shake off . Even as our love grew , I carried worry in my heart ,worry that on a night very much like this night , She'd break my heart .

    Janet turned to face me, "I can't do this anymore . " Her words felt like hot bullets.                           "What are you talking about baby ?  Can't do what ? " I knew what she was talking about . 

    " I'm talking about us ,  this thing we're doing. I can't anymore . "

  " Why ?  Has something happened ?" I stepped closer and she backed away ."  I love you, You love me . What's the problem ? "

  " The problem is I'm a  married woman  and my husband is asking question . "

 " Baby ,  I said in a pleading whisper, Please don't do  this  . We can keep seeing each other ."

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