Vulnerable Attraction

Chapter One; Intro

"College isn't what it's cracked up to be," my philosophy professor, Dr. Lane, had said the first day of school. We all laughed, as I turn my head to look at my fiancé, I smile ever so slightly. He squeezes my hand, and just then I know it won't be scary anymore. After class is dismissed, Ryan and I FaceTime his mom to check on our son, Dayton. Once we reach the cafeteria, I go and find a seat while Ryan goes and orders our food. "How's the first day of college, sis?" Ryan's mom, Connie, asks. I sigh, and roll my eyes. "I wish I was at home with DayDay and cuddling with Ryan." I reply with a laugh. She smiles. "I know honey, but it's time to start your lives. Dayton is old enough to go to school, so it's time for you to start living, babe. You've been his mom only for 5 years. It's time for you to let yourself live too, huh?" Thats the thing about Connie, she knows exactly what to say. "I guess you're right, Mama." I smile. Ryan finally approaches with a tray of food. I smile, and thank God that I have him. "What'd you get me, babe?" I smile. "I don't know, what's that shit your talking with my mom?" He winks and laughs. I push him a little and laugh back. His mom, though, looks dead at him through the phone and says, "how small your penis is. Son, you really do take after your father!" She smiles and Ryan shakes his head laughing. "Well, Dayton takes after me sooo..". He says and winks at me.
I laugh, and needless to say, Ryan does too.

We eventually get off the phone with his mom, and eat our lunch. Just as we're finishing up, and Ryan goes to throw away our trash, some blue haired girl with a black crop top and shredded jeans approaches me. "Hi, I'm Camilla. I'm president of the newspaper. We are looking for an open spot for a journalist that can take over the teen parent section. Our last candidate busted under pressure. I overheard you and your boyfriend talking, and I heard y'all have a son! Consider joining!" She says as she flings a flyer in my face. I turn to look in the direction of Ryan before I, regretfully, take the flyer. "See ya around!" She screeches. Just as her classic Adidas go squeaking in the opposite direction, Ryan returns with a kiss on my neck. "Who was that, Daysie Baby?" He takes the flyer and scrunches his nose. "This? I thought you were done writing for awhile?" His frown automatically flips into a huge smile. "But, the parents section? Hey, why don't we both do it, and make double! It's $20/hr.! Babe, hell yeah!" I look at him, and his massive smile. "Can we talk about this later, Ryan?" I groan. He nods while smiling.

We walk to our last class of the day. Thankfully, Ryan and I got all the same classes, and at the same times. He knows how bad my anxiety has been since we had Dayton and this is my first day away from Dayton all day. So, he and his mom agreed that it was important that we had the same classes and times. I sat back and rolled my eyes at first, but now, I'm thankful they know me so well. This day has been putting me through it. Eventually, I look at the clock and it's 5 minutes until the end of class. God, why did I look? Now, I'm gonna keep looking. Now, it's 4 minutes until the end of class. Ryan is right next to me, and notices me staring at the clock, anticipation plays a part all over my face. I turn to look at him, and he takes my hand under the table. Slowly, my mind begins to ease.

Thankfully, I've always been this calm with Ryan. When Ryan and I first met, it was Kindergarten. We were always in the same classes and everything. We easily became best friends. In 6th grade, Ryan took Brittany to the school dance. I stayed home and was crushed. Later, when he got home, he crawled out his bedroom window and into mine. He saw me crying and writing in my diary. He came up behind me without me noticing and kissed me on the cheek. I freaked and he put his hand over my mouth so we didn't wake up my parents. After I was done being scared and I realized it was him, we sat on my bed and talked. "I didn't wanna take her Daysie.." he said softly. His eyes shimmering in the Christmas lights hanging in my room. My heart leaps. "Who did you wanna take then?" I ask, innocently. He looks down at his hands and picks at the skin. "We've been best friends since kindergarten, and now you can't talk to me?" I joke. He looks up at me as a tear escapes his eye, and sneaks down his cheek. "You." He whispers. I stop, taken aback. "Me?" I reply. He nods and just as I open my mouth to say something else, his lips crash down onto mine. The electricity and fire that course through my body were so intent. His hand grasps my hair and his other hand grasps my lower back. He starts crying harder. I feel the tears getting on my cheeks now, too. I finally lean back, and gasp for air. "I'm sorry, I should go.." he whispers and starts to get up. I lurch forward and fall into his arms. "No, please, don't go yet." I plead. He smiles and kisses my forehead.

As I remember that day, we are walking to our car, and getting ready to head home. "Baby?" Ryan whispers. I look at him, "hmm?" He smiles, shyly, before saying, "can we stop and get DayDay a toy before we head home? Today was all our first day of school, and DayDay did really good my mom texted me." I smile, "duh! I was gonna ask you the same thing." He laughs. "Where to, my love?" I smile, and pretend to think hard, "how about Walmart? Can we get him a happy meal too, babe?" Ryan smiles, and snuggles into my neck across the console. "I take that as a yes." I smile, victoriously. Just as he puts the car into gear, Camilla walks in front of us and Ryan slams on the breaks. "God! Are you okay, Daysie Baby?" He searches my face for any signs of pain, or suffering. "No, baby, I'm fine. What's her deal, though?" I snort. "I don't know but don't get out of the-" he sighs as I open my door. "What the hell?" I say. "Oh sorry, I just got out of class" she smirks. "Dude, you saw the car was on, what if we would've hit you?" I sigh, unbelievable! "Well, then I would've pressed charges." She says simply. I'm so pissed off, I could smack this girl. "We have a fucking 5 year old, and your okay with us losing our family?!" I sigh, defeated. I know this won't matter to her.  "And I care...?" She smiles. I sign, again, defeated.  "Come on Ryan, lets go."  I huff.  Just like that, we leave.

Once upon a time, I let Ryan make all the decisions when it came to us. I was always trying to impress him, make him like me, and I was so scared that if I didn't do everything right. He'd turn out like my parents, and leave. What's new?  But, after we found out we were pregnant. He proved that is love is unconditional.  The day we had sex for the first time, God!  It was amazing. I never thought it would be like that. Ryan and I were both virgins. Though, he'd been a lot further than I ever had. He was my first everything. The first time we had sex, I was so scared. I didn't have any idea on what to do. We went for it, though. 8 1/2 weeks later, I was constantly throwing up. I couldn't keep anything down. I had been living with Ryan and his mom for a week when we found out we were pregnant. We were 15 years old. If I had any idea of what I know now, I'd still do it over, and over again. That's my best friend. And, this?  This is our story.