A Little Slap of Reality

L o n e l y

How is it so hard to do it this time? I was just supposed to write down a couple of words. Homework isn't this usually hard...

I sighed and put my pen down. A wave of confusion hit me. Again? I muttered to myself. That's like, the 8th time this week. What's wrong with me?

I reached up for the light switch and turned it off, slipping inside my bed. I guess homework can wait tomorrow. And I do hope I get to finish it too. My phone lit the whole room up when I got a text from one of my friends, asking if I got my work done. I shrugged it off, ignoring them completely. I'm not really in the mood to speak to anyone right now.

I switched some music on as I start to question my life again...I'm fucking sad all the time. Jesus christ. I have great parents, great friends, a normal life. What more could I ask for?

You're just lonely. Said my conscience. Like really? But am I? I turned to look up at the ceiling. That got me thinking. Maybe I am. Oh god. That's just sad. I thought about when was the last time I wasn't feeling lonely. I mean, I have friends but it didn't fulfill the gap. And then I thought about the last time when I felt inlove. Nothing. Nada. There wasn't a time I felt love, platonically.

Maybe this is the thing that I felt that was wrong with me. Maybe I just had to get myself somebody to have by my side. I'm 17 goddamnit. Almost 18. And haven't been in a relationship still. Wow. I mean, I know I should be thinking about school and all that but like...I'm also a person who needs loving too. Am I wrong for wanting to feel that? I don't know. Maybe, maybe not.

What's even more sad is that the only kind of love I feel is for someone thousands of miles away. A person who doesn't even know I exist. A person whom I only know from a screen.