Words

I Can't Pretend

---------Louis Tomlinson---------

"Louis... Louis are you going to..." Eleanor questioned through the haze that had grown so thick around my being that I wondered how I could properly breathe. 

With bleary eyes, I stared up at her. She really was a lovely girl and I should probably thank Modest! for picking someone so sweet to follow me around but then again, the mishaps of the company most likely outweighed the proper gifts. In the end, I didn't really owe Modest! anything. They owed me something, if anything. But what? I had money. I had a place to be and to exist. It wasn't like they could make Harry love me. What a miserable thing that would be wouldn't it? He would despise me. Those green eyes that I loved would glare at me as his fingernails would dig enraged half crescents into the skin of my hand as we would touch for the cameras. He would kill me slowly from a short distance rather than from spot with another girl. What I nice thing that would be though, a courtesy even. If Harry of all people could simply kill me, what a nice thing that could be. 

"Louis? If you're going to, I should really get you to the bathroom..." Eleanor tried again, her delicate words falling on my drunken ears.

Eleanor was a lovely girl and I couldn't help vomiting on her lovely shoes.

She sucked in a breath her hands falling to my shoulders as I doubled over in front of her, sputtering and gagging on the bitter after taste. 

"I'm sorry, love," I coughed before turning my head to sheepishly grin up at her.

Her soft curls swayed as he shook her head. "It's okay, Lou," she breathed as she slipped out of her heels and lifted me to my feet. "Lets get you to the bathroom, yeah? I'll clean up the mess..." she spoke softly. Always softly. Eleanor was never angry with me, no matter the tantrum that I threw, no matter the words I slurred together in her presence. She was always soft. 

Why couldn't I love Eleanor?

A light chuckle left my lips as she led me through the room and into the bathroom. "What's so funny Lou?" she asked quietly as she placed me in a seat on the edge of the bath tub.

"I can't love you because you're a girl," I replied with a laugh. 

Her hazel eyes lifted to my face then, a small smile playing at the corners of her pretty mouth, "Lou, you can't love me because you love Harry."

Silence was prominent then. 

"Louis, I'm so sorry... I didn't mean..." Eleanor began at the realization that she was really just twisting in a really long fucking knife.

"Get out," I spat bitterly, feeling nausea rising in the back of my throat once more. "Get the fuck out you... You bitch."

She seemed a bit taken aback but merely nodded with a tuck of her curls behind her ears and stood, "I'll be in the other room if you need me..."

I didn't watch as she cleaned up the mess on the carpet or as she left. I didn't try to stop the tears that painted my cheeks sickly at that moment. I didn't stop the pounding in my head as I bent over the porcelain bowl to empty whatever was left in my stomach before heading to the small mini fridge in the room. I didn't hesitate as I tugged the bottles from their sensor triggered homes. 

I merely hugged the bottles to my chest as I sat on the carpet against the edge of the bed.

I just want to drink enough that I can fall asleep and never wake up.

----------Harry Styles-----------

"Taylor, I don't think I can do this... I can't. I've got to tell him... Maybe just talk to him about it..." I choked on the words as I aimlessly paced the tasteless burgundy carpet of her hotel room. "I could just tell him that I like guys... Start the conversation, you know...? He's my best friend..."