make me stay.

twentytwo

her face had blushed as she saw harry whom had tried his best to continue his conversation with mercer,- north  who himself seemed distracted by my short presence. i, as the only one, had kept it together, hadn't looked away, hadn't blushed, i simply hadn't reacted. i had raised my chest, asked bexley a question i had no care in the answer for, and continued walking like had the hall been empty. 

i was disappointed in him, but i knew we would find no answers if we discussed it. mercer hadn't been unsure of me, but north was. and i had slowly been realizing that living in old memories of me and a boy whom had grown up to be a completely different person would do me no good. it would only provide me with a painful future that wouldn't move much. 

so, i was trying. i was truly trying to find out, not who i was, but who i wanted to be. i was trying to become a person i could be proud of. i was searching for most of the qualities i had had before having my heart broken, my confident personality that, looking back on it now, would have been a nice trait to have kept if i had known i would end up here. 

soon, i would even be standing in aeston attempting to have my voice heard amongst hundreds of others. the me i had been years ago would have had no problem, but the current me was terrified to mess up. to fail. 

mercer, - north  must have shared my worry since he deemed it necessary to bring one of his mother's ladies back to teach me how to act proper. she was the one who had been given the job of training me to be fit for queen as he had talked about that morning as well. zavia, as was her name, was genuinely such a sweet person, but her presence annoyed me. or at least, the piece i had back of my old personality was quite annoyed with her. 

these last two days i had kept clear of mercer, the new troops quite the help in that. the castle was mostly empty, had been since they arrived, meaning i had space and silence to practice acting exactly like what i was not. 

a queen. the queen of the northern kingdom. 

it tasted both sweet and sour in my mouth; like a bite of a sour apple pie or a sweet slice of lemon. 

i needed to stay directed at my focus. i needed to leave the castle. i wasn't welcome here. it was clear that the mercer part of the king that was still left wanted me to fit into my role as queen, which is the exact reason why i was her with zavia. she was here to help me act like i was expected to, but i did not care for any of it. my plan was to escape when we were in aeston. it seemed perfect. no locked doors, no king, no anything to stop me. 

"king north has requested your presence at the front entrance," bexley had showed up in the open door frame, before speaking. i had noticed her right away, but carrying two books on my head thicker than my skull, i had been a bit distracted by attempting to keep them where they were. 

"i'm not leaving until tonight," i tell her, carefully lifting the books off by head. i place them on the table next to me, running a few fingers through my hair to tuck some of it behind my ears. 

i had met bexley on my first day here when i had attempted to flee by hiding amongst the servers as a maid, and quickly discovered that she was quite familiar with mercer, - north and his nobels. 

i hadn't had the chance to ask her yet, but her and harry were definitely a hidden item. i had no idea if they were mates, or a forbidden romance, but their feelings, or at least, interest, seemed mutual. 

"i do not believe that is his reason for calling you," bexley carefully replies. 

we had gotten closer over the last few days, but she was extremely respectful of my soon-to-be title, or maybe she just feared that i'd tell harry anything she did and said.