Soulmate Confusion

School Crush 0.1

I have never written anything before in my life. I mean, I have written stuff but nothing about me or my story. I always wanted someone to know what it feels like to be me. Wonder anybody could stand that!. Being a single woman its really tough to cope up with daily judgements and suggestions and opinions on how you need to find someone soon to marry or you are going to die alone. I don't really think there is a specific time to find someone to marry. But the actual struggle is to find the right person.

People say when you meet the right person you will know at that very instant. Well, I have got the feeling many times for many people and all of them turned out be nightmares. Each time, I feel this will be different but No, it will be worse. I don't get it! Is it just me or are everyone so mean. I see my friends getting married and posting their happy pictures on social media. All of them seem happy. I look at them and think where are these good and one and only guys. Why do I get all the bad ones.? You will know what I am talking about and why I am so confused when you know my story. The experiences I had till date that has ended up where I am now. So here we go!

Before I get to my story, let me give you a picture of me. I am born in a middle class family. I was a considerably bright student, obedient and my family loved me. BUT, I was FAT since birth. I am not very huge though but yes, bigger and petite than my age. I don't think that as a bad thing or something that describes an individuals personality. But for me that has been my most insecure insecurities. I was always bullied and called several hurtful names throughout my childhood. My family never did that. They loved me the way I was. I never told them what I go through everyday. I still remember how I used to cry in the school bathroom every time those kids made those mean comments on me. There was this girl in specific. She was always that way with me. As if she gets some sort of satisfaction when she hurts me. I must say, I had the most evil classmates in school. Ha ha wonder where they are now!

First Love Story

I had a crush on a boy in school. He was cute, intelligent and playful and everyone loves him. I watch him in class and when in group and everywhere. Of course he wouldn't know. I never talked to him. I didn't have the courage to see his eyes look at me. To see him see me. I knew he would never, in a million years, like me or even consider liking me. And I am OK with that too. I was happy just watching him from distance and dreaming the things that could never happen.

And then one fine day, my school came up with a trip plan. A three days holiday trip. Everyone were excited and were planning all sorts of things they would do. I on the other hand, I was excited about how I could spend these three days with my family because I wouldn't go. Its not that I didn't have any friends to have a good time with, its just that I heard there would be dancing and singing and games and what not. I was insecure to be frank. That evening, I was on my way walking back home and to my surprise my boy came to me and asked me if I am going for the trip or no. I haven't been so shocked and happy at the same time until then. He said,

"All of us are going. I hope you come"

Those words kept on ringing in my ears for a very long time. I ran to my room and jumped all around as if I just won the lottery. I realized he saw me every time I used to secretly watch him. I was so excited that I brought all new dresses for the trip. And yes, I even learnt few dance steps too. Haha funny me. I did a two days diet you guys !! Desperate me, hoping to lose 10kgs in two days. Anyway that didn't happen. All I wanted was to impress him or at least not be a joke like always.

And the day arrives and I am all set to go meet him. My dad drops me in school where all my classmates would meet. My friends were happy that I came. I looked around but don't find him. He was supposed to be there by then. I was worried. All of this for waste. I cant go back now. After fifteen minutes of my desperate waiting, he shows up. With his best attire. I must say he was the cutest boy in our school. Everyone are happy that he is here and yes I was hoping he would look at me so he can see that I came because he asked me to. But he was so involved with his friends that he barely looked at me. That's fine. I guess. I hope my love talks to me and something great would happen to me in my first trip ever. Off we go!!