Eddy was feeling how he was falling more and more apart the following days. When he was panicking from listening to some music to try and relax , and panicking at the same level when he tried to practise, he felt that life was over.
He found himself being scared of that hateful, horrible feeling, he didn't wanna do anything. He didn't even wanna be awake. Only sleeping, staying in that dark silence, that place with no words, no nothing, nothing to stimulate his system, was the only thing he could handle.
Everything else felt way too overwhelming and intense on him. The tiniest sound made every inch of his body itch and ache.
Evenings were the worst part of the day, then everything fucked up for him. During mornings and days things were slightly better thanks to the pills he got from the doctor.
Another week was coming up again, now 11 days since Brett left him. Days that felt like a whole, painful year, but at the same time, only 11 days to destroy his life completely, killing him slowly.
Maybe he should call mrs.Yang, like Mia had mentioned? He felt that to be a little over the top, but... he needed to know how Brett was doing.
Mrs.Yang was a very sweet lady, she had always liked Eddy. They had a light tone, but.. to talk about Brett with her was a rather new experience.
Eddy was terrified, but not knowing anything about how Brett felt was tearing him apart, he HAD to know!
-Hello?
-Hi, mrs Yang, it's Eddy...
-Eddyyyy!!
Eddy could hear her wide smile through the phone.
-How you doing, son?
She had always called him her son, as far back as he could remember, running in and out of that house since he was 14.
And already at that point Eddy didn't know how to continue anymore. Why didn't he think of those things before?? How much could he really tell her? How much did she know? He knew Brett had a close relationship to his mother, but did she know that Eddy himself, every night was dreaming about fucking her son?
Oh, God, those dreadful black dots started moving in front of his eyes again.
-Yeah, uh, uhm, I'm ok I guess, I'm, uh, just wondering how Brett was doing, he's not returning my calls, and I'm a bit worried.. of course I know you take good care of him and all that, it's just... I haven't heard from him in a couple of days and that's highly unusual, and... OMG. STOP TALKING NOW!
Eddy was out of breath, and the dizziness intensified. He had to sit down.
-One minute son, I'll just go out to the kitchen, so that we can talk without being disturbed, you know how things are around here... she laughed, before telling someone in the other end something, Eddy didn't get it. But yeah, he knew, the Yang-house almost always being filled with people. Mrs.Yang loved kids and family and, yeah, people in general, filling her house with everyone ever wanting to come to visit.
-There. Well, now when Brett's home and not feeling well, I have to be a little more restrictive, she said, as if she read his mind. -We only have closest family to visit now these days. So! Let me have a seat, she continued, like she was out of breath as well. -Ok, now I'm all yours son. Tell me, how's life treating you, huh?
-Uhm, I'm fine, just worried about Brett... Eddy tried again, feeling a little overheard from telling her the same 2 minutes ago.
-Your voice telling me you're not that fine. Eddy....she sighed. -This is hard on us all, everyone that loves Brett is having a really hard time now. He is... ok, I guess, he seems very depressed.
Look, do you wanna come over and have a chat? I've got those cookies you love so much! She said, again grinning all over her face, Eddy could imagine for his inner eye. We could have a cup of tea, just you and me Eddy, wouldn't that be nice?
Nice? More terrifying, if Eddy should say so himself.
-Uh, yeah, thank you, I'd love to!
Eddy noticed himself smiling, a genuin smile, feeling weird, he hadn't smiled in the longest time, it felt like.
-I see you in an hour, yeah? I have to take care of some things first of all.
-Great, I'll be there!
The thought about being this close to Brett, in the same house as him, made Eddy feel his stomach tumble with sweetness and expectations, and every hope just to see him!
Mrs.Yang greeted him wholeheartedly and showed him into the kitchen. Eddy knew that was her favouriteplace in the house, and it was a little more quiet room, located on the other side of the house from the livingroom, where people usually were mingling.
Now the house seemed quiet. Awfully quiet.
-You threw everybody out? Eddy asked, jokingly.
Mrs.Yang laughed.
-Yeah! Actually I did! I told my husband to show them the park, all of them! He had no worries doing that when I told him you were coming over!
Eddy smiled and sat down, feeling loved and wanted, a strange feeling he almost had forgot in just those previous days.
-So...mrs.Yang sat down right ahead of him, and reached him a cup of his favouritetea, making his heart flutter. She remembered! -How are you feeling Eddy?
-It's the third time you ask me that question, he said, biting his tongue right afterwards, being this rude.
-Maybe that's because I'm not happy with the answers you keep on giving me, she said calmly, her warm eyes staring right at him. She's got the same eyes as Brett, he thought to himself, having never noticed that before.
-I know you're not fine Eddy, you don't look fine at all.
-I'm just worried about Brett.
Eddy tried to keep his focus on why he had called her in the first place, not so very interested in talking about himself.
-Like I said, he's looking very depressed. You wanna tell me what's going on?
-I don't know what's going on, that's why I'm here.
Mrs. Yang sighed.
-I have offered him to stay here before when he was sick, but he always wants to be with you. Now he came running home. Have you two been arguing or something?
-No, not really.. I don't know how much I should tell you, with him not being here, it feels weird talking about him.
- Yeah, well, he told me a little bit, but...
I think it would be better for you two to talk amongst yourself.
-Is he home? Should I go see him?
-Yeah, he's in his bedroom, resting. First of all, I want to know how YOU are Eddy! Like you said, this is the 4th time I ask I believe, she laughed softly. -I haven't seen you in a while and I would love to know what you've been up to lately!
Eddy knew he had to give in, he felt weak under her wise eyes.
Mrs.Yang was smart, she had been raising children, even some of the other children in the streets of Brisbane, she knew a posture like Eddy had now, gave away this was a person who needed to talk. She pretended to take a look at her watch and said:
-I guess we should let him have at least half an hour, then you can go wake him up.
Eddy sighed inside, feeling kinda trapped, just wanting to run upstairs to Brett NOW.
To let the time pass, he started talking, very carefully at first, not giving away too much. He told her about how incredibly difficult things had been taking care of Brett, how he had lost himself to that, how traumatised he had been that night, the night that changed everything inside him. And he was extremely cautious to tell Mrs.Yang everything about how insanely much Brett meant to him, how much he loved him ( not really), and how hard life was without him.
Mrs Yang nodded and listened carefully to every word he said.
When he was finished she reached for his hands, he let her have them without thinking how weird that might be. She had soft, warm, kind hands. Somehow they made him feel... welcome, appreciated, and calmer inside. It was like a warm summerriver running through his veins, from the warmth of her hands.
-Well, I understand, I think its for the best that Brett is here when he's unwell, you have to look after your self as well Eddy. That being said, I know he misses you a lot.
Eddy blushed.
-I think he feels bad for everyone else of us because we feel sorry for him and then he feels sorry for us, you know? He feels in the way and being a burden on us, and that makes him very depressed I think. At the same time of course he is very afraid of everything going on now, that's not so weird, this is a whole new situation for us all.
-I'm terrified too, Eddy whispered.
-I know. We all are. But we just have to hope for the best, yeah? The best we can do for Brett, is to take care of ourselves.
Just to light up the mood, mrs.Yang told Eddy an episode about another subject, about a friend of her who failed the weirdest question on a test, and Eddy had to laugh with her, feeling warm all inside.
-Mum? Suddenly Brett's voice came from the stairs and Eddy could hear him walking towards the kitchen.
-Yes honey, you hungry? Mrs.Yang answered, but Brett didn't answer her back. He had reached the doorframe, and his voice was cold and surprised, only saying one word: -Eddy.
Eddy suddenly felt scared and didn't know what to say. -Hey.
-Why re you here?
-I invited him! Mrs.Yang was quick to save Eddy from his awkward position.
-Why? Brett crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked like a spoiled child. Mrs.Yang sensed that, and she hated rude kids. After all, 30 years old Brett was still her child. They both knew that much!
-Well mister, may I remind you that this is my house and I invite whoever I want, she said, in that voice only a mother can use to correct an unruly child.
Brett turned around immediately, and walked upstairs again, saying nothing more.
Eddy suddenly felt crushed. Seing his grown-up boyfriend being tackled that way by his mother was extremely cringe. He had seen it dozens of times before, but this time was so awkward.
That added to how incredibly hurt he was by how Brett reacted to seeing him were... just too much.
His eyes started forming tears again. Mrs.Yang took his hands again, and met his eyes with hers. Calm and friendly.
-It's ok, really. Take a deep breath. I think you should go talk to him.
-He hates me. He refuses to talk to me.
-He won't dare that when I'm home! She laughed warmly. -Seriously, I know he really wants to talk out things with you, but he couldn't do that with me sitting here you know. She winked. -I'm gonna leave the house and let you two speak alone. He'll behave, I promise. He won't know I'm leaving.
She winked again. Eddy couldn't understand why she had to go, but he convinced himself that had to be ok. After all, he had lived with that man!
Working out some shitty things should be easy as pi.
-Ok, he slowly got up from his chair, a little shaky in his knees.
-Thank you mrs.Yang, this means a lot to me.
She got up and hugged him, a couraging hug.
-You've been so good to my son, taking care of him so good for so long. I'm forever grateful for that. You also be my son, you need to be treated good to. Now, go to him, I'll step outside.
Eddy walked upstairs, slowly, his legs only wanted to turn around every step he made. He finally reached Brett's door and knocked softly.
-Brett? Can I come in?
