Hollow [h.s]

chapter one

Hollow...

Hollow is all I have felt for the past six months since the so called accident. And everyday he haunts me, reminding me it is all my fault, but I have to remember it's not. He is just trying to get under my skin, which he has already successfully done too many times to count. I truly don't understand his endgame here. For a while I thought maybe it's because he wanted me, but he has made it clear he doesn't time and time again. It could be to keep me from going to the cops, but he knows I won't. Sometimes I wish I could just drop off the face the earth. Have everyone I have ever known forget about me, go live in some small costal town where I could swim in the ocean everyday.

I could be alone, nobody to worry about, nobody to worry about me. That's sounds nice.

I need to stop thinking about him. I am supposed to be forgetting about him, moving on from what my life was with him. But I truly don't know if I will ever be able to do that. That time with him in my life is like a shadow, follows you everywhere and you can't get rid of it unless you go to a really dark place. And I need to stay out of a really dark place I still have things in life I need to do.

At least I only have one more week of being stuck in this god awful place with him. In one week I will be out of here, with no way for him to bother me besides cell phone. But those things turn off for a reason, right?

I will meet new people, see new countries, have a new life at least for a little while. But most importantly there will be no Ayden. The very bane of my existence.

And in the mean time I just need to focus on anything but him, because if I think about him too long right now in a dark room with lurking bodies and loud music too many memories will come back that don't need to be wandering my mind at this very second.

Memories that will cause anxiety which would only be made worse by the hundreds of drunk sweaty teenagers I am surrounded by at the moment.

I have never been particularly good with crowds.

But, that has been my regular scene since the start of the school year, so my anxiety isn't as bad with this type of crowd as it used to be. I choose to fill the emptiness that has become the most constant thing in my life the past couple years with alcohol and sex, I have created myself quite the reputation this year. Everybody thinks they are entitled to my body just because I sleep around.

It only bothers me when they get too touchy even when I asked them to stop. Then they call me a slut when I push them off. Say they didn't want me anyways because I am all used up, when they were just begging me to sleep with them.

But it doesn't matter anyways, I won't have to see these losers ever again soon enough.  Just seven more days.

"Finley!", my thoughts are interrupted by a guy in my grade stumbling toward me with a beer in his hand. He is in the typical out fit all the boys here wear. Khaki shorts, polo shirt, and baseball hat. Like they are preparing for when they join fraternities next year. His shirt is all messed up from being pushed around in the crowd of sweaty bodies tightly squeezed together in the middle of the room on the make shift dance floor.

"What do you want?", I ask him in a bored tone once he is close enough for him to hear me over the music blasting through the speaker system of the house we are at. I have no patience for this right now, my day has been absolute crap and I am trying to stick to my strict routine of getting black out drunk and fucking someone to try to forget the things that have happen. And I am only on my second cup of beer, so I still have a while to go.

"Hey. I have been looking for you. I was wondering if you wanted to hang out?", he slurs. I can smell the alcohol and weed on his breath as he leans over me. I hate the smell of weed, it gives me a head ache and reminds me of all the times my mom would get high around me when I was younger. Before she stopped coming around me all together.