In Sickness and in Health

Chapter I: The nightmare returns

Here I lay, alone in my silken sheets. My heart still races as though the infiltrators are still carrying out their crimes. Francis lays next to me, his breathing like deafening daggers plunging down into my ears reminding me of the monster breathing down my neck as he violated me. My mind trudges back through the nightmare, every breath, his hand clenched around my throat, him forcing his way into me.

I cannot bear it any longer, hastily I rush out from under my covers and across the room. A hoarse voice rings out.

"Mary? What's going on? Is everything ok? You seem startled." I do not turn back to face him, I wish not for him to see the tears flowing down my cheeks. I cannot bring myself to tell him, no not yet. It hurts to much to think about it let alone say it out loud. Upon that pain, I fear that Francis may think lowly of me after all a women's innocence and virtue means everything in this day. Especially that of a Queen, where my children might have their titles and legitimacy stripped. I can only be thankful that he has not seen the marks upon my neck and body.

"Sorry I awoke you Francis. Please go back to sleep, there is nothing wrong." The lie burns out of my mouth, my voice is not steady but I can only hope that he is to tired to notice. The sheets rustle as footsteps approach behind me. Fear consumes me causing my breathing to holt. I abruptly spin around, grasping a fire poker in my hand, the tip aimed at Francis's throat. Only then I realize it is him stood in front of me, not the monster who harmed me. Alas it is to late, my fear is revealed, and with my swift movement the marks on my neck are in plain sight. Francis sees the marks, a look comes over his face. I cannot tell what he is feeling.

"Mary...your neck. What is going on? You have bruises all over your neck and you act as though someone is attempting to kill you."

I turn my back to him and look toward the floor. Tears stream down my cheeks.

"Last night in the attack...I lied about what truly happened." I hear a gasp escape him.

"You said they made it to your door but never came inside the room. They made it into the room didn't they? That's what the marks are from...Mary please tell me all they did was hold you by the throat." His voice is shaky, whether it is anger or sadness I cannot tell. There is no escaping the truth now, there is only one thing I can do. I inhale as much air as my lungs can hold, and release it as I turn back to face my husband.

"The leader of the attack...he was the ministers father. The Protestant minister who we were framed for murdering. He claimed we ruined his life, took the most important thing he had from him. He wanted to do the same to me." My voice breaks as the words escape my mouth. It is now evident what Francis is feeling. His face is riddled with shock, pain and anger. He falls onto the nearby chaise, avoiding having his gaze fall on me.

"Mary, I need you to be very clear with me on this matter. On what happened last night. Did he...force himself on you?" I nod slowly, my eyes closed and my tears still flowing now more than ever.

"Yes. They raped me." He fails to respond, doesn't even look up at me. My stomach twists and turns, nausea drowning my body. I cannot bear him thinking of me like that, or seeing him look so upset and angry with me. Before he can stop me I grab my cloak and shoes, I rush out of the room and down the corridor wishing more than anything that the ground will swallow me whole. As I flee, the distant sound of Francis screaming in anger and crashing of objects onto the cold stone floor echo through the halls.

Before I can comprehend what I am doing, I am in a carriage leaving the castle far behind. The pitch black of night veils the castle, until I can no longer see it. I am no longer of use to the country. With my virtue taken, I can no longer provide viable heirs meaning my life may as well be over. I must put distance between myself and the castle if I wish to survive. Slowly my eyes shudder closed, drifting off to a deep slumber.