Fallout 4: AR

36. Lessons in Love

"You had your own problems; lost and scared, unarmed, unarmored, completely unprepared for life out here in the Commonwealth, and yet you insisted on helping me... lending me your shoulder like Lucy did. I just want you to know how much you... your friendship means to me."

I swallowed past the lump in my throat at his words. I gently set the solider figurine down on the bedside table, turning it to face the room just so, summoning my courage as I did so. Then, in a fit of irrational daring, I stammered out, "I... I was hoping..." steeling myself for the inevitable rebuff and the awkwardness that would follow, "maybe we could be..." my breath faltered on the last few words, "more than friends?" I glanced at the toy soldier like a talisman, closing my eyes briefly and hating myself for allowing my growing affection for him to get out of control. Face it, you feel more than just affection for him. My emotions were a knot of strong feelings burning deep in my core, and I was just waiting for his rebuff.

There was a long quiet pause, and I was about to turn around to crawl into a miserable lump on the bed when-

"Do you mean it?" His voice was almost inaudible, and he cleared his throat before speaking a second time. "... about wanting to be more than friends?" He had an expression of wistful longing I had never seen before. There was a naked look in his eyes, a hunger and a deep pain, and a swirl of strong emotions all caught in the cool crystal of his gaze that pierced my heart.

I held my breath, my whole body fluttering, and a deep ache started to grow in my belly. I nodded, barely moving my head, gazing almost pleadingly at him He slowly moved towards me, as if having to compel himself to do so. "I-" he began, voice hoarse and strained with emotion, " I mean, you know about me- what I am. I don't really know what to say."

He's upset. I blew it. I am such an idiot. "You don't have to say anything," I replied in a low dejected voice. "I'm the one who said too much." My fingers twisted back and forth in nervous frustration and resignation at the imminent rejection. I swallowed past the lump in my throat and continued, looking anywhere but at that face, those impossible eyes I wanted to drown in... "Fuck it; I may as well say it all. I care about you, Mac-"

"Call me RJ, Anne." A warm hand grasped mine, stilling my fingers. Shivering, I looked back up and into into those miraculous eyes of his, windows to the battered soul hidden deep inside. His voice caressed my name, the first time I had ever heard him speak it. A low throaty chuckle followed, "It stands for 'Robert Joseph.' That's my full name, Robert Joseph MacCready." A final gift, the gift of his name.

"RJ," I repeated, and his hand squeezed mine gently. "I- I love you, RJ MacCready." There. I said it, admitted it. "I love you." Three words that will forever change my life, again. Now, no matter what happens, however this ends, if and when I go home, he knows I love him... for whatever that's worth. A single tear escaped, tracing down my burning cheek, and I ducked my head in embarrassment.

His calloused hand reached out to trace the line of my tear, shifting to cup my chin gently between long dexterous fingers. Tipping my head up, his thumb brushed away the moisture from my cheek, the warmth of his caress chased by the cooler air in the room. He slowly leaned in until his face was mere inches away, close enough for me to feel the radiant heat from his skin, just before touching his lips to mine.

My whole body caught on fire, kindled with his kiss. Gentle at first, he pressed in more insistently, cupping my face in both of his hands, fingers moving to tangle in my hair. One arm trailed down to the small of my back to pull me closer. His lips brushed past mine, leaving a line of nibbling kisses across my face to nuzzle into the hollow behind my ear. The tickle of his light beard sent a shiver of desire down my back to explode deep in my core. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that." he murmured, a light laugh threading through the low rumble of his melodic voice.

I shivered as he pulled away to gaze at me. "You have? Why didn't you say anything?" I asked curiously, drinking in the vision of his face in the low light, studying every shift of expression, every twitch of those amazing lips.

He smiled, a loving smile that lit up his face in a gentle glow. "Too damn wrapped up in the past, I guess. I have Daisy to thank for setting me straight, actually." His voice was low, rueful. "She's sharp. She could see how twisted up I was getting inside, trying to deny how I felt about you... the guilt of holding too tightly to a painful memory for too long. I'll never stop loving Lucy... though she's been gone longer than we were together." He ducked his head to look at his hands, recapturing mine as he did so, adding, "Daisy told me, 'If you can't go back, then maybe you should try moving forward.'" He raised my hand to his lips, lightly kissing each of my fingertips.

"I... I can never go back, it's true." His eyes glittered with unshed tears. "The past is done. Maybe, just maybe I can find the courage to move forward... with you. You're like my own personal angel, helping me be a better person like I promised." He smiled gently, and wiped his eyes. "Now that I know how you really feel about me... it was definitely worth the risk of saying something. For once in my life, everything's going right and I have you to thank for it. I don't think anyone in the world could ask for a greater gift than that. I love you, Anne."

He took my hand, guiding us over to stand next to the bed. I went willingly, almost dizzy with relief and our mutual attraction. Standing next to the beckoning mattress, he again leaned in for a lingering kiss, wrapping his arms almost possessively around me in a loving embrace. I tucked my arms under his, grappling his shoulders, pulling him as close as I could to feel his warmth, his strong wiry body against mine. Breaking free when we needed to come up for air, he smiled sensually, tracing one loving finger along my cheek. "You saved me, from myself. I- I'd like to show you how grateful I am... if you'd let me?"

I closed my eyes and nodded, trembling with my own desire. "Please. I would like that... very much."