falling

part 1: studying

"you're not feeling well"

"What? I'm feeling fine"

"No, you look sick."

"Gee thanks."

"That's not what I meant. You're practically sweating and wearing half your wardrobe with blankets." James looked at me with concern. While I appreciated it, I was just trying to get through the material we'd been studying and cram as much as possible into my brain as I could. 

"So?"

"You've been fidgeting and you're tense."

"That doesn't mean anything. We've been studying for an hour. I'm tired."

"How's the tea you've been working on?"

"I'm just not thirsty. Just stop."

James stands up from the table and walks over to me. "Let me help." His eyes pleaded with me and I looked away. "Please." He said in a soft voice.

"I'm fine. Really." His hands already massaging my neck and shoulders. I shrug him off.

"Why won't you let me help? Just relax and close your eyes." He chuckled. James pulls up the chair beside me and resumes massaging. "Isn't this better?" He says as I reluctantly oblige.

I take a few deep breaths and try not to think. His hands move to my back and he tells me to lean forward towards the table some. I slide my books and papers away from me as I rest on my elbows. As his hands work through the knots on my back I feel myself relaxing more and more. He softly slides his hands underneath the back of my shirt and I am a bit shocked. I jump slightly from the difference in temperature from his hands and my body.

"Sorry they're a little cold" He says but doesn't stop. I focus intensely on my breathing. His hands were both rougher and softer than I had imagined. I knew he worked out and could feel his callouses but could tell he was still not a "work with his hands" kinda guy. I tried to think of anything other than the fact that his hands were directly on my body as he trailed up my spine using just enough pressure with his thumbs. My head droops down and I'm snapped back to reality. I sit straight up causing James to remove his hands from me.

"You okay?" He asks moving to where I could just catch a glimpse of his face.

"I could actually use another tea. This one is probably cold now." I grab my half-filled cup.

"Yeah, sure thing. I'll be right back." James takes my cup from me and walks from our table in the common room probably to the kitchen.

I look around to see if anyone else from our dorm building was around. There was but everyone was self-involved with their own finals studying. I rub my cold, sweating hands over my face and realize that I've been blushing. I try to blink away the thoughts that had conjured up due to previous events.

No, I thought. Not him. Not James. We're only friends and that's that.

I move my books towards me. I actually did feel better than before. Whatever he'd done was effective. A little too effective but-

"Here we are." James sat back in his seat across from me and set down two mugs. "One for me and one for you. You take sugar right?"

"Mhm." I smile and nod.

"That's what I thought." He looked down and smiled awkwardly. "and how are you feeling?"

"Better, uh thanks." I say and take a sip of my chai tea.

"Cool. Good." He puts back on his glasses. I hadn't realized he'd taken them off. He looks more innocent with them on. Part of me wanted to brush his curly dark hair out of his face. I smile weakly and wrap a blanket around me as I open my notes up again.

"So...you were feeling bad before?" James broke the silence after a few minutes.

"Hmm?" I kept on reading.

"Before, you had said you felt fine but when I asked you said you felt better now." I looked up and he was switching between myself and his textbook.

"Yeah, I guess. But that doesn't mean I didn't feel well. It just means I've felt improved."

"Well... I-uh...you're right." He stammered and looked confused and a little defeated. But he smiled and went back to work on whatever. "You win."

"I know, thank you." I say and return to my work as well.

"And humble."

"Always."

"And pretty."

"Just shut up and study or we'll both fail." We laugh it off. I reread the last line I had just read for the next ten minutes trying to get what he said out of my mind.