Feelings

Im literally so lonely rn

I feel like I'm on the verge of tears because NONE of my friends are answering. Both my cousin and my best friend can't come over because their both going on family trips that they don't want to go on. I WAS gonna save my monster drink for when they came so we could share it, but I mean I guess I can drink it now

It's funny how my mom grounded me for (personal reasons) and said I wasn't able to see my dads' side of the family at all. I cant see my dad, grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle OR my cousins. And it's so stupid that she uses my uncles death as an "example" every time we argue about school. Like no mom, my uncles' death doesn't have one single thing relating to school. His death was an accident, and it was literally not related to school AT ALL.

I also feel like she doesn't support my sexuality (I'm bi) because I printed out a bunch of pictures of KageHina and put them on my wall, and when she came in and left I heard her say "stupid anime faggots". Like bitch, I'm right fucking here 😶

I literally hate my moms' side of the family because they always have high expectations. Everyones always like "if you keep eating chips your gonna get fat". One, I'm already fat, and two, I don't think it's good to talk about my body like that. And my aunt says that when she's literally built like a oompa loomp 🧍🏼‍♀️

My mom also calls me bitch, cow, accident and the disappointment of  the family. It's so stupid and then whenever I try getting a say in things SHES doing wrong she goes "no your just ungrateful, you have such a good life and a brand new house and a brother and a dog"

Like one, I honestly didn't ask for my brother did I😐 two, yes I did want the dog but it's not like it's MY emotional support animal, it's hers. And she always says she's under a lot of stress while I'm sitting here with my anxiety, social anxiety, fear of people, adhd, depression and bipolar disorder.

I honestly want to go live with my cousin but when I said that she went "are you fucking retarded? Your not gonna go live with your cousin." Like bitch I'm aware but you asked what I wanted and I said what I said🙂🔫

One time she came in while I was crying listening to "You Deserve Better" by sad eyes, she asked what was wrong I had to LIE to her saying that I was sad because I got a bad grade and she said if I hurt myself that she would hurt me more, like that's not really a way to help but but go off i guess

I'm sorry if you actually read this, I'm only publishing it because I want to get it off my chest and if I don't publish it and it stays in my drafts I'm just gonna feel like shit still