Just Me Ranting

Haha fun right?

So life sucks right?? I moved a while ago in with my dad and it really sucks a lot. His whole side of the family including him are very racist and VERY homophobic... So I can't say anything that's gay or Lgbtq+ around them or else they get distgusted and literally say " EW!!" Like you are pushing me further away than what I already was. I mean I only moved in to get away from my step dad and his toxic masculinity but I guess most guys are like though. I even heard him and my sister say the most toxic thing in the world a couple weeks ago and it pissed me off to the core but of course I can't say anything. " If a girl wears something revealing or slutty it's her fault if she gets R*ped or Sexually assulted." EXUSE ME!!???!?!?!?! No that person that does that is a horrible person who deserves to rot away in jail and never come out. It is NEVER the girls fault if she is wearing something that makes her happy but a guy decides he can use her. I have always hated my dad but this made it worse and then to hear my own sister to agree with him???!! I'm almost 17 so hopefully I will get a job save up and get the hell out of here maybe move back to Texas because I don't know about here but in Texas you can move out at 17. I'm really done with this place. I'm used to being alone and made fun of or stared at... but holy shit the amount of stares and how lonely I am sucks more now because I'm "new" and a lot of people can't decide weather to call me a girl or a boy.. Not like I can tell them I prefer he/him pronouns because if it gets back to my family I'm screwed.. November 19th 2020 I tried committing sewerlide and none of my family knows about it... That is how much no one here pays attention to me.. " Are you okay??" * Looking all sad and depressed* " Yeah I'm fine" " Okay" .......... I am OBVIOUSLY NOT OKAY!! I'm out of all my FUCKING MEDICATIONS!!!! Not that any of them really help but one.. It would be nice to numb some of the pain I feel every day. I just want to be happy and live a life that is amazing and other people wish they had.. but I will never get that.. I don't even think I'll make it far enough to get there.... No one remembers that my birthday is coming up.... I guess that is expected.. My dad is always praising my sister and he is always calling my lazy.. " Stop with the attitude!!" " I don't have one.." " Yeah you do so drop it!!" I always walk into my room to cry by myslef.. Lately I have been sleeping a lot less and staying up late because what is the point of trying to sleep when I really can't... " How could you not make rice it's so easy this is how you do it." " I know I did exactly what you told me to do." " Well you must not have." * Sigh* " yeah you're right.." I can never do anything right I can never please anyone.. This guy I would fuck around with ( literally) just texted me today. "Hey I think you broke my heart." FUCKING GOOD!!! YOU BROKE MINE LONG BEFORE AND MORE THAN ONCE!! but I could never say that to him.. I care and love him way to much to tell him that. I don't want to loose him.. He also said: " I think I have a girlfriend and we are shopping for candles" oh... okay.. yeah go and break my heart again. not like it wasn't broken enough.. I don't know what to do.. I'm stuck in the body of a teenage girl.. Everyone basically uses my for sexual activities and well what else am I get at but pleasing men that are in love with my body and not my mind?? " Hey gorgeous show me what's underneath!!" " Okay." * Shows then* " Good girl show more for daddy??" * Does as told* They know if they asks they will most likely reseive... that is  all I'm good for isn't it?? No one wants any thing else anymore after they see what I look like without clothes.... Maybe I shouldn't transition when I get older.. It I do no one will want me anymore.. I'll go back to being non important.. I don't want that.. I want to be important..

Okay well I'll just leave this here..