Blank Slate Kate

Chapter 23

I take a breath to tell Ryan then stop myself. He does not need to hear that his wife, who's already clearly a few bottles short of a healthy emotional spice rack, is wondering about bus-assisted death. He's got enough to handle.

We reach the restaurant and are soon nibbling on garlic-cheese toast that has a tang of some other seasoning neither of us can identify. After a few back and forth attempts I say, "Well, it's delicious, whatever it is."

Ryan nods and smiles, then his smile fades. "Honey."

"What?"

His eyes search my face. "You're having... trouble today, aren't you?"

"Trouble?" I smile the best I can. "I spent too much money but other than that I'm fine."

He takes my hand. "Donna handled her depression the same way, putting on a happy front. A show. I didn't notice it, not for a long time, but when I did it was obvious." His grip tightens. "It's obvious now. Talk to me."

A huge sob storms up my throat and I clap my hands over my mouth to keep it in.

He's out of his chair and crouched beside me in an instant, hugging me hard.

I turn into his embrace, bury my face in his shoulder, and bite his shirt so I won't cry.

He rubs my back gently. "Sweetheart. It's-- well, it's not okay, is it? But it'll be better if you let it out. Don't hold everything in. You'll explode."

"I can't," I mutter with my teeth clenched on his shirt. "Too many people."

He squeezes me tighter. "Let's go home. If you want to."

A wave of relief floods me, loosening my grip on his body and his shirt. I do want to go home with him. But... "We just got here. And the bread..."

His lips touch my forehead. "I'll take care of it. Come on."

He releases me and gets to his feet, then pulls a twenty from his wallet and drops it on the table. "Stand up and hold out your hands."

I do, confused, and he loads me up with four elegantly small pieces of garlic bread.

"Ryan! I can't just walk out with these."

"We paid for them. They're ours. And they're too tasty to leave here." He grabs the last two pieces of bread in one hand and takes my shoulder with the other. "Let's go."

He gently pushes me forward, and I want to go home enough that I let him guide me to the front door.

The hostess looks up, surprised, as we arrive.

"Very sorry," Ryan says, sounding a bit awkward. "We need to go."

"But..."

"We paid for the bread. So we can take it, right?"

"I... I guess so. Is everything all right?"

He nods and wraps his arm around my waist. "Most definitely." He lowers his voice. "We... just need to go home."

Her eyes widen, then fill with an embarrassed amusement. "I got it. No problem."

He thanks her regally and ushers me onto the street.

Halfway out the door I realize what she's thinking, what he's suggested, and start to giggle. By the time we're a block away I am laughing so hard I can barely breathe, and he's laughing too. He stops in a doorway, out of the path of the many pedestrians around us, and I join him in the safe haven.

"Most embarrassing thing I've ever done," he says, the words broken up by laughter. "And I once streaked at a football game."

"Bet you're glad I've forgotten that."

"Was before your time. But yes. Oh, the look on that girl's face."

"Why'd you make her think we were going home to..." I don't want to say 'have sex', but of course he knows.

"I figured it would get us out faster and be less awkward. I was right on the first part, I guess."

"Well, at least you saved us the bread."

He burst out laughing again. "You... hands full of bread... ridiculous."

"Your idea," I managed, his mirth setting me off again. "And you've got some too."

"Two bread-holding fools."

"One fool who made me hold bread, you mean."

"You bread-holder, you."

I look up at him, still laughing, trying to think of a comeback, and our eyes meet and for one brief instant I feel exactly the love for him that our wedding picture shows.

The surprise of it stops my laughter and I stare at him like I'm seeing him for the first time. I am. I'm seeing my husband. For the first time, I can feel it. Ryan is my husband. My beloved husband.

His eyes widen, then he wraps his free hand around the back of my neck and murmurs, "I love you," his tone that gorgeous growly one but with amusement mixed in from the giddiness we've been sharing.

A shock wave runs through me, starting at his hand and flooding my entire body, and I tip my face, my mouth, up toward him.

He didn't miss the signs I'm depressed again and he doesn't miss this sign either. He lowers his face to mine, slowly but deliberately, and kisses me.

My arms wind around his neck and I hold on for dear life as my body warms and melds itself to him. I don't want this moment to end, not ever. His kiss is sweet and tender and filled with so much love I can't hold back the tears, and as my husband kisses me I cry and kiss him back, right there on the street with my hands full of bread.

***

Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you’re enjoying Kate's story. The next chapter will be uploaded on Friday! :)

You can also check out my completed book "Life, Love, and a Polar Bear Tattoo" here on Wattpad, or download it for free from most retailers.

If you can't wait for another chapter of "Blank Slate Kate", you can pick up the book for just $3.99 right now - visit http://heatherwardell.com/book-blankslatekate.shtml for the buy links! :)