Love, Again. [Suguwara Koushi x Reader]

I Wish I Could've Been There

"You're awfully optimistic about someone who hasn't even seen the school entrance for two months," I laughed. His encouragement did make me want to go that little bit more, though. I didn't want to just be lounging around Daichi's apartment my whole life. I knew I needed to get a grip and get out there again. "You're right though, I just don't have any hope for myself. I think I'll fail everything, and everyone will be mad at me."

"The only person who's mad right now is me at you for doubting yourself like this. I promise you can do this. I'll even help you study, whatever you need."

"I could never ask you to do that, Suga. You already have so much on your plate with your own studies. Plus, I have so much to catch up on that it'd probably be impossible." I looked down with a sigh, my heart palpitating at the thought of Suga wanting to tutor me.

"I'm going to do it, for you. I made a promise to you that I'd always be there for you, remember?"

For the first time in a while, I looked him straight in the eyes. I could see the desperation he had for me to get better, and I felt the same way too. Every day was easier when he was around. When he wasn't, I felt like a little piece of the new dynamic that had formed was missing. I liked cooking dinners for him and Daichi when they returned home from lessons. I liked going late night strolls with him by my side to clear my head. I liked sitting silently, watching old films and pigging out with him. He looked so handsome and tall, standing in his gym gear, slightly sweaty from returning from a run.

"I guess you're leaving me no choice here."

---

Walking up to the school gates seemed to be the most daunting thing ever, when at one time it was just something I never even thought about. The cast iron fencing making it look like a prison. You can do this. It's only a few hours. You have got this.

By the time my alarm went off this morning, Daichi and Suga had already left to catch the bus to their university, so I was left making some breakfast for myself and dressed into the uniform which seemed to be a little too big for me now. Can a person grow backwards? Because I felt like I'd regressed so much in such a short period of time that I didn't even recognise myself when I looked at my reflection. I bit back painful tears and applied my makeup and made my hair look appropriate.

When I remembered school in my head, it always felt bigger than what it seemed to be like in person. I wasn't even sure if I could remember how to navigate to my class, that's when I heard a familiar, rambunctious voice.

"(Y/N)! Oh my god!" I turned my back to face what could only be described as what a child looked like on Christmas morning. Tanaka bolted towards me, picking me up in the most bone crushing hug I had ever received in my life. I felt anxious at first, feeling like something bad would happen if I accepted this, but then remembered that he was no longer part of my life, so I embraced into the hug whole-heartedly.

"Tanaka," I whispered, nearly crying in his arms. I had missed him so much, he still smelled the same, looked the exact same.

"Why haven't you replied to any of my texts? I was so worried about you! Ah, that doesn't matter, come here," he hugged me tighter if possible.

"I-I don't really wanna talk about it right now, Tanaka. I will talk to you at lunch time and we can catch up, yeah?"

"Yeah, that sounds good. Noya will be so happy to see you, too. We should go see him!" he said excitedly, then let go but he noticed my expression, "Actually, I'm really sorry. We can wait, I realise I'm being a bit over-bearing, as usual."

I just laughed at him, "If one thing's for sure, I know I can always count on you to be consistent."

"Yes!"