Just as I Begin to Fade

Fifty Seven. Panic

"Enough," she put her hand up. Turning towards him, "Is this true? Did you sell to my mom?"

He sort of nodded, "She looked desperate. She kept asking and I wasn't going to--"

"But ya did!" she spun, her right hand hooking and clocking him in the jaw. "If that was the way to get me back... You sold my mom shit a week before the OD'd. The night I was gang raped and you didn't even stay for that because you didn't have the balls to stand up for me at all. I hate you. I always knew you were weak, maybe it's because of your own drug use, but don't think I'll stick around at all to find out... You never made me better---" she concluded, tears rolling down her face. She then turned and she walked away, getting back to Bobby's car.

"If you ever come near her or her mother ever again, if Stevie calls you and you answer, I will end you," Bobby assured.

Derek didn't say a thing nor move.

The older teen, he exchanged a short glare and then he walked away too, following his girlfriend.

···

After shedding some tears of betrayal, Gwen decided it was time to rejoin her mother in the hospital.

"I'm really sorry, Gwen, I got angry and I..." he paused. "I was already still so angry about what he did to you---the fact that he did something else to your mom, it just sent me over."

"Don't apologize," she turned to embrace him---her head resting on his chest.

He wrapped his arms around her firmly, hugging her very tightly.

"You stood up for me... My mom..." she sighed. "Nobody's ever done that. If I'd have known I probably would have killed him. Thank you for looking out for us."

He gave a subtle nod.

"I have to see her," she grabbed ahold of his hand and she pulled him along with her.

When they got to her door, Gwen took a breath and she wiped her face of any tears before she entered with Bobby on her trail.

Stevie was up; awake and crocheting.

Lindsey looked over, noticing the two of them; Gwen looked like she had some sort of breakdown while Bobby looked way calmer.

"Hey, I thought I heard you earlier," the blonde gently smiled at the boy.

He nodded in agreement, a smile not really hitting his lips.

"Guys, can I talk to my mom alone real quick?" she asked.

"Of course," Lindsey got up and he guided the boy out, knowing he would finally have an answer to what was happening beforehand.

"What?" the blonde asked, sort of shrugging her off as she was still cold.

"You bought blow from Derek?" she took a seat on the plastic chair and she crossed one leg over the other.

"How did you know that?" her eyes became small, she was caught, she was guilty.

"You were talking in your sleep---Bobby told me. You said, don't tell Gwen, he said you were having a dream and you were talking to Lori, but he pushed for info. How could you do that?"

"I needed it."

"You haven't needed it for the last five months. You were sober for nearly four weeks when all of that happened and then you found out you were pregnant. Then you stopped. Look," she paused. "The point is, you went to somebody I wasn't even with anymore. I told him never to sell to you and he did. My anger is at him mostly but I just needed you to know that I know. Bobby and I took care of it, so he'll never do anything like that again."

"Well, fine... I don't plan on doing anything anymore. Now that I'm clean, I intend to stay clean."

"So, you admit it was all choice? You didn't want to stay clean for me when I asked, you didn't stop because I wanted you to. Is it the new baby hindering your mood? You'll stay clean for the new baby, but you couldn't do it for me."

"Don't take it personally."

"I'm not. I'm just trying to understand better; you had a choice and you chose. You decided to get high all the time, you decided to drink until you were falling down. You didn't have to, but you wanted to... Well, guess what?" she stood up. "I really want to have a relationship with my grandparents, so there's that..." she walked away and she headed out into the hallway.

The blonde felt tears hitting her brims and she ached for them not to fall because she didn't want to cry, but she also didn't want to lose her daughter again.

Out in the hall, Gwen released some fresh tears and she clutched her head, trying to deal with the fact that her mother just couldn't have loved her as much as she said she did.

"What's going on, kiddo?" Lindsey asked, embracing her taut.

Bobby had told him what was going on, but that didn't mean they knew what happened just a moment ago on the girls' side of things.

"I just want to go home. Bobby, can you please take me home?" she looked up.

"Of course."

"We'll talk later, Lindsey... But I might go to Bobby's. I just don't feel good."

"Okay, sweetie," he kissed the top of her head. "Be safe," he advised as he slowly shifted the girl over into her boyfriend's grasp.

"Will do," the teen boy assured. "See ya later," he guided her through the hall.

Lindsey then relieved a sigh and he ran his fingers through his hair before making his way into her room again. Only this time, she was crying as well.

"She's gonna leave again, Lindsey..." she sobbed, her panic starting to rise. "I don't want her to go."

"Relax, Stevie... She just needs some time alone. When I bring you home tomorrow, there's a good chance things will be back to normal."

"She said she's going to contact her grandparents."

"That's not a bad thing."

"What if she leaves me?"

"Stevie..."

"Lindsey, she was really upset."

"I need you to calm down. Rest and I will talk to her, okay?"

She was breathing a little heavily, she was feeling rather stressed and it was easy to see that on the monitor.