The Extra

Two

Beep. Beep. Beep

"What is that sound?" I ask myself as I try to open my eyes.

Hiss.

I hear another sound as I struggle to keep my consciousness. My eyes won't open. My eyelids feels so heavy. It feels like something is pulling me down, forcing me to sleep again.

"Help!" I shout, but I don't hear any sound coming from my mouth.

I start to panic. I'm certainly having a nightmare. I know this feeling. This is the feeling I always get when I'm having a nightmare.

"Father in Heaven, please." I start to pray like I always do when I'm in trouble. "Please help me wake up. Please wake me up. Heavenly Father, please."

I keep on calling that name. Father. He always help. He always wake me up.

I struggle for minutes.

"F-f-father," I struggle to open my mouth and form the words.

I rest for a while to try to calm myself. Just a little more. I can do it, just a little more.

"Ha!" I successfully shout as I open my eyes in joy.

"Yes! Thank you, Father!" I say gratefully, sweat covering my face and body.

As I calm the raging beat of my heart, I finally realize where I am now. I look around the white walls, on the machine beeping beside my bed, and the IV drip connecting to my body. I slowly become aware of the mask on my nose as it fogs whenever I breath.

I'm in a hospital. I'm alive!

So, is this the reality? I want to see my face in the mirror to see if this is really me. I can still remember the dream I had when I look like a different person. And a child at that.

How do I call the nurse?

I try to move but I can't. 

Am I paralyzed now?

I feel sleepy again but I know I shouldn't sleep. I try so hard to keep my eyes open but it's starting to close. It feels like I don't have control over my body anymore. I can feel bile rising up my throat, or is it saliva? It feels weird.

I roll my eyes in a fight to keep it open, feeling my own heart slowing down.

BEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEP

I can hear the machine but not as clearly as before. Am I going deaf?

Suddenly, nurses begin to flock over my bed, shouting with each other. I can still see them, but they're so blurry.

Am I dying?

That thought push my panic to the surface. I can't die. I can't.

"Father!" I try to shout but I can't even move my lips anymore.

The people around me are now all just white hazy figures in my eyes. I still feel a machine touching my skin. Is it my chest? Are they trying to revive me?

"I can't die, Father." I plead silently, my heart sobbing in anguish as I realize this might be my last moment. "I don't want to die. I want to live. I want to have a family."

I want to live. 

I want to live.

Please, let me live.