After being with Mia Eddy felt a tiny bit better. He'd never known how much the breakup with her apparenty had bothered him before, but now it felt nice having left that behind, on a good note. After all, he still cared a lot about her, and wanted her to be fine.
It had definitely helped talking about his feelings too, Eddy had to admit, surprised. It was not like Mia could do anything to help really, but yeah, to get his thoughts out of the system, forming them into words and see some of them from another point of view had been helpful.
But staying home for some hours brought the tingling uneasy feeling inside back, slowly growing, and taking him almost back to where he had been, having worries tumbling around in his head and in his stomach all the time.
Eddy was worried about his relationship with Brett, not getting any replies on his messages, and Brett didnt pick up when he called.
He didn't know how to get closer to him again, which made him kind of desperate.
There was this uneasy feeling, the feeling that Brett had left him.
For good.
And he was worried about twoset.
Allthough, right there he had to admit he was delighted about one thing. He had called one of the editors, just to let them know things were difficult right now, Brett being not able to function. The editor could tell him they were good for now.
They still had some videos not published yet, and the team had been told to cut some of them into short ones, and to cut down from 5 to 2-3 videos a week. Brett had instructed them.
(The fans knew Brett was sick. It just had to be that way, at least for the upcoming weeks. )
Leaving Eddy baffled. And touched knowing that Brett still had managed to take charge of this, making him relaxing a little bit on that feeling of being handling the business all alone. Not all alone of course, but as oneset and the team. He hated that feeling. He wasn't supposed to be twoset as the only one.
Now a new shitty feeling formed: what did the team think of them now, both contacting them seperately, Eddy calling them not knowing Brett already instructed them on something? That would certainly seem odd! Did they know? Did they know Brett was not talking to him? How much did they really know, and what did they assume?
Did they know Eddy feared the whole business' future, did they fear losing their jobs?
Eddy was a sensitive guy, leaving other people in angst and terror was certainly not something he could live with.
He tried calling Brett, as usual he didn't pick up. Well, as usual... this was NOT the usual Brett like he had known him for 15 years no, Brett ALWAYS answered his calls and texts. This was just common for the last week.
Eddy felt lonely and figured he should find something to do to distract his thoughts. Staying at home was not good at all, imagining himself seeing Brett everywhere. He had to get OUT!
Maybe it'd be nice to interact with someone, but Eddy's friends were mostly mutual with Brett. They would wonder why he'd come alone , how things were, and he would have to lie or tell the truth, none of them tempting to him right now. As far as he knew, their friends didn't know anything. But that was just as far as he knew, Brett could have been talking to them as well.
He had Mia and his family. His family would read him out right away, knowing he was feeling depressed, and they would ask sooo many questions. Questions he didn't care for answering.
Again this feeling of being cornered...!
Eddy sighed. A tiny headache was pounding somewhere in there, threatening to grow.
After some back and fourth he decided on going to the movies, just to get out, being able to see people, but still not having to talk to anybody. He just hoped madly he didn't run in to someone he knew, or some fans suddenly showed up.
Much to his relief none of these things happened. He could finally just disappear in to the dark and enjoy the film, let him self fly away into another world, away from his own shitty life just for an hour or two. A grin formed on his lips. Yay, this was gonna be good!
Then the lights were out, the darkness came, and the sound was turned up a notch.
Suddenly he felt dizzy, and his heart was beating hard and fast. Oh, no! This again?!
Eddy clenched his teeth, closed his eyes and tried to breathe deep and slowly, only making his heartbeat harder and a little bit achy as well. Fuck! How he hated this shit!!
He opened his eyes and tried to focus on the film. It worked for some minutes, he could feel how his body was easing up a little bit, making him carefully optimistic, and he could actually follow the plot for some tiny minutes.
Then the scenery in the film was shot from high above, making it all seem big and small at the same time, and he felt like he was on a rollercoaster. Being a sensitive guy Eddy didn't like rollercoasters. That was more Brett, Eddy always used to be motionsick and pale in them. And now... there was the dizziness again. Eddy felt his whole vision blurring out, and he was absolutely positive he was gonna pass out. No doubt about it.
AGAIN he tried to focus on the breathing and staying calm, but this time it didn't work. He was just fucked up from beyond, and to actually follow the film was anyway nothing to be done.
He got up, shamefully excused himself to all those angry faces when he had to pass them on the way out. Thank God for his long legs and slender body! It didn't take too much of a time, and none of them had to stand up to let him pass. This would've been way much worse if he was Brett for example.
