Untangling a Future

Secret relationships

So, Bucky and Natasha decided to start dating, but with one condition- the others couldn't know. Both wanted to take things slowly, sure. It was after all, the first real relationship for either of them (at least in the past 70 years). But for Natasha, she was terrified of anyone finding out.

Initially, Bucky worried that she was either ashamed to be dating him or on the fence with her feelings about him. But it quickly became clear that Natasha was still traumatized from their last time being in love. She had a deep-seated anxiety that as soon as someone else knew about their relationship, they would be torn apart again. It was an anxiety intense enough that she'd had a series of minor panic attacks just considering being exposed when they first started dating.

Now that Bucky had all of his memories back from that time, he remembered how quickly they were taken from each other. He even could remember when she found him in his cell in the stone basement at the Red Room school facility. With the memory back, Bucky could feel how empty he felt looking at her, how confused he'd felt then. Worse, he could now remember the look on her face as Natasha stared into his empty eyes- the soldier returned, her love lost.

Bucky didn't have the same anxieties about them being torn apart now that Natasha did, but he would never shame her for them. He saw what they had done to her by taking her love away without even giving her the chance to say goodbye. So, if he needed to date her in secret to give her the reassurance for now, he would do it. He'd do anything he needed to for the woman he loved.

Natasha took deep breaths into Bucky's chest as she relaxed again. Between his scent and his touch, he had a magical effect, seemingly always able to calm her back down when he took her in his arms. She'd appreciated how he'd learned her nervous ticks and would start soothing her before she even knew she was spiraling. It was a benefit she didn't realize came with having a significant other.

"Better?" Bucky spoke quietly into Natasha's hair. She nodded her head as he continued to pet her hand on his chest.

"Anything else from the appointment?"

Bucky hesitated for the briefest of moments, wondering whether the last thing he had to share would send her reeling. But he was already holding her, before she could even fall apart. He needed to mention it even if it was still a tough subject for her.

"She wanted to see whether you'd thought any more about having the procedure done."

Bucky spoke quietly, then waited for Natasha's response, but received none. No shift in breathing, clench in muscles, not a word. Bucky could almost hear Natasha's mind working. He hooked a finger under her chin and lifted it so she was looking at him.

"Sweetheart?" 

Natasha looked into Bucky's soft blue eyes, humming into the pet-name she'd earned somewhere along the way and grown to adore.

She let out a deep sigh as she bit her lip. "I still haven't decided." 

Bucky stroked Natasha's cheek with his thumb. "No worries. There's no rush. And you never have to do it if you don't want to. It's just an option."

"I know you'd like me to, though." Natasha's gaze started drift as she worried about disappointing him.

"I just think it may give you peace of mind. But it's your choice, no one else's. And I'll love you either way."

Natasha's eyes drifted back to Bucky's. He was looking at her with a little smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, as it usually did. She leaned up and kissed him softly. Settling back into her spot where she was resting, his tiny smile had pulled into a wide grin, creating crinkly lines around his eyes.