Lucilfer (ChrolloxReader)

Chapter 1

    My eyes focused back to the present, and as I became aware of the dwindling light from outside my little cave, I realized I'd dozed off. I looked down and saw that my bag of almonds had been left open, and a tiny mouse was sniffing around it. My gaze softened for a moment as I stared at the creature, exposed and helpless and hungry compared to me.

    "You shouldn't have come out of wherever you were hiding," I murmured softly, as if the mouse would hear me and heed my warning.

    As the little animal stood up on its hind legs, twitching nose in the air, I extended my aura silently, stealthily. I had no idea if this would even work correctly, but I'd always known how to do it even after it was constantly blocked. The ignorant thing had no idea what was happening as I wrapped my energy around it, absorbing its own life force. My head began pounding painfully as I did so, even the small bit of energy from the mouse feeling strange and foreign after not having used this ability for so long. I watched, emotionless, as the mouse's body seemed to contort, twisting around as if being ringed out. A gargled squeaking sound came from its mouth as I drained it of the last of its energy, and the limp shell of a body crumpled on the ground beside my bag of almonds.

    I let my head collapse in my hands, my eyesight feeling blurry and my breath shortening. The long period of time since having used my exorcist-like ability had taken a toll on my mental and energetic strength. Of course, the constant Nen-blocking I would receive before making close contact with any of the slave masters didn't help. I groaned weakly, feeling numb as I fell on my side, curling up in the tiny cave. My eyes closed, and I tried to relax my pinched expression, hoping it would help with the unbearable headache. The parched feeling in my mouth was what I tried to focus on, deciding it was the lesser of the two pains. I felt blood threaten to drain from my face. Consciousness slowly slipped away.

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    Was there a God? Or maybe a Goddess? Did He or She or They care? When They gazed down upon planet earth, were They disappointed with her? Perhaps They weeped regularly over what had come of the world. I like to think They do. I like to imagine a beautiful being, devoid of gender or identity or shape or limit, filled with an ancient sadness over Their creation. Perhaps this beautiful being takes pity on those who see Their pain, who understand the sensations of utter, desolate loneliness while being surrounded by mindless drones droning about their days. It's comforting to imagine that They know each of us personally, and yet they are also consumed by the same indescribable isolation. It's comforting because at least I know there is someone else within or without the cosmos who feels the same.

    I was not within consciousness while these thoughts roamed around in my mind, but I was aware of them. It was like I was watching from a third perspective, my brain being on autopilot or something. I watched as questions like these floated on by. Were They looking at me now? Did They care about what was happening to me? Furthermore, if They did care, could they do anything to stop it? Or had I been given ultimate autonomy through my birth, but I had forfeited my autonomy when I thought I could trust other autonomous humans? Would They do anything to ease the sharp numbness raging inside of me if they could? I like to think They would.

    The pain in my head seemed to be dissipating as I thought, but my body still felt heavy and immovable, like it weighed two trillion tons and my consciousness was still buried under it. At this rate, I wouldn't be able to lift it for a while yet. Various images flickered across my mind's eye as I began finding peace in the surreal present. Perhaps all of my wondering about the supreme being of the universe had sparked a reaction from Them, and They were finally coming to my aid.

    I knew I was dreaming, so I allowed the dream to take its course--at least They were helping me now; I felt gratitude towards Them. The scent of something herby and warm filled my subconscious, and if I could have smiled, I would have. It was a pleasant scent, and somehow, in the back of my mind, I knew it was real. I imagined I was being surrounded by the arms of someone else, someone who understood me and saw me as me and didn't know me before this very moment. Perhaps the God/ess of the universe, Themself had come down to carry me away from the earth.